


Book 1: Infiltrate

by deadwriter16



Series: Pyro Prince, the Bodyguard, and the Lie Detector [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Assassination, Badass Sokka (Avatar), Badass Toph Beifong, Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), Bisexual Toph Beifong, Bisexual Zuko (Avatar), Canon Rewrite, Death, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Everyone Needs A Hug, Getting to Know Each Other, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Not Canon Compliant, Oblivious Zuko (Avatar), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Sokka (Avatar), References to Depression, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Tags Are Fun, Trauma, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, everyone is bi, excruciating slowburn, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:16:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 101,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27783598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadwriter16/pseuds/deadwriter16
Summary: The Avatar is believed to be dead. The war against the Fire Nation rages on, the rebellion led by an organization of assassins called Last Hope. Hated by some, respected by others, the agency is known for their child assassins, taken from their families and trained to kill.Sokka is one of Last Hope's most powerful child assassins. Last Hope chooses him to kill the Prince of the Fire Nation. Along with his friend and fellow assassin Toph, Sokka goes undercover as the Prince's bodyguard. A seasoned killer and scarily numb, Sokka fully expects to kill the Prince and leave the Fire Nation by the end of the week.Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation was almost banished by his father but is instead dishonored and looked down on. Zuko, along with his friends Mai and Ty Lee, dream of fighting against the Fire Nation. Exhausted, breaking, and inexplicably lonely, Zuko sometimes wonders if he'll be able to last until the end of the week.Sokka and Zuko long for freedom, Sokka from his agency and Zuko from his family. Once they meet, it doesn't take long for their notions of freedom to include each other. The problem is, Sokka and Zuko both have secrets and neither one of them is ready to tell the truth.
Relationships: Mai & Zuko (Avatar), Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar) (minor), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Toph Beifong & Sokka, Toph Beifong & Zuko, past Mai/Zuko (Avatar) - Relationship
Series: Pyro Prince, the Bodyguard, and the Lie Detector [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2032585
Comments: 104
Kudos: 140





	1. Prologue

People, when left to their own devices, tend to resort to violence. It is the natural state of things, the way of survival. Humans, in their early days, hunted and killed animals for sustenance. Trees are cut down for firewood and shelter, weapons, used for pleasure, are made under the guise of self-defense. Bending is used to heal and make, but its true purpose is for war. The Avatar was created to save the world, inevitably with violence. Everything in the world was created for some version of violence, so really it shouldn’t have been a surprise when the Fire Nation attacked.

And yet, nobody saw it coming. One hundred years ago the war started, and bending was being used for war once again. The people were stronger than ever. Still, the other three nations wanted peace. They wanted the Avatar. This, the people knew, was this Avatar’s calling. They had to end the war with their mastery of all four elements, with their capability for incredible violence. The people had faith in the Avatar, but the Avatar never came.

Ten years after the genocide of the Air Nomads, the world declared the Avatar dead and the Avatar Cycle broken. The ideals of peace that the Avatar promised had been destroyed by the reality of the Fire Nation’s power and, of course, violence. Peace rises out of the ashes of violence, but for that to happen violence has to burn out.

But violence is essential to mankind, and it is an eternal flame.

Another ten years later, and humans took the war into their own hands. The Avatar can’t save us now, the people decided. And the people resorted to violence.

Eighty years ago, the Last Hope was created, named to mock the Avatar, who was once the world’s last hope. An organization of assassins, children taken from their families and trained to become masters in the art of murder. The leader was a faceless person called the Hope, and when one steps down another, groomed by the last leader, is appointed. Nobody knows the true face of their leader. Nobody stopped to think about the implications of distrust and the opportunity for corruption.

There was a demand for people to be killed quickly, and children were made to start working at the age of twelve. Pre-teen professional killers. In the beginning it was an honor to be recruited for Last Hope, a celebration of your abilities to play an important part in ending the war. Anyone Fire Nation was killed, from petty criminals to hate groups to soldiers to diplomats. Political figures of importance were killed by the best assassins, and the end goal, of course, was to assassinate the royal family. That plan, however, wasn’t set in motion for a very long time.

Headquarters were set up in Ba Sing Se, so that people who wanted to willingly join Last Hope could work from there. A large, constantly moving ship sailed in loops around the world, recruiting children and the occasional adult from the three nations. Occasionally someone impressionable and easily swayed from the Fire Nation would be recruited. Children lived on the ship, training and learning to kill. Benders used the elements, nonbenders used weapons. Children grew into adults on the ship, killing and killing until it was all they knew. They came of age at twelve, the milestone celebrated by completing their first job. Slowly, they forget about their families. Their families forget about them. The pain of being ripped away from the ones they love most is gradually washed away and replaced with nothing. They are a killer now. That is everything they are.

The Dai Li became corrupt ten years ago. They tried to convince the citizens and new King of Ba Sing Se that there was no war, but the Last Hope didn’t stand for that. The leader of the Dai Li was assassinated, and Last Hope assumed control of the impenetrable Ba Sing Se. Five years ago General Iroh, Dragon of the West, tried to take Ba Sing Se for the Fire Nation, so Last Hope assassinated his son, Lu Ten. Iroh retreated, and Ba Sing Se stayed under the control of Last Hope. It was a harsh reminder that there _was_ war in Ba Sing Se, there was war everywhere. Violence was abundant during these times.

Lu Ten’s death seemed like fair retaliation at the time, but the people were starting to realize that this amount of violence was too much. The bloodthirsty members of Last Hope that joined as rebellious teenagers and eager adults celebrated the death of Lu Ten. They viewed it as the first death in the plan to end the royal family. The children weren’t so sure, but they didn’t say a word. They couldn’t; they were just children.

Last Hope became a controversial organization. Citizens were divided once again, into two groups. Pros were vehemently protective of Last Hope, believing wholeheartedly in the effectiveness of the organization’s methods. Pros were freedom fighters, soldiers with no moral compass, people who joined the organization willingly. Antis were tired of the iron fist Last Hope had on the world, but they were also terrified of the consequences that came from speaking against it. Antis were the families who lost a child to the agency, children of the agency who never truly forgot where they came from. Antis were the soldiers who didn’t believe in senseless killing; antis were the Kyoshi Warriors who reluctantly worked with Last Hope only when it benefited the people. Antis were Fire Nation citizens and the Royal family, their own subdivision of the group that hated Last Hope because they were perpetually at war against the organization. Another subsection of antis still believed in the Avatar.

Belief in the Avatar was the one thing the Fire Nation and Last Hope could agree on: it was a crime punishable by death. At first it seemed like an empty threat, but a few headstrong people were killed for having faith. Both faith and lack of it often led to violence, as did most things.

Violence affects everyone, often children the most:

The last Southern waterbender, a girl who still believes in the Avatar.

A Fire Nation citizen, a girl who gave up her family to flee with her friend.

A Fire Nation noble, a girl who hid with the royal family to escape Last Hope.

A blind Earthbender, a girl who invented a new form of bending and is, at twelve, Last Hope’s most powerful bender child assassin.

The Fire Nation Prince, a boy who was disgraced by his father, his honor stripped away. He was burned by force, a scarred victim of the act of violence. At sixteen, he is the least powerful bender of the Fire Nation royal children.

A Water Tribe warrior, a boy who was ripped from his tribe, his family, and his sister. He was taken by force, a prodigy in the act of violence. At fifteen, he is Last Hope’s most powerful nonbender child assassin.

And the Avatar, frozen inside of an iceberg in the Southern Water Tribe. At one hundred and twelve, he woke from his hundred year sleep.

Nobody noticed the brilliant flash of light. Nobody watched the sky anymore, they chose to look to the bloodstained ground instead. Humankind had long abandoned faith, instead returning to their natural state of violence.


	2. the Bodyguard

Sokka wasn’t entirely sure how he’d ended up with the job of assassinating the prince. He knew he’d gone to the Hope’s office and she’d told him his assignment, but the specifics were a blur. He supposed it started when he was eight and Lost Hope recruited him, and he was taken away from his grandmother and mother and his Avatar-believing sister who now had no one to protect her. His entire tribe was no longer protected, except for the few weeks when his father and the other soldiers returned to the tribe. Sokka hadn’t even gotten to say goodbye to his father before being taken from Last Hope. Sometimes he wondered if the soldiers of his tribe had come back for good, but he doubted it. The war was still in full force.

After being recruited Sokka had somehow become powerful, mastering the sword and the boomerang with barely any effort. Four years of training were a blur, hazy memories of practicing alone and trying to forget about the family he’d been forced to leave behind. Once he started taking jobs the results were immediate; his kills were quick and easy. Sokka rose to power, admired by some and envied by others. Last Hope declared him their most powerful child nonbender at fourteen, a title Sokka was repulsed by. He was anti to his bone. People told him he was scary in action, straight-faced and completely calm. Really, Sokka was just numb. To kill as well as he did, one had to be numb.

And now he had to kill the Prince of the Fire Nation. Even with feelings, Sokka could do that job easily. The Fire Prince was a dick. Sokka didn’t know that from any personal experience, he was just completely sure that the Fire Nation was a country made up entirely of dicks. Maybe that was prejudiced, but it was also justified. The Fire Nation killed an entire civilization of perfectly innocent people. The Fire Nation was the reason Last Hope was created, and the reason Sokka was taken from his family. The Fire Nation was the reason that his sister was in danger for being both a waterbender and an Avatar believer. If they found her, she’d be killed twicefold. The Fire Nation was the reason that Sokka wasn’t there to protect her from the Fire Nation. Instead Sokka was living on a dark ship, leaving only to travel to the other Nations and spill blood. Unnecessary blood. So killing the Prince of the Fire Nation? The first person Sokka believed genuinely deserved to die. 

If Sokka was being honest, that was a lie. Sokka had no idea who the Prince even was. He’d only heard of his almost-banishment, which was news three years ago. The Prince had never addressed the press, or made any unfair laws. The Prince was a year older than Sokka, just a kid. The part of Sokka that he tried to hide, the part of him that Last Hope had beaten out of him, that part was conflicted. That part wondered if the Prince really needed to die for the war to end. The rest of Sokka, who was a killer through and through, laughed those thoughts away. Sure, he was an anti, but this death was necessary. This death was the catalyst of the plan Last Hope had waited eighty years to enact. Of course the Prince had to die, and it was an honor to be the one to do it. Sokka would infiltrate the palace, kill the Prince, and flee. Once he returned to Last Hope, he’d be a hero. He would be glorious. 

Sokka was going to spill Fire Nation blood, and the royal palace would be colored Last Hope gold. 

News of Sokka’s job spread like wildfire. Less than five minutes after Sokka left the Hope’s office, people were staring at him as he walked the halls of the ship. Some people congratulated him, with high fives and smiles. Others looked at him with envy, sending him jealous glares and trying to trip him up as he turned a corner. Sokka didn’t care about any of their reactions, he had a destination to get to. There was only one person Sokka wanted to talk to about these recent developments, and he pointedly ignored anyone who wasn’t her. 

After an agonizing ten minute walk, Sokka reached his room at the edge of the ship. He pushed open the door and was blinded at the contrast of the bright room spilling into the dark hallways of the ship. Most rooms weren’t lit like this, but Toph was a thief and she made sure to steal the brightest lights from the Fire Nation whenever they traveled there. Toph couldn’t even see, but she knew that Sokka hated the dark. It was a kind gesture that led to their own little secret, which was how most of their friendship went. Sokka met Toph three years ago, and while all he was supposed to do was train her, they became friends very quickly. Sokka used to take Toph on jobs with him (kind gesture), even before she was twelve, which was technically not allowed (their own little secret). Toph had only turned twelve this year, and she was already considered the most powerful child bender. The few jobs she’d been on were Sokka levels of good. The most powerful child bender and nonbender, two antis sharing a room and talking under stolen Fire Nation lights.

Toph was lying on the bed, bending a stone to bounce off the walls and land back into her hand. She didn’t turn in Sokka’s direction when he came in, but she moved at the noise of the metal door closing. Sokka moved to his bed, against the wall parallel to hers, and sighed loudly as he sat against the headboard.

“Toph,” Sokka said, “you’re not gonna believe this.”

“You’re killing the Fire Prince,” Toph replied nonchalantly. “I know.”

Sokka glanced at her in surprise. “You’ve been in here all day. How’d you figure that out?”

“Jet came by to tell me the news,” Toph said. “He sounded very angry.”

Jet was a freedom fighter, probably the worst type of pro there was. “Sounds about right. He’ll probably kill me later.”

“The job still wouldn’t go to him,” Toph bent her stone into Sokka’s hand, and he threw it back to her. Barely noticing, they started throwing it back and forth. They were both restless people, and the movement helped them focus.

“Probably not,” Sokka said, catching the stone again. “Serves him right.”

“So,” said Toph after a moment of silence, voice perking excitedly, “How’re you gonna do it?”

Sokka leaned his head back, thoughtful. “I’m not sure. I’m definitely going undercover at the palace, but I’m not sure how.”

“You could seduce him,” Toph joked. “I’d pay to see that.”

“I am not going to seduce him,” Sokka rolled his eyes, even though Toph couldn’t see it. “Stop suggesting that for every job I get.”

“Fine,” Toph relented. “You could go for the casual servant strategy.”

“I won’t learn any information that way,” Sokka said. “If I’m killing the Prince, it’s a perfect opportunity to gain information on the royal family themselves. I need to find a way to get on the inside.”

“You could be like, one of those personal servants that follows the Prince wherever he goes,” Toph suggested.

“Toph, this is the Fire Prince we’re talking about. He’s not gonna casually reveal information around even the closest servant. He needs to trust me.”

“You need to become his friend,” Toph caught on. Sokka nodded.

“Exactly. Problem is, you can’t just become friends with a Prince. You need to be somebody.”

“You need to be his friend,” Toph mused out loud, “but you need a way to get there.”

“I could be an advisor?” Sokka muttered, thinking. “Some sort of mentor, maybe a swordfighting teacher or something? Does the Prince need that sort of thing?”

“Wait, Sokka,” Toph sat up and gasped, an idea clearly forming. “You can fight and kill!”

“Yeah, Toph,” Sokka deadpanned. “That’s my job description.”

“But theoretically,” Toph ignored him, “you could also protect someone, right?”

Sokka thought of his sister. “Yeah, I could.”

“So then, be his bodyguard!” Sokka sat up at that, eyes widening. Then, realizing something, he slumped back down on his bed.

“I’m younger than the Prince, Toph,” Sokka said. “The Firelord would never allow some fifteen-year-old civilian kid to guard his son.”

Toph’s smile faded as she went back to thinking. “Well,” she said, “the Prince wouldn’t want to be friends with his bodyguard anyway.”

Sokka sighed. They were back to square one.

“Unless,” Toph spoke up, voice crescendoing, “you were his friend and his bodyguard!”

Sokka looked at Toph, confused. “What?”

“Hear me out,” she said, “have you read any of the Prince’s press interviews? They're pretty funny. He’s nicknamed Pyro Prince, but he’s not even a good firebender. It’s hilarious.”

“How can you read Fire Nation press?” Sokka asked Toph. “You can’t see.”

“I get someone or other to read it to me,” Toph answered. “I would ask you, but you hate reading it.”

Toph was right; Sokka never read it. He hated that, in the midst of the war, people were worried about Princess Azula’s popularity at the Fire Academy.

“True,” Sokka said, “but what about the Prince’s interviews?”

“Well,” Toph explained, “He has no friends except for these two girls who used to be his sister’s friends. That was part of the whole banishment drama thing. But apparently it leaked that one of those girls, who was his girlfriend, left him or something, so now he’s single and his only friends are girls.”

“I’m single,” Sokka said, “and my only friends are girls.”

“And you suck,” Toph said, ignoring Sokka’s look of protest. “Which proves my point. The Prince is obviously a loser. He needs the press of having a cool looking guy for a friend. Which is obviously sexist and whatnot, but it can also work to our advantage.”

“So you’re saying,” Sokka said, latching onto Toph’s words, “that I could be the Prince’s cool looking guy friend? You think I’m a cool looking guy?”

“I was just generalizing,” Toph said quickly. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

Sokka glared at her. “So then, how would I introduce myself to the Prince? I can’t just go up to the Firelord and say ‘hey, I can make your son look good for the press by being his fake friend’, can I?”

“Actually,” Toph said, “you can do exactly that.”

Sokka waited, and Toph elaborated. “Tell the Firelord that you want to be the Prince’s bodyguard and friend. You can pose as his friend for the press, which would make the Prince look good. That way, you have an excuse to be close to the Prince, and the Prince would trust you. And then, while that’s happening, you’d also be a bodyguard. Nobody would suspect you, because you’re fifteen, but because you’re technically the prince’s friend you have an excuse to always be around him. This would allow you to both bodyguard him and gain information for us.”

“Toph,” Sokka said slowly, “you are a genius. This might actually work.”

Toph grinned. “You’re welcome.”

“But,” Sokka said, “One question. This is kind of an elaborate cover story. I was only planning on staying for like, a week before killing the Prince.”

“A week is fine,” Toph said, “it doesn’t really matter what cover story you use because either way the Prince is gonna die. And besides, this way you also get to trick the Firelord straight to his face.”

“That would be fun,” a smile spread across Sokka’s face. “Okay, Toph. Let’s do it.”

“Yes!” Toph pumped a fist into the air, which caused the stone in her hand to be accidentally bent right into Sokka’s forehead. He let out a yelp of pain and glared at Toph, which didn’t last long. They were both smiling, excited at the prospect of assassinating the Fire Prince.

“So,” Sokka said, expecting the usual answer, “You’re coming with, right?” Toph went everywhere with Sokka. The Hope hadn’t liked it originally, but it was soon established that the two were a package deal. They traveled together and did their jobs in the same area, or not at all.

“Well,” Toph said, her voice unusually hesitant, “I can come with, but I can’t come back with you.”

“What?” Sokka said incredulously. “Why not?”

“The Hope called me in yesterday,” Toph said, “and she told me she wants me stationed in the Fire Nation for at least a few months. She has some easy jobs for me and she wants me to gain some information. Royal family information, military information, just like you.”

“A few months?” Sokka said loudly, “that’s a long time. This whole most powerful child assassin thing is really working in your favor.”

“It's working in yours too,” Toph’s eyes were sad. “I’m sorry.”

“What?” Sokka turned to her. “Don’t be sorry. This is a great opportunity for you. I’m proud of you. Really.”

Toph, never one for sentimentals, turned away. “Thanks.”

“Let’s try to stick together for the week I’m there,” Sokka said. Toph nodded, agreeing. “Do you need a cover story that’ll let us do that?”

Toph’s expression slowly turned into a grin. “That’s all right,” she said, barely containing her excitement, “I already have the perfect one.”

The perks of helping invent war balloons that operate without firebenders was that you always got the first pick. Sokka and Toph had their own balloon at the very end of the row, and nobody else touched it. Sokka, despite his wishes to be otherwise, was a valuable asset to Last Hope not just because of his prowess in the field; he was also a skilled inventor. If Last Hope asked him to design something, he could do it. War balloons, submarines, at the very least he’d helped invent them.

Sokka and Toph, getting ready to leave, walked past the row of war balloons to find theirs. When agents traveled off the ship to get somewhere for a job, they could use a small boat, submarine, or a war balloon. For the Fire Nation, a balloon was definitely best. Sokka found their balloon at the end and started loading their stuff into it. Toph picked at her nails, bored. 

There were a few people watching them leave, aware of the gravity of the situation. Once Sokka killed the Prince, the plan was for the Fire Nation to be sent into chaos. Once that happened, two other agents would take advantage of it and assassinate Princess Azula, her father’s right hand man, and then kill her father. The death of Firelord Ozai and the entire royal family was supposed to effectively end the war. From there, Last Hope would take the Fire Nation and appoint a new leader. Most antis disagreed with this plan, Sokka and Toph included. There was no saying that Last Hope wouldn’t be just as cruel as the Fire Nation, even without a war. Last Hope was cruel to their own agents, should they really be in control of an entire nation? They already took Ba Sing Se, and most citizens there didn’t like it. Would they prefer Fire Nation control? Because if Last Hope’s plan succeeded, Ba Sing Se would be under both.

Sokka finished loading and Toph got into the war balloon. Sokka untied the ropes holding the balloon to the rail of the ship and lit the fire under the balloon. As the contraption started rising, Sokka watched the crowd below them become smaller. Some were waving, and some were still, arms crossed. Sokka’s stomach started churning, unexpected nausea striking him. He had never been nervous for a kill before. He was always calm, never feeling anything. But this wasn’t a meaningless death, this was the Fire Prince. The excitement Sokka had before was dissolving into nervousness as he thought about what he was doing. 

If he was caught, any chance they had of winning the war would be ruined. And it would all be on Sokka’s shoulders.

What would become of his sister? Of Toph?

Sokka had never failed before, and he wasn’t going to start now. There was far too much at stake.

“You know,” Toph said from the other side of the balloon, arms folded on the side of the basket, “it would be really cool if I got Azula.”  
Sokka imagined it. He killed the Prince, Toph killed the Princess. Considering how they did everything together, it would make a sickly perfect sense. 

“That would be cool,” Sokka replied, “but don’t get ahead of yourself.”

“It makes sense,” Toph argued, “the most powerful nonbender gets the Prince, the most powerful bender gets the Princess.”

“That’s true,” Sokka said, “and it does make me wonder why Last Hope is giving us children the important jobs. There are actual adult agents who are more powerful than us.”

“But adults don’t fit in as well as we do,” Toph said. Sokka considered that.

“Yeah,” he said, “we do have an easier time appearing inconspicuous. Makes it a lot easier to gain trust.”

“Exactly,” Toph nodded. Sokka finished tending the fire and moved to stand next to her, looking at the vast ocean below them.

“You ready?” Sokka asked. Toph turned in his direction and smiled. It was a wistful smile, as if she was thinking about the events that lay ahead of them. Sokka was thinking about it too, his mind formulating plan after plan to dispel the anxiety and very plausible worst-case scenarios. Toph never thought like that; she was confident and prepared. She was probably thinking about the win that she believed was inevitable. They balanced each other out, logical pessimism paired with realistic optimism. 

Sokka was sure of Toph’s certainty when she answered his question, “As I’ll ever be.”

Sokka’s least favorite part of any job in the Fire Nation was burying his Water Tribe clothes at the bottom of his bags. Toph did the same with her Earthbender greens, and they wore the oranges and reds of the enemy. Any Last Hope insignia anywhere on them in the form of jewelry or weapons were buried even farther in their bags; leaving it on the balloon would be dangerous if found. The balloon itself was deflated, the fire put out, and Toph and Sokka bundled it up and hid it behind a few trees on the deserted land at the outskirts of the Fire Nation Capital they landed in. Sokka would get it in a week, and Last Hope would send a balloon for Toph when she was ready to go. Sokka wasn’t at all happy about the idea of leaving Toph alone in the Fire Nation, but he had no choice. She would flourish under the opportunity to work alone, following her own plans and gaining information her own way. Sokka was still worried about the legitimacy of their covers, but Toph seemed sure that they would work. They’d already sent a letter requesting an audience with the Fire Lord on their way, and the response was supposed to come in the Last Hope mailbox on the field where they landed. Last Hope mailboxes were disguised as mailboxes for regular houses, and they were hidden behind bushes or trees. They could be found anywhere all over the Three Nations. Somehow, the Fire Nation hadn’t picked up on them. 

Sokka and Toph had landed on this particular field many times before, and Sokka had no trouble locating the mailbox, brushing off the coat of dirt and dust, and pulling open the rusty door. 

“I could’ve bent that,” Toph said, bending it a little to prove her point.

“Whatever,” Sokka said, not unkindly. He reached inside and pulled out a crisp white scroll, rolled up and tied with a deep red ribbon. Sokka ripped off the red seal of the Fire Nation, throwing it on the ground to be buried by the sand. He untied the ribbon and read the scroll. He saw Toph stand by his shoulder as if she could read it.

“What does it say?” she asked. 

“We’re good,” Sokka said as he finished skimming the letter. “We can go see the Firelord and state our position.”

“We’re gonna talk to the Firelord,” Toph said, sounding a bit in shock. “He sounds terrifying.”

“You nervous?” Sokka asked her.

“Of course not,” Toph scoffed. “You?”

Sokka thought about that. For some reason, seeing the Firelord, talking to the Firelord, it didn’t scare him at all. It just made him angry, knowing he’d have to pretend to be on his side. He’d have to pretend to care about the Prince, he’d have to pretend to protect the Prince. It infuriated him, but he wasn’t scared. He would never show fear to his enemies. He would never let himself fear his enemies. That was weak, and Sokka wasn’t weak. Sokka was powerful, Sokka was numb.

“Just angry,” Sokka told Toph. “Angry enough to kill a Prince.”

“Good,” Toph grinned. Sokka shoved the scroll into his bag and walked across the field, Toph on his heels. After twenty minutes they hit a main street, and another hour later they were in downtown Caldera City. An hour and a half of walking wasn’t desirable, but they couldn’t exactly war balloon their way to the Firelord’s palace. Sokka and Toph were used to it, and they filled the journey with trivial conversations and jokes they would forget after a few minutes. They spent some time brainstorming plans for once they got to the palace, practicing speeches to defend the positions they had made up. They’d decided some basics about Sokka’s elaborate position, such as who would know the full extent of his role in the palace. After some thought, they decided that it wouldn’t affect the Prince’s press too much if they introduced Sokka as just a bodyguard at first. The idea was for a story to be constructed where Sokka was the Prince’s bodyguard and then, slowly, Sokka would become his friend as well. Only the Royal Family and anyone inside the palace would know the truth. It was a nice tale, and was better press for the Prince than “Prince Zuko is such a loser that his father had to hire a child bodyguard to be his friend.” Sokka thought that would've been considerably funnier, but Sokka was also going to kill the Prince right after. Might as well give him some good press before wiping him out of existence.

Toph’s position was much more realistic, but it would take a lot of work to prove its validity. Toph wanted to be let into Fire Nation meetings of all kinds: political, economic, military, etc. Toph had an uncanny and freakishly accurate sense of when someone was lying, which was because of her ability to sense and feel with her feet. Her role in Fire Nation meetings was to tell the Firelord when one of his advisors or generals was lying, so that he could know who was loyal to him and who was not. Toph’s job would also be to weed out spies from other Nations, but in reality she would gain the spies’ information and help them continue their mission. The Firelord didn’t need to know that. Toph had to prove to the Firelord that she could, in fact, tell when someone was lying, and they had come up with a few ideas to help her do that. Both Toph and Sokka were young, and they would have to work hard to convince the Firelord that they were the right people for the job. Sokka thought it was a lot of work for just one week, but he would do it for Toph, who had to stay months. Besides, a little acting could be fun.

Once they reached the Royal Palace, both Toph and Sokka were confident in their plans. They reached the front gates tired but ready, and an advisor was waiting for them inside. The advisor seemed taken aback when he saw them, most likely surprised that they were children. Sokka and Toph weren’t deterred; they greeted the advisor with the traditional Fire Nation bow and then asked to be taken to the Firelord. The advisor nodded and walked them through the palace. Toph couldn’t see, but Sokka let his eyes roam the hallways and the rooms they passed. Paintings of Fire Nation leaders hung on the walls, with the occasional portrait of the Firelord’s family. There were a few much larger paintings of the Firelord himself, and it took everything in Sokka’s body to not try and maim them somehow. Instead, he entertained himself by imagining the paintings burning; the very element of the Firelord causing his demise. Or, at least, the demise of his painting. It crossed Sokka’s mind then that someone had to assassinate the Firelord. He wondered who would do it. Probably an adult, maybe even the Hope herself. Sokka couldn’t wait for this war to be over.

Firelord Ozai’s chambers were the most extra thing Sokka had ever seen. He had to physically keep himself from laughing, despite the intimidating scene in front of him. The room was completely dark except for two rows of flames, creating an aisle for Sokka and Toph to walk through. Firelord Ozai sat on a throne surrounded by a ring of flames, shadows casting his downturned face. He was all alone. Did he just sit there, by himself, waiting for someone to come in? The thought was pretty funny to Sokka. He hoped that Toph could at least sense a bit of what was going on. She’d love this.

“Sokka and Toph, Firelord, sir,” the advisor said, sounding nervous. Considering who his boss was, Sokka supposed that made sense.

Firelord Ozai looked up, and Sokka tried not to widen his eyes. This was a man of war, a man descended from generations of evil tyrants. He was an evil tyrant. His eyes were cruel, his smile crooked. The look of disdain and mild surprise when he saw Sokka and Toph was dripping with condescension and made Sokka want to break something. Possibly the Firelord's neck.

“You may go,” the Firelord said to his advisor, who left in a hurry. The Firelord looked at Sokka and Toph. “You told me you were qualified individuals who wanted to suggest two new positions for yourselves to fill. You did not tell me you were mere children. You have lied to your Firelord. What do you have to say for yourself?”

“Technically we didn’t lie-” Toph started, but Sokka kicked her in the shins to shut her up. He knew Toph would get her revenge for it, but Sokka didn’t think they would reach their goal here by backtalking the Firelord. Despite how much he wanted to.

“We know we’re young,” Sokka said, holding his head up high and meeting the eyes of the Firelord despite feeling like he was burning, “but we think we can offer valuable positions for the Fire Nation royal staff. We would like to prove ourselves and our worth to you.”

The Firelord pondered that for a moment, and both Sokka and Toph stood up straighter, appearing as professional and adult-like as they could. After an agonizing thirty seconds of silence, the Firelord spoke again.

“Fine,” he said, and Sokka and Toph let out a simultaneous exhale. “You have one chance to prove your worth to me. You may start by answering this: what are these new positions you two have created? What position on my royal staff could you two children possibly fill?

Sokka jerked his chin up defiantly, confidently. “Well, Firelord Ozai,” he started, hating every syllable of that title, “I will be your son’s bodyguard.”

“And I,” Toph said, voice ringing in the large chamber, “will be your lie detector.”


	3. Pyro Prince

Zuko wasn’t entirely sure how he’d started getting such bad press. He knew he wasn’t the most attractive person for a tabloid to focus on, but he had no idea how it had gotten so out of hand. He supposed it all started three years ago when he’d spoken out in that spiritsforsaken war meeting. If he’d just kept his mouth shut, none of the last few years would’ve happened. In the moment, he’d forgotten that the main difference between his father and him was that Zuko cared about whether people lived or died. Zuko had accepted the Agni Kai as a way to regain his honor, which had the opposite effect. He still remembered the look on his father’s face when Zuko refused to fight him, and the sheer agony of his father’s burning hand on his face. The morning after he’d woken up screaming, the scar on his face and his Uncle Iroh by his side. Even three years later, Zuko still had nightmares about it. He wished he could just forget about the whole thing, but his mind refused, waking him up in the dead of night to remind him of his greatest regret.

The next day, despite the dead skin hanging off his face and his bloody bandages, Zuko’s father made him stand in front of a jury of nobles and his sister to decide the terms of Zuko’s punishment. Naturally, Ozai suggested banishment, and Zuko’s heart started racing and he found it hard to breathe. Uncle Iroh stood behind him, hand on his shoulder, but Zuko barely registered it. Through his hazy vision, Zuko remembered seeing two red-clad figures stand up and protectively stand in front of him. Through the space between them, Zuko could see his sister’s look of shock and betrayal.

Azula’s best friends, Mai and Ty Lee, eyed Azula defiantly, challenging her to protest. Holding up ten years of friendship over an invisible balcony. The message was clear:  _ get Zuko un-banished or you’ll lose us. _ Zuko wasn’t entirely sure why they were doing this for him; he’d always thought that maybe Mai liked him, because he liked Mai, and Zuko knew that Ty Lee would do anything for Mai. But Zuko never thought they’d betray Azula for him. Through the panic, a small warmth spread through Zuko’s body at the idea of people standing up for him. Ty Lee’s smile was soft as she glanced back at him, and Mai’s eyes were narrowed and determined. Zuko was sure that these were his favorite people in the world.

“Mai? Ty Lee?” Azula said, and Zuko could see how hard she was trying to keep it from wavering. “What are you doing?” Azula’s voice sounded stern, but Zuko could hear the vulnerability in her words.

Mai crossed her arms, shielding Zuko from his father. “You miscalculated,” Mai said, and Zuko wondered what she was referring to. “I love Zuko more than I fear you.”

Zuko had no time to think about the implications of that sentence before Azula’s mouth opened in surprise and then closed. 

Firelord Ozai spoke up then, directly addressing Mai. “You dare defy me, the Firelord?” he said, voice booming, “after everything I have done to keep you safe?” Zuko tried to warn Mai, to get her to stop, _Zuko_ __w_ asn’t worth it _ , but he couldn't get through to her. He wasn’t even sure if Mai heard him, because she kept going.

“I truly appreciate everything that you have done for me,” Mai said, trying to keep her voice respectful, “but you cannot treat your son this way. He made a mistake. Give him a second chance.  _ Azula _ ,” she turned to Zuko’s sister, almost pleading, “give him a second chance.”

Azula’s eyes softened, for a brief moment, before becoming just as cruel as her father’s. Before Azula could refuse, Ty Lee spoke up, softer than Mai but somehow enough to get through to Azula. 

“Azula, please,” Ty Lee said, and Azula looked at Ty Lee, making direct eye contact. Ty Lee didn’t shy away. “You and your father have done so much for Mai and me, and we would love to repay you somehow. But Zuko is important to you and your nation, too.” Zuko wasn’t, but he didn’t think now was the time to say that.

Azula glanced at her friends and then withered under the gaze of her father as she made her decision. 

“Oh, let Zuzu stay, father,” she said nonchalantly, even though Zuko knew this was incredibly hard for Azula to do. “He’ll make another mistake soon enough. At least it's entertaining to watch.”

Zuko didn’t love that he was being allowed to stay for that reason, but when his father agreed and let Zuko stay on the condition that he not be allowed into any more official meetings, Zuko didn’t even care. He could stay in the palace, he could stay with his Uncle and his friends. His new friends, Mai and Ty Lee. who apparently loved him more than they feared his sister. Zuko hoped he could love them that much, too.

Afterward, Uncle Iroh left for the Earth Kingdom to spend some time with the other members of the White Lotus, the purpose of which Zuko was still unsure of. He made sure that Zuko was absolutely okay before he left, and Zuko told Iroh that he was. It was a lie, Zuko was nowhere near okay, but that was also far from changing anytime soon. Iroh needed some space and time away from the royal family, and Zuko let him go. They wrote every month, and that was enough.

Azula became Ozai’s right hand. She went to all of his meetings with him and became one of his most trusted advisors. She avoided Mai and Ty Lee, who didn’t make an effort to see her, either. Instead they stayed with Zuko, comforting him in the aftermath of everything that had just happened and assuring him that they did, in fact, really love him. Zuko had never had his own friends before. Zuko was scarred, dishonored, and even more terrified of his father, but he also had Mai and Ty Lee. Zuko had taken Mai aside later and asked what she meant when she said that she loved him. Two days later, they were dating. Not publicly, of course, since they were thirteen, but eventually it would come out. That was an issue for later; things were good for now. Still, Zuko’s cowardly behavior, the loss of his honor, and his almost-banishment made for some really bad press.

The next bout of bad press came when Zuko and Mai broke up, because that was also about the same time it came out that they were dating. Zuko was fifteen when it happened. The two years that Zuko and Mai dated were odd years, all three of them growing and changing and learning that none of them felt about each other the way they thought they did. A few months after Zuko and Mai started dating, Ty Lee ran away and they found her at the circus. She’d decided to work there to get some space, she’d said, and to find herself. Zuko would miss her, but he let her go. Whatever made her happy. Zuko did what she asked for and gave Ty Lee space, but Mai visited her and watched her shows at least once a month. They were best friends, Zuko knew. Being away from each other hurt.

One day after Mai came back from visiting Ty Lee, she told Zuko they needed to talk. Zuko never liked that term,  _ we need to talk, _ but it was just Mai. And he’d visited Ty Lee for the first time in two years recently, and he needed to talk to Mai as well. 

Mai sat Zuko down in the courtyard near the pond with the turtleducks, which she knew was his favorite place.

“Zuko,” she’d said hesitantly, and Zuko had almost reached for her hand before deciding against it. He was glad he hadn’t when he heard what came out of her mouth next. “We need to break up.”

Zuko was surprised to find himself oddly okay with this news. It was as if he’d expected it. Maybe he’d wanted to break up with Mai too. After all, when he’d talked to Ty Lee, he’d told her that things were changing with him and Mai. Zuko loved Mai, with all his heart, but just  _ not like that. _ Ty Lee had nodded understandingly and suggested that maybe Zuko was gay, which made him sputter before he thought about it. He wasn’t gay, because he did used to have a crush on Mai, but he’d seen boys in the same light before. Maybe he liked them both. When he tested it, said it out loud to Ty Lee, it felt right. She was supportive and kind, a good first person to come out to. Afterward, she’d asked how he really felt about Mai, and Zuko knew the answer. Mai was a friend to Zuko, his best friend in the world. He didn’t want to date her anymore. Ty Lee had tried not to look happy at that, but Zuko could tell something about it made her smile. Zuko didn’t think too much of it; Ty Lee was probably just glad she was helping her friends. Zuko, of course, was wrong.

When Mai first told Zuko she wanted to break up, despite feeling the same way, Zuko’s mind leaped to worry. What had he done wrong? He had just started mentally listing every remotely bad thing he’d done in the last two years when Mai spoke again, hurriedly. 

“It’s not your fault, Zuko,” she reassured him quickly, “it’s mine.”

Zuko looked up at Mai. “What do you mean?”

“I’m-I’m gay,” she told him, determined to get it out. “And Ty Lee, and I, well, we kind of want to date each other.”

Ty Lee’s reaction at the circus clicked. Suddenly,  _ everything  _ about Ty Lee clicked. She’d left her family to follow Mai to the royal palace when they were little kids. Ty Lee ran away right after Zuko and Mai started dating. Zuko felt a pang of guilt for unknowingly causing so much hurt to his friend. He made a mental note to visit Ty Lee and apologize to her later.

“You’re leaving me for Ty Lee?” Zuko said in a mock dramatic voice, high pitched enough that Mai would know he was joking. “How  _ could  _ you!”

Mai laughed. “You’re not mad?”

“Of course not,” Zuko said. “I think I wanted to break up with you, too. You just got to it first.”

“Really?” Mai said, tilting her head, “How come?”

Zuko thought for a moment. “You’re my best friend in the world,” he said, “but that’s it. There’s nothing more to it.”

Mai smiled, and Zuko knew she felt the same way. “You’re my best friend in the world,” she said quietly, “Never tell anyone I said that. This whole conversation will singlehandedly ruin my reputation.”

“Ah yes,” Zuko joked, “your carefully crafted reputation of deadpan, knives, and darkness.”

“Exactly,” Mai said, and to prove Zuko’s point, she deadpanned, “Zuko, you’re the only one who truly understands me.”

That ended the conversation, and Zuko was happy with it. Mai was his best friend. It felt good. And Mai dating Ty Lee? That felt right. The next day Ty Lee came back from the circus for good. Mai looked happier than she had in two years of dating Zuko, and Zuko was happy for them. The three of them were their own perfect group, and most of the time Zuko didn’t mind being the third wheel. 

A few days later, it leaked to the press that Zuko was dating Mai. This broke the tabloids, and the news that came shortly after about Zuko and Mai’s breakup was even more destructive. Thankfully, it never leaked that Mai and Ty Lee were gay, or that Zuko was bi. Considering that gay marriage was illegal in the Fire Nation despite a large amount of public gay couples, it was a good thing that Mai and Ty Lee’s relationship stayed a secret. They weren’t just any civilians, they were people living under the roof of the royal palace. Their relationship, if outed, would be put under intense scrutiny and harsh criticism. Zuko would take a lifetime of the press making fun of his lack of skills in getting a girlfriend if it meant Mai and Ty Lee’s relationship wouldn’t be outed. The next few months were laden with bad press, and at this point Zuko’s father completely gave up on finding ways to make Zuko look better. His sister was the one who looked good in the press. She was the firebending prodigy, she was the beautiful but coldhearted ruler of the Fire Academy. Zuko would always be less than her, and by now everyone had accepted that. 

By the time Zuko was sixteen, the press itself had given up on him. Tabloids forgot about him, only referring to him by his old nickname Pyro Prince in a story about his father or sister. Zuko wasn’t sure where Pyro Prince came from, either, considering how horrible of a firebender he was. He supposed it was mocking him. The press did love to mock Zuko. Zuko himself, however, tried not to care. He had his friends and his monthly letter from his Uncle to keep him relatively sane. Although he was much too busy to actually abuse Zuko, his father still constantly belittled him. Azula taunted him and fed him lies to get a rise out of him when she was bored. Zuko pretended that the press’ mocking didn’t get to him, but it did. The constant jabs at him kept reminded him of how worthless he was, how he was the worst at anything he did. He was a useless firebender and a useless Prince. His friends were the only reason he wasn’t exiled right now. He was the most insignificant member of the royal family; his father was the Firelord and his sister was Ozai's right hand. Zuko was just a kid with a title. A title he was terrified of, because it meant that he was next in line for the throne. And if he was on the throne, what was stopping him from becoming his father? What was stopping him from destroying the Fire Nation and having every citizen hate him? Zuko would be a horrible ruler. Zuko didn’t even want to be a ruler. Zuko hated what his Nation had become. He was fed propaganda as a child, but as he got older he realized how horrible Ozai's Fire Nation really was. Zuko wanted a way out, a way to join the other side of the war.

Some days, Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee would go out to the courtyard and lie down in the grass. They’d point out the shapes the clouds were making and daydream of being from another Nation. They’d wonder what it would be like in the Earth Kingdom, fighting for the right side of the war. Mai and Ty Lee weren’t benders anyway, and Zuko would give up firebending if he had to. Zuko had his dual swords, Mai had her knives, and Ty Lee could chi-block. They could fight for the side they believed in if they were from another nation. They would talk about ways the war could end, and all possibilities ended with Zuko’s father dying. The thought of that made Zuko happier than it should. But Zuko felt nothing for his father except fear and hatred. If someone killed Ozai, Zuko would thank them.

Zuko supposed Last Hope would, at some point. Mai had a history with Last Hope, Ty Lee was against their senseless violence, and Zuko had a target on his back as long as they existed. All three of them were anti Last Hope, just like the rest of the Fire Nation, but for different reasons. If the Last Hope was a better organization morally, and they didn’t take children from their families and force them to kill, Zuko might have liked them. Zuko would even consider joining them. But this Last Hope? They were cruel, and their methods were unnecessarily gruesome. Zuko hoped that whatever plan Last Hope had to end the war, it didn’t involve killing Zuko. Still, he knew that was wishful thinking. Last Hope would kill Zuko, kill Azula, kill Mai and Ty Lee, and kill his father. They would kill every last Fire Nation citizen if they had to. The Last Hope spilled the blood of the innocent and pretended it was the same as assassinating people like Zuko's father. It wasn’t.

Despite how much Zuko hated himself, he was pretty sure he didn’t want to die.

Pretty sure.

The most hilarious thing about Zuko’s reputation in the tabloids was that he was getting bad press as two completely different people. Of course, the public had no idea, but Mai and Ty Lee were very well aware that Zuko was also the Blue Spirit. The Blue Spirit was hated by the tabloids, mostly because he stole from the rich and stopped crime before the military could kill everyone involved. He was considered a threat to the Fire Nation justice system, which, in Zuko’s opinion, was already failing without the Blue Spirit’s help. Zuko found the mask when he was fourteen, and he got the idea after watching a Fire Nation guard drag a kid into a cell for stealing some bread. Mai and Ty Lee had helped him find some clothes and a few places to start, and the Blue Spirit became a tabloid sensation overnight. The Blue Spirit broke into houses, stole money from rich people who really didn’t need it, and rained it on poorer stores and businesses. The Blue Spirit sent money to families with someone who got assassinated by Last Hope unless Zuko thought that the deceased had deserved it. That happened more often than Zuko liked. Fire Nation citizens important enough to be assassinated were almost always dicks. 

The Blue Spirit also helped innocents break out of jail when they’d barely committed a crime, and helped stop crime by getting rid of people who were going to commit one. The Blue Spirit never killed, of course, but if the occasional murderous diplomat appeared at his next meeting a little bruised, it was probably the Blue Spirit’s doing. Zuko didn’t love the general violence, either, but he did what he had to do. He was useless in every other form, but at least as a vigilante he was bringing justice about in a way he supported. Mai and Ty Lee covered for him whenever possible, making sure nobody ventured into his room when Zuko was sneaking back into it after a night as the Blue Spirit. Zuko didn’t do it every night, but every once in a while he’d catch wind of something that needed fixing, and he would put on his mask and work his vigilante magic. The tabloids couldn’t stand him, and apparently the hatred spread so far worldwide that Zuko’s Uncle Iroh heard of it. Iroh recognized the mask of course, from the Fire Nation royal archive of artifacts, where Zuko had stolen it from. Iroh’s letter that month had thinly hinted that Zuko was the Blue Spirit, and Zuko responded by subtly confirming it. Zuko and Iroh both tried to be vague for fear that their letters were being intercepted, even though they had no proof of it. Knowing Ozai, it absolutely could be true. 

As the Blue Spirit, Zuko couldn’t care less about the negative press. He was going out and bringing justice to the Fire Nation, and he was proud of it. Zuko didn’t mind anything the tabloids said because he believed in what he was doing. Mai and Ty Lee believed in what he was doing, and Azula and Ozai had no idea. Zuko hoped they would never find out; Zuko was very careful. Still, the coincidence was funny to Zuko. No matter who he was, what name he took, what he did, Zuko would always be hated by the press. The Blue Spirit or Pyro Prince, it didn’t matter, they both sucked. Pyro Prince, in Zuko’s opinion, sucked the most. 

Zuko’s insecurities were there, obviously, but he tried not to voice them. Nobody needed to know, anyway. Azula and Ozai would just think he was weak and then take advantage of them. Mai and Ty Lee were happy, and they didn’t need to hear all of Zuko’s issues. He would hate to be a burden. Mai and Ty Lee’s rooms were across the hall from Zuko’s, and he was thankful that the hallway separated them from the sounds of Zuko’s nightmares. He’d tried to silence the sounds before, but no matter what he tried, he still woke up sweating, failing to breathe, trying to scream for help but unable to produce one. He would toss and turn, restless and alone in his gigantic bed, and sometimes he wished there was someone else in the room with him. The few days after his Agni Kai when Zuko had fallen asleep with his Uncle Iroh by his bedside, holding his hand, were some of Zuko’s best nights of sleep. Despite the sharp pain of his scar, the warmth of his Uncle’s hand somehow lulled him into a peaceful sleep. Since those nights, Zuko had never slept that well. Every night that he wasn’t out being the Blue Spirit he got nightmares, and he woke up and could never fall back asleep. He’d toss and turn and wish for the feeling of his Uncle’s hand, anyone’s hand. He’d wake up the next morning with bags under his eyes that he’d try to cover up with some of Mai’s makeup that he’d stolen. Zuko thought that it worked, because Mai and Ty Lee had never commented on how tired Zuko looked. Maybe they could see how tired he was, and they were just being polite. He just hoped they didn’t pity him. Zuko hated being pitied. Zuko was exhausted every day and he barely slept every night. Healthwise, being the Blue Spirit was a very bad idea, but Zuko didn’t care. His sleep was horrible either way. Bad sleep led to bad days led to bad thoughts led to bad sleep, and it was a vicious cycle. Zuko couldn’t get out of it, though, because he had no idea how to fix the nightmares. All he wanted was a hand to hold. Mai and Ty Lee gave him hugs and squeezed his hands during the day, so Zuko wasn’t entirely touch starved, but it was at night that he felt the most alone. Zuko knew that Mai and Ty Lee sometimes shared a bed, since they were dating. Zuko thought that must be nice, sharing your warmth with another person and getting theirs in return. Full trust, complete love. No expectations, just understanding. Zuko wanted that, though he tried to push it down. There was a tiny part of Zuko that struggled to swim to the surface, a part of him that wanted what Mai and Ty Lee had. A part of him that wanted to fall in love.

But that didn’t matter, did it? Zuko didn’t deserve to be in love, and he was unlovable either way. His friends loved him, but platonic love was different. Nobody wanted him, not like that. What he had with Mai, when it was  _ like that _ , was fake. And that wasn’t either of their faults. But still, Zuko was sure that his father was right; he was unlovable. Sometimes at night, after waking up from a nightmare, Zuko repeated every horrible thing his father had ever said to him. Every harsh word replayed on a loop in his mind, every part of his brain alive with the shouts of  _ useless worthless nothing unlovable lucky to be born _ . And no matter how hard Zuko tried, he wouldn’t be able to shut the thoughts out for the rest of the night. They’d formulate into worse thoughts, thoughts that were always in the back of Zuko’s mind but reached the front of his brain at night.  _ im a horrible person everyone would be better off without me im a burden i deserve to die _ . And Zuko would try not to cry at the raw, visceral, truth until the sun rose and another day began. The cycle started anew, and Zuko edged one step closer to breaking completely.

On the particular day when everything changed, Zuko was in the courtyard with Mai and Ty Lee. Zuko was leaning against a tree, watching the turtleducks. Mai and Ty Lee were tangled together in the grass, and Zuko kept a lookout for anyone who would scorn Mai and Ty Lee’s relationship. Zuko was exhausted, he’d spent last night as the Blue Spirit using violence to stop an armed robbery. He muffled a yawn with the sleeve of his robe and hoped Mai and Ty Lee didn’t notice. Aside from that, it was a pretty peaceful day. Which, of course, didn’t last very long.

A figure caught Zuko’s eyes and he sat straight up. “Guys!” he hissed at Mai and Ty Lee, “my father’s coming.”

Mai and Ty Lee disentangled themselves from each other fast as lightning and sat up, dusting themselves off. Zuko’s heart beat faster as his father approached, and a list of everything Zuko could have done wrong in the last month plus proper apologies for them played in his mind. Mai looked at Zuko worriedly, knowing how much Zuko’s father scared him. At least Azula wasn’t there, too. Zuko nodded his okayness to Mai, and she nodded and turned away. Zuko, of course, was not okay, but that wasn’t Mai’s problem.

Ozai walked over to where Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee were sitting, and all three of them stood up and bowed. Ozai nodded as they looked back up at him.

“Children,” Ozai addressed Mai and Ty Lee, and then turned to Zuko, “Prince.”

Zuko hated it when his father called him Prince. It was mocking and it was condescending, a reminder that Zuko was a failure of a royal.

“Yes, sir?” Zuko said, wishing his voice wouldn’t tremble.

“There have been some new additions to the royal staff,” Ozai said, mostly addressing Zuko, “One of which is a position regarding you.”

Confused, Zuko blinked. What kind of position was ‘regarding him’? Did he have a new servant or a tutor? Zuko hoped it wasn’t a tutor. All of Zuko’s tutors did nothing but yell and hurt him.

“What kind of position?” Ty Lee asked, and Mai looked at her sharply. Zuko hoped she hadn’t spoken out of turn.

“A bodyguard position,” Ozai answered. “A young boy, perhaps a year younger than you, will be with you at all times. He will be your bodyguard, protecting you against any threats to the royal family.”

A bodyguard. Zuko had never had one of those before. He didn’t know Ozai thought he was even worth protecting. A fifteen-year-old boy, though? What kind of bodyguard was that?

“At first,” Ozai continued, “he will be introduced to the citizens as your bodyguard. Because he is your age, eventually we will make up a story for the press in which you two become friends. It will be good for you to be seen with a male friend for once, and Agni knows you need some good press.”

Zuko thought his current friends were perfectly fine, but he didn’t say a word to Ozai. He just nodded, though he thought the whole idea was insane. Zuko didn’t need some fake friend for the press. He didn’t even care what they thought of him anymore, and he didn’t need some lie to better his reputation. And this meant that Ozai didn’t consider Zuko worth protecting, he just wanted his son to have good press for once. Zuko’s father only cared about him in reference to how he made Ozai look. The Firelord and his family had to look good, and Zuko was the only thing stopping that.

Zuko was such a loser that his father had to hire a child bodyguard to be his friend.

Then again, even if it was fake, it might be nice to have someone both his age and gender to be around. Maybe he’d want to actually talk to Zuko, maybe they could actually be friends.  _ Like that would ever happen.  _ Zuko quickly brushed away his ignorant hope. Nobody wanted to be his friend; guys Zuko’s age would probably hate him. Whoever this kid was, he was just some decent bodyguard who wanted public attention.

Zuko looked at his father and nodded. “Okay,” he said.

Ozai didn’t wait for any further confirmation, he just looked at Zuko and said, “he will come to your room this evening, and you will meet him then.”

Zuko nodded again, not trusting his voice to waver if he spoke, and watched his father’s back as he left. Zuko's heartbeat slowed down, and he let out a sigh of relief. As he exchanged looks with Mai and Ty Lee, Zuko thought about what his father had just told him. 

If anyone found out that Zuko’s new bodyguard was actually hired to be his fake friend? Well, that would be some really bad press.


	4. the Bodyguard

Sokka and Toph were given rooms directly adjacent to each other, and apparently Sokka’s room was next to the Prince’s. Sokka didn’t feel like being in a room that close to a Fire Nation royal, so they went into Toph’s room and flopped onto the gigantic bed. They were both a little delirious from the events that had just transpired, and definitely both high on adrenaline.

Toph was grinning, the occasional triumphant laugh leaving her mouth, and she seemed unable to stop. Sokka was smiling too, but he couldn’t bring himself to share in Toph’s excitement completely. He blamed it on the numbness.

“We,” Sokka said, “just lied to the fucking Firelord’s face.”

“Me,” Toph added, “a human lie detector, lying to the person I’m supposed to tell when other people are lying.”

“Well, keep it up,” Sokka said, “because you’re here for months.”

“You know,” Toph’s laughing had mostly subsided, “For a second there I was afraid he wouldn’t hire you.”

“I was pretty sure I’d win those fights,” Sokka answered, “Those soldiers had it coming.”

“It was pretty great watching you wipe those smiles off their faces,” Toph said, and settled into the pillows of her bed while reenacting one of Sokka’s fights with her hands and matching sound effects. Sokka watched her in silence and grinned, thinking back to their victories.

When Sokka explained the idea of his position to the Firelord, there were mixed responses. Sokka could tell from the Firelord’s reaction that he was desperate for his son to have good press; whether that was because he cared about his son or because he wanted to fix his reputation, Sokka couldn't tell. Firelord Ozai’s only doubt was Sokka’s ability to actually protect the Prince. Sokka, prepared for this, suggested that he fight somebody. Ozai set a fairly experienced Fire Nation soldier on him and Sokka used a Fire Nation sword to beat him in less than ten minutes, Toph crowing him on. 

The Firelord hadn’t very much liked that, so he’d set some higher-ranked commanders on Sokka. Sokka had to work harder, sweat shining on his face as he dodged attacks and swung the rusty sword he’d been given, but objectively Sokka knew that he was better. He’d spent seven years studying all four Nation’s nonbending fighting styles, Fire Nation swordfighting the most. He probably knew the attacks and moves better than the soldiers themselves did. Most of Sokka’s practice had come from reading scrolls and sparring with other swordfighters, never from a real teacher or master, but when Sokka had first been taken to Last Hope he’d learned quickly that he’d have to teach himself. Besides, with how often the Water Tribe soldiers had left the village, leaving it in Sokka’s young hands, he’d practically taught himself the boomerang as well. 

Even when Sokka had met Toph, and he’d been asked to train her, he’d taught himself how to teach a bender without being able to bend himself. He’d shown Toph how to use earthbending in the same way one might use a regular weapon, and she’d caught on quickly. Once Toph learned to metalbend, Sokka convinced her to try using metal weapons without having to hold them, something that Sokka had taught himself to feel when using weapons. His boomerang felt like an appendage he could remove and throw at will, and it would always come back to him. When Sokka used his sword he barely felt its weight in his hands, all he felt was the sensation of flying as he moved and the feeling of lightness as he swung his sword and met the point of it to his target. Sokka had taught himself all of that, and he taught Toph to do the same thing, just literally. All this to say, the Firelord could set any of his soldiers on Sokka, and unless it was a general or an admiral, the highest ranks, Sokka would almost certainly win against them. He’d spent his entire life studying the enemy and learning their attacks and defenses; Sokka used strategy and real skill, while the Fire Nation just used blunt force and fear. No wonder the Prince needed protection so bad; if he was as brash and fear-mongering as the rest of these soldiers, it was no surprise that he couldn't save himself from the people who were after him. And when the time came, the Prince wouldn't stand a chance against Sokka.

Afterward, Ozai had grudgingly hired Sokka, convinced of his skills. Sokka hadn’t fought without the intention of killing in a very long time, but he’d sparred with Toph for practice and fistfought Jet on a few occasions. In order to fight without killing Sokka needed a purpose, so he channeled thoughts of his Tribe and how he’d tirelessly tried to protect them whenever the Water Tribe men were away. He remembered his sister, who he wished he was still with so he could keep her safe from the people who wanted her dead. Sokka pretended that she was there, standing next to Toph, and Sokka was the only one stopping the Fire Nation soldiers from killing them. Having someone to protect, someone to fight for, made winning against the soldiers without giving in to the urges to kill them easier. If his sister was there, Sokka knew she’d never want him to kill somebody unless it was absolutely necessary.

After Sokka had proved himself, it was Toph’s turn. The Firelord had been completely unconvinced that Toph could detect lies. Toph, always up for a challenge, asked to try it on the Firelord himself. She figured it was the only way he’d know for sure. Sokka had been worried, afraid that the Firelord was too good of a liar and that Toph’s senses wouldn’t work on him. Toph, however, continued to be undeterred and absolutely sure of herself. Sokka watched, half worried and half proud, as Toph slowly but surely debunked every single lie the Firelord threw at her. The Firelord was good; he made sure to say things that neither Toph nor Sokka would know, such as perfectly believable Fire Nation plans or laws that hadn’t been released to the public yet. Still, the Firelord may have been a good liar, but it quickly became apparent that Toph was a considerably better detector. The Firelord seemed pleased with this discovery and hired her as well. Sokka knew that Toph would be considered a very valuable asset to the Firelord. She’d be able to make him depend on her easily, but she’d make many enemies in the process. And Toph would no doubt be arrested or even killed if anyone found out the truth about what Toph was really doing at her meetings. Still, Sokka knew that was just how Toph liked it: danger and lies. She was always one for taking risks. 

Sokka was more logical, more strategic. He always tried to do what was realistically the best idea, but sometimes worst cases and anxieties made that hard. Having Toph’s confidence and certainty was often reckless on its own, but it made for a good reality check when Sokka overthought his plans. To be honest, Sokka could never understand how Toph was able to be so confident in her abilities. Sure, Sokka knew he was powerful, but there was always doubt in the back of his mind about every decision he made. He’d helped invent war balloons and submarines, he’d been named the most powerful nonbender child assassin, and yet he still didn’t think he was good enough. Every plan he made, every kill he finished, there was always worry lingering behind his forehead. A worry that he’d been seen or caught and they were going to find out about Toph and arrest or kill her, because wherever Sokka was Toph was close behind. Sokka worried that the plans he’d made and sent other agents to go on were mistakes and they would fail, and agents would die, and it would all be his fault. No matter how powerful Sokka became, no matter how sure he was that he could win because objectively, logically, realistically,  _ he was better _ , there was always doubt. Because in the end, Sokka had let himself be taken away from his tribe and his sister. Sokka had let Toph tag along with him for three years and one day it would catch up to her and she’d be unfairly punished for something Sokka did. Sokka had decided to go along with Last Hope and kill for them, despite being so against the organization.

Sokka was working for a faceless agency, blindly following their every word. He had no idea what anyone he was killing was like, if they even deserved to die. Sokka hated every minute of it; he hated being away from his family and his tribe, the real people he had to be there for. He hated watching Toph take enjoyment in what she was doing, and every day he became more and more worried about her turning out like him, numb and detached and unable to stop killing despite knowing how wrong it was. Sokka wished he had the guts to escape, to take Toph and run. He’d go back to his tribe, be with his sister, and he’d let Toph go back to her family in the Earth Kingdom if that was what made her happy. But Sokka never did escape; every day he woke up on the dark, dingy Last Hope ship. Every day he got a new job and slipped into the easy routine of assassinating a target. And every night he slept in his room with Toph and tried to remember his sister’s voice. She was slipping away, like all of Sokka’s old Water Tribe memories. Some of them he’d chosen to forget, knowing that he’d never see them again. He’d chosen to forget the little kids he used to train, the food they used to eat, the hunting and the boats and the games and the little things that didn’t matter anymore. But, entirely against his will, Sokka had also forgotten his parents and what his sister looked like and what it was like to feel and truly be alive. 

Sokka was numb on purpose, hardening himself to protect the people he cared about and to kill without regrets. Sokka was detached as a side effect, watching his life from the sidelines and barely noticing when his boomerang sliced through another body. And Sokka was dead as a result, because once you kill enough people, you effectively kill yourself.

Toph went to her first meeting surprisingly quickly, leaving Sokka alone in his room. He wasn’t supposed to meet the Prince until the evening, which gave him plenty of time to think about ways to kill him and ways to talk to him without losing his mind. The Prince was probably the same prejudiced maniac that his father and ancestors before him were, which meant that Sokka had to be prepared. He couldn’t tense up, he couldn’t get defensive of things the Fire Nation wouldn’t agree with, he couldn't argue or talk back. His role was to pretend to protect the Prince while secretly finding ways to kill him. Sokka hadn’t decided on his kill method, either, but he was thinking sword. Sokka’s rough plan was to steal a Fire Nation sword, kill the Prince with it while he was sleeping, and then leave that night. He’d also come up with a few other plans with the sword, as well as a few boomerang and knife options and the worst-case scenario of poison. Sokka liked the feeling of using a physical weapon, so he moved poison to his list of plans he would only use if all else failed. 

Sokka’s mind never stopped creating plans, listing them in order of plausibility, likelihood of success, or by how much Sokka liked them. He had ideas and strategies crowding his mind every moment of every day, new plans sifted and organized among the old as Sokka’s brain came up with them faster than he could comprehend. Half of the plans he came up with were forgotten in the storm of words and diagrams that Sokka never drew on paper on account of his poor artistic skills. It was better that way, because Sokka was skilled at memorization and if anyone were to find written plans, Sokka’s cover would be blown and he would have failed. Sokka couldn’t fail.

Sokka spent the rest of the day lounging in Toph’s room, muttering to himself and coming up with as many plans as he could for any scenario that he thought even slightly possible. Sokka liked to be prepared for anything, and a solution for even the most outlandish scenario was crafted in his head. He had ideas on how to kill the Prince, ideas on how to take Toph and run if necessary, ideas on how to capture and keep the Prince prisoner if the need arose, even a few ideas on how to assassinate the Firelord himself. The idea of Sokka needing to do that was ridiculous, but if Sokka could think of even one way that something might happen, he’d come up with a plan for it. Best case to worst case, Sokka was prepared for it and knew what he would do in any given situation. He was ready to kill the Prince, and ready for anything that might happen because of that.

Once the sun set and evening rolled around, Sokka was ready to finally meet the Prince.

Sokka’s orders from the Firelord were to wait outside of the Prince’s room and wait for him, and then they would eat dinner. It was unsupervised, but Sokka felt as if he had to be professional. He couldn’t be friendly while talking to the Prince, even if that was what he was eventually supposed to become. He was the Prince’s bodyguard, and he was the Prince’s assassin. Sokka couldn't be his usual sarcastic self; he couldn’t act like he was joking around with a friend. Sokka had to stay stiff and formal, because acting like a friend would disgust him and he definitely couldn’t be rude or badmouth the Fire Nation. No matter how much he wanted to kill the Prince immediately, Sokka had to bide his time and wait through the week. He’d gain the Prince’s trust, learn information about the enemy, and when he was ready to leave he’d kill the Prince and flee. Step one of Sokka’s plan was to get through this first meeting with the Prince. Sokka went over the checklist in his mind’s eye, reminding himself to be polite, to resist every urge he might have to commit an act of violence. _All in due time_ , Sokka told himself. _Be patient_. He wasn’t a very patient person. Sokka was restless and always moving, ready to jump into the battle the instant it was necessary. 

This was going to be a very hard week.

Sokka left his room and walked slowly across the hall to the Fire Prince’s door, where he waited outside. It was a bit humiliating, he thought, to have to stand in front of someone’s door without knocking, waiting in silence for someone else to acknowledge your presence at their convenience. Sokka huffed and let out a sigh, admittedly louder than what was polite. Sokka couldn’t help but cause a little annoyance. His foot started tapping against the floor, a nervous habit that Sokka wasn’t doing on purpose. It was comfortable, so Sokka didn’t stop. He was the picture of rude impatience, but it was the last time he could show impoliteness for the rest of the week. He was going to take advantage of it. Sokka heard feet shuffling from inside the Prince’s room, and the sound of someone walking towards the door.  _ Finally _ , Sokka thought. It had only been about thirty seconds, but Sokka was tired of waiting. He wanted to meet the asshole he was going to kill. 

There was the sound of a lock being fumbled with, and then the door slowly swung open. Sokka stepped back, not expecting the door to open outward or to end up standing so close to the Prince. From his new stance a few feet away, Sokka looked at the Fire Prince. He’d never bothered to read news or press, so he’d never really seen any of the royal family’s faces. Sokka wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but it wasn’t this. The Fire Prince had a large scar on the left side of his face, around his eye and reaching to his nose on one side and his ear on the other. It looked like a burn mark, which Sokka found odd considering that the Prince was Fire Nation. Sokka wondered what had happened to him. The next thing that Sokka noticed about the Prince was that he looked  _ exhausted _ . There were noticeable bags under his eyes, and as soon as he opened the door he stifled a yawn with his arm. His face looked visibly tired, his right eye begging to be clamped shut. Sokka could tell by the way it was twitching, and the way the Prince kept on blinking with exaggerated, wide-eyed movements. Sokka wondered if the Prince knew how tired he looked, or if Sokka was just hyper-observant because of his job. He was used to observing his targets at first sight. The Prince had a slightly messy look to him, contrasting the sharp, cruel, cleanly cut look of the Firelord. The Prince’s hair was down, reaching to a few inches above his shoulders with some loose strands covering his eyes. Judging from the band he held around his fingers, the Prince had been about to tie it up. Sokka wondered if his sounds of impatience had led the Prince to open the door before making himself presentable. Sokka also wondered if he should feel bad about that.

He’d expected the Prince to look like a carbon copy of his father. Instead, he looked...like a kid. Sokka had always thought of himself as mature-looking, a little distant and stoic. Maybe Sokka was like the Prince, and really he just looked like a teenage boy. This, Sokka noticed, was a weird first impression to have of the Prince of the Fire Nation. Definitely unexpected, not entirely unpleasant. The Prince, based on first appearances only, did not look like a dick.

Still, that didn’t mean he wasn’t one. And Sokka was still going to kill him.

“Um,” was the first thing out of the Prince’s mouth, and Sokka noticed that this was different from his father as well. The Firelord always spoke without hesitating. The Prince waited four full seconds before saying, “Hi.” 

Sokka waited, expecting something more, but nothing came. “Hey,” Sokka said slowly, “I’m, uh, your bodyguard, I guess. And eventually your fake friend for the press. So that should be fun. Oh, and, I’m Sokka.”

So much for being formal. Sokka was really caught off guard by the sheer humanness of the Prince. He didn’t look like the next Firelord, he looked young and tired. Sokka prayed that this wouldn’t affect his ability to assassinate him. _He can be awkward and a dick_ , Sokka told himself, though it didn’t really make sense. _Just wait. Eventually, he’s bound to do something shitty. He’s Fire Nation, for spirits sake_. 

“Right,” the Prince said, and then extended his hand. That wasn’t the normal Fire Nation greeting, but Sokka went along with it. “I’m Zuko.”

Sokka shook the Prince’s hand and couldn’t resist responding, “I know.”

“Right,” the Prince said again. “It does make sense that you’d know that.”

“Considering that you’re literal royalty and everything,” Sokka added. Maybe he could joke around a little bit. What was the harm in a little bit? 

“That I am,” the Prince nodded, and then looked down at his hand and seemed to realize that he was going to tie up his hair. Sokka watched him blink a few times, apparently decide against it, and flex his hand so that the band fell to rest around his wrist. Afterward he looked at Sokka, as if expecting him to say something.

“Oh,” Sokka started. “What are we-aren’t we supposed to eat or something?” and then, realizing he hadn’t properly addressed the Prince during this entire conversation, quickly added, “Prince.”

The Prince flinched, so subtly that Sokka barely noticed it.  


"What?" Sokka asked, and the Prince looked at him, evidently surprised that Sokka had noticed his flinch.

“Nothing,” the Prince said quickly, and then added quieter, “just, don’t do that.”

“Do what?” Sokka said, confused.

“Don’t call me Prince when my father isn’t around,” said the Prince, or-not the Prince? “I don’t like it.”

The bluntness of the statement surprised Sokka, and he wondered why royalty wouldn’t like being reminded of it. Still, he wasn’t going to pry. This wasn’t the type of information he needed to know about the Prince-or, what was he supposed to call him now?

“Then what do I call you?” Sokka voiced his thoughts, “Is Prince Zuko okay?” 

“Just Zuko’s fine,” Zuko responded. “I guess we’re supposed to become friends or whatever anyway. It fits the story to call me that.”

“Right,” Sokka said, “the story. So how bad is your press for you to need this arrangement?”

Zuko was obviously taken aback by Sokka’s forwardness, and he suddenly wondered if this was the moment that Zuko unleashed his true Fire Nation dickishness and yelled at Sokka or something. Instead, Zuko just blinked and then gave Sokka a small smile. 

“It’s pretty bad. Every tabloid writer in the Nation hates me. They’ve come up with some pretty creative stuff,” Zuko said, “but shouldn’t you know that? I mean, you're only here for the big press story anyway.”

Now Sokka was taken aback. “Do you think I’m here because I want attention?”

“Why else would you be here?” Zuko asked, and he sounded genuine. 

“To...protect you?” Sokka said, which was a lie. Sokka was here to kill Zuko, but he’d thought Zuko was under the impression that Sokka was here to actually protect him, not just for the press story. Sokka wondered if that should make him sad, the idea that Zuko thought his bodyguard was here for fame and not for his protection. Against his will, it did make Sokka a little sad.

Zuko shook his head. “I didn’t think my father actually wanted to protect me. He’s really big on having a good reputation, not so big on keeping me safe.”

That definitely made Sokka sad, which made him mad that he was sad. He shouldn’t have any sympathy for a Fire Nation Prince. _Unless_ , Sokka thought, the Firelord treated his children the way he treated the other Nations. Did the Firelord have enough of a heart to care about his children? Were the Fire Nation siblings actually victims of their father?

_ That’s ridiculous _ , Sokka told himself. The Firelord might not care about his children like a normal parent, but he had to care about them at least for the Nation’s sake. And Azula was his right hand. That showed care, didn’t it?

Or it was just nepotism.

And Sokka did remember reading about Zuko’s almost-banishment. That was the Firelord’s doing, Sokka remembered. It was Zuko’s father who originally chose to exile his son, and for a father to banish their son, the son must have done something really horrible. For a brief moment, Sokka wondered if Zuko had said or done something against the Fire Nation. What if Zuko wasn’t like his father at all, what if Zuko was like Sokka; against all the unnecessary violence and slaughter?

_ Stop it _ , Sokka yelled at his mind. Why was he trying so hard to make excuses for the Prince? Based on what, one first appearance and a few offhanded comments? The Fire Prince was a  _ dick _ , Sokka reminded himself,  _ and you have to kill him. You are going to kill him. _

“Look,” Sokka found himself telling Zuko, “I’m not your father. I took this job to protect you. I am your bodyguard before I’m your fake press friend. I promise.”

And now Sokka was making a promise he absolutely could not keep. What was happening to him? He never made judgments off of first impressions, and he never lied about things like this. He was becoming rash and impractical and he couldn’t figure out why.

Zuko smiled again and for some reason, Sokka found himself liking that smile. Immediately after that reaction, Sokka considered the likelihood of being able to drop dead through sheer willpower alone. He’d assassinate the Prince as a ghost or something.

“Okay,” Zuko said. “By the way, it’s, uh, nice to meet you.”

“Oh, yeah,” Sokka replied, “Nice to meet you too, I guess.” And it wasn’t entirely a lie, Sokka was annoyed to find out.

_ Maybe _ , said the small voice in Sokka’s head, the voice that he was pretty sure represented the part of him that still felt emotions,  _ the Prince-Zuko-isn’t a dick after all. _

The rest of Sokka refused to believe that. He had a job to do, and he was going to get it done. Regardless of whether Zuko had a nice smile or the idea of his father not caring about his safety made Sokka sad, Sokka was going to kill him. To end the war, to keep Toph safe, to maybe see his sister again, Sokka had to kill him.

But the Prince was nameless, the Prince was a copy of his father, the Prince was a dick. Sokka couldn’t wait to kill the Prince.

Zuko, on the other hand, seemed to be none of those things. Zuko was a person, with a name. Zuko had thoughts and feelings. Sokka was finding it increasingly harder to convince himself that killing Zuko was a good thing.

Sokka had always been ready for anything. He had dozens and dozens of plans at his disposal, an idea of every single scenario possible and a solution for each of them. Sokka had planned for every single outcome, thought of every single variable that could affect this job. But somehow, he had missed this one, a glaringly obvious one that Sokka should have taken into account. Maybe he’d skipped it on purpose, hoping against hope that it would never happen. But now, here Sokka was, completely unprepared, stripped bare of any ideas, because for the first time in his life he’d left something unplanned. He’d skipped over the worst of worst-case scenarios:

What if Sokka didn’t want to kill Zuko?

As Sokka and Zuko stepped away from where they were awkwardly standing at Zuko’s door and went to dinner, Sokka started to realize it. As Zuko warmed up and became less awkward and Sokka found himself starting to thaw at the edges, Sokka started to deny it. As Zuko led Sokka to the kitchen and they sat at a small table alone and Sokka burned his tongue on the hot food and Zuko hesitantly teased him, Sokka cursed himself for it. As they talked alone in the room, lit by torches that reminded Sokka of the lights in his and Toph’s room on the ship, and as Sokka realized that for the first time in his life he was having a conversation with a  _ guy his age _ , Sokka begged the universe to get rid of it. As Zuko made an absentminded comment about how maybe they could be friends for real, not just for the press, and then immediately shut down until Sokka responded that maybe they could, Sokka felt incredibly sad about it. When Zuko smiled his biggest one yet and Sokka got him to let out a small laugh at one of his dumb jokes, Sokka finally decided to accept it.

Sokka didn’t really want to kill Zuko. 


	5. Pyro Prince

All in all, Zuko’s first meeting with his new bodyguard (who was named Sokka, Zuko learned) had been a much more positive experience than he’d expected. If Zuko was being honest, he’d kind of been expecting an asshole. Some attention-seeking teenager who didn’t care about Zuko’s safety in the least. Judging from all the tutors and servants his father had hired for Zuko before, that would be very on track. Instead, Zuko got a kid who was actually pretty nice, and kind of funny. There was an initial awkwardness at first, which Zuko figured was mostly because of him. He’d been disheveled when he’d opened the door, forgetting his appearance at the first sign of impatience because Zuko didn’t want to upset his bodyguard on his first day. Unfortunately, this meant that Zuko opened the door without preparing for the subsequent human interaction. He’d been halfway through tying up his hair, and he was yawning and couldn’t stop blinking the tiredness away. It was a horrible first impression to get from the Prince of your Nation.

Which brought up a whole other topic. Why did Zuko have to recoil when he heard the word Prince? Why was it that every time someone referred to him by his title, he remembered every single time his father laughed at him, calling him a  _ failure of a royal, aren’t you,  _ Prince _?  _ At first Zuko hadn’t noticed Sokka’s failure to use his title, and it didn’t occur to him that the feeling of not being called Prince was very nice until Sokka called him Prince. Zuko wished his flinch hadn't been visible, because who flinches at their title? Either way, Zuko couldn’t bear to hear the word, and he’d asked to just be addressed as Zuko. Sokka had complied, and it felt good. It felt right. Zuko didn’t want to be a Prince, anyway. He was too weak and too cowardly to be a royal, and he hated the side of the war that he was supposed to command one day. Zuko couldn’t stand his title, and he never wanted someone who was supposed to be his friend to call him by it. Sokka had agreed immediately, and the first time he addressed Zuko by just his name was at dinner. It was casual, Sokka had just burned his tongue on some frankly not that spicy noodles, and he’d coughed as he swallowed it.

“Zuko,” Sokka had said, and then coughed again, “what abomination of a spice is in this?”

Zuko didn’t remember what he’d answered, only that he’d responded with a teasing joke because he was still thinking about being addressed by just his name. Technically Sokka was just a citizen, and should be calling him Prince at all times. But instead Sokka was calling him Zuko, and it was humanizing and warm and Zuko was really overthinking it. But that didn’t matter, because suddenly Zuko didn’t feel like a Prince. He felt like a normal kid, having a conversation with his friend. 

And that brought up a third, different topic. Was Sokka Zuko’s friend? Zuko had done many things at that first dinner that he deeply regretted such as his appearance, their entire first conversation, and flinching at his title. Still, nothing compared to the sheer embarrassment and instant regret that coursed through Zuko when he’d blurted out that maybe they could be friends. Not just for the press, but for real. Zuko didn’t know exactly what had prompted it, but dinner seemed to be going so well; they were having a comfortable conversation and Sokka was making a large amount of jokes. Zuko interpreted it as the start of a friendship, because Zuko had no idea how to read other people or how to talk to them. Or how to be friends with them. Mai and Ty Lee stuck with him because they’d known him for years and they’d seen him go through a large amount of trauma. They were stuck with him, and Zuko was afraid that they hated that. Zuko hadn’t formed a friendship casually before; by meeting someone, having a conversation, making jokes, and smiling a little bit. In the moment Zuko was so sure that his comment would be received with a positive response, so without thinking Zuko said it.

“Hey, do you think that maybe we could be actual friends? Like, not just for the press?”

Immediately after, Zuko’s face became hot and he looked down at his food, desperately avoiding eye contact. He’d gone too far, said something stupid. Sokka didn’t want to be his friend; he was there to protect Zuko, but that was it. He was just Zuko’s bodyguard; they were only friends for the press. Nobody wanted to be friends with Zuko, because  _ of course _ guys his age didn’t like him. Zuko was awkward and didn’t know how to carry a conversation and took at least a few seconds to respond to everything asked of him because he was so tired, all the time. Once Zuko was brave enough to look up, his suspicions were confirmed. Sokka’s eyes were wide, he was blinking rapidly, and he looked confused. Zuko squeezed his eyes shut and tried to ignore the burning on his neck. He’d made an irreversible mistake, and now any cordial relationship he could have had with Sokka was ruined. There were never any requirements in Sokka’s position to  _ actually _ befriend Zuko. 

The time after that felt like hours, but in reality it was just a few seconds. Zuko couldn't open his mouth, afraid he’d say something else embarrassing, and he kept looking down. Through the top of his vision, he saw Sokka’s eyes return to normal and a grin spread across his face. Zuko looked up, surprised. That was an unexpected reaction. 

“Yeah,” Sokka said, and Zuko didn’t properly process it until Sokka added, “I think that maybe we could.”

Sokka’s smile was contagious, and Zuko felt himself catching it. Zuko hadn’t smiled a real, genuine, smile in what was probably weeks. Nobody made him smile like that except for Mai, and that was sparingly. The muscles on Zuko’s face were used to small smiles, little almost-laughs, and silent responses to questions. Zuko’s face was  _ not  _ used to full-fledged grins. Then again, Zuko might have just made a friend. Someone might want to be Zuko’s friend. The probability of that ever happening was so low that Zuko had to physically fight the smile off of his face for the next few minutes. Zuko was inexplicably happy about something that probably happened all the time to Sokka. He seemed like a charismatic person; once he warmed up to Zuko he never stopped talking and spent the entire dinner trying to make Zuko laugh. He succeeded. Multiple times. Zuko wasn’t even mad, despite the fact that they’d betted on it and now Zuko had lost. Mai could make Zuko genuinely smile, but nobody ever made him genuinely laugh, until now. Zuko had had a lot of ideas about what could happen while meeting Sokka, but he'd never in his wildest what-ifs expected to have  _ fun _ . 

But the whole night was exactly that. They talked all the way through dinner and talked on the way to Zuko’s room. Sokka walked Zuko to his room and the awkwardness returned like it was a curse on Zuko’s threshold; any conversations held there had to be awkward. Or maybe hellos and goodnights, in general, were awkward. Sokka gave Zuko a stiff wave and a short goodnight, and Zuko pushed open his door. That was almost it, until Sokka gave a small gasp, like he'd just thought of something, and Zuko turned around.

“You have to meet my best friend Toph tomorrow,” Sokka said, “I think you’d like her.”

“The Lie Detector?” Zuko asked, because the news about Toph the twelve-year-old girl who was let into every Fire Nation meeting had spread fast.

Sokka grinned, evidently happy with the nickname. “Yeah, her. She has some free time tomorrow. We can meet her then.”

“Okay,” Zuko replied, interested in meeting both the Lie Detector and Sokka’s best friend, “but you have to meet my friends Mai and Ty Lee. They’ve wanted to meet my new bodyguard since my father told us about you.”

Sokka nodded. “Bring them around when we go to meet Toph. Maybe we’ll all get along.”

“Okay,” Zuko said again, inexplicably excited at the prospect of having a group of friends exceeding a trio where Zuko was the third wheel. “See you tomorrow, then.”

“Goodnight,” Sokka said, and Zuko gave him a small smile before slipping through his door and closing it behind him. Zuko’s smile widened as he leaned against the door, a little high on the positivity of the events that had just transpired. Zuko hadn’t had such a nice interaction with someone who wasn’t Mai or Ty Lee in possibly years. Possibly ever. When was the last time Zuko had finished a conversation and his smile hadn’t immediately vanished, or at least diminished? 

Tomorrow, Zuko could say yesterday. The thought of that made Zuko happy. 

The feeling didn’t last long, because within the next few hours Zuko woke up from his usual bout of nightmares. He couldn’t fall asleep for the rest of the night, so he tried to unhear the echoes of his father calling him Prince by remembering the sound of Sokka saying his name.

The next morning Zuko woke up with the sunrise, as usual, heard sounds outside his room, and opened the door to see Sokka already standing there.

“Hey,” Zuko said, surprised, “what are you doing here?”

Sokka shrugged and then yawned. “Firebenders wake up at dawn, yeah? I figured I should be awake before you for, you know, bodyguard reasons, so here I am.”

Once again, Zuko was struck with the realization that Sokka was here to actually protect him. Then he noticed that Sokka looked very tired, definitely not used to waking up this early. 

“You don’t need to do that,” Zuko told Sokka, “you can go back to sleep if you want.”

“Are you sure?” Sokka asked, before letting out a very large yawn.

“Yes,” Zuko said pointedly, “go to sleep.”

Sokka brightened. “Thanks,” he said, and immediately went back into his room. Zuko heard the shut of the door and sighed. He was never going to get used to having someone who was specifically supposed to protect him. Zuko thought it was a nice gesture, to wake up before dawn and station himself at Zuko’s door. Was that something bodyguards were supposed to do? Most of the guards around the palace stood at the ends of hallways and switched shifts every few hours. Zuko was pretty sure his father and sister didn’t have personal bodyguards, and even if they did Zuko wouldn’t know what they were like. Zuko couldn’t remember that last time he’d really talked to his sister. His father had stopped requiring Zuko to eat with them two years ago, probably tired of Zuko’s horrible company. But Zuko was glad, because he much preferred to spend his time with Mai and Ty Lee.

Zuko stayed awake in his room for the next few hours, occupying himself by making himself presentable. He redid his ponytail a few times, annoyed at how messy it was, and then stared at the bag under his eyes in the mirror. Zuko hated looking at his reflection; seeing his scar and how exhausted he looked. He grabbed Mai’s stolen makeup, which was running out, and brushed some under his eyes. Zuko absentmindedly wondered when the last time he’d had a full night of sleep was. Years ago, probably. Definitely before the Agni Kai.

Zuko was interrupted from his increasingly unpleasurable thoughts by a knock on his door. He went to open it and found Sokka, who looked at him and frowned.

“What?” Zuko asked, concerned. Had he done something wrong? Internally sighing,  _ here we go again _ , Zuko made a mental list of things he could have done wrong to upset Sokka.

“I like your hair better down,” Sokka said, and Zuko sighed in relief. It was just his hair. A very superficial thing for Sokka to be upset about, Zuko thought.

“Well, during the day I’m supposed to wear it up,” Zuko said, “but if you don’t like it-”

“No, it’s fine,” Sokka held his hands up in defense. “I was just joking. Don’t take it seriously.”

“Oh,” Zuko said, wishing he wasn’t such an idiot. Obviously, he’d been joking. “Honestly, I like it better down, too.” It covered more of Zuko’s scar. It covered Zuko’s partially blind eye. It covered Zuko’s weak side, and not being able to see through the hair was a good excuse. 

“Wear it down then,” Sokka said, completely genuine, “what’s stopping you?”

“Rules,” Zuko listed, “tradition. My father.”

“Your father cares about your hair? Really?” Sokka said, and then added, "Well, I guess he is the Firelord. The rules are all his. Still, it's a weird thing to care about. If it wasn’t for the high authority of your father, I’d say to let it down.”

Zuko considered that for a moment, and then reached up and took his hair down. Sokka looked at him in surprise, and Zuko shrugged. “Really,” he said, to himself as much as it was to Sokka, “the chances of my father seeing me today are incredibly low.”

Sokka smiled. “Good, because your father kind of scares me.”

“That’s exactly the reaction he wants,” Zuko replied, and Sokka laughed. Then his expression changed, as if remembering something.

“Oh!” Sokka said, “I brought Toph.” Sokka reached his arm out of Zuko’s eyeline and pulled a figure into view. Toph was small, but she exuded confidence. Her eyes were glassy, and Zuko remembered hearing that she was blind. She turned her head in Zuko’s direction and gave him a grin.

“Prince Zuko!” she said, and it sounded mocking coming from her mouth. Once again, Zuko flinched.

“Just call him Zuko,” Sokka said quietly, and Zuko wasn’t sure if he was grateful or embarrassed.

“Zuko!” Toph amended without hesitation. “Sokka’s told me all about you. And I keep up with the tabloids, of course. They do  _ not  _ like you,” Toph let out a laugh after that.

“No,” Zuko said slowly, still deciding whether he liked Toph or not, “they do not.”

Toph tilted her head, taking in Zuko’s words. “You seem different from how they talk about you. If Sokka bothered to read the press, he’d probably think so too. Right, Sokka?”

“I do think so,” Sokka replied, “I’ve read some of the press.”

Toph waved his comment away. “So you agree with me. And I trust Sokka’s hypothetical judgment.”

“Since when?” Sokka muttered, and Toph ignored it in favor of extending her hand outward in Zuko’s general direction. 

“Welcome to the group,” Toph smiled widely. 

“We don’t have a group, Toph,” Sokka said.

“We do now,” Toph countered. Sokka sighed, in a way that Zuko thought was very big-brotherly. 

“Fine,” Sokka relented, and turned to Zuko. “Where are your friends? Maybe they can join our group, which we apparently have.”

“They should be awake by now,” Zuko said, looking across the hall. “Their rooms are right over there.”   
As if on cue, the door to Ty Lee’s room opened and she and Mai walked out, Ty Lee smiling wide and Mai rolling her eyes.

“Hey, you two,” Zuko felt himself smile, glad to see them. “Sokka, Toph, this is Mai and Ty Lee.” As Sokka exchanged greetings with them, Zuko tactfully ignored the fact that they appeared to have spent the night together. Zuko knew they often did, and it wasn’t his business. Toph, apparently, did not share that same tactfulness. 

“Did they just come out of the same room?”

“Yeah, what about it?” Mai asked accusingly.

“We’re dating!” Ty Lee explained, much less affected.

Sokka turned to Zuko, eyes wide. “Zuko, can we be gay here?”

Zuko blushed at the matter-of-factness of the question. “Well, you know that gay marriage is illegal,” Zuko waited for Sokka’s nod before continuing, “but around the three of us, it’s fine. Just be careful anywhere else.”

Sokka nodded. “Good to know,” he said, and then turned to Toph. “Hear that? We can be bi with these guys.”

“I got it,” Toph said, “but the only girls my age I’ve met so far are dating each other, and I’m not interested in Zuko here. I don’t have a lot of luck or options. Now you, on the other hand-”

Ty Lee's eyes widened and there was silence for a few seconds before Mai started snickering.

Zuko took a few long seconds to register what Toph meant, and then his blush deepened. Sokka looked at Zuko apologetically, and then glared daggers at Toph. “Why,” Sokka asked her, exasperated, “are you  _ like  _ this?”

“What?" Toph said, "I'm just trying to be a good friend. You've been single for too long."

"That is an active choice," Sokka protested, but Toph ignored him.

"Pyro Prince and the Bodyguard,” Toph muttered to herself, “the romance of the century. Also, I  _ heard  _ that entire hair conversation.”

Zuko had forgotten about said conversation, but was now very thankful for it because his loose hair was hiding the extent of his flush.

“I will kill you,” Sokka told Toph. “I will strangle you with my bare hands.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Toph grinned, but she also stopped teasing.

Zuko wasn’t entirely sure what had just happened, but he tried not to look at Sokka and focused on glaring at Mai and Ty Lee, who were trying to hide smiles. _They're going to get along great with Toph_ , Zuko internally groaned. Mai and Ty Lee loved anyone who could make fun of Zuko with them. It was all friendly, of course; they never went too far, knowing that if they did Zuko would start overthinking. Zuko wished he was better at taking jokes. Zuko added it to the list of things he didn't like about himself. It was too long.

“Do you even like boys, Zuko?” Sokka asked, turning to Zuko once the teasing air faded.

Zuko decided to answer honestly. “Yeah,” he said, “and girls.”

“So you and Mai weren’t some fake story for attention?” Toph, who Zuko remembered did read the press, asked.

“No,” Mai answered for Zuko, “we did date, but the press didn’t catch onto it until after we broke up.”

“It was a mess,” Ty Lee added. “And nobody knows that Mai and I are dating, so the press made up some crazy reasons for why they broke up.”

“They will find any way to slander me,” Zuko said, "There were rumors about me cheating on Mai with Ty Lee for a while, which was funny because the truth is the opposite.”

“The tabloids have their priorities messed up,” Sokka said, more seriously than the previous joking tone of the conversation. “You don’t deserve that.”

“It’s fine,” Zuko dismissed the concern, which he was still not used to having. “It’s all my fault really. It started with the banishment, which was entirely because of me.”

“I actually read that one,” Sokka argued, “it wasn’t.”

“He’s right,” Mai spoke up, “we’ve been trying to tell you that forever.”

Zuko nodded but didn’t respond. Sensing the tension, Ty Lee broke the silence. “Hey,” she said cheerily, turning to Sokka, “you should join Mai and I's group where we convince Zuko that things aren’t his fault.”

Zuko wasn’t sure how that was breaking the tension, but he did know that it was a running joke between Mai and Ty Lee that Zuko blamed himself for everything. Zuko also knew that originally they were concerned about it until Zuko lied and told them that it was fine, it wasn’t a big deal. Since then, they’d slowly transitioned to joking about it. Zuko didn’t mind the jokes, but he did firmly believe that all of his bad press was his own fault.

“Now that’s a group I’d like to join,” Sokka laughed. He was talking to Mai and Ty Lee, but he was looking at Zuko. Somehow the message got through, and Zuko knew that Sokka was joking, that Sokka wasn’t trying to hurt his feelings, and Zuko shouldn't overthink it. Zuko found it odd that he figured all of that out from looking at Sokka once. Most of it was probably just Zuko’s interpretation, but the fact remained that in the few hours they’d spent together, Sokka had somehow realized that Zuko worried, Zuko overthought, and Zuko was afraid that people were trying to hurt him. Zuko wondered if he was really that transparent or if Sokka was just incredibly observant.

“You guys are cool,” Toph stated, as if she’d just decided that. “Much better company than the old idiots I have to spend all day in meetings with.”

“Thanks,” Zuko said, at the same time Mai said, “yeah, we are pretty cool.” Ty Lee laughed, and Zuko made his own decision that he did like Toph. She was a wild first impression, but Sokka liked her and maybe Zuko was starting to trust Sokka’s hypothetical judgment, too.

“Should we maybe not stand awkwardly at Zuko’s door?” Sokka suggested, gesturing to their uncomfortable standing positions. The group collectively agreed, and started walking in the direction of the courtyard. Sokka settled at Zuko's left side, and then casually switched to his right and kept walking. Zuko looked at him, confused.

“Why’d you do that?”

Sokka looked a bit embarrassed, like he’d hoped Zuko wouldn’t notice. “You’re scar’s on the left,” Sokka mumbled, “I figured it’d be better if I was on the other side.”

“It is better.” Nobody had noticed that before. Zuko hadn’t given any signs that he preferred people on his right, which meant that Zuko was right and Sokka was very observant. It should’ve been unnerving, but so far it had only helped Zuko feel more comfortable. Zuko forced away his thoughts that he didn’t deserve it. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Sokka said.

They walked in silence for a few minutes, Toph, Mai, and Ty Lee chattering in front of them. Sokka was uncharacteristically quiet, but it was a comfortable stillness. Zuko didn’t try to talk, never one to initiate a conversation anyway, until something started nagging him and he couldn’t get it out of his head. Zuko turned to Sokka, who looked deep in thought, and momentarily felt bad about interrupting him. Before he could turn away and go back to silence, Sokka caught his eye.

“Did you want to say something?” Sokka asked.

“Um, yeah,” Zuko started, “what Toph said, earlier, did she mean anything?”

Sokka blinked a few times before catching Zuko’s meaning. “Don’t worry about that,” Sokka said quickly, “It’s my fault. I talk a lot, I’d just met you yesterday, and Toph was in my room. I was just telling her about you for a while, and Toph likes to make fun. It’s nothing, promise.”

Sokka was talking about Zuko for a  _ while _ ? What did he say? Outside of being the Fire Prince, Zuko had never thought of himself as a particularly interesting person; unless you counted all of the stupid things he’d done that made it into the press. But besides that, there was nothing positive about Zuko that someone could talk about. The weight of that realization hit Zuko, and he thought about all of the embarrassing things Zuko had done over dinner. Obviously, Sokka told Toph about those, right? Sokka was mocking Zuko behind his back.  _ No _ , Zuko thought, that didn’t seem right. Sokka didn’t seem like the sort of person who would do that. But, what else could Sokka have possibly meant when he said he’d talked about Zuko? Zuko’s brain was in turmoil, trying to connect all of Sokka’s actions into an explanation that made sense to Zuko’s low self-esteem. Zuko didn’t even realize he’d been overthinking for longer than it takes a normal person to respond to someone else until Sokka said his name.

“Zuko?” Sokka said, moving his head so he was looking directly at Zuko, “are you okay?”

“What?” Zuko blinked himself out of his thoughts and then nodded his head, "Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry, I was just thinking.”

“I didn’t say anything bad,” Sokka clarified, and Zuko wondered how Sokka always knew what Zuko was worrying about. Did Zuko make faces while he overthought? Could Sokka see the worry in his eyes? How was he doing this? “I only badmouth people behind their backs when I don’t like them. I wouldn’t do that to you. I’m not the press.”

“You need to get over this press thing,” Zuko joked, but really he was incredibly relieved. Of course Zuko was worrying for no reason. Of course Sokka wasn’t mocking him to Toph behind his back. Zuko almost laughed at how ridiculous his thoughts were, but that only made him worry more. 

“I usually don’t read the press because I think they worry too much about superficial things,” Sokka responded, “But after meeting you I read some of your stuff. They distort every word out of your mouth to fit their negative opinion of you. That’s not fair, and I wish the stupid tabloids would realize that. I hope that you realize that.”

Sokka was showing Zuko an amount of kindness Zuko was not used to receiving.  _ See _ ? He told himself,  _ there was no need to worry. Sokka thinks the bad press isn’t my fault, even though it is, which is what people who like me think. Everything is fine,  _ Zuko lied to himself,  _ and Sokka doesn’t hate you.  _ Zuko hoped that was true. Zuko wished he could be sure of that, he wished he could just accept that maybe people liked him. But for some inexplicable reason, it was so hard for Zuko to even begin to believe that his friends genuinely liked him. In the back of his mind he’d always thought otherwise; Ty Lee pitied him, Mai felt an obligation to him because of what happened at the banishment, Toph had just met him and was barely his friend, and it was literally Sokka’s job to protect him. 

“Okay,” Zuko said, refusing to say any more on account of it all being lies. He knew the bad press was his fault, and he knew that he deserved it.

Sokka seemed to sense that Zuko wasn’t going to say anything else, so he just smiled, nodded, and lapsed back into silence. Zuko kept walking, lost in bad thoughts.

Why was Zuko so afraid that everyone in his life hated him? 

_ Maybe _ , said a voice in the back of Zuko’s head,  _ the press affects you more than you’d like to admit.  _

Why was he always overthinking every little word someone said because he thought they had bad intentions? 

_ Because your father and Azula always lie, and you have to find out the truth for yourself. It’s never well-intentioned. _

Why did Zuko actively spend time twisting people’s words, trying to convince himself that they meant harm?

_ Because that’s what your father does to his Nation. Because that’s what Azula used to do to her friends. Because that is exactly what the press does to you.  _

“Maybe,” Zuko said to Sokka, slowly, trying to believe the words coming out of his mouth, “The press isn’t my fault.”

“It absolutely isn’t,” Sokka said stubbornly, but Zuko also heard a hint of something else in his voice. Zuko had expected happiness, triumph that Zuko had agreed with him, but instead, Sokka sounded a little sad. Zuko was curious as to why, but he also wasn’t going to ask. Zuko knew what it was like to be asked questions that you really didn’t want to give the answer to. Every day someone asked Zuko if he was okay, because Mai and Ty Lee were always concerned about him. Zuko always said that yes, he was fine, but he was lying and he hated it. It would be much easier if people would just stop asking Zuko that question.

Zuko overthought and Zuko believed every harsh insult his father and sister told him and Zuko thought he deserved his horrible press and Zuko was afraid that none of his friends liked him. Zuko was tired from having nightmares every time he went to sleep and he was exhausted from going out as the Blue Spirit to avoid said nightmares. Zuko missed his Uncle, he missed the company and the feeling of someone holding his hand when he woke up sweating and scared. He missed being with Mai and Ty Lee without constantly biting back worries and fears. He missed being in the moment, being happy for longer than a few fleeting seconds. Zuko was terrified because in the darkest moments of the night, when he desperately wished for an escape from the nightmares and the tiredness and the worry and the pain, Zuko really wanted to die.

Zuko was not okay.

But in the last few days, in the hours that he’d spent with Sokka, things were changing. This was someone who didn’t agree with the press, who didn’t believe any of the bad things they said about Zuko. Sokka didn’t know him, and Sokka didn’t seem like someone who would pry. Sokka was a guy his age, someone who could be his friend without pitying him. Sokka was nice and he was funny and he somehow always knew what Zuko was thinking and every once in a while he sounded a little sad, but Zuko didn’t mind. Sokka was a human person who felt human emotions and didn’t know Zuko the way Mai and Ty Lee did. Their silences were comfortable and Zuko liked the way Sokka said his name. Maybe Zuko was just ridiculously giddy at the idea of being friends with a guy his age, and maybe Zuko was filled with false hope and Sokka was really just his bodyguard. But somehow, it didn’t feel like that at all. Somehow, Sokka’s presence made Zuko feel a little more okay, even if it was just for a second.

Zuko looked at Sokka through the loose strands of his hair that covered his eyes. Despite the melancholy in his voice, he was smiling and Zuko smiled back. He was pleasantly surprised to realize that it wasn’t the fake smile Zuko used to please people who didn’t need to know how he really felt; instead it was another real smile, one that made Zuko forget that he was perpetually sad. For once in his life, Zuko let himself revel in the short burst of happiness, stretching it out for as long as he could before it felt fake, and he let himself pretend he was okay.

It didn’t escape Zuko that he’d smiled more in the last two days than he usually did in a month.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was this chapter an elaborate ploy to get zuko's hair down? yes, absolutely. i don't regret anything.


	6. the Bodyguard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: attempted murder

Sokka had tried absolutely _everything_ to convince himself that Zuko was worth killing. He’d pored over the press for hours, thinking that if Zuko had such bad press, there had to be a good reason why. He had to have done something bad, something that made every tabloid hate him. Instead, all Sokka saw was a misunderstood kid whose every word was interpreted wrong. None of Zuko’s bad press was his fault in the least, and that made Sokka even more sure that Zuko didn’t deserve to die. Sokka was so sure that the moment Zuko started to beat himself up over it Sokka couldn’t help but make sure he knew how _wrong_ he was. 

In other words, reading the press had backfired horribly.

The hair thing started genuinely; Sokka actually did like Zuko’s hair better down. After he’d said it, though, Sokka realized that the ponytail was probably some sort of Fire Nation tradition. Maybe, Sokka thought, if he kept pushing the situation after Zuko refused, he could get Zuko to blow up at him or at least tell him off a little. Maybe that would make Sokka upset enough to kill Zuko. That didn’t work either, because Sokka succeeded in his original request and Zuko put his hair down. Which was good, because it looked better, but Zuko was still awkward and nice and obviously hurting. Sokka was used to studying his targets, not so used to studying his friends. At this point Zuko was kind of both, which led to Sokka catching things about Zuko that a normal person probably wouldn’t have noticed. This didn’t help Sokka much either, because all he noticed was that Zuko was always tired and that he worried easily. Sokka couldn’t help but reassure him when he started going quiet or overthinking, which somehow Sokka could tell when Zuko was doing. Sokka also noticed Zuko’s weak side very quickly and correctly attributed it to his scar. Normally Sokka would use that kind of weakness to kill Zuko, but this time he used it for a kind gesture. Switching to Zuko's right side was just human decency, but it was also not something a decent human would know to do unless they were told first. Zuko seemed to appreciate the gesture, and Sokka wished he hadn't done it, because he was tired of wishing he didn’t have to kill his target.

Sokka was being incredibly nice to Zuko, against his will, but he also didn’t regret it. For some reason, Sokka was getting attached to the way Zuko smiled when he realized that Sokka wasn’t saying anything bad, and that Sokka liked him, and that they were friends. This was unusual for two reasons: Sokka didn’t get attached to people quickly, and none of the things he’d told Zuko were lies. Sokka hadn’t said anything bad about Zuko to Toph, but he’d also refrained from telling her that he didn’t want to kill Zuko. Sokka did like Zuko, extremely reluctantly, because for some reason he couldn't help it. And they were friends, Sokka figured. Or at least, they were becoming friends, and Sokka didn’t want to stop it. 

Except that he did. Sokka was here to kill Zuko, and he wished he could just do it. Every tactic he used to get himself to like Zuko less ended up doing the opposite, which was very unproductive. Sokka had no plans, only confusion and inner turmoil. He spent the entire day with Zuko running through plans to kill Zuko in his mind, going through all of his old ones; sword, boomerang, knife, poison, repeat. He absentmindedly talked to everyone else all the while the gears in his mind were turning. He wrote and rewrote assassination plans, but each one was interrupted by Zuko looking at him or saying something or smiling. Sokka felt out of breath and frustrated and angry, so angry that he couldn’t get rid of this attachment and become numb again, just for one night so he could kill Zuko and leave. Sokka hated being so unsure, having no idea what to do. Sokka was the one with a plan. Sokka always had six different ways to get out of every situation imaginable. And yet, he couldn’t think of one good way to just forget about Zuko and kill the Fire Prince. If he had thought about this outcome in the beginning, maybe he could’ve prepared for it. But he’d just been so sure that the Fire Prince couldn’t be a good person. There was no way that a royal from the Fire Nation was anything short of just like the Firelord. But Sokka had been wrong, because Zuko was a good person and he was nothing like his father and for once in his life, Sokka had no words to describe how much he hated it. Every minute he spent with Zuko and his friends Sokka felt himself warming up, and he _hated_ it. Sokka was a killer, he was cold-blooded and powerful and ruthless and numb, so numb. And that hadn't changed. Sokka knew he was still the same assassin, he still felt detached and he knew that if it was anyone else, Sokka could kill his target. But Sokka still doubted himself and his abilities to strategize and make a proper plan, especially now. And Sokka was still numb, still frozen in limbo between the warmth of Toph and Zuko and the ice-cold of weapons and blood and death. 

Sokka was still numb, Sokka was still a killer.

And Sokka was angry _(at himself),_ angry enough to kill a Prince.

Sokka spent the rest of the day with Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee. Toph had meetings to get back to, and eventually Mai and Ty Lee left to spend time alone. Sokka and Zuko ate dinner together again, and then they went to sleep in their own rooms. Sokka lay awake, finishing the rest of his impulsive, definitely not thought through, barely a plan if he had to admit it. Still, it was the only way for Sokka to get his job done.

Sokka had to kill Zuko now, tonight. Without thinking, without feeling. Sokka had dug out an old knife from his bag, and he was gripping it under his pillow. Sokka was biding his time until he could get it over with. He was going to kill Zuko in his sleep, and then he was going to run. Hopefully Toph would forgive him for leaving her so early. Either way, Sokka whispered a goodbye and an apology to Toph that only he could hear. Sokka apologized to his sister, praying for her forgiveness like he’d done before every job since he was twelve. Sokka also considered apologizing to Zuko, but then thought better of it. If Sokka was going to do this, his head needed to be empty of Zuko. 

A few hours passed, and Sokka waited through all of them with bated breath, his grip on the knife’s handle becoming harder and hurting more. He squeezed it until his fingers were numb, shaking away all thoughts of hesitation and reservations. Sokka had to do this. Sokka came to the Fire Nation to kill the Prince and help end the war, and he was going to do it. After what Sokka thought was a reasonable time, he got out of bed, stretched his fingers, and grabbed the knife again. Sokka walked quietly to his door, slowly turning the knob and thanking the universe when it didn’t creak. He looked at Toph’s door, then Mai and Ty Lee’s doors, checking to make sure they were closed. Then he looked for guards, and once he deemed the coast clear, he walked over to Zuko’s room. Sokka approached the door and forced his hands to stop shaking. Sokka’s hands never trembled; he never fumbled with the doorknob. As smoothly as he could in his current deteriorating mental state, Sokka opened Zuko’s door and slipped inside the room. He was quiet, he was prepared, he was ready. As Sokka fell into his usual killing-someone-in-their-sleep routine, he stopped feeling nervous. Sokka felt himself harden, felt himself become numb again. Sokka’s heart stopped racing, it fell into a normally paced heartbeat that Sokka could barely feel. Sokka’s breaths returned to a constant rate, steadily in and out. Completely silent. Suddenly, Sokka wasn’t sure what he’d been so worried about. This was what Sokka was meant to be, this was everything that Sokka had ever been. He was a killer through and through; this was his destiny. He was going to end the war.

He was going to kill the Prince.

Sokka edged closer to the bed, knife up and set. He was calm, peaceful to a sick degree. There were no thoughts in Sokka’s head except for the knife, the moment before a kill, and a sense of stillness. The calm before the storm; the storm Sokka wouldn’t be there to see. By then, he’d be long gone. Sokka finally reached the bed, knife positioned above him, ready to deliver the killing blow. This was it, and Sokka wasn’t going to mess it up. Sokka finally looked down, bringing the knife an inch lower-

-the knife clattered to the ground, the loud sound bringing Sokka out of his momentary shock. He blinked, internally cursed, and hoped nobody around was a light sleeper. He knelt down to pick up the knife, but it slipped out of his grasp, his fingers suddenly sweating. 

Zuko wasn’t in his bed. Zuko was gone.

Logically, Sokka knew that there was some sort of an explanation. Zuko was in the bathroom, Zuko had gone for a walk. Zuko was somewhere in the palace. Zuko was okay, Zuko was safe, and Sokka cared too much about those things to be logical. In the moment, no realistic explanation mattered to him. In the moment, true to form, Sokka’s brain spiraled into worst-case scenarios. Someone else had Zuko. There was another rebel group after him, which was definitely possible. Or maybe Last Hope had become impatient and sent someone else after Zuko. Either way, someone else had gotten to Zuko before Sokka. They’d kidnapped him, or worse, killed him-

The revelation struck Sokka right in the heart, and it _hurt_. This was the truth he’d been trying so hard to avoid. Sokka couldn’t deny it anymore, and he definitely couldn’t escape it. After a day of confusion and worry, a day of being unplanned and unprepared, utterly frustrated because he didn’t know what to do or how to deal with the situation he was in, Sokka was finally, positively, completely sure. 

Sokka didn’t want someone else killing Zuko, but not because he wanted to kill Zuko himself. No, it was because Sokka didn’t want Zuko to die. And if Sokka was this shaken by the idea of Zuko dying at a different person’s hands, then how could he possibly kill Zuko himself? He couldn’t, Sokka knew now. He’d gotten too close to his target, and now there was no going back. Sokka wasn’t trying to kill a faceless Prince anymore, his target had a name and feelings and friends. Sokka was probably one of those friends. Sokka had made an irreversible mistake, he’d gotten too attached to the person he’d been trying to kill and now he’d changed everything. He’d messed up Last Hope’s entire plan for ending the war. And more than anything, Sokka had failed. 

Despite his almost crippling fear of failure, Sokka wasn’t feeling particularly upset about this. He knew that he’d failed, that this was wrong, this wasn’t supposed to happen, but somehow he didn’t mind. He’d made the decision to not kill Zuko not because his abilities weren't good enough or because he couldn’t, but because _he didn’t want to_. Not being able to kill Zuko had driven Sokka to levels of breakdown and impulse that bordered on mad. Knowing all of this, and knowing that this meant that he had absolutely, irrevocably failed, Sokka didn’t regret it. Zuko was more than just the Fire Prince now, and he was more than just Sokka’s target. He was just a kid, and he didn’t deserve to die. And Sokka was more than just Last Hope’s most powerful nonbender child, and he was more than just Zuko’s assassin. He was just a kid too, and he damn well didn’t deserve to be a killer. 

He didn’t deserve to be this numb, this dead. Sokka deserved a chance to choose something for himself, for once in his life. Sokka deserved freedom. Sokka had always believed that Last Hope dictated the rest of his destiny, but now that wasn’t true. Sokka was unsupervised in the royal palace. Sokka would come up with an excuse to waste time here while coming up with a more permanent reason as to why he hadn’t assassinated the Fire Prince after a week. Last Hope loved him; Last Hope thought he was their prodigy, their hero. Their pawn. But Sokka was done playing their game. He was taking his life into his own hands. He was going to find another way to end the war, even if he had to do it all himself and die in the process. He was going to keep Zuko alive and keep Toph safe. He was going to go back to his tribe and his family; he was going to see his sister again. Last Hope couldn’t touch him now.

Kneeling next to Zuko’s empty bed in the dark, knife loosely held in his hand, Sokka started to make his final plan. He made a mental checklist, and he crossed off the first box. His first choice, entirely dictated by himself. 

Sokka chose not to kill Zuko, and he was free.

Sokka spent the rest of the night shaking from the combination of euphoria and terror in his bones. He tried to come up with some plans for the next few days, but he couldn’t focus. Eventually, he stopped trying. He spent a while wondering where Zuko was, but that started worrying him too much so he stopped that, too. After a few hours Sokka finally fell asleep, but it was restless and he could practically feel his whole body trembling. In the morning Sokka woke up and tried to compose himself, taking deep breaths until the leftover shaking finally stopped. He looked tired, but he was smiling. He was a Last Hope anti, and now he was acting on it. Sokka knew that if he was going to stay here, Last Hope was eventually going to give him other jobs in the Fire Nation, and he would have to complete them. But for now, Sokka refused to think about that. For now, Sokka was rejecting Last Hope’s bloodshed, rejecting their violence.

After getting dressed and fixing his hair, Sokka left his room and went to stand in front of Zuko’s. He lifted his hand to knock, hoping that the door would open and Zuko would be standing there. Zuko was okay; Sokka had just jumped to ridiculous conclusions last night. 

The door swung open, and Sokka jumped back to avoid being hit with it. 

“Shit, sorry, did I hurt you?” came a voice from the threshold, rushed, worried, and familiar.

Despite everything that transpired last night, Sokka hadn’t expected the relief to hit him like a ton of bricks. Zuko was there, standing in front of him, and he was fine. Sokka wanted to know where he’d been last night, but he knew that asking would only raise questions about why Sokka knew he’d been gone. Instead, Sokka exhaled waves of _thank the spirits_ away, his shoulders releasing tension he hadn’t even noticed. 

“I’m fine,” Sokka added to the end of his exhale, “don’t worry about it.”

For the first time, Sokka looked at Zuko as something other than a target. Sokka tried looking at Zuko and seeing a friend, someone he could now talk to without thinking about how to kill him. It felt good.

He was wearing his hair down again, and now Sokka felt a little proud for convincing Zuko to do it.

Zuko nodded, and then looked at Sokka, “are you okay? You look tired.”

Zuko had noticed. Sokka wished he had a way of covering it up, but he wasn’t used to losing this much sleep because of an emotional toll. He wasn’t used to going through whatever happened last night, and he was physically and emotionally drained. 

“I didn’t get good sleep last night,” Sokka shrugged, “it’s not a big deal.”

“Oh, okay,” Zuko gave Sokka one of his trademark small smiles, and Sokka felt the tiniest bit alive. 

It flickered away quickly, and Sokka wished he could grab it before it faded away and hold onto it forever. Instead it left him, and Sokka returned to the sinking numbness. It threatened to overtake him, drowning Sokka in the feeling of feeling nothing, but Sokka refused to let it. He tried to find the fleeting piece of life again, but Sokka was only grasping at mirages. 

Still, it was something. It was hope, the fragile promise that maybe, someday, Sokka could live again.

Sokka and Zuko left the hallway to go to breakfast alone; Toph was in meetings and Mai and Ty Lee were still asleep. Sokka felt lighter than he had the entire time he’d been at the palace, and he sensed that Zuko had noticed. Because of Sokka’s noticeably better mood, Zuko was prodding Sokka with questions. He wanted to know everything, and Sokka had never thought Zuko would be this curious about him. Their last few meals it had been mostly Sokka talking, asking Zuko about the positive experiences he'd had in the palace and about what dual swords were like and how it felt to firebend. Zuko was hesitant at first and slow to respond, but as he warmed up he eventually told Sokka everything he’d asked. At first Sokka had done it to gain inside information, but after a while he’d become genuinely interested. Now, apparently, it was Zuko’s turn to get to know Sokka.

Zuko asked him about where he’d grown up, what his life was like, where in the Fire Nation he was from. Sokka gave him lies about the locations and changed things to better fit the Fire Nation when needed, but all of his stories were true. He told Zuko about his parents and his sister, saying that his family lived in the Earth Kingdom colonies and Sokka had left them to go to school in the Fire Nation and that was why he hadn’t seen them in seven years. He regaled Zuko with old memories of his sister, and more recent memories with Toph. he told Zuko everything about his family that he still let himself remember without giving away that he was actually Water Tribe. Sokka was a proficient storyteller, a good improviser, and a better liar, so Zuko didn’t suspect a thing. Sokka was actually enjoying himself, letting himself smile and talk about himself for once. He stopped a few times for fear of rambling, but Zuko’s expression would drop and he’d ask Sokka to keep going, so he did. He was well aware of the way Zuko watched him, his eyes bright and his head tilted in interest. Sokka let the obvious engrossment feed his ego a little bit, made a few jokes to Zuko about how great of a storyteller he was, and Zuko switched between agreeing and teasing him for being so sure of himself. It was a new experience, talking to Zuko without the stress or the sadness of knowing he had to kill him. It was liberating. 

After breakfast they split up, Zuko going to look for Mai and Ty Lee and Sokka waiting for Toph to be finished with her meetings. Sokka went to Toph’s room and waited for her there, thinking about the best way to tell her that he was not going to assassinate the Fire Prince. After a few hours Sokka heard a lock turn, and Toph walked into the room.

“Hey, Toph,” Sokka announced his presence. 

Toph didn’t seem at all disturbed by Sokka being in her room. “What’s up?”

“I need to tell you something,” Sokka decided to get straight to the point, “But I need you to try not to freak out.”

“What did you do?” Toph said, her tone accusatory. 

“It’s actually more of a what _didn’t_ I do,” Sokka replied.

“I am sure that you’ve somehow made that worse,” Toph groaned and flopped onto the bed beside Sokka. “Just tell me. I can’t make any promises about being mad, but you’re making me curious.”

“Fine,” Sokka said, and took a deep breath. He honestly wasn’t sure how Toph would react. He wasn’t sure if Toph actually liked Zuko or if she’d just acted as if she did for Sokka’s sake. On the other hand Toph was very observant, thanks to Sokka teaching her everything he knew, and she could have already figured out what Sokka was going to tell her.

“Listen,” Sokka started again, “I made a decision. I-I’m not going to kill Zuko. And before you say anything, yes, I know it was my job, and yes, I know that he's the Fire Prince. But regardless of whether you trust him or not I think he’s a good person, and I don’t think he deserves to die. He’s a year older than me, and he hasn’t done anything wrong. I’m not killing him. And besides, Last Hope has been controlling us for way too long. I don’t wanna be some robot assassin for them anymore, I want to make my own decisions. I miss my family, Toph. Maybe this way I can try to find a way to see them again. I don’t know, though, that might be a stretch. Either way, we’re Last Hope antis, and I want to start acting like it.”

Sokka was well aware that he was rambling, but once he started speaking his mind he couldn’t stop. He didn’t look at Toph’s expression, afraid to see what emotions were on her face. Instead Sokka kept talking, because he had more to say.

“There has to be another way to end the war. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to figure out a way if I have to. I’m fully prepared to come up with a million excuses and ways to get Last Hope to let us stay here. I’ll do other Fire Nation jobs, I’ll try to get more inside information on the war, I’ll make anything up. But yesterday I got so angry and confused and scared because of how much I didn’t want to kill Zuko that I tried to kill him in his sleep. It was completely on impulse, and the only reason I didn't was because he wasn’t there. And I’m so glad I didn’t, because now I know that if I’d killed him I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself. I’m tired of assassinating people who don’t deserve it. And yes, I realize that if I take more Fire Nation jobs then that might be exactly what I’m doing, but, and this might sound horrible, they’re nameless people. I’m still a killer, I can easily assassinate a stranger. None of them are Zuko.

"Look, Toph, I’m sorry. I got too close to my target, I made a mistake, and now I can’t kill him. I know that I failed, and I know that I screwed up all of Last Hope’s plans to end the war, and I’m sorry about that. I know this might negatively affect you, somehow blow your cover, make Last Hope angry with you, and I’ll try my best to make sure that doesn’t happen. And I’m just now realizing that all of this might be really selfish, and I’m trying really hard to at least regret my decision, but I can’t. I believe that this is the right thing to do. I hope you still trust my hypothetical judgment.”

Sokka finished talking and took a lengthy inhale, sighing his breath out and finally gaining the courage to look at Toph. He’d expected anger, maybe fear, confusion or disappointment, something along the lines of a negative reaction. He hadn’t expected to see her eyes gleaming, bright with an emotion that Sokka couldn’t quite register. For a second Sokka was afraid that he’d hurt her, that he’d said something horribly wrong and now she wasn’t even mad, she was sad. He was prepared to apologize profusely, hoping she’d forgive him, when Toph spoke up.

“I trust you more than anyone else in the universe,” Toph whispered, her voice quiet and barely audible. “And I think you’re so brave.”

“I-” Sokka started, taken aback, “brave?”

“I can read you, Sokka,” Toph responded, “you never wanted to kill Zuko. I knew it the moment you came into my room and said you wanted to read the press. You tried so hard to try and get yourself to kill him, and I kind of wish I’d stopped you sooner. I was hoping you’d come to the realization yourself. I can’t believe it took something as dumb as sneaking into Zuko’s room and trying to kill him with zero preparation to get you there, but I’m glad it did. You’ve always wanted to be free, Sokka, as long as I’ve known you. You’re not a cold-blooded killer, you kill to protect the people you care about. Me, your sister, and maybe now Zuko. The second you became a bodyguard, you subconsciously realized that you were born to protect people. You’re a Water Tribe warrior, remember? Bravery is their biggest thing. And you have an endless supply of it. I’m happy you finally decided to stop playing into Last Hope’s hands. I could never do it. And listen, you don’t have to be sorry for anything. I’m not mad, and I need you to know that you did not fail. This is good. It’s nowhere near how I expected this job to go, and despite how much more risky and dangerous and _stupid_ it is, I like this outcome more. Can you imagine? We’ve already lied to the Firelord himself, and now we’re making up excuses for the Hope? We are on a 'lying to authority figures streak' here.”

Sokka knew Toph didn't usually talk this much, especially about serious stuff. Sokka thought it was probably hard for her to stay so kind and mature for that long. Then again, Toph was forced to grow up far too quickly. Sokka’s training had a hand in that, and he wished he'd never had to teach a nine-year-old kid to kill. But now here she was, Sokka’s best friend, and she understood. She wasn’t mad or disappointed. She sounded almost excited. Toph did love a good scheme.

Sokka felt a rush of affection for Toph and resisted the urge to hug her, knowing she’d probably punch him in the stomach if he tried. Instead, he grabbed her hand and squeezed it just enough to hurt a little. Toph’s style of affection was physical touch that bordered on painful, and Sokka knew she wouldn’t mind the gesture. He was confirmed right when Toph squeezed back and smiled.

“Thank you,” Sokka told Toph quietly. There was so much more he wanted to say, but he couldn’t get it out right now. So instead he just showed how much he appreciated her with a few simple words. “I love you.”

Toph twisted her face into a sour expression at the sentiment, but her expression was soft and she grumbled out a muttered but genuine, " _Iloveyoutoo_.”

Sokka grinned. They sat in silence for a moment, Sokka gripping Toph’s hand, the only constant in each other’s lives. After a few seconds they both started fidgeting, so Sokka pulled away and leaned against the pillows.

“So,” he said, “should we start talking about lies to tell Last Hope?”

“Oh, yes,” Toph said evilly, “what do you have in mind?”

“Well,” Sokka started, “I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently, and I think I have a good one.”

“Go for it,” Toph gestured for Sokka to explain his idea.

“Well,” Sokka said, “remember the Blue Spirit?”

“That Fire Nation vigilante who you have a huge crush on?”

Sokka flushed. “I do not have a crush on him, I just think he’s cool.”

“You are in love with him,” Toph stated, “it’s ridiculous. You’ve never even seen his face.”

“Fine!” Sokka threw up his hands, “I think it’s very attractive how he goes about serving justice and stopping crime and whatnot. Now can I tell you the rest of my plan?”

“Okay, okay,” Toph said, “do continue.”

“The Blue Spirit became active two years ago,” Sokka continued, “and you know I’ve been researching him ever since. The Hope found out that I’ve been tracking him, and she told me that at some point I should try and track down the Blue Spirit. Remember? She wants to recruit him. He’s exactly the Last Hope type, fighting for what he believes in, but secretly and with the occasional questionable methods. So what I propose is that I tell Last Hope that I’m staying in the Fire Nation to finally officially start looking for the Blue Spirit.”

“Good so far,” Toph nodded along to Sokka’s words, “I’m liking it. Definitely could work.”

“Yeah,” Sokka said excitedly, “and while that’s happening, Last Hope can send me on some less important Fire Nation jobs on the side. They’ll be easy, and they won’t distract me from the bigger job. I’ll tell Last Hope that once I find the Blue Spirit I’ll recruit him, and then after I do that I’ll kill the Fire Prince and flee. You can leave with me, or you can stay. Now obviously I’m not going to kill Zuko, and eventually Last Hope will figure that out, but we’ll burn that bridge when we get there. I’m also not going to recruit the Blue Spirit, but I am going to track him down. I’m going to find out who he is, and then I’m gonna confess my love, and then I’m gonna let him be. This is going to be a problem for Last Hope, too, but we’ll get to it later. Maybe I can convince the Blue Spirit to pretend to be Last Hope or something. I’m not entirely sure of that. And while this is happening, you’re just gonna be the Lie Detector and go to meetings like you’ve been doing. Nothing is changing for you, so don’t worry too much about it. Anyway, that’s the rough plan. I know it has a lot of holes, and there is no conceivable end. Everything is loose and unpredictable. 

"But honestly? This entire job has been unpredictable. Every single one of my plans has backfired on me, and I’m tired of knowing every possible outcome and preparing different solutions for each one. This is the first time I’ve realized that there are always outcomes and solutions that you just can't plan for. I'm aware that my entire identity is the assassin with really good plans, and I still am. I’m just also embracing a new lifestyle of freedom and making my own choices, so this is as detailed as my plan goes. I hope that’s okay with you.”

“It is absolutely okay with me,” Toph smiled, “everything sounds perfect. I love a good lie, you know that. And I love watching you get obsessed over the Blue Spirit, so this is an all around wonderful plan for me.”

Sokka threw a pillow at Toph for that last comment. She retaliated a little too hard, and Sokka glared at her. Still, he was glad they’d found a plan that worked.

“Great!” Sokka said after they finished their small pillow fight, “so we have a plan.”

“That we do,” Toph replied, “and don’t start doubting yourself like you always do. Everything is going to work out fine.”

Surprisingly, Sokka noticed that he wasn’t doubting himself that much. His plan felt solid, and for some reason leaving some loose ends was actually helping him feel better. The plan wasn’t rigid, it was capable of change. That left less reason to doubt and worry. Sokka should’ve been doing this all along, strategizing the basics and leaving some areas flexible. At least he was doing it now. And, as usual, Toph was confident in their combined abilities to pull this plan off. Sokka was nowhere near confident or certain, but he wasn’t doubting himself to his usual unhealthy extent, and he wasn’t excessively worrying. He felt the perfect amount of prepared. 

So when Toph turned in his direction and asked, “you ready?” her eyes brimming with excitement in a way that never failed to remind Sokka of his sister, he was sure of his answer.

“As I’ll ever be.”


	7. Pyro Prince

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: ptsd dream violence (burning)

“The Blue Spirit was active last night,” Mai said slyly, reaching over Ty Lee to grab some food from the plate on her nightstand. 

“You know it’s me,” Zuko said from the foot of Mai’s bed, “just talk to me directly.”

“That’s not as fun,” Ty Lee shrugged, “but seriously, what did you do last night? The press says you let a criminal go from the clutches of the military?”

“First of all,” Zuko replied, “the military should not be handling law enforcement. I have no idea why that’s happening. Second, the criminal in question was one of my dad’s advisors representing the villages on the outskirts of the capital, and all he did was accidentally release some information that was going to go public today anyway. He’s one of the few advisors that isn’t a horrible person, and he just made a mistake. You know it’s not fair to almost kill a person for something like that.”

“It really isn’t,” Mai agreed, “I’m glad you’re doing this. It’s good for the Nation.”

“Yeah!” Ty Lee’s voice was bright, “but isn’t it harder to sneak out now? With a bodyguard and all?”

Zuko had wondered the same thing when he’d first heard that he was getting a bodyguard, but last night he'd tried sneaking out and nothing had happened. Sokka hadn’t said anything over breakfast, so either he’d been asleep and hadn't noticed anything or he’d heard Zuko sneak out and wasn’t saying anything. Zuko really hoped it was the first one. Sokka had also been different over breakfast, Zuko had noticed. He’d gotten used to Sokka cracking jokes and rambling on about anything, but usually his voice would carry that slightly melancholy tone. He always looked a bit subdued, like something was constantly gnawing at him. That morning, though, Sokka looked visibly better. Zuko wasn’t sure why, and he wasn’t going to ask, but he was glad. He finally felt comfortable enough to ask Sokka about his life, and Zuko was pleased that Sokka was more than happy to answer. It was probably the best time they’d spent together so far, because even though Zuko was exhausted from the other night and Sokka looked uncharacteristically just as tired, Sokka’s mood was brighter than usual and that lifted Zuko’s spirits a little bit as well. Of course, they didn't stay lifted for very long, because after he went into Mai’s room, he found them reading a newspaper and pointing to a new headline about Zuko’s last excursion as the Blue Spirit.

“Actually, no,” Zuko responded, “it wasn’t any different. Either Sokka didn’t notice or he didn’t say anything. My guess is he didn’t notice, because who wouldn’t confront the person they’re supposed to protect after they snuck out at night?”

Mai nodded, “you’re probably right. Just be careful, okay?”

“I will,” Zuko said, “don’t worry.”

“You know,” Ty Lee suggested, “maybe you could  _ tell _ Sokka that you’re the Blue Spirit.”

“What?” Zuko said loudly, taken aback, “I’m not going to do that. We’re friends, sure, but I have no idea if he’s anti-war, you know, against the Fire Nation like us. He could support my father for all I know. He’s a regular Fire Nation citizen, he’s only ever read propaganda.”

“I don’t agree that you should tell him about being the Blue Spirit,” Mai said, dodging a betrayed look from Ty Lee, “but I really don’t think he supports your dad. I mean, he doesn’t believe the press, he doesn’t think you deserved your banishment, as far as your father goes so far he has the same opinions as us. And, honestly? I think he’s probably anti-war. He doesn’t seem like someone who supports your father and ancestors’ pointless violence.”

Zuko thought about that for a second. Sokka was a bodyguard, so he probably wasn’t a pacifist, but he did seem like someone who would be anti-war. Zuko wondered how Sokka would react if Zuko told him how he got his scar. Not that he ever would, at least not for a very long time, but he wondered. Would Sokka think Zuko deserved it or would he be convinced it wasn’t his fault? Judging from everything else Zuko knew about Sokka, he’d probably be pretty convinced that it wasn’t Zuko’s fault. Zuko wished he could say he believed the same, but most of him was still absolutely sure that he deserved every scar his father had bestowed him with.

“I guess you’re right,” Zuko told them, “but I’m not gonna tell him I’m the Blue Spirit. I don’t think that would be a good idea at all. I trust him, but I don’t think I should.”

“Yeah,” Ty lee sighed, “you’re probably right about that.”

“What about his friend Toph?” Mai asked Zuko, “the Lie Detector. Do you trust her? I mean, she’s in your father’s meetings all day. Could she be anti-war?”

Zuko hadn’t spent a lot of time with Toph, but Sokka talked about her a ridiculous amount of the time. His eyes always lit up and there was pride written all over his face. Zuko figured that if Toph was someone who genuinely agreed with his father’s opinions, then Sokka wouldn’t speak so highly of her. And besides, all she did was detect lies. She didn’t have to pay any attention to or agree with the meetings as long as she pointed out lies. Zuko told this to Mai and Ty Lee and decided that until he was given a reason not to, he trusted both of them. Not in the way he trusted Mai and Ty Lee with almost everything, but with the kind of benefit of the doubt trust you gave new friends. And maybe he trusted Sokka a little bit more than that. Maybe he’d put trust in Sokka way too soon, and maybe it was a mistake, but Zuko didn’t care. He was tired of worrying that everyone was out to get him, and if he wanted to have baseless faith in one person, he would. Even if it was a terrible idea, considering Zuko’s title and identity. But Sokka was Zuko's first friend who was a guy his age, and Zuko never got tired of hearing Sokka say his name without the  _ Prince  _ in front of it. Mai and Ty Lee called him just Zuko all the time, but they’d been calling him that since they were kids. Sokka, on the other hand, had switched from Prince to Zuko when Zuko had asked without a second thought, and for Zuko it was an inexplicably good feeling. He didn’t feel like a Prince then, he felt young and he felt human. He wasn’t a faceless royal, he was just a kid with a friend. He could feel normal, just for one fantastical moment.

And once that moment passed, Zuko cursed himself for believing in illusions.

Later in the day, they met Sokka and Toph in the courtyard for lunch, where Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee were all still thinking about their conversation earlier. As Toph complained about Ozai’s advisors and Sokka called them all assholes, Zuko couldn’t stop wondering about their thoughts on the war but was too afraid to ask. He figured he would just stay quiet, but Mai had other ideas.

“Hey, guys," Mai started, and both Zuko and Ty Lee looked at her sharply. Mai ignored them and continued, wanting answers. When Sokka and Toph looked at her, Mai continued.

"You two seem to complain a lot about the Firelord and his advisors and policies. Are you anti-war? Against Zuko's dad and the Fire Nation?” Mai asked the question outright. Zuko looked at her in surprise, mainly because  _ they  _ weren’t supposed to be anti-war, considering that Mai and Ty Lee lived in the royal palace and Zuko was a royal.

Sokka exchanged a look with Toph and then shrugged. “I know this is an unpopular opinion among Fire Nation people, but yeah. Toph and I both. I never really believed the propaganda, and I think the war’s pretty pointless. I don’t really agree with the Fire Nation as far as this war goes. I’m definitely not on their side.” as if realizing his company, Sokka stopped and his eyes widened. He held up his hands in defense and added, “I know that you’re the Prince, though, and I know that having this opinion is a pretty punishable offense, but-”

“-We’re all anti-war,” Zuko rushed to say. He hadn’t expected Sokka to be so honest, and he hadn’t expected Toph to let him say that she was anti-war as well. If she was anti-war, what was she doing at his father’s meetings?

“Really?” Sokka said, brightening but also sounding confused, “is this a trap?”

“No,” Mai spoke up, “Zuko’s been hurt by the Fire Nation, I’ve been hurt by Last Hope, and Ty Lee’s been there for us through all of it. We’re anti-war and anti Last Hope, and I for one am really glad that you are too.”

“You’re anti-Last Hope?” Toph said from Sokka’s side, “I guess that makes sense. You are Fire Nation, but you’re also anti-war?”

“We’re anti-Last Hope because of Mai’s history with it and because they use unnecessary violence and feel corrupt to me,” Ty Lee replied, “not because they fight for the other side. We’re technically on their side, I guess.”

Sokka and Toph exchanged another look, this time much heavier. Zuko couldn’t read the meaning behind it, but he was a little curious. Had they been hurt by Last Hope too?

“Us too,” Sokka said, “We’re anti Last Hope, too. Same reasons as you; unnecessary violence and all that. No personal history, though.”

“And Mai,” Toph added, “whatever Last Hope did to you, we’re sorry.”

It sounded like Toph really meant it. 

“Thanks,” Mai smiled at Toph, and then asked, “but if you’re anti-war, what are you doing at Zuko’s father’s meetings?” Zuko, who wanted to know himself, was now thankful for Mai's ability to ask controversial questions when no one else wanted to.

“Hey,” Toph said, half-joking, “the Lie Detector thing is just a job. I’m not actually helping with anything except for getting Ozai’s awful advisors fired one by one. They lie to him literally all the time, even when they know about me.”

“I don’t think anyone actually believes you until you prove it to them,” Sokka pointed out. 

“I don’t blame them,” Ty Lee said, “but it's good to know that you two are on the same side as us. Now there’s no secrets between us!”

Zuko, thinking of the Blue Spirit, averted his eyes. He didn’t see that Sokka had turned away as well.

Zuko spent the rest of the week with Sokka, Mai, Ty Lee, and Toph when she wasn’t in meetings. It did feel like there were no secrets between them now; because since they shared the same opinions, everyone was somehow even more comfortable around each other. They would rant about the uselessness and unfairness of the war, in private, of course. There was more to talk about in the realm of serious topics, which was actually bringing them all closer. In general, Zuko was talking and laughing much more than he’d done before Sokka and Toph had come, and Mai and Ty Lee were starting to realize it. Every time they saw Zuko smile their eyes became a little brighter, and Mai’s usually dry expression would soften just a little. Sokka didn’t notice, probably because he was the reason Zuko was smiling more. 

The group settled into a routine of spending most of their time together, but breakfast was still just Zuko and Sokka’s. They got even closer over the days, both of them taking turns sharing stories and talking about ridiculous, normal, teenage boy stuff. Sokka could crack jokes and try to get Zuko to laugh, which would usually work. They also talked about the war on their own, and about Zuko’s bad press and Sokka leaving his family. Neither of them went too into much detail about their lives, both people who preferred to keep their feelings inside, but they were able to talk to each other more than other people. Zuko’s trust in Sokka grew until Zuko trusted him just as much as he did Mai and Ty Lee, despite how little they’d known each other for. Sokka’s brighter mood continued, and he was much more willing to talk about himself and not just Zuko. Zuko was starting to feel safe around Sokka, and not just because he was his bodyguard. Zuko felt emotionally safe with him, like if he ever wanted to, in the very distant future, Zuko could tell him anything. He wondered if Sokka felt the same way. Zuko hoped that he did, because Zuko wanted to know everything about Sokka.

But nothing stays the same for long, and in this case, their familiar routine lasted until the end of the week. After dinner, as usual, they split into their different rooms and Zuko went to sleep. He’d been out as the Blue Spirit last night and never went two days in a row. Of course, going to sleep wasn’t any better of a decision, because it didn’t take long for Zuko’s nightmares to terrify him awake. He dreamed of the Agni Kai, begging his father to spare him, refusing to fight. He felt the hand on him before it came, prepared for the blow of fire. Still, it wasn’t enough to stop the pain of the actual burn, and dream Zuko flinched and screamed and cried. Hot, searing, pain spread through his face, hurting and scorching and  _ Zuko was dying _ . Tears escaped his eyes and fell down his face, showing everyone watching that Zuko was a coward. Powerless and weak. He deserved to have his honor taken away. He deserved this scar. He deserved every last bit of pain inflicted on him; he deserved the fear and the hurt and the burning  _ burning burning- _

Zuko woke up screaming. It was the worst nightmare he’d had in weeks.

Zuko was shuddering, shaking to his bone. He was trembling and sweating and he knew he was crying but he could barely register it. He tried to forget about the war room, and the Agni Kai, and the crowds of people watching him. He tried to make his father and Azula fade away from his mind, and eventually, he was able to get rid of them. They were blocked by a wall of fire, the residue from the dream Agni Kai. Fire was dancing under Zuko’s eyelids, red-hot and throbbing where his scar was. He held a hand above his scar, trying to touch it but afraid of making the psychogenic pain worse. Instead he tried to breathe, his inhales and exhales matching the slow, diminishing throbs of his scar.  _ You’re okay, Zuko _ , his Uncle Iroh’s voice told him. Zuko clutched the covers of his bed in his fists, digging his fingernails into his palms, the pain from something other than his scar grounding him. He blinked the last of the tears out as the pain from his scar became a dull, steady, barely-there ache. Zuko felt himself relaxing, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to sleep for the rest of the night. The entire process of calming down felt like hours, but he knew it had only been about a minute. Zuko flinched at the echo of his earlier scream that he was probably imagining, hoping that nobody had heard him. Mai and Ty Lee were across the hall, and they never heard his screams. Toph had good hearing, but she couldn’t have heard this from her room, on the other side of Sokka’s-

Sokka’s room, which was right next to Zuko’s.

He’d definitely heard.

Fuck.

Zuko hoped Sokka wouldn’t do anything, that he’d just think he’d imagined something. Still, Zuko knew that it was in vain. If Sokka heard something in Zuko’s room, it was literally his job to check on him. Zuko started to prepare excuses, waiting for Sokka to inevitably come in. Zuko couldn’t think of anything good on the spot, but he really didn’t want to have to tell Sokka the truth. Mai and Ty Lee didn’t even know Zuko had nightmares, why should Sokka know? Sokka didn’t need to know, he didn’t need to worry. This wasn’t part of his job at all. Zuko didn’t want to be a burden, or someone to feel bad for. Zuko didn’t want the one person who didn’t know him at his worst to start pitying him. But a small part of Zuko found himself wanting to tell. He wanted someone else to know, even if it was selfish, because all he wanted was someone’s comfort. He wanted someone to hold his hand like his Uncle used to and tell him that everything would be okay. Zuko always knew it was a lie, but it helped in the moment. Zuko wanted that help, that comfort. That closeness. 

The selfish side of Zuko and the self-loathing side of Zuko warred on the subject of telling the truth about his nightmares when Sokka came in. Zuko was startled out of his thoughts by the door slamming open, and Sokka standing in the empty space at the threshold with a crazed look in his eyes.

“Zuko, are you okay?” Sokka said, unnecessarily loudly. Zuko flinched, worried about waking anyone else. Sokka noticed Zuko’s movement and lowered his voice, “I heard screaming. What happened? Is someone trying to kill you?”

“What?” Zuko said, surprised, “of course not.”

Sokka’s shoulders sagged, the tension leaving them. “Spirits, Zuko,” he said, “I was afraid that someone was trying to assassinate you or something. I never would have forgiven myself if I hadn’t been there to protect you. Also, I definitely would’ve been fired.”

Zuko felt a stab of guilt as he realized that of course Sokka would think Zuko was in the middle of an assassination attempt. Saving Zuko from those was Sokka’s job. He was probably feeling even more guilt than Zuko. Zuko wanted to reassure him, tell him that it was okay, that everything was fine, but he couldn’t bring himself to talk. Instead, he took a deep breath.

“Nobody’s trying to kill me,” Zuko said, “I promise. I’m fine.”

“Well, I heard you scream,” Sokka countered, “so you’re not really fine.”

“I am fine, trust me,” self-loathing Zuko argued, but in the end selfish Zuko took over, “I just had a nightmare.”

Sokka’s expression changed, the aggressive worry changing into soft concern. “A nightmare? I didn’t know you had nightmares.”

“I get them almost every night,” Zuko admitted, “some stuff happened to me a few years ago, and I can’t get rid of it.” Zuko shifted on the bed, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his head on them. Sokka walked over to Zuko, closing the door behind him and sitting on the edge of Zuko's bed.

“I’m sorry,” Sokka said softly, his voice a whisper in the dark, “if it helps, I get nightmares, too.”

Zuko looked at Sokka in surprise. Sokka never struck him as the type to have nightmares. “You do?”

“Yeah,” Sokka said, the melancholy tone back in his voice. Zuko didn’t like hearing Sokka sound so sad, but who wouldn’t be sad while talking about something like this? Sokka took a deep breath before continuing, “they started after I left my sister in the colonies for school in the Fire Nation, and I just really missed my family. Afterward I started learning to fight at school, so I could be a bodyguard for people like you. There was some baggage that came along with that, and I’ve been having nightmares for seven years. Not as often as you, but they come a couple times a week. And I have no idea why I’m telling you this because I’ve never told  _ anyone _ , not even Toph, but I guess I just want you to feel better. So. You’re not alone.”

Zuko was taken aback at that, surprised and a little pleased at being the first to know that about Sokka. Still, they’d only known each other for a week, and Zuko wondered why he’d been the first one to know. Sokka had told him to make  _ Zuko  _ feel better, which Zuko thought was very unselfish of him. Zuko would never be able to tell someone else about his nightmares just to make them feel better. That was what set Zuko and Sokka apart, he figured. Zuko was selfish. Sokka was not. Zuko resisted the urge to take Sokka’s hand, the way his Uncle used to do for him. Zuko wasn’t sure how a gesture like that would be received.

“I’m sorry,” Zuko told Sokka sincerely, “you didn’t have to tell me that.”

“I know,” Sokka said evenly, “but I think I wanted to. It’s better with you because you don’t know the actual reason for the nightmares. That makes it easier to tell.”

That made sense, Zuko thought. “I think it's the same for me,” Zuko replied, “but if you have nightmares, why haven’t I ever heard you like you heard me now?”

“You know that Toph and I went to school together,” Sokka started, and Zuko nodded. Sokka had told all sorts of stories about him and Toph. “Well,” Sokka said, “we have a lot of similar baggage. We’re good friends, so we were roommates at school. We both got nightmares, and Toph would never admit it, but she wakes up screaming too and likes to have someone to comfort her. Obviously, that was me. I guess I never wanted Toph to feel like she had to deal with me, so I just learned to stifle my sounds. Now I wake up silently, and I’m just restless until morning. That way I can be there for Toph, and she never has to worry about me. My nightmares aren’t her problem.”

Sokka looked embarrassed when he stopped talking, as if he felt guilty for oversharing. Zuko thought about what Sokka said, and realized that while he didn’t want to be a burden either, Zuko had never thought to silence his screams. He’d never thought to be so selfless that he would actively hide his nightmares to keep someone else comforted. Zuko was selfish, and now he was even more selfish for thinking about himself while Sokka was telling Zuko his secrets. Zuko didn’t deserve to know any of this, and Sokka shouldn’t have told Zuko. Sokka didn’t deserve to be stuck with Zuko as the only person who he’d told about his nightmares. But Sokka had told him, and now Zuko was going to try his best to help.

Zuko wanted to tell Sokka that he was selfless and kind and that Toph was lucky to have him as a friend, but the idea of saying that out loud made Zuko become embarrassed for reasons he wasn’t sure of.

“You don’t have to be silent here,” Zuko said instead, “now that I know.”

“I don’t think I can unlearn waking up silently after a nightmare,” Sokka started, “but even if I could, Toph’s room is right next to mine. She’d hear me. I could hear you through the walls, and you didn’t even scream that loud,” Sokka shook his head. Zuko felt suddenly relieved, glad to know that his scream hadn’t been as bad as he’d imagined. 

“And you’re sure that Toph doesn’t know?” Zuko asked Sokka.

“I hope not,” Sokka said, sounding worried, “sometimes I feel like I’m all that Toph has right now. I have to be steady and put together for her, and for myself. I can’t let her know that I’ve got nightmares, too. She’d be worried or scared that I wasn’t going to be there for her, and I don’t ever want to put her through that. I can’t leave her after I left my sister.”

Zuko doubted that Toph would ever be afraid of Sokka leaving her. Sokka was dedicated to Toph, and Zuko thought that Toph had to know that. But saying that wouldn’t help Sokka right now. The urge to hold his hand was growing stronger, but Zuko knew that he had to do something to make Sokka feel better, not him. 

“Sleep here,” Zuko said, the words tumbling out of his mouth before he had time to think about them. Sokka’s eyes widened, looking at him in a mixture of surprise and confusion, and Zuko started talking again before he could get embarrassed or back out. 

“Toph won’t hear you from two rooms away,” Zuko continued, “so sleep in my room. I get nightmares too, and I actually like having someone with me when that happens. It feels safe. So if you’re afraid of intruding on me, just know that this would help me too. Whenever you hear me have a nightmare, or whenever you have one, just sleep over here. I think-I think it would help. I’m sorry, though, if this is too weird or too forward, and you can refuse. But you are my bodyguard, so just think of it as, like, protecting me, if you want-”

“Okay,” Sokka said quickly, sounding surprised at his own agreement, “and don’t worry about being weird, it’s all good. As long as it makes you feel better.”

“And you,” Zuko reminded him, “you deserve to feel better, too.”

Sokka nodded, though he didn’t seem convinced. Zuko hated that; he wanted Sokka to know that he deserved to feel safe and be comforted after a nightmare, too. Zuko also knew that this was hypocritical of him to think, because Zuko never thought he deserved help, but he tried not to think about that. He just smiled at Sokka, trying to convey that he wanted to help, that he wanted Sokka to stop feeling sad. Sokka smiled back, and then got off of the bed and turned to leave.

“Wait,” Zuko said, confused, “where are you going?”

“I’m getting a pillow,” Sokka responded, “to sleep on the floor.”

“Don’t sleep on the floor,” Zuko said, surprised, “that’s stone. It’s uncomfortable. My bed is huge, you can just sleep on the other side.”

It was dark in Zuko’s room, but he could tell that Sokka just barely flushed red. Zuko was about to apologize for offering when Sokka nodded. He got up and walked around to the other side of the bed, pushing away the covers and slowly getting in. Sokka stayed close to the edge, but he inched a little closer to Zuko after a few seconds. He also stayed sitting up, Zuko noticed, bringing one knee to his chest and keeping the other one outstretched. Zuko moved to lie back down. 

“Well,” Sokka said, breaking the silence, “goodnight, Zuko.” Zuko tried not to feel irrationally warm at hearing just his name. No Prince.

“Night, Sokka,” Zuko replied, and closed his eyes. That was a bad idea, because immediately images of fire and his father and the burning of his scar filled his vision. He took a sharp breath and his eyes flew open; Zuko was almost afraid to close them. Sokka looked at Zuko sharply, concerned. 

“You okay?” Sokka asked. 

Zuko was about to lie and say that he was fine, but then he decided against it. He wasn’t going to be a hypocrite tonight. “I had a pretty bad one,” Zuko answered honestly, “Do you ever get it where it’s hard to close your eyes after? Cause you keep seeing the nightmare over and over again?”

“All the time,” Sokka said, barely audible, “what helps you, when it’s like that? I've never had anyone help me, but Toph just likes someone to sit and talk to her. What about you?”

Zuko knew exactly what he wanted, but he wasn’t sure how Sokka would respond to it. He decided to try anyway.

“Can you-” Zuko started, but then faltered. He paused for a second, and then started again, “could you hold my hand?”

“Okay," Sokka said slowly, and then looked like he was thinking.

"You like touch,” Sokka observed quietly, as if he was talking to himself. As if he was trying to remember what Zuko liked versus what Toph liked. Zuko couldn't believe someone was making an active effort to remember what made Zuko feel better. Zuko didn’t deserve it. Definitely not from Sokka, who protected everyone around him and forgot about himself.

Silently, Sokka moved even closer to Zuko and reached out his hand. Zuko grabbed it and held onto it, feeling a warmth he hadn't experienced in three years. Almost all of the fear rolled off of him, and Zuko tried closing his eyes again. His father was gone, and the pain was gone. The fire was still there, but it was burning out. 

“Your hand is really warm,” Sokka muttered, “probably because you’re a firebender.”

“Sorry,” Zuko said, “does it hurt?”

“No,” Sokka said thoughtfully, “it’s nice.”

Zuko nodded and closed his eyes again, warm. And safe.

After a few minutes Zuko started drifting off, but he noticed through hazy eyesight that while Zuko was lying down, Sokka was still sitting upright, eyes open. Zuko sighed when he realized that Sokka was still convinced that he was helping Zuko and only Zuko. Did Sokka ever stop protecting other people? Zuko made a mental note to maybe talk to Toph about this. He didn’t have to reveal anything about either of their nightmares, he could just ask why Sokka was so adamant about keeping other people safe. Zuko wondered if it had anything to do with the sister Sokka had told him about. Zuko wanted to tell Sokka to just go to sleep, but he was falling asleep himself and didn’t have it in him to open his mouth. Instead he just grasped Sokka’s hand and closed his eyes, turning to sleep on his side, facing Sokka. With a jolt he realized that he was on his right side, scar up, weakness open. 

“You can stay with your scar facing up,” Sokka said suddenly, once again reading Zuko’s mind, “it’s my job to keep you safe now.”

Zuko wanted to talk again, to tell Sokka to worry about himself a little more, not just Zuko, but he nodded instead, his eyelids heavy and his mouth shut. They stayed like that, Zuko on his right side, scar visible, and Sokka’s head still leaned back above the pillow; not showing any vulnerability, ready to protect. Zuko silently made a promise that he was going to get Sokka to feel comfortable letting his guard down around him. Sokka deserved to be helped the way he was helping Zuko, someone who he’d just met. And even if Zuko had said it to get Sokka to do this, it was definitely not a part of Sokka’s job description.

Zuko drifted off feeling better than he had since before he could remember. He wasn’t restless, he wasn’t tossing and turning, or thinking about his nightmares. Sokka wasn’t either, Zuko noticed. He was still and relaxed. Zuko thought it was a win for both of them. Through the night their grip on each other's hands loosened, but they never pulled apart. Zuko woke up at dawn surprised that he wasn’t alone, but then he remembered that it was just Sokka, who made him feel safe. Sokka was asleep, which relieved Zuko even though he knew Sokka had probably waited until he was absolutely sure that Zuko was sleeping. Zuko didn’t want to wake Sokka up so he didn’t move, keeping his grip on Sokka’s hand. He didn’t have to do that, but Zuko wanted to keep feeling warm. Zuko stayed like that for longer than he’d want to admit, taking in every moment of having someone with him after a nightmare; having them stay with him until the morning and letting Zuko hold his hand because he knew that he needed it. Because Zuko did need this. He’d thought he just wanted some company, but now he realized that he wanted to feel this good forever. He’d forgotten about his nightmares, forgotten how sad and tired and selfish he was. And now that it was morning he was slowly remembering, but he held onto Sokka’s hand and found it easier to push the bad thoughts away.

After about an hour Sokka woke up. He yawned and seemed disoriented by his surroundings at first, but then Zuko squeezed his hand and Sokka turned to look at him. In the light Zuko realized that Sokka’s hair was down, and in such close proximity Zuko noticed that Sokka’s eyes were blue. That was different from most Fire Nation citizens, but Zuko didn’t want to think about the possible implications. Instead, Zuko focused on trying to lighten the mood in case one or both of them became embarrassed about the last night.

“You know,” Zuko said, “I like your hair better down, too.”

Sokka grinned, recognizing the joke. “Thanks, but I’m keeping mine up,” Sokka replied, “it’s more professional. Bodyguard-like.”

Zuko laughed, and it wouldn’t be the only time he did today.

“Hey, Zuko,” Sokka said, voice softening, “did you sleep okay?”

Zuko thought about how nice it was to have a shoulder to rest on, and how Sokka’s hand was rough and cold but it was probably Zuko’s favorite hand that he’d ever held. There was an understanding and solidarity in having the person comforting you be your own age, and have the same kinds of nightmares. To be someone who made Zuko smile in a way and frequency that he’d previously thought was impossible. Zuko barely thought about the question; he was sure of the answer.

“Yeah,” Zuko told Sokka, “that was the best sleep I’ve had since the nightmares started.”

And it wasn’t a lie. Sokka smiled and didn’t let go of Zuko’s hand.

Zuko was very glad he’d decided to be selfish last night.


	8. the Lie Detector

Toph and Sokka heard back from Last Hope the day after they’d finalized their plan. They were both approved to stay in the royal palace indefinitely, Toph attending meetings and Sokka doing minor jobs and tracking down the Blue Spirit. Sokka had decided to start his work after the original week they’d planned to stay at the palace passed, which would give himself a break to catch his breath. After the last two days, Toph was sure he needed it. Sokka usually never took breaks; he was constantly moving, alert and awake and ready to fight. He spent every minute of his life making plans, burying himself in the work he hated more than anything so he didn’t have to think about anything else. He’d forgotten his family and his sister, and for so long the only person he’d let himself care about was Toph.

Toph was nine when she’d been taken by Last Hope. They came to the Earth Kingdom and saw her in a bending tournament, young and blind but more powerful than any other Earthbender in the world. They’d recruited Toph and she’d desperately wanted to run away from her family, so she agreed. It wasn’t until she got on the ship that she realized she was never seeing her parents again. She’d been terrified to be on her own, wishing she’d said a proper goodbye to her stricken parents, but she was headstrong and stubborn and she’d hated them for thinking she was weak. Last Hope knew she was powerful. They also knew they could exploit that.

They sent Toph to train with someone who they called a master. Toph had definitely not expected a twelve-year-old boy who couldn’t even bend. Still, Toph learned quickly not to underestimate him. Sokka taught her how to use Earthbending to kill, watching her movements and trying to equate them to a sword or boomerang move. He taught her to throw knives, just in case, and showed her how to use bending with sword-like movements. Half of Toph’s Earthbending moves she’d learned from him. Once Toph invented metalbending by accidentally changing the trajectory of her knives while they were in midair, Sokka started teaching her to use weapons by metalbending them. Everything that Sokka taught Toph was something that he had no experience in and physically couldn’t do, but he figured it out anyway. That had never failed to impress Toph; not that she’d ever said it. 

Toph started getting nightmares a few weeks after she joined Last Hope, scared of her family dying before she could see them again, and terrified of starting jobs in three years. Every time she woke up Sokka was there, and he knew not to touch her or try to console her. He just moved to her bed and talked about anything else until he got Toph to smile. After a really bad nightmare sometimes she’d smile early, just to make Sokka feel better. To make him think he’d helped. Sokka rarely talked about his family, but he was always mentioning his sister. His sister, who he missed like Toph missed her family. Sokka had protected his sister, he’d said, and he wished he was still there to keep her safe. Selfishly, Toph was glad that she had Sokka instead, and she hated those thoughts. She especially hated those thoughts when Sokka started protecting her, taking her on jobs with him but never putting her in danger no matter how much she asked. Toph hated her selfish thoughts the most when Sokka was fourteen and he accidentally called Toph by his sister’s name. Toph wished she could have seen his face then, but she also knew that there would have only been sadness and longing in his eyes from remembering his sister. Instead of voicing those feelings he’d smiled, and told Toph that she was like a sister to him. Toph was an only child, but she remembered when she was little and hadn’t yet learned to see with her feet or become independent and she’d wished that she wasn’t. She’d dreamed about an older sibling who would take her hand and lead the way through life, and now she had one. This time Toph said it, and Sokka’s happiness radiated off his body and lit up the entire room, which was usually dark and cold from being on the ship. The dark never bothered Toph, but she knew that Sokka hated it.

Toph’s first job was in the Fire Nation, and she stole every light she could find to keep their room bright for Sokka forever.

Toph had only been on a few jobs before she was named the most powerful bender child assassin, joining Sokka’s ranks. She loved the title, thankful that finally she was being seen as powerful instead of weak and blind. But in the end Toph was an anti, and while she loved being the most powerful bender, she hated being a child assassin. She could tell that Sokka felt the same way. Sokka struggled, Toph knew. He wanted to be perfect, he wanted to be prepared for every situation and he was terrified of failure. Sokka probably didn’t want Toph to know that, but she could read people just as well as him. She knew that every time Sokka came back from a job he became a little more numb, forgot his sister a little bit more. She knew that Sokka pretended he was fine, and he never talked about what he was going through with Toph. She didn’t offer to talk, either, knowing it would be rejected. Instead she let him protect her, distracting her after a nightmare, making her laugh, going with her for every job just in case. Toph had always provided for herself, priding herself in never needing another person, but she found herself needing Sokka. And she knew that was unfair to him since he was obviously struggling himself. He didn’t need Toph latching onto him like a parasite. But Sokka never seemed to mind; he actually seemed to like protecting Toph. Keeping her out of danger brought him more joy than assassinating people ever had. Over the years Toph got over her own issues about self-sufficiency and let Sokka take care of her because it benefited them both. Sokka was the only person Toph had ever needed; she depended on him. And she knew that while he didn’t depend on her, he did need her too. They were the only good thing in each other’s lives, a constant that they couldn’t lose. They were each other’s home amidst the always moving Last Hope ship.

When Sokka was given the job of assassinating the Prince, the bodyguard idea had slipped out of Toph’s mouth without a second thought. Once she said it out loud, it felt right. Even though Sokka was eventually going to kill the Prince, he was absolutely believable as a protector. And when Sokka came to Toph and said that he couldn’t kill Zuko, she knew she’d been right. Toph hadn’t expected this to happen; Sokka was the best killer she knew. But she’d met Zuko, and she’d noticed how vulnerable and in need of protection he was. Not physical protection, but emotional safety. Toph knew immediately that Sokka was going to get attached, and that he wouldn’t ever be able to kill Zuko.

She’d been right, but she hadn’t expected it to become such a big deal for Sokka. He saw the choice not to kill Zuko as an act of defiance against Last Hope, the start of his freedom. Toph thought it was the bravest thing she’d ever heard, and she said so. She was getting better at expressing sentiment since she knew Sokka liked hearing it. They’d come up with the Blue Spirit plan and gotten the approval for it, and Sokka became instantly lighter. He sounded happier, brighter, and he let himself spend more time with Zuko. Toph knew they were getting closer, and she knew that Sokka was protecting him. Sokka sat on the other side of Zuko’s scar, he always knew what Zuko needed to hear, and he was adamant about the press not being Zuko’s fault. Hell, he’d  _ read  _ the press to make sure of that. Toph was well aware that now she wasn’t the only person Sokka had to keep safe, and she didn’t mind. She could tell that Zuko needed it. And Sokka needed a friend who wasn’t also his little sister. Toph was content with going to her meetings, detecting lies and pretending she wasn’t secretly gaining enemy information. She let Sokka take his well-earned break, and she let him spend time with the only other good thing he had in his life. Sokka would never realize it, but his heart was split apart and given to the people he wanted to protect. For so long his sister had half of it, and Toph had the rest. But now there was a piece for Zuko, because Sokka was his bodyguard and his friend, and Sokka protected his friends. Sokka would keep the people he cared about safe even if he had to die in the process. 

Sokka wasn’t a killer, he was a protector. 

And Zuko? Well, Zuko was like Toph now. In the week they’d spent together Zuko had come to need Sokka almost as much as Toph did. They both depended on him. And Sokka would never complain, he’d just protect them both and continue to sacrifice himself. And he’d never admit it, but Sokka needed Toph and now he needed Zuko, too. Sokka liked to pretend that he didn’t need help, that he wasn’t terrified that if he focused on himself for once then he wouldn't be able to help anyone else. Toph wondered if Zuko knew that about Sokka, and she thought that if he did, then Zuko might be able to get through to him. 

Toph was sure that with time, Sokka would be able to let his guard down with Zuko. Let himself be protected and vulnerable and really need someone else. Toph had never been able to get him to do that with her, but that was okay. She was younger than him and reminded him of his sister; Sokka would never need her as much as she needed him. After a long time of trying to fix that, she’d finally accepted it. Toph wasn’t the right person to help Sokka, but she was pretty sure she’d just met someone who was. 

Toph knew that Sokka would never depend on her, but he might let himself depend on Zuko.


	9. the Bodyguard

Sokka hadn’t slept in the same bed as another person since he was six and his sister was scared of being killed by the Fire Nation, so Sokka had let her crawl under his covers and sleep curled up next to his side. In the nine years that had passed since then Sokka slept alone, and when the nightmares started he continued to sleep alone. Toph was in the bed next to his, but Sokka would never even consider asking her to help him. He was older, he protected her. He distracted her after her nightmares, and if he had a nightmare then he shoved it down and didn’t make a sound. Sokka’s nightmares were usually about situations that could unfold if Sokka wasn’t there to protect the people he cared about. He dreamed of people coming for his sister because they found out she believed in the Avatar and killing her, because Sokka was stuck on a ship killing someone else. Sokka dreamed of the Fire Nation learning that his sister was the last Southern waterbender, and once again Sokka wasn’t there. Sokka dreamed of his father dying in war, his mother dying to protect his tribe because Sokka wasn’t there to keep them all safe. Sokka dreamed of Toph being caught by the Fire Nation, her cover blown, and being killed because Sokka was somewhere else tracking the Blue Spirit or taking another pointless Fire Nation job.

All of Sokka’s nightmares were about the people he loved dying because Sokka wasn’t there, which meant that he always had to be there. He couldn’t be there for his family or his tribe, but he could be there for Toph. For so long he’d spent every ounce of his energy protecting Toph; being there for her and making sure he never lost her, because she was so young and confident and strong and didn’t deserve to die. And if Toph died because of Sokka, he would never forgive himself. He would never let his nightmares come true. So when Toph woke up in the middle of the night screaming, Sokka would shake off his own nightmare and sit with her. He’d talk to her and crack jokes and distract her until she smiled and said she was okay, and then she’d go back to sleep. And Sokka would lay awake for the rest of the night, glancing over at Toph’s bed to make sure that she was really asleep, not tossing and turning or having another nightmare. Once Sokka was absolutely sure that Toph was fine and peacefully sleeping, he would let himself relax and lean his head back, closing his eyes but still keeping his ears open. Once he fell asleep it would always be by accident, and despite needing the rest, Sokka would always wake up feeling irrationally guilty for _not being there_. 

It wasn’t any different with Zuko.

Sokka hadn’t expected that the first time in nine years that he shared a bed with someone it would be with the Fire Prince, but it wasn’t a bad experience. Sokka had woken up that night to Zuko’s screaming, and his first thought was that someone was trying to kill Zuko. Sokka knew that most likely there was nobody else after Zuko, but much like the night he’d tried to kill Zuko, in the moment all logic was lost. Sokka had wasted no time in barging into Zuko’s room, not even grabbing some sort of weapon. In the end that was a good thing, because Sokka didn’t need a weapon. Zuko was screaming because he’d had a nightmare. Sokka hadn’t expected Zuko to get nightmares, but he figured that they probably stemmed from something like the almost-banishment. Or Sokka’s old theory had been right and Zuko was a victim of the Firelord. Even if that was true, Sokka wasn’t one to pry. He never asked, he just protected.

Sokka hadn’t expected to tell Zuko about his nightmares either. But Zuko had looked scared, and maybe a little sad, and Sokka hadn’t known what else to do. Sometimes knowing that someone else was going through the same thing helped people. It seemed to help Zuko, because afterward he’d been more open about how Sokka could help him and what he needed to feel better. Sokka knew that he’d gotten attached to Zuko quickly, but he hadn’t entirely realized how much he actually wanted to keep Zuko safe. Sokka wanted to protect Zuko as much as he wanted to protect Toph, and now there was another person in Sokka’s list of people he had to be there for. And Sokka didn’t mind; he loved protecting. Back at the Water Tribe he’d been a warrior, and a warrior’s duty was first and foremost to protect their tribe. And now Sokka was a bodyguard, Zuko’s bodyguard, and his duty was first and foremost to protect Zuko. And if that meant helping Zuko feel better after a nightmare, Sokka was going to do it. 

When Zuko offered for Sokka to sleep in the same bed as him, Sokka started to notice that Zuko was doing it for both of them. Zuko wanted to feel better, but Sokka could tell he was also trying to protect Sokka. Like he wanted to help Sokka when it wasn’t his job to do that. Sokka didn’t need help; Sokka didn’t need protection. While he appreciated the gesture, he wished he had the heart to tell Zuko that Sokka was only there for him. Sokka got into Zuko’s bed and stayed the whole night for Zuko and Zuko only. Sokka held Zuko’s hand when he asked because Zuko’s way of being comforted was physical touch, and Sokka would do anything to help. Zuko’s hand was warm, and it made Sokka feel safe in a way he wasn’t entirely used to, but he didn’t read too much into it. Zuko was the one who should be feeling safe, and Sokka was sure that he was when Zuko turned on his side and left his scar visible. For some reason that made Sokka irrationally happy, happy that Zuko felt comfortable enough to leave his scar open and trust Sokka to protect him. Because he could trust Sokka; Sokka was his bodyguard and now he was his friend. Sokka would be there for Zuko, and whenever he had a nightmare Sokka would help him. So Sokka watched Zuko lie down and slowly drift off, and Sokka gripped his hand to keep him safe. Sokka stayed sitting upright against the headboard, waiting until Zuko was completely asleep before leaning his head back. Against his will he fell asleep, and he woke up disoriented and upset, wishing that he’d stayed awake and protected Zuko. Zuko had slept with his scar vulnerable because he trusted Sokka to keep him safe, but Sokka had fallen asleep and let his grip on Zuko’s hand loosen and he hadn’t been there.

Sure, those thoughts were somewhat far-fetched. Sokka would have woken up immediately if something had happened. Sokka was technically physically there, and he needed to sleep. He couldn’t protect Zuko and Toph if he was exhausted, could he? Still, he wished there was a way that he could always be awake and alert, forfeiting sleep because he had people to keep safe. Unfortunately that didn’t exist, and Sokka forced himself to stop feeling horrible that he’d fallen asleep. Instead he focused on Zuko, letting Zuko hold onto his hand until he was ready to pull away. Sokka focused on Zuko’s laugh and the way he smiled when he said that that night was the best sleep he’d had since the nightmares started. That counted as a win for Sokka, to be the reason why someone had good sleep. That was the kind of stuff that Sokka stayed awake for. He would sacrifice all of his sleep in order to give the people he cared about better rest. At least for that night, Sokka had done a good job protecting Zuko. Sokka was done feeling guilty about falling asleep just this one night, because he’d still helped Zuko. He’d done his job; Zuko felt safe and comfortable because of Sokka. 

And maybe Sokka had felt a little better, too. 

In the morning, Sokka and Zuko had decided on a few ground rules for this nightmare thing. They come up with a signal for when Zuko or Sokka needed help (not that Sokka would ever use it), where Zuko would knock against the wall that connected to Sokka’s room and Sokka would come in. if Sokka needed help, he’d do the same thing, and Zuko would come into his room. They’d also decided not to tell anyone else; Sokka would sneak back into his room in the mornings like some sort of ten-foot walk of shame. Sokka had made this joke to Zuko, who blushed deep red. Sokka felt a strange mixture of pride at himself for making Zuko flustered, and a rush of affection for Zuko in general. Sokka was getting used to those; blaming it on the fact that they’d become closer over the last week and he’d very quickly moved up to Toph levels of priority in Sokka’s brain. Except Sokka’s brain prioritized Zuko in a very different way than it did Toph. Toph was Sokka’s little sister, he kept her safe above everything else. He messed around with her and joked with her but he never took it too far, and he always laughed at her jokes even when they were at his expense. Sokka took care of her because he was older and she was the only sister he had left. 

Zuko, on the other hand, was definitely not like a brother. Sokka also protected Zuko above anything else, but Sokka found himself opening up to Zuko as well. He’d told Zuko stories about his sister that he hadn’t even told Toph. He’d told Zuko about his _nightmares._ Sokka never even entertained the thought of letting someone in that close, and now he had. Sokka was younger than Zuko by a year, but nobody felt older. They felt like equals, like friends. Sokka asked Zuko about firebending and how he learned to use dual swords, and Sokka tried to make Zuko smile because he didn’t do it enough. Sokka regularly got Zuko to laugh, which according to Mai and Ty Lee was a rare feat. Zuko didn’t laugh like Toph, who was open-mouthed and hearty and usually laughing at someone. Zuko’s laugh was short but it sounded like he was letting himself go. It reminded Sokka that he was free now. Sokka teased Zuko and Zuko teased back, both of them sarcastic to a fault but Sokka loved having someone with the same humor as him. Sokka made jokes and Zuko would _blush_. 

That afternoon when they met Toph, Mai, and Ty Lee for lunch, Sokka decided to take a risk and sat at Zuko’s left side. Sokka looked at Zuko to ask if that was okay, and when Zuko nodded Sokka relaxed. Sokka figured that he could protect Zuko all the time if he stayed at Zuko’s left, subtly guarding Zuko’s vulnerability. Sokka had worried Zuko would interpret it as pity, but Zuko seemed fine, and his eyes and facial expressions didn’t convey anything different. Instead, the next time Sokka looked at Zuko, Zuko looked back and met his eyes through his loose strands of hair. Zuko smiled, and Sokka blushed. 

They were definitely equals.

That same afternoon, the air of safety and happiness was interrupted by the appearance of one of the Firelord’s advisors. Sokka noticed him from his peripheral vision, and nudged Zuko. Zuko got the message and hissed to Mai and Ty Lee, who quickly rolled away from each other and straightened a respectable distance away. Sokka hated that they had to do that every time someone else came, but he was used to the prejudice. Every Nation except for the Air Nomads, who were gone now, had the same opinions on this subject. Outlawed in the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom. Technically legal in the Water Tribes, but very uncommon and still treated differently. Sokka had never gotten to come out to his sister, but he often wondered how she would have reacted. But just like everything else related to his sister, the thoughts were useless. Sokka might never see his sister again. Right now he had to focus on the present. On the people he still had left to protect. On this random advisor who could not possibly have good news. The Firelord’s advisor stopped in front of the five of them, and they all stood up.

“Prince Zuko,” the advisor said, and Zuko flinched. Sokka wanted to touch his shoulder; that would probably help, but it also wasn’t something that an advisor would brush past. Instead Sokka stayed still, pretending he hadn’t felt the full weight of Zuko’s flinch from close behind him.

“Hello, Advisor,” Zuko answered.

“Lie Detector,” the advisor said to Toph, who nodded. Sokka hadn’t realized that Toph was important enough to be addressed by official advisors along with Zuko. Sokka, Mai, and Ty Lee were always ignored on account of not being royal or highly respected among the Firelord's personnel.

“Bodyguard,” the advisor looked at Sokka, who was surprised. Apparently, he wasn’t being ignored this time.

“Advisor,” Sokka replied, “why are you here?”

“You, the Lie Detector, and Prince Zuko are being requested for a press conference. Firelord Ozai has decided to finally announce you two to the public as the Bodyguard and the Lie Detector.”

Sokka had almost forgotten about the press part of his job. He’d been so caught up in becoming Zuko’s real friend that he forgot he was also supposed to be his fake friend for the press. To get Zuko good press, which he didn’t need. He shouldn’t have to depend on some ridiculous tabloids for his reputation. Sokka’s newfound strong negative feelings towards the press were making him regret agreeing to this part of being Zuko’s bodyguard.

“Finally,” Toph said, but her voice was even, “when are we needed?”

“Now,” the advisor said, “come with me.”

Sokka blinked, not expecting to have no time to prepare, but he followed the advisor as he turned and walked across the courtyard. Toph and Zuko went as well, Zuko waving to Mai and Ty Lee as they left.

“I honestly forgot about this part,” Zuko whispered to Sokka as they walked.

“Me too,” Sokka replied, “I didn’t really think I’d have to attend a press conference. Should I be prepared for anything?”

“If my father mentions me then he’ll spend some time subtly making fun of me,” Zuko answered, and the causal delivery of the sentence made Sokka upset. Nobody’s father should be laughing at them to the entire Nation. 

“He’s that immature?” Sokka asked quietly, not wanting the advisor to overhear.

“He’s not,” Zuko said, sounding surprised at Sokka's blatant disrespect of the Firelord, “but the Nation as a whole loves some good Zuko slander. So my father gives it to them.”

“He doesn’t even talk to you,” Sokka argued, “but he indirectly makes fun of you? I’ll never understand the royal family.”

“Sometimes I don’t either,” Zuko responded, and Sokka sighed. Zuko didn’t deserve this kind of treatment. But what had Sokka expected from the Fire Nation? Of course they were horrible to even their own Prince, who was probably the best person in their entire nation. Sokka spent a brief moment adding Zuko to his list of people who weren’t safe from the Fire Nation if Sokka’s cover was blown. Zuko was already on his list of people Sokka was taking with him if he had to run, and Zuko was all over almost every single one of his plans. Sokka spent hours lost in his thoughts at night, rewriting every plan for every scenario in his mind to fit Zuko. Sokka had also added in a few more plausible scenarios that included things happening to Zuko. Zuko was someone Sokka had to protect now, which meant that Zuko was a part of all of Sokka’s plans.

The advisor led Sokka, Zuko, and Toph to the front of the palace, where Firelord Ozai was standing in front of a podium. Zuko visibly paled at the sight of his father, and Sokka once again wished he could reassure Zuko. Sokka wasn’t sure of Zuko’s feelings towards his father, but Sokka knew that the Firelord scared Zuko to some degree. The almost-banishment had been issued by Zuko’s father, and Sokka knew that the Firelord mocked Zuko to the press and obviously didn’t care about his son. Sokka had a sneaking suspicion that at least some of Zuko’s nightmares included his father. 

The Firelord addressed Zuko with a nod, and Zuko hesitantly nodded back. The Firelord gave Toph a verbal greeting of, “Lie Detector,” to which Toph said, “Firelord Ozai,” then she turned back to Sokka and muttered, “I hate that guy.”

On Sokka’s other side, Zuko subtly hid a small laugh. Sokka almost smiled at that until he saw Zuko’s expression transform into one of fear. Sokka scanned the area to see what could have caused it, and his eyes landed on a figure he didn’t recognize, but he was sure of who it was. The figure was dressed in red regalia, long black hair tied up in a topknot and gold eyes narrowed. Princess Azula noticed Zuko and grinned, a smile that would look sisterly to anyone else but that Sokka could tell was of malicious intent. Zuko started trembling, which Sokka hadn’t expected. He hadn’t realized that the Princess’ presence scared Zuko, too. Had the Princess hurt Zuko? Was she just like her father? If she was, Sokka would gladly assassinate her himself. And she didn’t deserve Sokka’s respect. Sokka wasn’t calling her Princess anymore.

“I hate her, too,” Toph spoke up, and Sokka looked at her.

“You’ve met the Princess?” Sokka asked. He still had to be respectful out loud.

“She’s in a lot of meetings,” Toph answered, “we disagree on everything and pretty much hate each other.”

Azula was approaching them now, so Toph stopped talking and Sokka looked at Zuko.

“You okay?” Sokka asked quietly.

Zuko opened his mouth but couldn’t get anything out, so he nodded instead. That alerted Sokka to the fact that Zuko was, in fact, not okay. Sokka wanted to ask about it, but Azula was in front of them now and she was still smiling at Zuko in a way that infuriated Sokka.

“Hello, Zuzu,” Azula smirked. _Zuzu_? The nickname was cute on its own, but it sounded mocking coming from Azula’s mouth.

“Hi, Azula,” Zuko responded, “I didn’t know you’d be here today.”

“Well, I do work closely with the Lie Detector,” Azula said, looking at Toph and not bothering to hide her look of hatred. Toph glared back.

“And,” Azula added, “I’ve been wanting to meet your little _friend_ for so long.”

Sokka didn’t appreciate being referred to like that, but he also didn’t want to speak out of line. Defiance like that, while tempting, would blow his cover.

“He’s my bodyguard, Azula,” Zuko said, and his voice was shaking. Sokka hated not being able to do something about that.

“I’m aware,” Azula responded, “but I know the secret.” She stage-whispered the last part, wagging her finger between Sokka and Zuko.

Of course she knew, Sokka realized. Azula was her father’s right hand. He would have told her about her brother’s fake press friend.

“And?” Zuko asked, but it didn’t seem like he wanted to know the answer. Instead it sounded like Zuko was afraid to say anything else for fear of his voice breaking.

“And,” Azula replied, “I think it's so _fun_. Don’t you, Zuzu? You’re so in need of good press that a lowly child from the colonies had to make up a position to help his poor Prince.”

Ignoring the way Azula referred to Sokka, he was starting to realize what Azula was doing. She twisted words and used them to manipulate Zuko. She took thinly veiled secrets and casually hinted that she knew about them. She revealed small bits of information at a time to get a rise out of Zuko. Sokka was pretty sure Zuko hadn’t known that Sokka had created the position of bodyguard/fake friend himself, and that suspicion was confirmed when Zuko eventually caught on to what Azula was saying and turned to look at Sokka.

“Wait,” Zuko said, “I thought my father created this position and then hired you.”

Azula smiled, her work done, and then glared at Toph once more before turning sharply on her heel and leaving. Sokka pulled Zuko aside, picking out one of his plans for if Zuko ever figured this part out. Knowing that he was prepared to deal with this made Sokka a lot calmer.

“I created the position,” Sokka whispered to Zuko, “but all I wanted was to be your bodyguard. I figured you seemed like someone who needed protection, being in the royal family and all. And I thought the fake friend thing would be a good second reason to hire me, just in case the Firelord didn’t think it necessary to protect you. And I was right, because he didn’t agree to hire me until I brought up the press thing.”

“So,” Zuko started, “you wanted to bodyguard me, to protect me, and made up the press thing just to get my father to hire me?”

“That’s it,” Sokka replied, “I just want to protect you.” A week ago that would’ve been a lie, and Sokka was very glad that it wasn’t anymore.

The tension in Zuko’s shoulders lifted, and he asked, “but why protect me? Why not Azula?” 

“If I protected Azula then I’d have to date her for the press,” Sokka joked, “because you know that’s where the tabloids would go. And honestly, that sounds like torture."

“Fair enough,” Zuko replied, smiling a little bit, “I can't imagine Azula dating anyone, ever.”

Azula seemed to be the opposite of Zuko and everything like her father. Sokka would absolutely hate bodyguarding her. Which reminded him of Zuko’s reaction to seeing the rest of his family, and he noticed that while Zuko’s worries about Sokka were gone, he was still pale and fidgety. Sokka had handled Azula’s obvious first attempt at manipulation, but he also knew that this was just the beginning.

“Hey, are you okay?” Sokka asked, and Zuko’s head shot up to look at him. Sokka continued, “when you saw your father and sister you kind of started shaking. I just wanted to make sure that you’re gonna be fine for this press conference.”

Zuko nodded, too quickly and too rushed. Sokka wasn’t convinced, especially when Zuko’s voice wavered as he said, “I’m okay. I just don’t like being around my family, but I’ll be fine.”

Sokka considered pushing further, since he was sure that Zuko wasn’t fine, but he was also fairly certain that if Zuko’s nightmares were about his father and sister then he definitely wouldn’t want anyone asking about them. So instead Sokka sighed in defeat and told Zuko to tell him if he needed anything. Zuko nodded again, and Toph called them back because the press conference was starting. Sokka lightly touched Zuko’s shoulder, wanting to reassure him somehow. Zuko let out a heavy exhale at the touch, and Sokka felt a little better at having relaxed Zuko a little. They walked back over to the Firelord’s podium, Zuko next to his father and Sokka on his left side. Toph was on the other side of the podium. A large crowd of people were gathered, some reporters at the front with their scrolls and brushes, eager voices whispering among the audience, hoping to scrounge up some pre-conference gossip. So these were the people who badmouthed Zuko in the press. Sokka flexed his hands behind his back, afraid that otherwise he’d clench them too hard.

Firelord Ozai started the meeting by addressing the crowd, and then went right to business. He started by stating some new or updated laws and policies, as well as some information for the soldiers in the crowd. He gave an update on the war, declaring that they were winning and would continue to “spread their greatness” to the other Nations. The words made Sokka sick, and he had to keep himself from physically reacting in disgust. He eyed Zuko, who had apparently been looking at Sokka. Sokka wondered if his reaction had ended up being physical. He tried to use his eyes to convey to Zuko that he was okay, and Zuko seemed to get the message because he subtly nodded. Sokka turned back to the crowd, trying to ignore the churning of his stomach at the crowd’s cheers as they morphed into memories of war cries and Fire Nation raids and Last Hope celebrating their recent slaughters. Sokka tried not to close his eyes, forcing them open and faking a smile. Sokka spared another look at Zuko, who had a straight face and a blank expression. Sokka figured Zuko was used to this, the romanticization of the war, the idea that the Fire Nation was spreading greatness, and that this hundred-year battle was some act of kindness, a great gift of blood and horror. Zuko was probably used to his father cheering the war on, attacking and attacking for no conceivable reason. Zuko was probably used to hiding his emotions, burying them under an unreadable expression despite Azula’s announcement about the newest attacks and which cities the Fire Nation had seized now. Sokka listened for anything about the Southern Water Tribe or Gaoling, the Earth Kingdom city where Toph lived. When Sokka didn’t hear anything about either of those places, he exhaled and stopped paying attention. He wanted a break from hearing about all of this bloodshed. He zoned out for the rest of the announcement until he heard Firelord Ozai say his name.

Sokka jerked back to attention, and he noticed that Zuko had also started at the mention of Sokka’s name. The Firelord was gesturing to Sokka, and Sokka started listening.

“...Sokka, Prince Zuko’s new bodyguard,” the Firelord was saying, “he is just a child, but the Bodyguard is a proficient fighter and will be a useful asset to the royal family and provide Prince Zuko with adequate protection. Not that anyone is after our little Pyro Prince, of course. Not even Last Hope has such little sense that they would come after the least powerful member of our family.”

Zuko flinched separately for almost every word, and recoiled even more as the crowd roared in laughter. Sokka’s blood went from churning to boiling. So this was the Zuko slander he’d been talking about. None of it was true, Sokka thought. Sokka knew from very personal experience that Last Hope was, in fact, after Zuko, although it was a senseless decision made out of bloodlust alone. And Sokka couldn’t judge Zuko’s power in regards to fighting, since he’d never seen it, but Zuko was absolutely worth protecting. The Firelord was treating Zuko as if he was disposable, and Sokka was clenching his fists behind his back now. He had no idea how Zuko didn’t have more of a reaction besides subtle flinching. Sokka was holding back urges to murder Ozai on the spot. But Zuko was used to this, Sokka knew. Of course his only reactions were going to be small. He had to learn to hide his discomfort so that he wouldn’t be made fun of even more. Sokka wanted to do something, to help somehow, but he didn’t know how. He couldn’t touch Zuko or talk to him; people would notice. All Sokka could do was wait until the conference was over and try to help Zuko then.

Sokka clenched his fists harder.

The next time Sokka paid attention was when Toph was being introduced. The Firelord managed to keep Sokka sane until he referred to Toph as “his Lie Detector,” to which Sokka internally lost his shit. Toph was not _his_ ; Toph did not belong to the Firelord. Toph did not belong to anyone. Sokka had to take a breath after that, hoping that he wasn’t drawing any attention to himself or Zuko. After Toph was introduced Sokka expected the meeting to be over, but then the Firelord started talking about the Blue Spirit. Sokka noticed Zuko tensing up, and figured that Zuko would be on the same side as the Blue Spirit, considering that they were both anti-war. Sokka wondered if he should ask Zuko for information on the Blue Spirit. Maybe he’d know something. The Firelord started talking about how the Blue Spirit was still active, working every few nights and continuing to stop crime and give money to the poor. The Firelord phrased it as “disgracing the justice system” and “failing the nation.” Sokka would phrase it as “making up for the wreck that the justice system already was”, and “helping innocent people who didn’t deserve to be locked up.” Sokka really needed to find out who this guy was. He wanted to confess his love.

The Firelord ended his anti-Blue Spirit rant with a “we need to bring this vigilante down” that sent the crowd into more cheering. Now Zuko looked sick, and Sokka felt the same way. He couldn't see Toph on the other side of the podium, but he was sure she was probably just as upset. After the crowd quieted, the conference ended.

Sokka let out a huge sigh of relief as he reconvened with Toph and Zuko as they walked back to the courtyard. Toph found Mai and Ty Lee, who broke off from the crowd and Ty Lee started talking animatedly and angrily about what had happened during the conference. Sokka fell back to talk to Zuko, who was still pale and shaking. 

“Zuko,” Sokka said urgently, “are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Zuko said, nodding frantically. “Promise.”

“Zuko,” Sokka said again, “you know I’m here for you. You can tell me if something’s going on.”

“I said I’m _fine_ ,” Zuko snapped, which was the first time he’d ever done so to Sokka. Sokka didn’t take it personally, knowing that he was pushing Zuko and snapping was an expected response. 

“Okay,” Sokka sighed, “but I’m right here if you need me.”

Zuko looked instantly sorry, but he only nodded. Sokka touched Zuko’s shoulder again, and as he brought his hand down was surprised to feel Zuko gripping it. Before Sokka could comment, Zuko squeezed it once and then let go. Sokka could feel Zuko trying to steady his breathing, slowly calming down. Sokka didn’t say anything, just looked around to make sure nobody had seen anything. Sokka looked at Zuko once and then got Toph’s attention to talk about something else that happened during the meeting. As Toph, Sokka, and Ty Lee, in hushed tones, verbally destroyed the Firelord behind his back, Sokka glanced at Zuko to see Mai trying to talk to him. Sokka knew Mai and Zuko were close, so he hoped that maybe she’d be able to help him. Unlike Toph, Zuko had a support system besides Sokka. Despite knowing the responsibility to protect Zuko wasn’t all on his shoulders, Sokka remained firm that he was going to act like it was. Not because Sokka wanted to be the only person protecting Zuko, and not because Sokka was jealous that other people were helping Zuko, but because Sokka couldn’t imagine ever not being less than completely there for Zuko. Sokka would protect Zuko as much as he needed and more if Zuko asked. 

But right now, Sokka knew that wasn’t what Zuko needed. So instead, Sokka gave him space. Sokka spent the rest of the day with Ty Lee and Toph, who was off from meetings because of the press conference. Mai went with Zuko to his room, because Zuko had tried the “I’m fine” tactic and Mai was having none of it. Mai, Sokka noticed, was good for Zuko to have in his life. She pushed a little more, went a little harder on him. Sokka was going through so many similar issues to Zuko that he just didn’t have the heart to push Zuko to his limits. Mai was understanding, but she also didn’t care. She kept Zuko balanced, gave him a reality check when he needed it. Over the days Sokka and Mai had gotten closer, mostly from a shared bond with Zuko and a similar sense of humor. When Mai dragged Zuko to his room, saying that Zuko was not fine and that she was going to distract him, Sokka was the one Mai met eyes with and Mai’s blank face but worried eyes made Sokka sure that Zuko was in good hands.

Sokka went from Toph’s room straight to his at night, deciding not to check on Zuko. if Zuko needed him, he would knock. And, a few hours later, Zuko did. But it wasn’t the three short knocks they’d discussed; these knocks were loud and frantic and came over and over and over again. Sokka had no doubt that it had something to do with the press conference and Zuko's father and Azula, and he was out of bed and going to Zuko’s door within seconds. Every other thing Sokka had been thinking about faded away; plans for tracking the Blue Spirit and worries about Toph and even older stray thoughts about Zuko all fell apart and were wiped from his brain. In the ten seconds from Sokka’s door to Zuko's, the only thing going through his mind was that he had to help Zuko, he had to take care of him and make him feel better. And Sokka would comfort Zuko and do whatever he needed, and then he was going to stay awake for as long as possible. He would let Zuko sleep on his right side with his scar visible because Sokka was going to keep him safe, Sokka was going to protect Zuko all night and every night after that until the day that Sokka’s lack of planning caught up to him and he had to leave. 

But, all night and every night before then, Sokka was going to _be there_.


	10. Pyro Prince

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: mentions of child abuse, ptsd dream violence, burning alive

Zuko hated the way his family made him feel. Every time he saw his father he started shaking, remembering every hand hitting his face and the burning of his scar. He remembered every harsh word and every time his father made him feel worthless and insignificant, because he was the worst child a father could ask for and he would never be as good as his sister.  _ His sister _ . Azula had been the last straw at that press meeting. Zuko usually tried to avoid Azula, knowing that she always lied and being around her only made him turn pale and shake more. Azula had been manipulating him since they were children, finding ways to gain information that would make Zuko upset or turn him on his friends. She would uncover secrets and casually feed them to Zuko just to make his life miserable. She would think up lies to get a rise out of Zuko and laugh as he tried to decipher the truth. Azula learned from her father, and seeing both of them at the same time was too much for Zuko.

He’d never meant to drag Sokka into it. And maybe that was why he’d snapped. Sokka had only been trying to help, trying to protect him like he always did. But Sokka didn’t know the extent of his father and his sister’s abuse and manipulation, and Zuko didn’t want to tell him. Despite the way Sokka caught onto Azula’s try at turning Zuko and Sokka against each other at the press meeting, and the way he handled it easily and without hesitation as if he’d prepared for it, despite all of that Zuko didn’t want to get him involved. He didn’t want to burden Sokka, who was already obviously struggling, and he also didn’t want to be pitied. Instead he let Mai deal with him; she saw that he was about to break, took his arm, and dragged him to his room. Mai knew what his father and Azula had done to him. Zuko was already a burden to her; Mai already pitied him. And Mai didn’t deserve that, either, but Zuko was selfish and he needed some sort of comfort, so he let Mai take care of him for a change. And she did. At first she tried to ask; she’d seen Azula talk to Zuko and Sokka at the press meeting and wanted to know if that was what upset him. Zuko told her that just seeing his father and Azula upset him, because she already knew that and there was no reason to hide it from her. And Zuko was selfish, always so selfish, and he just wanted Mai to be there for him. Mai noticed Zuko’s shaking, and how he was hesitating before speaking and how his hands trembled as he gripped the sheets of his bed. And Mai scooted closer and gave him a hug; she stopped asking, stopped talking, and held him in silence. Zuko leaned into it, grateful. 

Mai’s touch wasn’t like Sokka’s. Mai’s embrace didn’t wash away the bad thoughts and the fear, but it muffled them and Zuko felt like he had an active choice to push them away. Against his will the press meeting entered his head; the cheers from the crowd after his father promised to spill more blood, the way the reporters had smiled evilly when his father mentioned taking the Blue Spirit down, the way young girls beamed up at Azula like she was somehow a good role model. The jeers and laughs from the crowd as they mocked Zuko along with his father. Zuko tried to pretend it didn’t affect his self-esteem, but it did. Every second of it hurt. All he wanted was to be good enough for his father, good enough for the press, good enough for his friends, but everyone had given up on him. Except, for some indecipherable reason, his friends. Because Mai was here, and she was holding him, and now Zuko was able to push the press meeting away and focus on his best friend. After Zuko had relaxed and calmed down, they sent for some food and lounged on Zuko’s bed, talking about anything else. It had been a while since they’d spent time alone, and Zuko had missed it. Mai was one of his favorite people in the world, and he loved her more than anyone. He knew that feeling wasn’t returned; of course she loved Ty Lee more, but Zuko didn’t mind. Mai loved Zuko back in her own way. Eventually Mai left to go to her own room, and Zuko was alone in his. The sun had set, and Zuko tried to go to sleep. He tried not to think about the press meeting, but of course that made him think about it more. The hour before he fell asleep was restless; every time Zuko closed his eyes he heard the laughs of the crowd and the promises of bloodshed from his father and Azula’s manipulation of Zuko and Sokka. More than anything, Zuko wished Azula hadn’t dragged Sokka into her mind games. Zuko’s brain latched onto Sokka, thinking about him and Mai on an endless loop until he finally fell asleep.

Predictably Zuko woke up from a nightmare, horrible and painful. But it wasn’t a replay of the memory of his scar, or any kind of traumatic past event. Instead it was an original dream, one that played on his fears and memories in a different way. Zuko was locked in a room of fire, his father and Azula watching him through a glass wall. Zuko was trapped, unsure of how he’d gotten here, and he was absolutely sure he was going to die.  _ Let me go _ , Zuko thought,  _ I don’t deserve to live. It hurts too much. I don’t want to be here anymore.  _ And the fire spread through the room and reached Zuko’s face, right to his scar. His father and Azula were laughing as Zuko’s scar burned, the fire licking his face and reminding him that he wasn’t good enough. Zuko’s entire body was aflame, burning and burning and it  _ hurt.  _ It hurt so much, and Zuko knew that he deserved every single bit of it. So he stood still, closing his eyes and letting the fire overtake him. He waited for death but it never came, and when Zuko opened his eyes he was on the other side of the glass wall. His father and Azula were gone, and inside the room, burning where Zuko used to be, was Sokka. And Zuko knew that somehow Sokka had saved him, somehow Sokka had protected him and now he was dying for Zuko. And it was all Zuko’s fault. Because he’d become friends with a protector, and he’d burdened his bodyguard with all of his problems and now Sokka was gone because of his father, because of Azula, because of  _ Zuko _ .

And then Zuko woke up, sweating and crying and gasping for air. And in the moment all he wanted to know was whether Sokka was safe. Logically, of course he was; it was just a dream. But Sokka had basically just died in Zuko’s mind, and now he was crying over it because the idea of Sokka dying, dying  _ for  _ Zuko, scared him out of his fucking mind-

-And before he knew it Zuko was knocking on the wall, frantic and terrified and urgent. He needed to know that Sokka was okay, and he needed Sokka to make him feel okay. Because Zuko was still reeling from being hurt himself, and watching his father and his sister laughing at him through the wall while he  _ let himself burn _ , because he knew that he deserved it, he  _ deserved to die _ . Zuko heard footsteps from the other room but he kept knocking, because now everything was muffled and his ears were ringing and everything was white noise and Zuko barely heard the door opening. The static in his ears was piercing and his vision was hazy but he saw Sokka and it became a little clearer. Sokka was saying something, sounding worried, and his eyes caught Zuko’s state; standing at the wall, still knocking despite Sokka being there, breath heaving and uncontrollable tears streaming and his free hand over his scar, afraid to touch but wanting the pain to stop. Sokka reached Zuko and his voice was louder; he sounded scared but Zuko could tell how hard he was trying to keep his tone even for Zuko’s benefit. If Zuko had been in a better state, he would’ve felt bad for worrying Sokka so much. But instead Zuko couldn’t even hear; he barely felt it when Sokka put his hands on Zuko’s shoulders and gently nudged him to the bed. Zuko didn’t know how he’d gotten himself sitting against the pillows, knees curled into his chest, sobbing into his folded arms. He still couldn’t hear, but he wasn’t sure that Sokka was talking anymore. Instead he felt one of his arms move, as Sokka took Zuko’s hand in both of his and held it to his chest. Zuko felt a little better, leaning into the grip and desperately wishing he could stop crying. But he was still drowning in his ringing ears, and he felt the hot tears on his face mix with the burning sensation from his psychogenic scar pain.

Zuko’s sobs became louder, searching for air and breathing in big, watery breaths. Sokka let go of his hand, and Zuko let it lie limp, suddenly panicking. He didn’t have to worry for long, because immediately after he felt arms wrap around him. And Sokka’s embrace wasn’t like Mai’s, because she was a breath of fresh air, a taste of reality when Zuko was panicking or overthinking. Mai was a reminder that Zuko wasn’t fine and he didn’t have to pretend he was, but Mai’s hugs were temporary. Sokka’s hug was warm and it was safe, and Zuko felt like it could last forever. Sokka’s was solidarity, understanding, and incredible kindness. Sokka’s was a reminder that Zuko wasn’t alone, Zuko was protected, Zuko was going to be okay. Sokka’s hug convinced Zuko that, just for a moment, that wasn’t a lie. 

So Zuko curled into the hug, letting himself be completely and utterly selfish, letting Sokka protect him. And Zuko put his head on Sokka’s shoulder and cried into it and felt the arms around him wrap a little tighter. They weren’t suffocating, they were just loose enough that Zuko had room to breathe. Zuko wondered how Sokka did that; how he always knew exactly what Zuko needed. But Zuko didn’t ask, because he was still catching his breath and letting Sokka brush the hair out of his eyes, something Zuko would probably be embarrassed about later. And eventually Zuko stopped crying, as the press meeting and the nightmare and his father and Azula faded out of his mind. He thought of Mai, his best friend, who had helped him through everything, and he relaxed more. And he focused on Sokka, who was everywhere but not overwhelming. He was silent but it was comfortable, his hands moving rhythmically through Zuko’s hair, a gesture of comfort that felt so natural that Zuko wondered if Sokka had ever done that for someone else, maybe his sister? And Zuko still couldn't entirely hear and Sokka had Zuko’s tears on his sleeve but he wasn’t moving his arms; keeping them around Zuko, guarding him from his nightmares and protecting him from himself and his bad thoughts; warm and safe and  _ he was okay. _

Zuko wasn’t sure when he fell asleep, but he woke up in the morning with a face dry from tears and a throat sore from crying. His breathing hitched at first, but he yawned and blinked away the bad thoughts, keeping them at bay for just a moment while he regained his bearings. He was half-upright, his head on Sokka’s shoulder, scar side up. Both of Sokka’s hands were wrapped around one of Zuko’s, resting in his lap, the grip a little limp because Sokka was asleep. Zuko looked up at him and saw that Sokka was still completely upright, his head leaned back above the pillows. The position of the protector. And Zuko had been so selfish last night, but now the guilt was coming in waves. Sokka had spent all of last night protecting Zuko again, because despite making a promise that he was going to get Sokka to let his guard down, Zuko had done the opposite. He’d had what was probably a panic attack, and now Sokka was going to be even more worried about Zuko and would keep forgetting about himself. Zuko knew that he’d desperately needed Sokka’s help, but he couldn’t stop mentally kicking himself. Zuko was going to have to work harder to get through to Sokka; because he was going to find a way to repay Sokka for every inexplicably amazing thing he’d done for Zuko.

Zuko had woken up at dawn as usual, and Sokka woke up a few hours later, yawning and shaking out his hair and not wasting a second finding Zuko and squeezing his hand. Zuko looked down, still feeling guilty.

“Hey, Zuko,” Sokka said through another yawn. Zuko knew that Sokka hadn’t gotten enough sleep; bags like Zuko’s were starting to form under his eyes.

“Hi,” Zuko replied, unable to get anything more out.

“Are you-” Sokka started, uncertain, “are you feeling better? I’m guessing you had a pretty bad nightmare last night, and I  _ know _ you weren’t fine after seeing your father and your sister, but I promise I won’t ask about it. I think you were having, like, a panic attack or something, and I’m not really sure how to help with those because Toph doesn’t get them, but I tried my best-”

“Stop,” Zuko said, wishing he had the energy to finish the rest of that sentence.  _ Stop worrying about me, you did everything right and I have no idea how but I feel so much better and it's all because of you.  _ Instead, Zuko tried to shorten what he was feeling. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Zuko continued, “you really helped. I feel a lot better.”

“That’s good,” Sokka’s smile coaxed a smaller one out of Zuko. Sokka waited a moment before speaking again, “I don’t really know what happened last night, but whatever it was, I’m sorry. You don’t deserve it. And I’m not going anywhere; I’ll be here to help you whenever you need it.”

Sokka was always there for other people, Zuko thought. Always ready, always protecting, always sacrificing. Zuko was torn, because he loved being protected like this, but he hated seeing Sokka refuse to be vulnerable.

“Me too,” Zuko replied, “I’m here, if you ever need anything.” Zuko really, really, meant it, and he put every ounce of sincerity into his few words, hoping Sokka would understand.  _ Let someone else protect you _ . Zuko didn’t know the first thing about protecting other people; he was so used to being taken care of by others, but Zuko would learn to protect Sokka. Zuko would learn how to take care of him, how to let Sokka be real and unguarded around him. Zuko was starting to realize that there wasn’t much he wouldn’t do for Sokka.

Sokka sighed, and he nodded. “Thanks,” he said to Zuko, who just nodded. They sat in silence for a few minutes, before Zuko slowly pulled away his hand. Sokka let him, instead moving his hands to run through his hair. Against his will, Zuko thought that Sokka’s hair really did look better down. It was an intrusive but not entirely unwelcome thought. Still, Zuko quickly blinked it away. When Sokka turned to look at him Zuko realized he’d been staring, and averted his eyes.

“Zuko,” Sokka said softly, and another intrusive thought reminded Zuko that he really liked hearing Sokka say his name. Zuko didn’t like what came after as much.

“Are you sure you’re alright?”  _ Stop trying to protect me all the time _

“I’m sure. I’m fine.”  _ No please help me you always know how to help _

“Okay. And again, I really hope I helped last night.”  _ Of course you did, all you do is help other people, take care of yourself please you have bags under your eyes like mine i want to help you (i want you to help me) _

Zuko reached for Sokka’s hand again, because his thoughts were running wild and he wanted to tell Sokka everything he was feeling but he wasn’t sure that the response would be positive. Instead he did what Sokka did for him and took Sokka’s hand in both of his, holding it tightly. Sokka looked surprised at first, and Zuko could tell he was trying to refuse the gesture, but eventually Zuko felt the tension in Sokka’s hand release as he let Zuko hold on to it. 

“You always help me,” Zuko said quietly, “I don’t know how you do it, but it's like-its like you know exactly what I need.”  _ I want to do that for you, what do you need, I want to be there like you’re there for me, I want to protect you _

Sokka looked thoughtful as he responded, “honestly, I’ve just been comforting you by touch because you said you liked it. You know, like holding your hand and yesterday I hugged you because it looked like you needed it. I guess it’s just instinct.”  _ I did need it and somehow you knew, your instinct is a miracle, I want you to protect me _

“Your instinct is a miracle,” Zuko repeated, because it was true and weirdly he didn’t feel embarrassed saying it out loud. He noticed Sokka blush, just barely. “Thank you.”

“Always,” Sokka replied, and Zuko was noticing that Sokka committed fully to everything. He would  _ always _ be there, he would  _ always _ protect Zuko. “And,” Sokka added, “you’re absolutely sure you’re okay?”  _ are  _ you _ okay? sometimes you get so sad and i hate seeing you sad I want to make you feel okay _

“Sokka,” Zuko said firmly, looking at him and squeezing his hand, “I’m okay.” 

_ you make me feel okay _

Three days passed before Zuko could convince Sokka that he was  _ fine  _ and Sokka could go to sleep without waiting two hours for a knock. Five days passed before Zuko was confident enough that Sokka wouldn’t be awake to hear Zuko sneak out as the Blue Spirit. The next day the Blue Spirit’s first appearance after the press meeting was all over the papers. There were paragraphs speculating on who the Blue Spirit was. Zuko tried to ignore Mai and Ty Lee’s knowing grins as they read the paper. By the time a week passed, Zuko had gone out as the Blue Spirit twice and had five nightmares, one for every day of the week he didn’t sneak out. And every night he knocked on the wall, just the simple three knocks, and every night Sokka came and held Zuko’s hand until the morning. Zuko felt bad, because Sokka came to his door within seconds and Zuko was sure that Sokka wasn’t letting himself go to sleep, but Zuko needed the help and the comfort. Once again Zuko warred between being selfish and trying to give Sokka a break. He was obviously exhausted; Zuko could see the bags under Sokka’s eyes forming as Zuko’s faded away. Because every night Sokka was with him, Zuko had full nights of sleep. And Zuko could see the way it took its toll on Sokka, and Zuko could tell that he was tirelessly protecting Zuko despite needing his own rest, and yet Zuko couldn’t bring himself to stop knocking on the wall. 

And Zuko hated himself for it, because Sokka was working himself to the bone being there for Zuko, and whenever Zuko tried to get Sokka to relax he refused. Zuko tried squeezing Sokka’s hand, but his grip stayed tense. Zuko tried telling Sokka that he could talk to him whenever he needed help, but Sokka just nodded and switched gears, making sure that Zuko was okay. Zuko hadn’t gotten Sokka to say anything more about his nightmares since that first night, and Zuko was getting tired of feeling so torn. All he wanted was to keep feeling good at night, to keep feeling safe and having a hand to hold. But Zuko knew that Sokka stayed awake for hours just in case Zuko knocked, and Zuko knew that Sokka refused to let himself feel better, even when Zuko suspected that Sokka was awake at night for other reasons besides protecting Zuko. Sokka would come into Zuko's room looking out of it, eyes somewhere else and hands shaking. And Zuko would know that Sokka had been having a nightmare, but when Zuko asked about it Sokka would just shrug. Zuko would remind him that the knock system was for both of them, but Sokka would say he didn’t need it; his nightmares weren’t that bad. And Zuko wanted to fix that, because he could tell that the combination of his own nightmares and helping Zuko with his was exhausting Sokka. But Zuko could also see that forgetting himself, letting go of his own needs and putting all of his efforts into protecting Zuko, it gave Sokka purpose. Zuko was starting to realize that keeping people safe seemed to be everything Sokka was. Like being a protector was his entire identity. 

Over the two weeks that Zuko had known him, Sokka had spent every minute of them being there for someone else. Zuko thought back to every interaction he’d had with Sokka. Sokka spending their first dinner trying to make Zuko laugh. Sokka getting along with Mai and Ty Lee because he knew they were Zuko’s friends. Sokka telling Toph to stop calling him Prince and teasing them because he knew it made Zuko uncomfortable. Sokka spending breakfast with Zuko and talking and talking about nothing and everything because he knew that Zuko preferred to listen. And Sokka didn’t just protect Zuko. Sokka had started looking out for Mai and Ty Lee, alerting them when someone walked by so they could look more platonic. Sokka covered for them when guards noticed them come out of the same room. And, of course, Sokka protected Toph. Sokka would let Toph hold on to him when she was having a hard time feeling her surroundings with her feet, and sometimes he came to Zuko’s room late because he’d been helping Toph with a nightmare. One night Zuko remembered Sokka sprinting back and forth between their rooms because Toph had a nightmare, and then Sokka himself had a nightmare, and then Zuko had a nightmare. The next morning was the most absolutely bone-tired Zuko had ever seen Sokka look, and yet he continued to be just as energetic and cheerful over breakfast. He grinned and cracked jokes and never failed to make Zuko laugh. And when Zuko asked if he was okay, Sokka nodded that he was  _ fine, Zuko, don’t worry about me. _

But the more days passed by, the more Zuko worried about him.

And, two and a half weeks after he met Sokka, Zuko decided to finally do something about it.

Zuko didn’t confront Sokka, knowing that it would get him nowhere. Instead he decided to talk to Toph, remembering that he’d wanted to before. Sokka protected Toph probably more than he protected Zuko, but Toph had also known Sokka longer. If anyone knew about the deep-seated issues Sokka had that made him refuse to let his guard down, it would be Toph. So after dinner, when their group split to their rooms, Zuko waited a moment before going over to Toph’s and knocking on the door.

“Sokka?” came Toph’s voice through the door.

“No, it’s Zuko,” Zuko called back.

There was a pause, before Toph said, “come in!”

Zuko turned the knob and entered the room, closing the door behind him. Toph was lying in the dark, throwing a marble she’d stolen from the decor in her room up in the air and catching it. Zuko walked over to Toph’s bed and turned on the light, knowing that Toph would barely notice, only sensing it with her feet.

“What’s up?” Toph asked, patting the empty space in the bed beside her. Zuko took the offer and sat down, slowly and a little awkwardly bringing his legs onto the bed and crossing them. He leaned against the pillow and sighed before speaking.

“I wanted to talk to you,” Zuko said, “about Sokka.”

“Really?” Toph said, sounding interested, “what about him?”

“Well,” Zuko started, not really knowing how to phrase this without mentioning either of their nightmares, “I’ve been noticing that Sokka is always protecting me. And, like, I know that’s his job, but he does way more than what’s in his job description. Like, he always wants to make sure that I’m okay, and he always wants to help me, but he never helps himself. I don’t know if that makes sense, but he always wants to protect me and other people and never lets other people protect him. Whenever I offer to help him he always pulls away. And I just figured you’d probably know something about that, since you’ve known each other for so long.”

Toph was uncharacteristically silent until Zuko finished. Once he was done, Toph immediately said, “I know exactly what you’re talking about.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. Sokka’s always liked protecting people. He’s protected me since we met. When he cares about someone, like me and you, he’s always going to be there for them. At this point he’d probably die for you without hesitation. And he’s always been like that. You know that Sokka had to leave his sister in the Earth Kingdom colonies when he went to school here, right? Well, when he was with his family he was always the one who protected them, and I think he’s always felt guilty for leaving them. I mean, he was a kid, and the school literally found him, recruited him, and almost forced him to go. They love finding new talent. And Sokka didn’t realize what was happening; he just wanted to learn how to fight. I guess it didn’t really hit him that he’d never see his family again until he’d left them. And then Sokka realized that he’d left his family without a protector, because he’d gone to do something for himself. And I think there was a definite moment when something switched in his brain and he decided that he could never be selfish again. He basically sacrificed himself to take care of everyone else. Now all Sokka does is help other people; he helps me and he helps you and he protects us because he couldn’t protect his family. And I know how fucking infuriating it is when he refuses help and pulls away, but believe me I’ve tried and I just can’t get through to him. Sokka’s really stubborn; he’s convinced that the moment he focuses on himself everyone he was protecting will die or something. And as his friend, I know that it’s hard to watch. But, honestly? I really think that if anyone’s going to eventually get through to him, it’s you.”

Zuko was right; Toph was the best person to talk to. She’d quickly explained why Sokka never helped himself, and everything Zuko knew about Sokka clicked into place. It was about leaving his family; Sokka had been selfish one time and now his family was all alone. And it was Sokka, so of course all of that guilt had carried with him for seven years. And of course he’d decided that he could never do anything for himself again. And  _ of course _ Sokka had converted all of his guilt and self-hatred and hurt into raw fuel, a drive to protect every other person he cared about because otherwise he’d be failing his family. And Zuko was pretty sure that Sokka had a fear of failure. Failure to protect, failure to be selfless, failure to exceed the unrealistically high expectations he set for himself. Because Sokka was so selfless, and Zuko thought it was hardly selfish to go to the Fire Nation to study fighting if that was what he wanted to do. It wasn’t his fault that he had to leave his family, it was the school’s fault for manipulating a kid into staying in the Fire Nation and learning, even over the summer. And Zuko knew that many Fire Nation schools were like that. Fire Academy, where Azula and Mai and Ty Lee went, was like that. And now Zuko was sad, so immensely sad because Sokka was living his life afraid that he’d failed his family and terrified of failing Toph and Zuko the same way.  And now Zuko was even more sure that he was going to help Sokka and he wouldn't stop until he figured out how.

Zuko didn’t process the rest of what Toph said for a few seconds, lost in thought and his newfound understanding of Sokka. When he finally registered the last sentence of Toph’s words, he blinked in surprise and turned to Toph.

“You think  _ I  _ can get through to him?” Zuko asked her, “why me?”

“Because,” Toph replied, with a bit of the same melancholy in her tone that Sokka sometimes had, “I’ve never seen Sokka get attached to someone as quickly as he got attached to you. He wants to protect you as much as he wants to protect me, and it’s only been two weeks. Usually Sokka is never this trusting, but he started trusting you so quickly. And I know he likes you because, even though it's not a real thing, I swear to all the spirits I can feel him, like, become  _ lighter _ when he’s with you. Like he wants to let his guard around you but he’s still too scared. You’re his first real friend that’s not like a little sister to him, which means you guys are equals. I know you can get through to him because Sokka has a hard time letting his emotions out, but I can’t imagine him ever staying numb if something happened to you. He needs you, Zuko, almost as much as you need him. And he might never say it out loud, but if you keep waiting one day he’ll finally  _ show _ it.”

Zuko thought about the word Toph had used,  _ lighter _ . Zuko thought about how waking up in the morning and knowing that Sokka was there made him feel inexplicably warm, and how holding Sokka’s hand at night made him feel safe. He thought about how breakfast alone with Sokka was the most Zuko ever laughed, and how Zuko never felt threatened or worried when Sokka sat by his left instead of his right. Zuko thought about the way he felt when he heard Sokka say his name or saw Sokka’s smile or somehow managed to make him laugh. Zuko knew with absolute certainty that he was  _ lighter  _ when he was with Sokka, too.

Understanding that felt like a realization, like something big that Zuko should be catching on to. But Zuko couldn’t think of any deeper meaning or bigger revelation in the fact that the weight of his pain felt three times less heavy around Sokka. If Zuko asked Toph about it she’d probably have some sort of explanation that toed the line of romantic feelings, which was one thing that Zuko didn’t appreciate about Toph. Instead he thought about everything else Toph had said and figured that it made sense. Sokka and Zuko were equals. Zuko should be the one to finally get Sokka to help himself. Zuko should be the one who Sokka let keep him safe.

“I think you’re right,” Zuko told Toph, who grinned at him.

“I  _ know _ I’m right,” Toph joked, and Zuko smiled back. Their conversation ended after that, but Zuko and Toph were enjoying each other's company so Zuko stayed in her room. They lapsed into casual discussions about trivial things, making fun and joking and just talking. Zuko hadn’t spent time alone with Toph before, but he really liked it. They were becoming friends, and Zuko was understanding why Sokka loved her so much. She was blunt and sometimes she teased a little too much, but Toph was tough and she was intuitive and she was a lot of fun. So Zuko spent another hour with Toph before leaving to let her sleep and going back to his own room.

As he walked through the hallway, he passed Sokka’s room. He thought about everything he and Toph had talked about, and he remembered his promise from so long ago that he was going to get Sokka to let his guard down. Zuko added to that promise, decided that he was also going to find a way to show Sokka that he could be vulnerable around Zuko, and Zuko would keep him safe. Zuko was going to learn how to take care of Sokka the way he took care of Zuko. Zuko was going to help him.

Sokka protected Zuko, and now Zuko was going to protect him back.


	11. the Bodyguard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: murder/death by stabbing (not very graphic), panic attack

A month after he and Toph came to the Fire Nation, Sokka got his first job. He’d spent the last three weeks since the press announcement reading the papers for information on the Blue Spirit, but he’d been spending too many nights taking care of Zuko to go out and actively find the vigilante. Sokka worried about Zuko, knowing that the night he’d woken up from his nightmare and had a panic attack was definitely brought on by seeing his father and sister at that press meeting. Sokka hadn’t known what to do at first; he’d never seen Zuko this bad. He’d been crying, shaking and struggling to breathe. But Sokka knew how to protect, and he knew what Zuko needed when he had a nightmare. So Sokka had eased Zuko onto the bed and hugged him. And Sokka couldn’t remember the last time he’d hugged someone. He never hugged Toph, knowing that she didn’t like it. He’d put his arm around her shoulders or loosely hugged her as a joke, but he didn’t think he’d hugged someone the way he was holding Zuko since before he’d joined Last Hope. The last time he’d held someone like this was when he’d hugged his sister the day before he left to join Last Hope. Seven years ago.

And then Sokka hugged Zuko, and even though he was supposed to be comforting Zuko, all Sokka could think about was that despite how scared and worried he was for Zuko, the feeling of having his arms around someone and moving his hands through their hair like he used to do for his sister was so warm and so comforting. Sokka was the protector, he was the one making Zuko feel safe, but for some reason that made Sokka feel safe, too. As he held Zuko that night he felt an overwhelmingly wide range of emotions; sadness and longing for his sister, safety and comfort because Zuko’s head on his shoulder reminded Sokka that he was successfully protecting someone he cared about, and confusion and fear because he wasn’t sure what he was protecting Zuko from. His father? His sister? Himself?

Sokka had a suspicion that it was mostly the third one. And he knew that if Zuko felt that way he’d never admit it, because when Sokka used to feel like that he’d pushed it down until he became too numb to want to die anymore. And now he was dead anyway. So instead of asking Zuko about it, he waited until Zuko relaxed and stopped crying, able to breathe, and Sokka moved his arms away and just held Zuko’s hand as he fell asleep on Sokka’s shoulder. And Sokka stayed awake and he stared into the darkness and held Zuko’s hand against his heart and felt it beating. A steady, even, beat; proof that Sokka was, in fact, physically alive. A walking corpse with a beating heart. 

In the morning when Sokka woke up, Zuko had promised that he was okay even though Sokka was afraid that he wasn't. But Sokka didn’t pry, instead waiting every night for Zuko’s knock because Sokka needed to be there and help. And Sokka noticed, over the next few weeks, that Zuko had been trying to help him. Trying to get him to use the knock system or offering to talk if Sokka ever needed it. Sokka wasn’t sure why Zuko thought he needed help, because Sokka was fine. Zuko needed him the most right now, and Toph needed him and Sokka didn’t need anything. So Sokka told Zuko, every time he asked, that he appreciated the offer but Sokka was fine and Zuko was more important. The people Sokka protected would always be more important than him.

Nights when Zuko didn’t knock Sokka either caught up on much-needed sleep that he felt guilty for doing, or he listened for Toph’s whimpers from the other side of his wall and when he heard her wake up from a nightmare, he comforted her. Having one person who he wasn’t allowed to touch and another who responded best to touch was occasionally confusing, but Sokka took his role of protector seriously. He made lists and plans for Toph vs Zuko, remembering which one of them preferred which method of comfort and protection. He discarded plans for old jobs and inventions and instead replaced them with rewrite after rewrite of how Sokka was going to protect Toph and Zuko and even Mai and Ty Lee. In his efforts to keep everyone he cared about safe and maybe because Sokka was ironically, genuinely enjoying being here in the Fire Nation royal palace, he almost forgot about the Firelord and ending the war and his actual job as a Last Hope agent.

So when Sokka got a letter from Last Hope, a messenger hawk tapping on the closed window of his room, Sokka was momentarily confused.

“Hey,” Toph said, from where she was sitting on Sokka’s bed, “I can hear a messenger hawk at the window. It’s probably Last Hope.”

_Oh_ , Sokka remembered, _I’m not actually Zuko’s bodyguard. I’m supposed to be his assassin._

“Right,” Sokka said out loud, getting up from his chair and opening the window. He took the letter from the hawk and fed the bird a piece of meat from a plate of food sitting on his desk. The hawk turned and left, and Sokka watched it go while unraveling the letter from its seal and ribbon.

“Is it for me or you?” Toph asked.

“Me,” Sokka replied, scanning the letter, “I’ve got my first job.”

Sokka crossed the room to sit next to Toph on the bed, reading the letter.

“Who is it?” Toph questioned.

“One of the Firelord’s military generals,” Sokka answered, “but there’s no information about him besides a picture of his face and his home address. I guess that’s all you need to kill someone, really.”

“That’s true,” Toph said, and she sounded excited at the prospect of Sokka’s next kill. 

Sokka wasn’t excited at all. Instead there was nausea building up in his stomach and throat. He’d never been excited to kill, but he’d also never been nervous. But now things were changing, because he’d chosen not to kill Zuko because he was proof that not all Fire Nation citizens were horrible. And Sokka had tried to avoid the thoughts for weeks, but now as he read the letter they swam to the surface. If Zuko was a good person, how many other good people had Sokka killed? How many innocent people had Sokka killed just because they were Fire Nation? And how many more of them would he have to kill now? Sokka was a good killer, one of the best, and he had always known that he’d have to do more jobs if he was going to stay in the Fire Nation. And as long as Sokka pushed away all of his doubts, he’d still be able to easily. But Sokka’s prejudices and generalizations about the Fire Nation were changing and fading and now Sokka’s usually clear mind was muddled with confusion. It wasn’t black and white anymore, it wasn’t other nations are good, Fire Nation is evil. The Fire Nation itself seemed to be mostly evil, but the crown Prince was one of their best people. And if the crown Prince could be anti-war, anyone else could be too. And Sokka was going to have to blindly kill Fire Nation citizens without knowing if they were secretly on his side. But Sokka was a killer, and he was going to have to go back to acting like it. Whoever was in the letter, Sokka was going to kill them. He wouldn’t hesitate, he wouldn’t have any doubts. He would clear his mind, come up with a plan, sneak out at night, and assassinate them. 

Sokka remembered when he’d tried to kill Zuko. Even though Zuko hadn’t been there, Sokka hadn’t realized that at first. And in the moments when Sokka had gone into Zuko’s room, knife gripped in hand, slipping closer to the bed in the darkness, it had felt right. In that moment Sokka had been ready to kill, all reservations gone, all nervousness faded away. In that moment Sokka was an assassin, one of the best there was, one of the most powerful in his entire organization, and in that moment Sokka had only one thought. Which was to kill. Spill blood. And Sokka was sure that once he saw the sleeping body of the person he had to kill, the moment he zeroed in on his target, put his plan into action, brought his weapon down, Sokka would be prepared. He would be ready to kill. Sokka would forget about Zuko and forget about his changing worldview and forget about his doubts and his hesitation. Sokka would be nothing but ready, a plan written out in his mind as he checked the mental boxes. 

But Sokka wasn’t going to do this for Last Hope. No, Sokka was free of Last Hope. He was doing their jobs so he didn’t attract suspicion, and because he was technically still part of their organization. But Sokka was anti-Last Hope, and he was going to kill this general in hopes that he deserved to die. Sokka was going to do this for the sake of the war, because if he kept doing jobs then he could keep coming up with his own plans to end the war. Sokka was doing this for the possibility of peace. Sokka was doing this for Toph, who he had to keep undercover. Sokka was doing this for his tribe and his family, who he might be able to see again. Sokka was doing this for his sister, as revenge against the people who wanted to kill her because she was a bender and had incredible faith. And Sokka was doing this for all the people he needed to keep safe, because there was still a part of him who kept the values of his tribe. Sokka was a warrior, and a warrior did whatever they had to do to protect their tribe and their family.

Sokka was going to spill Fire Nation blood, and the streets would be painted Water Tribe blue.

Sokka didn’t mean to, but he stayed away from Zuko for the rest of the day. The weight of all his secrets and lies was settling on his shoulders, heavy and tiring to carry. Sokka didn't think he could look at Zuko, knowing that he was going to kill someone from his Nation as a job for Last Hope. And Sokka was also afraid that if Zuko saw him, and saw the tiredness and the nerves showing on his face, then Zuko would ask about it and Sokka would let something slip. And Sokka couldn’t risk accidentally blowing their covers. Especially Zuko. Sokka hadn’t even thought about the idea of telling Zuko who he really was, and he didn’t want to. Sokka would probably have to tell Zuko eventually; he couldn’t lie forever. But if Sokka did tell then Zuko would probably never forgive him, and the thought of that terrified Sokka to a degree that he couldn’t explain. So Sokka stayed away from Zuko, and by consequence Mai and Ty Lee. He didn’t join them in the courtyard like he usually did, instead staying in his room. He skipped lunch, having Toph make an excuse for him. Later she brought him some food and sat with him until her next meeting, sensing that while he was avoiding Zuko, he still wanted some company. Toph had been eager for Sokka’s first kill, but now she was noticing Sokka’s faraway looks and uncharacteristic silence. Toph sat beside him quietly, humming under her breath. Toph didn’t ask Sokka if he was okay or mention the job at all. She just offered her silent comfort, knowing that Sokka would do what needed to be done no matter what. Sokka would be okay because he had to be. And Sokka would kill his target because he had to. So when Toph had to leave for her next meeting, she simply squeezed Sokka’s hand once and then slipped out the door.

Sokka also skipped dinner, knowing that Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee thought that Sokka wasn’t feeling well. Sokka spent the time between Toph leaving and nightfall coming up with plans. He went through his weapons, eventually settling on a knife. Fire Nation soldiers used knives; It would draw less suspicion than a boomerang would, and be easier to handle than a sword. Once Sokka had a weapon, he decided on when he would do the job. He landed on killing the general in his sleep, because that was efficient and simple. All he had to do was find the house, sneak in through a window, and kill his target. It didn’t escape Sokka that this plan was almost exactly the same as his old plan to kill Zuko from so long ago. He was even using the same knife that he’d almost killed Zuko with a month ago. But now his plan was more detailed and less impulsive. Now Sokka was killing someone who he didn’t know, someone who was faceless and hopefully getting what he deserved. But one similarity between the plans remained: Sokka wanted to do this as quickly as possible. He didn’t think he could handle waiting a few days to come up with a perfectly ironed out plan, because if he did then he’d get caught up in doubts and fears. Sokka had to do this tonight.

Toph came in after dinner to alert Sokka that everyone had gone to sleep. A few hours after that, Sokka got out of bed and started his job. He brought up his plan in his mind’s eye, looking over his mental checklist.

_1\. Infiltrate Fire Nation palace (done), and then sneak out_

Sokka slipped out of his bed and walked over to the large closet where he kept his bag. He found a black wrap that he put around his face, leaving only his eyes visible. They were suspiciously blue, but nobody ever came close enough to Sokka to notice that. Next, Sokka reached for his bag and rummaged through it in the dark. He grabbed his knife from where he’d left it under a thin layer of clothes, and found his grappling hook and a thick coil of rope deeper in the bag. He also took out his boomerang and a small utility belt. Sokka stuck his sheathed knife into the utility belt, which he wore over his waistband. Sokka made sure the knife was secure before attaching the grappling hook and the boomerang to the belt as well. Afterward, Sokka started untangling the rope. He walked over to his window, glad that he’d calculated how he would make his escape before it got dark. Sokka opened the window, lifting it easily because he’d worked the seals on it earlier in the day. He tied the rope to the stay of the window, making sure the knot was tight enough before lowering himself out of the window. The wind hit Sokka and lingered over his face, but Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe was barely affected by the Fire Nation cold. Sokka gripped his rope tightly and closed the window, careful not to make a sound. He looked around for guards, glad to see that there were none. Sokka’s room was next to the corner of the palace, and guards were stationed at either side right before the turn of the corner. Sokka’s room was, coincidentally and thankfully, a blind spot.

Once he was sure he was safe, Sokka slid down the rope slowly, moving his hands down in small precise motions, making sure he didn’t lose control and get caught. Sokka stayed silent, breathing evenly and ignoring the small amount of nerves that he wasn’t used to feeling before a kill. Sokka reached the bottom after a few minutes, and he sighed in relief as he landed on the ground and let go of the rope. Sokka brought out his boomerang, judged the distance and the angle he’d need to throw at, and then let his weapon fly. Silent but accurate, Sokka’s boomerang reached the window stay and cleanly sliced the rope. Sokka caught the rope in midair with one hand and grabbed his boomerang with the other, shoving his boomerang back into his belt and wrapping the rope into a coil. Sokka found a bush right below his window and hid the rope behind it, making sure that it was completely concealed. Once Sokka was ready, he turned and quickly walked around the back of the palace, reaching the exit of the palace and the entrance into the city. Sokka took a moment to remember the general’s home address, which he was trained to memorize on the spot. Sokka also mentally pulled up a map of the Fire Nation he’d roughly memorized three years ago, which had taken much longer to fully remember. Sokka closed his eyes for a minute, calculating where the general’s home would be. When he thought he had a general idea, Sokka started walking. He checked off the first box on his list.

_2\. Investigate target’s house and find a way into it_

It took Sokka about half an hour to briskly walk to the general’s house. As he walked his nerves grew, remembering how he’d wanted to kill Zuko and how once he'd decided not to he hadn’t been able to stop shaking at the idea of Zuko actually dying. He remembered how he’d thought that the Fire Prince would be a carbon copy of his father, but instead Zuko was everything his father wasn’t. Zuko was good. And Sokka remembered that the general who he was killing could be an innocent person. He could be anti-war, too, forced into a military he didn’t agree with. But Sokka was quick to shove those thoughts away as soon as they came, because this was a _military general_ . He chose to rise in the ranks of the military; he chose the life he was leading. He chose war, and now Sokka would bring him death. And Sokka _would not_ feel guilty about that. Sokka reminded himself that his target deserved what was coming for him. Sokka told himself that over and over and over again, because if he stopped repeating it then he’d stop believing it. Sokka just had to get into the general’s house, because once he slipped into his killing routine, all the nerves would fade away and Sokka would be calm again. Sokka focused on his plan, on his checklist. Sokka made sure his breath was steady as he walked, low and quiet, hidden by the shadows of the night.

Once Sokka reached the general’s house he stopped to make sure it was the right address, and then started thinking of the best way to get into the building. Sokka wandered over to the back of the house, looking through the ground floor windows. He only saw a kitchen and a living room, so Sokka assumed that the bedrooms were upstairs. Sokka couldn't be absolutely sure where the bedrooms would be, but Sokka had studied the general layout of homes in all three Nations. He took a moment to remember the blueprints of an upper-class Fire Nation home, and Sokka walked to the window that was most likely to be the master bedroom. It was a second-floor window, one that Sokka couldn’t climb without help. So Sokka reached for his grappling hook and unraveled it, calculating how he’d need to throw it. Sokka looked up at the window, closed shut and curtains drawn. Sokka’s eyes traveled down to a ledge right below the window, a ledge Sokka’s grappling hook could latch onto. Sokka carefully brought his arm up, throwing the grappling hook as quietly as he could. Sokka, with impeccable aim as usual, hit his mark and the grappling hook latched securely onto the ledge. Sokka let himself feel a little proud of his skill.

Sokka climbed up the rope of his grappling hook, reaching the window and finding the seal with his eyes as he reached for his knife with one hand. Sokka kept his other hand firmly holding onto the ledge as he pried the window open. Sokka pushed himself carefully over the ledge, using one hand to silently open the curtains and peer into the room. Sokka’s eyes found the bed, and his heart skipped a beat in relief when he saw the general sleeping alone. This was for two reasons; because Sokka’s guess for the bedroom was right, and because the general wasn’t sleeping with a partner. When there was a partner the kill was always much harder. Sokka had had to kill a person without waking up their partner multiple times, and Sokka always felt a twinge of horrible guilt because of what he was subjecting the partner to. Sokka was very glad that his first job after deciding not to kill Zuko was simple in that regard. No partner, just the general. Alone and asleep, barely moving. Sokka moved all the way into the room, closing the window halfway and leaving his grappling hook where it was. As Sokka stood on the floor of the general’s home, ten feet away from the bed, knife gripped in his hand, Sokka stayed firm, determined and aware of what he had to do next.

_3\. Exterminate target_

Sokka’s eyes zeroed in on his target, and he held his knife tighter in his hand. Sokka could feel his nerves melt, any doubts or fears dissipating in the warmth of the general’s bedroom. Sokka’s figure blended into the shadows, silent and quick and powerful. Sokka edged towards the bed, twisting the knife around in his hand, only watching the general. Sokka was ready. Sokka got to the side of the bed and watched the general, completely still save for his steady breathing. His chest moved up and down, taking smooth, fluid breaths. Sokka felt his breath steady along with his target’s; even, confident, sure, and prepared. Sokka held the knife higher, looking for the best place to stab the general. The general was sleeping on his side, and Sokka had a clear entry point to the back of his head, right above his neck. Sokka would aim there. He crept closer to the general, so close that Sokka could hear his breathing. Sokka took a deep breath, and his exhale was calm and even, no hint of a tremble. Once again Sokka was struck with the awareness that _this_ was who he was. This was everything Sokka could ever be. Sokka was an assassin, and Sokka was killing a Fire Nation general who deserved to die. Sokka had no doubts.

Sokka raised the knife higher, kneeling on the floor so he was eye level to the general’s open neck. And Sokka didn’t hesitate, Sokka’s hand didn’t shake, Sokka’s mind didn’t wander. The only thing Sokka knew was the knife and his target, and his ears filled with static and the rest of the world blurred around him. Slowly Sokka positioned the knife, blade barely touching the general’s neck, and Sokka apologized. He apologized to his sister like he did before every job. He conjured her image in his head, hating the way he could barely remember her face. Sokka was numb and dead and he barely even felt the significance of an apology anymore, but it was habit and he felt like it was necessary. So Sokka closed his eyes and whispered a prayer to his sister to please, _please_ forgive him.

_Forgive me for leaving. Forgive me for being unable to protect you. Forgive me for killing yet another person, forgive me for everything._

Sokka gently pushed the knife into his target's head. He was an assassin. Powerful. Glorious.

_Forgive me_ , the killer begged.

It didn’t take long before Sokka had a reaction to killing that he was not used to. Sokka left the house, creeping out of the window, pulling his grappling hook off the ledge, putting his knife back into his utility belt, and quickly walking back to the palace. And then, five minutes into the walk, Sokka’s stomach started churning. His mind started reliving the kill, remembering how the knife felt as he drove it into his target, remembering the slowing heartbeat and the almost instantaneous death of the general. Sokka remembered the way he’d stood over the body for just a moment, watching the transformation from human to corpse. Making sure that transformation happened completely. And as Sokka picked up his pace, blinking over and over again to try and get rid of the thoughts and the memories, nausea built up in his throat. He felt like he was going to throw up, like his knees were going to buckle any second now and he was going to collapse on the ground. Sokka couldn't walk any faster so he started running, forgetting about keeping his cover and blending into the shadows. Sokka needed to get back to the palace; Sokka needed to get to his room as fast as he could because otherwise he was going to vomit or faint or both. And Sokka was _not used to this_. Sokka was an assassin, he would always be an assassin. An assassin never reacted like this after a kill. Sokka had never felt like this; reliving the memory over and over again, panicking and running and feeling faint and nauseous. As Sokka ran through the streets of the Fire Nation capital, he tried to figure out why he was reacting like this.

It had everything to do with Zuko.

Sokka had come to the Fire Nation sure that everyone he killed from there was someone who deserved to die, regardless of whether the violence was really necessary or not. But then Sokka met Zuko and everything changed, and now Sokka had no idea whether the general he’d just killed actually deserved it or not. And despite Sokka being calm and collected while he killed his target, Sokka’s nerves and doubts had secretly built up and now they were overflowing. And Sokka was running and Sokka was panicking and he wondered if this was what had happened to Zuko the night after the press meeting. Sokka tried to erase the thoughts in his head from his kill, he tried to forget the general and the knife and the slow decrease of a heartbeat until there was none. Sokka tried to forget how he matched his breathing with his target, watching as his target slowly stopped breathing but Sokka stayed living. Sokka tried to forget about how he’d just taken a life without knowing anything about the person he’d killed. But the more Sokka tried to push the thoughts away, the more they kept coming. They came in rapid succession, images flashing Sokka’s mind as he darted through the streets, desperately trying to outrun the memories. As Sokka neared the palace a voice started ringing in his head, sounding suspiciously like his sister but at the same time not like her at all. The voice was cruel, but it spoke the truth. And Sokka knew that it wasn’t his sister, but who else would be this upset with him for leaving his family, leaving his sister, for killing and killing even though he knew it was wrong?

_You’re an assassin,_ the voice said, _you’re a bad person. You’re cold-blooded and you’re merciless and you work for Last Hope despite swearing that you’re against them._

Sokka reached the window, found his rope behind the bushes, and attached it to his belt. He used his grappling hook to haul himself up the wall and back into his room, where he closed the window and put his weapons and tools back into his bag. Sokka was still panicking, ears ringing and vision hazy. He was lightheaded and faint and nauseous. The only thing Sokka could hear was the voice in his head, which wasn’t his sister anymore; it sounded more like his own thoughts.

_You’re numb and you’re dead because you killed yourself and you deserve it. You left your family and left your sister alone to fend for herself and you try to keep Toph safe but all you do is put her in more danger and every day you get closer to Zuko but you lie to him over and over again because if he knew who you really are he’d hate you._

Sokka tried to stand up, to get to his bed, but instead he toppled to the ground and collapsed to his knees. He leaned against the wall, taking shaky inhales and trembling exhales. He felt like he was choking, feeling his throat close up as it became hard to breathe. Sokka was running short on oxygen, and he felt like he was going to die. He could barely move, the voice in his head constantly berating him. And Sokka was now absolutely sure that the voice in his head was him. It was Sokka’s own horrible thoughts, everything he tried to hold back and pretend he didn’t feel. He was drowning in them now, suffocating in everything he hated about himself.

_If Zuko knew the truth he’d never forgive you and you’d deserve every bit of his anger. You try to protect Zuko, you try to keep him safe and make him feel better and help him but once he learns that it’s all a lie it’s only going to hurt him. Eventually you’re going to hurt Zuko like you hurt everyone else around you._

The more Sokka thought about Zuko, the more Sokka realized that he really didn’t want to be alone right now. He’d started dry heaving, crawling closer to the wall and trying not to actually throw up. He could barely feel his hand raise, but he could see it. Sokka watched as his shaking hand reached the wall and slowly, trembling, knuckles aching, he knocked three times. 

_You’re not a protector, you’re a killer._

The voice in his head grew louder as the door to Sokka’s room opened, and the voice became a cacophony, a choir singing the same song on a loop. One sentence filled Sokka’s mind, the swarm of voices intensifying in his mind and swallowing him whole. One sentence, one visceral truth. 

_You’re a monster._

And then Sokka started to cry. Or maybe he didn’t; he couldn’t really feel his face and he had no idea if the sting on his skin was from tears or if he was just imagining it. And for a moment Sokka thought he was imagining the arms around him, but he wasn’t. Sokka blinked through hazy vision and saw Zuko next to him, on his knees next to Sokka on the floor, looking panicked but resolved as he hugged Sokka tightly, muttering reassurances Sokka couldn’t make out. Sokka sat rigid for one moment, suddenly hyper-aware that he was supposed to be the one protecting Zuko. But then nausea took over once again and Sokka opened his mouth to throw up and nothing came out except for shaky sobbing. Sokka gave up on his small attempt to be the protector in the situation, knowing that right now he was nothing but a killer and he was so selfish for getting help from Zuko, of all people. Zuko, who had no idea what was happening to Sokka but was trying to make him feel better anyway.

And it was working. Zuko’s grip was strong and tight, as if he was trying to keep Sokka tethered to something, grounded in reality. But Sokka liked the tightness because it wasn’t choking him or hurting him. Instead it was waking him up, slowly shoving the bad thoughts away and getting rid of the voice in his head. Sokka buried his head in Zuko’s shoulder, breathing deep and loud and hiccupy. And Zuko held him, at one point reaching up to undo Sokka’s wolftail and running his hands through his hair in a gesture Sokka was sure he’d done for Zuko before. It was helping; Sokka felt comforted and he felt safe. He felt protected, which was a new feeling. Sokka was always the protector, but now someone else was keeping him safe. And Sokka didn’t mind the feeling, even if he knew he’d feel incredibly guilty about this later. Instead, he let Zuko help him. Zuko stayed holding Sokka, waiting for him to relax and calm down. And eventually Sokka did, the nausea leaving his stomach and the lightheadedness fading away. Sokka’s dry sobs stopped making him lose breath, and his inhales and exhales became even and steady. Sokka lifted his head off of Zuko’s shoulder and Zuko loosened his grip, and Sokka finally met Zuko’s eyes.

Zuko’s gaze was soft, but it was worried. He looked almost as panicked as Sokka had been, but he was trying to hide it. Unfortunately, Zuko wasn't doing a very good job, and Sokka barely resisted the urge to reassure him. Sokka tried to say something, to tell Zuko that he was okay now, to thank Zuko for helping, but Sokka opened his mouth and noticed that it was dry. He couldn’t get any words out, but Zuko seemed to understand what Sokka was trying to say and he just nodded. Sokka’s vision was clearer now but his ears were still playing white noise, and he suddenly felt very tired. Despite trying to hold it in Sokka yawned, and Zuko’s mouth started moving and he gestured to the bed. Sokka could barely hear Zuko, but he understood the question. Sokka nodded and tried to get up, stumbling and catching himself against the wall. Zuko steadied him and helped him up, leading him towards the bed and somehow getting Sokka leaning against the pillow, eyes fluttering shut. Sokka was already drifting off, absolutely exhausted. Sokka wanted to tell Zuko that he was fine now, and that Zuko could leave, but he still couldn’t get any words out. So Zuko stayed with Sokka, sitting on the bed next to him. 

Zuko seemed to notice that Sokka preferred tight grips, ones that were all-encompassing but not too suffocating. So Zuko didn’t hold Sokka’s hand, but instead kept one arm around Sokka’s shoulder and the other latched around Sokka’s arm. Sokka let himself relax completely, falling asleep on Zuko’s shoulder. Sokka just barely registered Zuko leaning his head on top of Sokka’s, which added another level of tightness and enveloped Sokka in touch. Before now, Sokka had no idea what helped him when he had nightmares, or when he was panicking like this. But somehow Zuko had figured it out, and now Sokka was so comfortable and so safe. And when Sokka finally fell asleep he was drowning, but not in bad thoughts. Sokka was drowning in warmth, firebender warmth finally being used for good, and a comforting touch that he didn’t think he’d ever felt in his life. Sokka was drowning in Zuko’s effort to help him, panicked and scared but determined and full of genuine caring. And maybe Sokka liked being cared about. Maybe Sokka liked drowning in someone else’s worry for him. And maybe that was horribly selfish, and he was going to feel unbearably guilty in the morning, but Sokka but too exhausted and too comfortable to care. Sokka felt good, the best he’d felt in seven years. And then Sokka briefly noticed that he was _feeling_ ; that for once he wasn’t completely dead. He was still mostly numb, and he was still reeling from everything that had happened that night. There were still a few lingering bad thoughts, but Zuko’s touch was slowly driving them away. And Sokka was still detached and cold and a little panicked, but he was also definitely experiencing a feeling. A real, wonderful, _feeling_. And despite having never felt it probably ever before, Sokka knew exactly what that feeling was.

Zuko held him in the dark and they fell asleep against each other and for once in his life he knew what it was like to be cared for and protected and unconditionally safe, and Sokka felt like he was coming alive.


	12. Pyro Prince

Zuko had pretty much given up on getting Sokka to let his guard down when he finally did. Zuko hadn’t _meant_ to stop trying, but after the millionth time Sokka refused Zuko’s offers to talk, he’d just stopped asking. Zuko figured that eventually he’d start trying again, and maybe after a break from Zuko’s constant pushing he might actually give in. So Zuko stopped asking and kept knocking, waiting for Sokka to come into Zuko’s room and comfort him and hold his hand the way Zuko wished he could reciprocate. If only Sokka would let him. But Zuko saw the way Sokka was so determined to be there for Zuko, how his expression would soften when he saw Zuko’s panic but there was a hardness in his eyes, a resolve and a purpose. A purpose to protect, to take care of people like Zuko and never himself. Zuko wondered if Sokka could tell that Zuko was worried about him, that Zuko could see that hardness in his eyes and that Zuko knew that Sokka probably needed just as much help as Zuko did. Sokka was observant to an almost unnerving extent, but Zuko wasn’t sure if Sokka could tell when people were thinking and worrying about him. Because there was a part of Zuko’s mind completely occupied with worrying about Sokka, and even though it was small and fading as Zuko gave up on making Sokka let his guard down, it never fully disappeared. 

Zuko had known Sokka for a month, and within that month Zuko had broken down at least two or three times, and Sokka kept himself up to help Zuko through each one. The bags in Sokka’s eyes grew until even Mai and Ty Lee noticed and looked worried when Sokka turned away. They tried to ask Zuko if he knew why Sokka was becoming more and more tired every day, but Zuko lied and said he had no idea. He looked at Sokka stifling a yawn and was reminded of their early days when he’d been the one stifling yawns and taking multiple seconds to respond to other people’s questions. Zuko remembered when he was the one with dark bags under his eyes and chronic exhaustion that never went away. And it still hadn’t; despite getting much better sleep after nightmares Zuko still went out as the Blue Spirit, and the energy those nights took out of him was enough to keep Zuko perpetually tired. But still, Zuko had someone with him to hold him and keep him safe during his nightmares, and Zuko could feel himself getting less emotionally drained during the day. The Blue Spirit kept him physically tired, but the leftover pain from Zuko’s nightmares was never there during the day anymore. It was becoming easier and easier to push the bad memories away when Sokka was there. It was as if Sokka’s energy was being transferred over to Zuko. Every day that Zuko woke up with Sokka sitting next to him Zuko felt the sadness leave him and the warmth overtake him. Zuko could literally feel the tiredness leave him and make its way to Sokka; the exhaustion rested deep in his bones, the scar of the protector. 

The guilt was eating Zuko alive.

The day that Sokka finally let his guard down, Zuko hadn’t fallen asleep yet. He’d decided not to go out as the Blue Spirit, but he was almost afraid to go to sleep. He knew that once he did he’d just wake up and knock for Sokka, but tonight Zuko wanted to let Sokka get some rest for once. Zuko told himself that he would not knock today. Every other night he’d said that Zuko had ended up knocking, but now Zuko was determined not to. He was going to be tired tomorrow morning, he was going to take the tiredness back for himself. And maybe that was unhealthy, but Zuko was sick of seeing Sokka so exhausted from being there for everyone but himself. Zuko needed to change that, but all of his efforts had failed. The only thing Zuko could think of now was to just never fall asleep, never get nightmares, and never have to knock. Zuko was painfully aware that he was the one who made up the knock system in the first place, but he’d also done it to help Sokka. He’d done it because Sokka had said that he got nightmares and Zuko wanted Sokka to be able to have those nightmares without being a burden. But then Sokka had flipped the gesture and made it about protecting Zuko, which he was starting to think Sokka had done subconsciously. Like he was so used to being there for other people that the moment someone offered to help him he immediately pushed it away and turned it into a way to help the other person, because for some reason Sokka was convinced that he didn’t need help. Like he didn’t deserve it. And Zuko hated that the most, because _Zuko_ was the one who didn’t deserve help. _Zuko_ was the one who didn’t deserve to be protected and kept safe and taken care of. Sokka was different, Sokka deserved all of that and more. And the idea that Sokka might not think the same infuriated Zuko because while it was the most hypocritical thing he had ever thought, Zuko also absolutely believed it to be true.

And so Zuko stayed awake for hours, forcing himself awake when he felt his eyes start to close. Zuko yawned and his body begged him to sleep, but Zuko refused. All that would come of sleeping was nightmares, knocking, and Zuko waking up in the morning feeling warm and safe and _not tired_ , but also horribly guilty and entirely selfish. So Zuko didn’t give in, and Zuko didn’t sleep. And when Sokka knocked for the first time, Zuko was awake to hear it. They were faint knocks, quiet and almost shaking. But Zuko heard them through his walls, and at first he was confused. Zuko was sitting upright in bed, nowhere near his walls. Zuko couldn’t have knocked even subconsciously or in his sleep, which meant that _Sokka_ knocked. And the thought of that filled Zuko with an intense worry, because Sokka refused to let other people protect him. If Sokka was asking for help now, then something must be really wrong. So once Zuko realized what was happening he was out of bed and at Sokka’s door in what felt like seconds. He didn’t worry about being loud, he just turned Sokka’s doorknob and almost kicked open the door before closing it behind him. Zuko looked at the bed, expecting to find Sokka there, but instead the bed was empty, sheets rumpled and twisted. Zuko then looked at the wall and found Sokka there, curled into himself on the floor and _panicking_. Panicking the way Zuko did after a nightmare, but almost worse. Definitely worse.

Sokka was breathing hard, drawing in shaking sobs of inhales; his exhales turning into dry heaves as he trembled against the wall. Zuko didn’t know if Sokka’s nightmares were always this bad or if something else had happened, or what had caused it, but Zuko also didn’t care. Sokka didn’t pry, and neither would he. So instead Zuko made his way next to Sokka on the floor, and he tried to figure out what Sokka would want to help him. Sokka always knew what Zuko needed, but Zuko wasn’t the same. Zuko wasn’t a natural protector, and he had no idea how to help people the way Sokka did. And, Zuko remembered, Sokka had never been comforted after a nightmare before. Sokka didn’t even know what he needed. But Zuko had promised himself that for Sokka he would learn to protect, so Zuko pushed through his worry and started by doing what Sokka usually did for him when Zuko was panicking this much. Zuko wrapped his arms around Sokka and held him, maybe a little too tight. But maybe there was a part of Zuko that was absolutely terrified to see Sokka like this, and maybe that part was taking over and making Zuko hold Sokka like if he didn’t then Sokka would fall apart and never come back together.

It ended up working, because Sokka relaxed under Zuko’s tight grip. Zuko had been afraid Sokka would feel suffocated, but his breathing slowed and his dry sobs subsided. His head lifted from where it was buried in Zuko’s shoulder and he yawned. And Zuko steadied Sokka and led him to the bed and sat next to him. Zuko put an arm around Sokka’s shoulder and felt him fall asleep, leaning against Zuko and letting himself be vulnerable. Their roles were switched, Zuko sitting upright against his pillows, eyes open and awake. Zuko was the protector now, and Sokka was the one letting his guard down. Becoming vulnerable. And when Zuko woke up in the morning, disoriented by his surroundings but quickly made aware that he’d been there for Sokka last night, that he’d taken care of someone and learned to protect them and done it right, Zuko knew that he’d fulfilled his promise to himself. Sokka had accepted Zuko’s help, letting himself be protected for once. A few hours later Sokka woke up, and he pulled away from Zuko almost immediately. But Zuko didn't take offense, knowing that Sokka wasn’t used to being taken care of because he didn’t think he deserved it. And Zuko knew that Sokka was going to try and flip this on Zuko, try and find a way to make last night about protecting Zuko instead of him. Zuko was soon proved right, because once Sokka took in surroundings and remembered everything that had happened, the first thing he did was turn to Zuko and apologize.

Despite expecting something like that, Zuko was entirely taken aback. Zuko wasn’t going to pry or ask Sokka what had happened last night, but he did know that nothing Sokka did warranted any kind of apology. Zuko said that to Sokka, who tried to insist that he’d put Zuko in a weird position and that Sokka was Zuko’s bodyguard and not the other way around. Zuko was seeing a little bit of red, but he knew that getting upset at Sokka for feeling insecure or guilty wouldn’t help at all. So Zuko stayed calm and Zuko told Sokka that the knock system was for both of them and that Zuko would be there to help him no matter what. And Zuko promised that he wouldn’t ask about Sokka’s kind of breakdown and he wouldn’t tell anyone else about it. Eventually Sokka stopped trying to apologize and just nodded, too tired to protest anymore. Zuko made Sokka swear that he would knock for Zuko if this ever happened again, and although he wasn’t sure if Sokka meant the small nod he gave, it was the best Zuko could hope for and he would take it for now. 

Satisfied, Zuko went back into his own room and gave Sokka some space. When they reconvened in half an hour and had breakfast, neither one of them talked about last night or the morning. Sokka pretended like nothing had happened and everything was okay, cracking jokes and making Zuko laugh as usual. Zuko felt a stab of pride when he saw that Sokka looked much less tired, back to being bright and energetic like he’d been when Zuko first met him, minus the melancholy. Zuko didn’t mind that they weren’t talking about it, because Zuko never liked talking about what happened at night during the day, either. Nights when he didn’t go out as the Blue Spirit were good for Zuko now, a time of safety and comfort. Nobody asked questions at night, nobody lied at night. Sokka didn’t ask about Zuko’s nightmares, and Zuko wouldn’t ask about his breakdown, or any nightmares he might have in the future. Nights were different from every other part of Zuko’s life, because now they provided a feeling of okayness that for once didn’t feel like a lie. 

After breakfast, Zuko and Sokka followed their usual routine and met up with Mai and Ty Lee. Toph joined them for lunch, fresh out of a meeting and complaining about it as they walked to the courtyard as usual. The five of them sat down in the grass, Ty Lee and Sokka lugging food along. Zuko noticed that they were becoming more comfortable with each other, Toph easily fitting in with the girls, and Sokka also getting along with them well. Zuko liked having a larger group of friends; it was never something he thought a royal could have, especially him. He probably didn’t deserve it.

Once they sat down at Zuko’s favorite spot near the pond, Sokka sat on his right side, subtly protecting Zuko without hesitating like he always did. Zuko wanted to say how much he appreciated it, but for some reason he never could. Zuko knew that for Sokka it wasn’t that big of a deal, and was worried that his gratitude would seem weird to him. Zuko knew it was a weak excuse, but he couldn’t explain why he was always so worried about people’s reactions to anything Zuko said, even compliments.

Zuko was settling into a conversation with Mai and Ty Lee when he noticed from the side of his vision that Sokka and Toph seemed to be engaged in a silent argument. He watched from his periphery as Sokka, looking agitated, muttered something to Toph, who nudged him in the arm. He glared at her, and as Toph turned in Zuko’s direction, Sokka waved his hands frantically and then seemed to give up.

“Hey, Zuko,” Toph said, leaning over Sokka to look at him, “Do you know anything about the Blue Spirit?”

Zuko choked on his tea, violently coughing at the question. Mai and Ty Lee both gave Zuko knowing looks, and he scowled at them. Sokka was looking at him in concern, so Zuko waved his hand in a _one second_ gesture and finished choking.

“Sorry,” Zuko regained his composure, “ what was the question again?”

“The Blue Spirit,” Sokka said, and Zuko started panicking. Why were they asking about the Blue Spirit? Did Sokka find out that Zuko snuck out sometimes and was trying to get an explanation? Did Sokka suspect something? Sokka was observant; it made sense that he would figure out that Zuko was the Blue Spirit. But with what evidence? Just because Zuko snuck out at night didn’t mean that he was automatically the Blue Spirit. Had Zuko misplaced the mask? Did Sokka see the Blue Spirit before he became Zuko’s bodyguard and then somehow connect the dots? Zuko willed his heart to slow down, which failed. He didn’t want anyone else to know he was the Blue Spirit. That was a secret he wanted to keep for a long while. He wasn’t sure why, but he really didn’t want to tell. Maybe it was because Zuko was proud of it, and he wanted it to be his secret before Sokka and Toph knew. Zuko had never been proud of something he’d done before. Was he proud of being the Blue Spirit? Zuko tried it out, _I’m the Blue Spirit and I’m proud of it._ It felt good, Zuko thought, but not exactly true. He wasn’t sure if that was because he actually wasn’t proud of it or because he wasn’t letting himself be proud of it. Knowing his self-deprecating tendencies, it was probably the second one. 

“Do you know anything about him?” Sokka was finishing, “like where he gets his information on the crimes that he goes to stop, or even, like, who he is?”

So Sokka didn’t know who the Blue Spirit was. That was good. Unfortunately, Zuko did know the answer to the other question. Zuko was about to make something up, say that he didn’t know anything, until he remembered that Toph was there. And Toph was the Lie Detector. Mai and Ty Lee seemed to process that at the same time Zuko did, and they looked at him with the same _be careful_ warning in their eyes. Zuko met their gazes and subtly nodded; he knew what he was doing.

“I think he just looks around the city at night in the usual trouble spots,” Zuko said, and he was telling the truth. His methods were very dicey, mostly improvised. Zuko continued, “he also looks in places that the military are stationed, checking for criminal activity down there. Most of that information is in the papers though, and in the press between all the complaints about how he’s ruining the justice system and is a disgrace to the Fire Nation.”

“Seems like the press is really taking this personally,” Sokka noted, “which is kind of ridiculous. He’s not doing anything wrong, is he?”

“No,” Zuko said, “but he’s anti-war and helping innocent citizens and going directly against Fire Nation laws. Nobody else likes that. I’m pretty sure the other Nations like him, though. Which makes sense.”

“Okay,” Sokka nodded, “that does make sense. I wouldn’t expect Fire Nation citizens to like him. _I_ like him, though, I think what he does is great.”

“It is pretty great,” Ty Lee agreed, but she was looking at Zuko. There was a twinkle in her eyes, an _I’m going to mess with you now_ look on her face, “if only we knew who he is.”

“Does anyone?” Mai replied, “he is _very_ secretive.” Toph's lie detector, thankfully, didn't pick up the sarcasm.

Zuko glared at Mai, mentally begging for someone to end this conversation.

“So that’s everything you guys know about the Blue Spirit?” Toph asked suddenly, as if reading Zuko’s mind. _Could she read minds?_ Zuko laughed at himself; obviously, she couldn’t. Knowing Toph, if she could read minds she’d be bragging about it three times a day.

“Yeah,” Mai answered for Zuko, knowing that otherwise, it would be far too big of a lie, “we don’t know much more than that, but you could probably find more stuff in the press. Between all the complaining and the slander, as Zuko said.”

“The Fire Nation has no mercy,” Sokka muttered absentmindedly, “first their Prince, now the coolest vigilante in all three nations?”

Zuko tried to ignore how this was technically a compliment to him, but Mai and Ty Lee kept side-eyeing him.

“Don’t mind Sokka," Toph said, "he’s just in love with the Blue Spirit."

Zuko almost choked on his tea again. Sokka glared at Toph, face red and expression flustered. Toph just grinned, unaware of the chaos she had just unleashed between Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee. Zuko tried very hard to ignore how this was also technically a compliment (understatement) to him, but Mai and Ty Lee were smirking at Zuko and just generally being insufferable. 

“Did they need to know that?” Sokka was complaining, “honestly, Toph, is this essential information for anyone to have? This is why I can’t tell you anything.”

“I need people to make fun of you with,” Toph whined, “let me have this one thing.”

“Absolutely not,” Sokka said immediately, letting out a loud, annoyed sigh. Zuko noticed that this was the second time Toph had teased Sokka about being interested in Zuko, even if she didn’t know that Zuko was the Blue Spirit. Zuko wasn’t sure how he felt about that, especially since he was pretty sure the first one hadn’t meant anything. That’s what Sokka had said, anyway. Zuko blinked, annoyed with himself. It hadn’t meant anything the first time, so why was Zuko trying to disprove that explanation? And they had no idea that Zuko was the Blue Spirit, even though they’d probably love it if he was. But now Zuko was embarrassed to tell, and even when that passed he still wouldn't want to say it. He wanted to keep it a secret for longer. And in a rush of revelation that made Zuko’s head spin, he realized why.

It was the press. Always the press.

Zuko’s press was bad as both Pyro Prince and the Blue Spirit. If Sokka and Toph knew that Zuko was the Blue Spirit after reading every horrible thing the press said about him, they’d know that he was a failure as two different people. They would judge him, and probably pity him. Zuko didn’t want anyone’s pity. He didn’t want Sokka and Toph to see that no matter who he was he would always be horrible and wrong and weak and a coward. He was dishonored as a Prince, a disgrace as a vigilante. Zuko couldn’t tell them about being the Blue Spirit, not after they’d asked about it for reasons that Zuko wasn’t going to pry into, and Zuko had told them to look in the press. Why had he done that? To avoid Toph detecting his lies, of course. Damn Lie Detector. Zuko had always thought that the press he got as the Blue Spirit didn’t bother him, but obviously it did. What had Zuko expected? He was insecure and anxious and cared far too much about what people thought of him. The Blue Spirit press bothered him just as much as Pyro Prince press did. It made him feel useless, a complete waste of space. And all of that was true. Zuko was a failure, on the edge of breaking and unable to sleep at night unless he had a hand to hold. Zuko wasn’t worth anyone’s time, not even the stupid press. And definitely not his friends. 

Zuko was jerked back into the present by Mai and Ty Lee laughing with Toph, evidently making fun of Sokka for his apparent crush on the Blue Spirit. Zuko didn’t join in, too busy trying to hide his flush. That failed, however, because Sokka took Zuko's silence as a refusal to make fun of him. That caused Sokka to gesture to him and say, “you guys should be more like Zuko. He’s the only one of you I like now,” which caused Zuko to blush even more. He hoped it wasn’t visible. Sokka looked at Zuko and grinned, which was normal and didn’t indicate that he saw how red Zuko was. Zuko figured that Sokka’s observational skills were less about physical appearance and more about behavior, because that seemed to be what Sokka was more easily able to guess about Zuko. Zuko was grateful for it, even if it was a little freakish how accurate it was sometimes. All it did was help, and it made Zuko inexplicably happy. He liked having someone who understood him, knowing what he needed without having to ask. It was almost unrealistically good.

If Zuko was thinking straight he might have thought that suspicious, but Zuko was too busy smiling back at Sokka and listening as the conversation faded into Toph telling Mai and Ty Lee more embarrassing things about Sokka while they laughed at him. Sokka complained at them but didn’t seem very affected, instead faking betrayal when Zuko couldn’t resist joining the teasing. Zuko wondered if any of this actually hurt Sokka, because even lighthearted teasing sometimes hurt Zuko. But Sokka let Toph mercilessly make fun of him with a smile on his face and affection in his eyes. Maybe it did affect Sokka, Zuko thought, but he was just really good at hiding it. Or maybe Sokka didn’t mind, and he let Toph make as many jokes as she wanted at his expense as another one of his ways of subtly protecting her. Zuko wished he could be like that, selfless enough to let someone make fun of him, strong enough to take harmless teasing without wondering what he’d done wrong. 

Selfless and strong. Things Sokka was, and Zuko was not.

The day seemed to be full of eventful conversations, because when Sokka and Toph found Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee at a table near the kitchen for dinner, Ty Lee picked up the paper she was reading and waved it at them.

“Did you guys hear about this?” Ty Lee asked as Sokka and Toph moved to sit down.

“One of the Firelord’s generals was killed yesterday,” Mai continued, “they say it was Last Hope.”

Sokka’s face visibly paled, and Toph’s eyes darted to him worriedly. Zuko understood how they felt; Last Hope’s unnecessary violence was always disconcerting.

“Really?” Toph said, grabbing the paper from Ty Lee, “they didn’t mention it in any meetings today. Maybe tomorrow.”

“It’s been a while since we’ve had an assassination,” Zuko replied, “the other generals probably need some more time before they start planning any counter-attacks.”

“Which general was this again?” Sokka asked after being silent for an oddly long amount of time, “was he one of the bad ones?”

“Oh, definitely,” Zuko said, “remember my almost-banishment?”

“Yeah,” Sokka said slowly, the realization dawning on him, “wait, was he…that general?”

“Yeah,” Zuko replied, “that general.”

By “that general,” Zuko meant the one he’d spoken out against in a fateful war meeting when he was thirteen years old. The general with the horrendous plan that would kill innocent soldiers and Fire Nation citizens who didn’t deserve that at all. Last Hope was already killing off enough of them. Zuko had thought he was doing the right thing back then, but that moment was the cause for all of his nightmares and his worst scar. Of course, Sokka and Toph had only learned about the event through the press, so they both thought that Zuko’s disrespect for the general had caused him to be almost-banished, and that was all there was to the story. Nobody knew about the Agni Kai except for the people who were there and the employees of the royal palace who heard about it later through gossip. And nobody knew the truth about Zuko’s scar except for the people who were there. Mai and Ty Lee knew, but they would never say anything. Zuko wasn’t sure if he ever wanted to tell someone about his scar again, because the idea of reliving those memories sounded far too painful. Zuko couldn’t even talk about his almost-banishment, instead just mentioning it and leaving Sokka to connect the dots. Zuko couldn’t mention that general without reliving the Agni Kai and his scar and his father’s fire on his skin. Maybe it was a good thing that Last Hope assassinated him. But Zuko would never say that out loud. Zuko had learned his lesson about badmouthing generals in the royal palace. He had a scar to prove it.

“Okay,” Sokka nodded, “he was an asshole.”

“Yeah,” Zuko said, lowering his voice, “it’s always harder when they are.”

Sokka agreed, and Zuko knew he’d understood what he meant. When Last Hope assassinated someone who deserved it, it was always harder to be against them. Always easier to justify their methods. But Zuko had to push past the relief that someone who’d indirectly caused him so much pain was gone. Zuko had to remember that Last Hope was cruel, they took children from their families and hurt Mai and they forced teenagers to become murderers. Sure, this general deserved to die, but there was a terrified kid who’d had to kill him. And that kid didn't deserve any of the horrible things Last Hope had undoubtedly done to them. Last Hope was a corrupt organization, and they weren’t much better than the Fire Nation was. 

Between the two groups, there was so much violence inflicted upon the world. Battlefields stained with blood, soldiers struck with weapons as the faces of their abandoned kids flashed before their eyes. Women who weren’t allowed to fight looking after their families, trying to convince them that their fathers and brothers would come back despite not entirely believing it themselves. Young benders learning to harness their powers, firebenders taken away and taught how to take over cities and kill countless soldiers with their flames. Benders from the other nations were forced to use their abilities for violence, learning to fight and then learning to hide, making sure they never got caught by the Fire Nation. Children were ripped away from their homes, trained in the art of assassination and learning to be a cold-blooded killer. Terror filled their eyes as they watched the life get sucked out of their target, knowing that it was their own doing. Zuko couldn’t imagine what that was like, but he figured it was something like that. Zuko hated violence, violence that had been inflicted on him, by his father’s words and fire. Violence that Zuko had learned to inflict on others, by sword and by flame. Violence that ravaged the world and ravaged Zuko’s mind, nightmares of burning, Zuko’s own screams waking him up at night. 

So much violence and so many killers. 

No wonder Sokka was such a resolute protector.

That night Zuko knocked, memories filled with the general and the war meeting and the Agni Kai. The almost-banishment ran through Zuko’s mind, the burn of his scar that continued when Zuko woke up, psychogenic but far too real. Zuko’s father reminded Zuko that he was lucky to be born, the words resonating in Zuko’s head over and over again, echoing as Zuko sat up in the dark, eyes wide and breathing hard. Scar searing and face throbbing. Hand shaking as Zuko knocked, weak and selfish and too dependent on someone who’s care Zuko didn’t deserve. Someone who entered Zuko’s door later than usual, breathing almost as labored as Zuko’s and eyes blinking fear away. Sokka looked pale and exhausted, his expression heavy and scared. But Zuko watched as he blinked it away in a second, walking over to Zuko’s bed, sitting down, and extending his hand. Zuko took it, more hesitant than usual, watching Sokka worriedly.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Zuko asked quietly.

“Yeah,” Sokka muttered, sounding a little guilty. _As he should_ , Zuko thought, if he had a nightmare he should knock. He should know by now that Zuko would always be here for him.

“Why didn’t you knock?” Zuko whispered, “is it because I helped you last night?”

“I guess,” Sokka replied after a pause, “I know I promised you I’d knock if I got more nightmares. I’m sorry I didn’t.”

“It’s okay,” Zuko lied. It wasn’t okay. Sokka was pulling away and putting his walls back and Zuko really didn’t want that to happen. But Zuko didn’t want to get upset or make Sokka upset. They were supposed to help each other; anger was counterproductive. And Zuko was terrified of hurting other people’s feelings, and Zuko would walk backward for miles to avoid conflict.

“About last night,” Sokka said, slow and unsure, “I never said thank you.”

“Thank you?” Zuko asked, confused, because he’d never expected thanks.

“Yeah. I didn’t really know how to react in the morning, but I did really appreciate it. I was obviously not in a good place, and you really helped. So thank you.”

“Don’t thank me,” Zuko responded, “I’m just glad I could protect you for a change.”

“That’s why I’m thanking you,” Sokka said, “no one’s ever been there for me the way I’m there for them. Which is okay, because I’m not their problem, but last night you were there. And you didn’t have to be, and you definitely shouldn’t be, because I’m your bodyguard, but you did it anyway. And I let you. I’ve never let anyone protect me before. I don’t think I’ve ever been on the receiving end of comfort or protection since I left my family. I don’t really know what I’m trying to say, but I guess it all boils back down to thank you, again. Thank you for protecting me.”

Sokka said the last sentence slowly, dragging out every word as if it was hard for him to say. As if it was hard for him to admit that he’d been protected for once and that he’d liked it. Sokka probably thought he was being selfish, that he didn’t deserve Zuko’s protection. Zuko wanted to tell him otherwise, but the idea made him flush red. Instead, Zuko just squeezed Sokka’s hand, converting all of his thoughts into one touch and one word.

“Anytime.”

Sokka smiled and squeezed Zuko’s hand back, shifting upright against the pillows and looking down at Zuko. He was reassuming the role of the protector, and Zuko, mind flashing with his worst memories, was content to let it happen. Sokka had been through enough with whatever had happened last night. If protecting Zuko made Sokka feel better, Zuko wasn’t going to stop him tonight. So Zuko took a few deep breaths and focused on Sokka’s hand, feeling the bad thoughts melt away and the throbbing of Zuko’s scar fade. Zuko leaned his head against his pillows, and as his head became heavy and he inched closer to sleep Zuko felt his head roll and shift onto Sokka’s shoulder, scar side up. Sokka didn’t move, used to Zuko moving to that position after bad nightmares. Instead Sokka stayed still, waiting for Zuko to fall asleep like he usually did. And right before Zuko went black, when stars were dancing behind his eyelids, Zuko just barely felt Sokka’s head brush the top of Zuko’s and stay there, surrounding Zuko with more protection but also protecting Sokka. Sokka was taking care of Zuko while also letting himself be the tiniest bit vulnerable. Instead of one of them keeping the other safe at different times, they were helping each other, together. Sokka had found a way to let his walls down just a little and instead put them around both him and Zuko, keeping out the nightmares and the outside world. Keeping out the violence and killing. Keeping out the war that broke apart their families and consumed their lives. 

Inside the walls of Zuko’s bedroom and Sokka’s heart, it was just the two of them, letting themselves be vulnerable because no matter what they would be safe. Sokka was Zuko’s bodyguard, and he gave Zuko the best sleep he’d had in three years. Zuko was the first person who Sokka had let his guard around in seven years. And as Sokka let his guard down and Zuko kept him safe their relationship started to become truly equal, because now they were finally helping each other. They were protecting each other.

Zuko fell asleep smiling.


	13. the Bodyguard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: suicidal thoughts/ideation, mentions of abuse

Another month passed, and Sokka was given two more jobs for Last Hope. And both times Sokka panicked, dry heaving and drawing shaky breaths and knocking on the wall because he was too weak to fight against it. Memories of the now three Fire Nation citizens he had killed filling his mind, one general by knife, one advisor by the edge of his boomerang, and one soldier by poison. Sokka tried not to repeat kill methods for at least a few jobs, because otherwise someone might spot a pattern and attribute it to Sokka. Instead Sokka switched between weapons and methods, coming up with plans and checklists and eliminating his target with ease. What came after was much harder, the panic attacks unavoidable to a point where Sokka was prepared to sprint from his target’s house to the palace in order to not throw up in the middle of the street. Despite knowing that the first general had been a shitty person who indirectly hurt Zuko, the other two targets seemed to just be regular people. Regular people who might have done bad things, but Sokka had killed them with no proof of that. 

Sokka always felt horrible knocking afterward, making Zuko come into his room and comfort him after he’d just assassinated one of Zuko’s citizens, but he didn’t honestly know what else to do. Sokka couldn’t be alone during those breakdowns, not when he was crying, something he refused to do on account of not letting other people see his vulnerabilities. So Sokka knocked, and Zuko came through the door looking worried and scared but so revolved to protect Sokka. And he started to accept that nobody else could protect him, but maybe Zuko could keep him safe a little. Because Zuko latched onto Sokka’s arm like he was his lifeline, and the tight grip and the slight loss of blood circulation in his arm woke Sokka up and relaxed him, reminding him that he was here, with Zuko, safe and okay. And Sokka did feel safe, safe in a way that he had never felt before. Sokka wasn’t sure he’d ever felt safe before now. Back in the Water Tribe he was the sole protector of his tribe, and he was constantly in fear of Fire Nation raids or people coming to take his sister. He didn’t feel safe, not when he was coming up with plans to lie for his sister and say that he was the last Southern waterbender, even if it meant dying. He didn’t feel safe when he was teaching five-year-old kids how to use a boomerang and protect themselves from the Fire Nation.

Once Sokka had joined Last Hope, he hadn’t felt safe either. He was stuck on a moving ship, and he never knew where they would be going next. He was surrounded by killers, and he was one himself. He spent his days learning how to use weapons and teaching Toph bending and assassinating people. When you led that kind of life, you were never safe. And Sokka was too busy protecting Toph to ever think about his own safety. At that point, Sokka’s safety only mattered because he couldn’t protect the people he cared about if he was dead. So Sokka stayed alive, but he never felt alive. And Sokka stayed physically safe, but he never felt safe. He never felt warm or comforted or protected. He felt cold and numb and terrified of waking up to silence after a nightmare. And now, in the Fire Palace, Sokka wasn’t really safe either. He was living a lie, constantly on edge because if he didn't watch himself he could accidentally blow his cover. He was a part of Last Hope and was liable to be killed if someone figured that out. And he was coming up with more and more ideas on how to end the war by the day, because that was Sokka’s best bet for somehow surviving the mess of a situation he’d put himself in. Because Sokka was not safe, and would never be safe until the war ended.

And neither would Zuko. The more nightmares Zuko had, and the more times he knocked and Sokka held his hand and comforted him in the dark, the more times Zuko quietly called out for his father. His father, the Firelord, to  _ stop _ or to _ please don’t _ or  _ im sorry, don’t hurt me i’ll be good _ . And Sokka didn’t ask in the morning, because he never pried, but now he was sure that Zuko was a victim of his father. And every time Zuko cried out at his father in his fitful sleep, every word that Zuko yelled in terror broke Sokka’s heart into splinters of hatred for the Firelord. Firelord Ozai had hurt an entire world, committed genocide on an entire nation, and waged horrible war on the others. The Firelord had already hurt so many people, including his own citizens, but Sokka had always believed that it stopped there. He’d never even considered that the Firelord would hurt his own  _ children  _ until Sokka met Zuko. He was almost sure when he met Azula, and now he was absolutely positive. 

Zuko’s father hurt both his children; in different ways, but it was abuse all the same. Sokka had met Azula a couple more times after the press meeting, and he was sure that she’d been abused by her father as well. Azula was cold and apathetic in a way that struck Sokka as what he could've been if he hadn’t had Toph. And Azula’s demeanor was because she’d been manipulated as a child; Sokka could see it in the way she blindly followed her father because she’d lost all her friends and pushed away her brother and now Ozai was all she had left. And Ozai didn’t love her, he pretended to care about her because he wanted to use her. Sokka tried to be understanding, knowing that what Azula did to Zuko was because of what her father did to her, but every time Sokka saw Azula he didn’t feel like her death would be undeserved. And there was a small part of Sokka that wished he didn't feel that way, that thought maybe Azula was redeemable. But the rest of Sokka knew that what Azula did to Zuko and her unwavering support of her father was enough for him to realistically hate her forever. 

As for Zuko? Ozai definitely didn’t love Zuko. Sokka had no idea what he’d done to Zuko, because Sokka would never ask and Zuko had zero reasons to tell and shouldn’t ever be forced to, but Sokka also saw how Zuko reacted when he saw his father. Sokka noticed how Zuko’s nightmares were always considerably worse after seeing or talking about his father and sister, but especially his father. Sokka heard Zuko cry out and beg his father not to hurt him in his sleep, and Sokka was absolutely certain that whatever the Firelord had done to Zuko was unforgivable and horrible. Zuko didn’t deserve any of this. And Sokka hated it, hated being in Ozai’s own palace and not being able to do anything. He was stuck assassinating random people when he should be making a plan to kill Ozai. Last Hope shouldn’t be bothering with killing Zuko and Azula, they should be training all of their forces to just kill Ozai. And that might just cause Last Hope to be in charge of the Fire Nation, and that wouldn’t be any better. But if Ozai was killed, then maybe Zuko would sleep a little better at night.

And now, holed up in the royal palace, with the job of bodyguarding a Prince, having genuine fun with Toph and becoming closer with Mai and Ty Lee and honestly everything about Zuko, Sokka figured that as long as his cover wasn’t blown, he was probably the safest he’d ever been in life. Because here, Sokka was from the colonies, but he was still technically Fire Nation. He was a part of the Fire Nation, a part of a community driven by the war they refused to stop despite having no actual reason to continue fighting in it. Sokka absolutely hated being associated with the Fire Nation, having people think that he was on their side, but he had to admit that he was both physically and emotionally safe. Nobody was coming to raid Sokka’s family, nobody was coming to take him or his sister away. Sokka killed his targets but nobody had any idea that it was him and couldn’t possibly find out. And Sokka made friends and spent time with them and protected them and at night when he panicked he knocked for Zuko. And Zuko, who was hurt and exhausted and going through so much, Zuko who Sokka shouldn’t be relying on, Zuko protected Sokka. Zuko slowly brought down Sokka’s walls and now Sokka was letting himself be vulnerable around a person who shouldn’t have to deal with all of Sokka’s baggage. But Zuko never seemed to mind, content to protect Sokka as much as Sokka protected him, and slowly Sokka accepted it. Sokka accepted that for once in his life he felt safe, and he was letting himself be vulnerable and be protected. He was letting one person inside his walls. Sokka accepted that he could keep Zuko safe while Zuko did the same. Sokka accepted the help that Zuko offered him because they could help each other. They could protect each other.

After Toph asked Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee for information on the Blue Spirit, Sokka had learned that nobody really knew that much about him. Sokka scoured newspapers and tabloids and tried to find pictures, but nobody really knew what the Blue Spirit was going to do next. He was unpredictable and hated among Fire Nation citizens. He had really bad press. And Sokka was having a much harder time than expected finding him. Sokka never wanted to go out too late at night for fear of Zuko knocking, but sometimes Sokka was able to sneak out of the palace in the early hours of the night. Sokka walked around the city, looking for places with high crime rates or areas where the military was stationed. Sokka went to places the Blue Spirit had been to before, staking them out and hoping for some sort of action. 

Sokka had come close a few times, noticing the telltale mask on a rooftop or darting through an alley. But Sokka had never been able to catch up, the vigilante was too quick on his feet and far too stealthy, even for Sokka, an assassin. He was talented, and he was good at what he did, Sokka gave him that. And maybe it was a good thing that Sokka couldn’t catch the Blue Spirit, because what was he supposed to do once he did? He’d obviously made plans for it, but none of them felt like ideas the Blue Spirit, a faceless vigilante, would respond positively to. They all involved either joining Last Hope anonymously or telling Sokka who he was. But Sokka refused to give up, and whenever he could he continued to search for the Blue Spirit. Tracking him also reinforced Sokka’s mental map of the Fire Nation, clearing up issues and holes in all of Sokka’s escape plans. Even though Sokka’s efforts to find the Blue Spirit were pretty much fruitless, the process wasn’t all bad. At least wandering around the city every few nights was helping in some way.

Sokka hadn’t realized that he’d never actually been to the city during the day until Azula approached their group in the courtyard exactly two months after Sokka arrived in the Fire Nation. Her presence was noticed by Toph first, who alerted Ty Lee so that she and Mai could move apart from each other. At the movement, Sokka looked up and nudged Zuko’s side because he was sitting on Zuko’s left and couldn’t talk quietly on that side. The nudge worked all the same, as Zuko turned towards Sokka and saw Azula. His face paled like it usually did when he saw her, and Sokka felt Zuko subtly scoot back so he was just a little bit behind Sokka. Sokka once again felt a small stab of hatred for the way Azula made Zuko react, but he didn’t let it show anywhere on his face or through clenched fists. Sokka stayed calm and collected, letting Toph do the scowling. Azula scowled back at Toph and refused to acknowledge Mai and Ty Lee. Her ex-friends, the ones who left her for Zuko. Sokka wondered if losing her friends contributed to how she acted now. Sokka also wondered if Mai and Ty Lee felt guilty for that, or if they regretted their decision. Now, they didn't meet Azula's eyes, content to let her ignore them. Azula passed them and made her way to stand in front of Sokka and Zuko, neither of whom bothered to stand up. Sokka wasn’t going to stand for just Azula, and Sokka was also pretty sure that Zuko was afraid of his knees giving out if he tried to get up.

“Zuzu, Bodyguard,” Azula started, nodding curtly to both of them, “your presence is required tomorrow afternoon for the press. You’re supposed to reveal your budding friendship to the world by walking through the city and doing spirits knows what. There will be press watching your every move, so don’t mess anything up. All you have to do is convince the press that you are now becoming friends. Shouldn’t be too hard, even for you, Zuzu.”

Zuko avoided Azula’s eyes, and Sokka didn’t bother looking at her. That seemed pretty standard, a publicity stunt to show the world that Sokka and Zuko were friends now, something to get Zuko some good press. And Sokka and Zuko  _ were  _ friends, so spending time together wouldn’t be as awkward as it could have been had Sokka still been trying to kill Zuko. Zuko didn’t respond to Azula, so Sokka nodded to her to show that they understood and that she could go now, please. Azula, indifferent as ever, simply narrowed her eyes and left, not caring to say anything else either. Zuko was about to relax when Azula suddenly turned around, causing Zuko to straighten and sharply inhale behind Sokka. Azula, a ghost of a smile on her robotic face, swiftly walked up to where Mai, Toph, and Ty Lee were sitting. Azula looked Mai straight in the eyes, but she addressed everyone as she talked.

“I’m sure you five have heard about the Last Hope assassinations, yes? The Lie Detector and I have been in many meetings regarding them. It’s just awful, isn’t it? So many of our wonderful soldiers and advisors are dying. Not that I care; they’re all easily replaceable anyway. But the citizens seem to care, so we have to try and do something about it. Three people in a month is quite a lot. I wonder who they’re sending to do their dirty work now. One of their child assassins, most likely. Can you imagine, Mai? That could’ve been you.”

Sokka had never seen Mai look as scared as she did then. Her face paled and her eyes clouded, and Ty Lee made an angry noise on her behalf, her own expression becoming harsh. Zuko’s eyes widened, and Sokka got the feeling that this was about whatever Last Hope had done to Mai. And judging from how Mai, Ty Lee, and Zuko were reacting to Azula’s comment, it must have been something horrible. Sokka wouldn’t put anything past the corrupt organization he regrettably worked for.

“Get out,” Ty Lee said, her voice quiet but hard. Sokka had never heard her talk like that; she was usually bright and bubbly. But Ty Lee’s hand was tightly grasping Mai’s arm, the way that Zuko sometimes did to Sokka when he was panicking. Ty Lee’s eyes were dark and narrowed, darting towards Mai to make sure she was okay. Mai’s expression was blank and stoic as usual, but her eyes were terrified and Sokka could tell that she was breathing hard. Whatever Azula had said triggered something awful for Mai, and that was even more reason for Sokka’s hatred of the Princess to grow.

“You’ve said what you had to say to Sokka and Zuko,” Ty Lee was continuing to Azula, who looked unaffected, “and you had no reason to bring this up to Mai. You have nothing more to do here, so  _ leave _ .”

A faint smile tugged at Azula’s lips, as she looked almost amused at Ty Lee’s words. “I’ll go,” Azula said, “but remember who saved you two all those years ago. And remember who I was really helping when I saved Zuko. I am responsible for the safety and the happiness of  _ all three of you _ , and don’t you  _ dare  _ forget it.”

Azula’s tone became harsher as she continued, and she spat the last sentence before turning and walking away. Sokka watched as her figure disappeared inside the palace, and felt Zuko’s lengthy exhale. Zuko’s head slumped onto Sokka’s shoulder, almost mirroring Mai’s collapse onto Ty Lee, who was trying to console her. Toph turned to Sokka, who shrugged at her and hoped her feet would pick it up. Sokka watched as Mai slowly sat up, still leaning against Ty Lee. Zuko picked his head up from Sokka’s shoulder and nodded when Sokka asked if he was okay. Sokka let it go, worrying more about Mai in that particular moment. She was showing more emotion on her face than Sokka had ever seen, knowing that Mai’s feelings were usually expressed with her eyes and her actions. But now Mai was pale and, as she turned towards Sokka and Zuko, she was wearing an expression of pure fear.

What did Azula get out of manipulating her brother and ex-friends to the point of actual fear? Pleasure? Revenge? A combination of both? Or did she just do it for fun, not caring or bothering because she didn’t feel a thing when she did it? Maybe Azula was numb, just as numb as Sokka but in a completely different way. Sokka hated comparing himself to Azula, but he recognized the detachment to the world in her. Azula was Sokka in wildly different circumstances. Azula was Sokka with parents who hurt her instead of just leaving. Azula was Sokka without friends. Azula was Sokka without a purpose, a drive that kept her grounded to the real world, where there was love and small moments of happiness. Azula was Sokka except that she wasn’t a killer, instead she took advantage of people’s weaknesses and killed them a million little times, and somehow that was worse. Somehow, in Sokka’s book, that qualified her as someone who deserved to die. And maybe, in Sokka’s book, he was also qualified as someone who deserved to die. Maybe Sokka hadn't entirely outgrown the suicidal ideation that he tried to drive out of him by becoming numb. Sometimes the numbness was what made Sokka believe that there was no longer a reason to live. Sometimes Sokka decided to be selfish and wondered what would happen if he did stop living, if he left everyone who he had promised to protect.

And immediately after Sokka hated himself for even thinking that. Because Sokka’s entire purpose in life was to protect the people he loved, and he would never be so selfish as to leave them on purpose. Sokka hadn’t outgrown the thoughts of dying, but he had outgrown the idea of actually going through with it. He would never leave the people who needed him, never leave the people he cared about. Sokka loved his friends and he would never intentionally hurt them, and that was what set Sokka apart from Azula. Even though lying to Zuko about his true identity would absolutely end up hurting Zuko, which meant that Sokka would be hurting someone he swore to protect. Every day the guilt from the lies threatened to swallow Sokka whole, but he reminded himself that he could never tell Zuko. He could never blow his cover like that. Instead Sokka would have to continue lying to the one person who he trusted enough to let through his walls. Sokka was being selfish, and he was being unfair to both him and Zuko. And the lies were eventually going to catch up with him, and Sokka would end up hurting Zuko. And then Sokka would be just like Azula. Sokka would be long gone, his cover blown, imprisoned in a cell miles away from Zuko. And the mention of Sokka’s name would fill Zuko with the same hatred that Sokka felt for Azula.

The thought of that was too much for Sokka to handle.

So he stopped thinking about it, pushing the intrusive thoughts again and reminding himself once more that he would worry about it later. Because right now, there were more pressing issues going on than Sokka’s internal crisis that was entirely his fault. Right now, one of the people he promised to protect was hurting. So Sokka shook himself out of his thoughts and focused on Mai, who had just realized that Sokka and Toph didn’t really have any idea what was going on.

“So,” Mai said, recovering from her small panic, “I’m guessing you two have some questions.”

“I definitely do,” Toph replied.

Sokka was quick to add, “but you don’t have to tell us anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“Well, maybe I should,” Mai answered, “I mean, I trust you both. And if you’re going to be around the palace for a long time, we might as well just get it out in the open. You’re both my friends. I’m ready to tell you.”

Ty Lee tilted her head worriedly at Mai, “are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Mai said, giving Ty Lee a small smile, “it’s okay.”

Sokka met Mai’s eyes and tried to convey to her that it was fine, and she was safe, and Sokka would be there for her and protect her. And somehow Mai understood, which was a testament to their bond becoming stronger. Mai nodded at him, her eyes soft and calm, and she caught Zuko’s eye from over Sokka’s shoulder and nodded at him, too. Telling Zuko that she was okay to talk about whatever Last Hope had done to her and why it mattered so much to Azula. After a moment of silence, Mai drew in a deep breath, accepting Ty Lee’s hand and gripping it tightly, and started talking.

“So, you guys all know that I have personal history with Last Hope, right? And I’ve never told you anything else. But they changed my life because they tried to recruit me. I was nine. They came to the Fire Nation in their ship and saw me, the daughter of nonbender nobles, as someone they could easily convert to their side and recruit. Last Hope tried to hire me, noticing that I was good at knives and how generally emotionally distanced I am, and they thought I’d be a good killer. So they tried to recruit me. And I refused, and my family refused, and we sent Last Hope away and thought that would be the end of it. But it wasn’t. Last Hope tried to assassinate my parents to threaten me, and they sent some sixteen-year-old kid to do it. Honestly, I feel bad for the kid, nobody deserves to be forced to kill people like that. But my parents survived on account of me noticing someone sneaking into the house and warning them, and Last Hope thought that kind of observational skill was something their agents should possess. So they continued to try and recruit me, trying to surround me at school, threatening my family, threatening Ty Lee’s family because somehow they figured out that I was her friend, and eventually trying to assassinate Ty Lee. Those were some of the worst months of our lives. My family wasn’t safe anymore, and neither was hers. And it was all somehow my fault, for refusing to join Last Hope. I was nine years old and terrified, and it was all my fault.

Eventually, we told Azula what was going on, and she talked to the Firelord, and they talked to our families. They agreed to let me stay in the palace as a refugee, protected by Azula and the royal family. Ty Lee’s family wanted her to stay, but Ty Lee refused and followed me to the palace. So since then we’ve been refugees here, protected under Azula who did, in fact, save us. And we tried to be in her debt, but she promised that we didn't owe her anything and that she would always be there to help us. This was back when Azula was still good, and our best friend. So we stayed in the palace with her and Last Hope retreated. Eventually, the fear wore off and I stopped being terrified to go to sleep every night, and my and Ty Lee’s parents contact us every once in a while to say that they’re safe. And we did end up using Azula’s promise that she would always help us to save Zuko during the almost-banishment, but that’s not my story to tell. But I’m anti-Last Hope because of the horrible things they did to me, my family, and Ty Lee’s family. They hurt people I cared about and hurt me, and I’ve worked through it and gotten past it but I was so scared for so long and I will never forgive them for that. And that’s why I reacted the way I did when Azula brought it up, because mentioning it brings back all the memories and basically terrifies me. That’s the whole story, and if one of you even  _ tries  _ to pity me I swear to the spirits I will ruin you.”

Mai ending the story with a threat was a good sign, a sign that Mai was doing better and she was comfortable sharing such a horrible and personal story with Sokka and Toph. After she finished talking Mai collapsed on Ty Lee once again, and Ty Lee silently stroked her hair, comforting her and protecting her. Ty Lee was a different kind of protector than Sokka, better suited for Mai rather than Zuko. Zuko, who looked sad for Mai but also proud, and Sokka imagined that if Toph were to face her fears the way Mai had just then he’d be that proud, too. He was already feeling a large amount of admiration for Mai, and he was definitely a little proud of her for talking through some of her worst memories. But pride and admiration wasn’t everything Sokka was feeling, because Mai’s story sounded incredibly familiar to Sokka. It almost exactly matched Last Hope’s journey to the Fire Nation when Sokka was nine, the one where they’d stayed for much longer than usual and they’d sent one of Jet’s older freedom fighters to assassinate a couple of nobles without previous notice. Sokka remembered the Hope saying that they would have a new recruit, a Fire Nation noble girl, but then they returned to the ship empty-handed. The Hope had fed Sokka and the other children with some story that the girl had agreed to join Last Hope but was then locked away by her loyal-to-the-Fire Nation parents and would not be joining. Sokka remembered believing that story, but still hating Last Hope for not even trying to rescue the girl from her parents. Sokka had thought it was so cruel of Last Hope to just give up on a recruit and leave her to suffer. But now, Sokka knew that the truth was much worse. 

The girl from the story was Mai; Sokka and Mai were the same age and it made perfect sense. But Mai hadn’t agreed to join Last Hope, and her parents hadn't locked her away. Mai had refused to join Last Hope, and they kept pursuing her to the point of trying to assassinate her parents as a threat. Last Hope had put everyone Mai cared about in danger, and she and Ty Lee had to leave their families in order to avoid Last Hope. They had to leave their families, the way that Sokka and Toph had to when they joined Last Hope. Whether you joined or refused, Last Hope would find a way to rip you away from your family and the people you cared about. Last Hope would find a way to ruin your life and change you forever. Ty Lee’s world was upended and she made an extremely hard choice, and Toph never got to say a proper goodbye to her parents. They were both taken from their families. Mai was terrified of a faceless organization and she was hurting despite trying to hide it, and Sokka was broken and numb and a killer who pretended that they were protecting people. They were both ripped apart from the people they cared about. And it was all Last Hope’s fault. None of what happened to Mai was her fault; it was Last Hope's. Last Hope hurt Mai, and Sokka hated that he still worked for them. Sokka hated that he was killing people for them, that his kills were the reason that Mai had to tell Sokka and Toph her story in the first place. Sokka was a killer, he was Last Hope’s wind up toy. He told himself he was free, but nobody was ever truly free from Last Hope.

Sokka was pulling against his chains as hard as he could, angry on Mai’s behalf and furious at Last Hope and filled with hatred for himself, but nothing would ever break them. Sokka was a prisoner of Last Hope, a prisoner of the war, a prisoner of violence. His short-lived freedom, impulsive and unplanned, never existed.

Toph responded to Mai first, reaching over to give Mai’s arm a squeeze, “I’m so sorry that happened to you. Thanks for telling us.”

Mai smiled and nodded. Sokka, still reeling from realizing he knew Mai’s story from a different, untrue, perspective, realized that he had to say something, too. His silence wouldn’t be taken positively in this situation.

“Yeah,” Sokka said, clearing his throat, “look, Mai, I’m really sorry that happened to you, and I hate Last Hope for hurting you. I’m glad you trusted me and Toph enough with this.”

“Thanks,” Mai replied, and that was all she had to say. Sokka saw the gratitude for his and Toph’s understanding reactions in her eyes. Ty Lee took Mai’s hands and squeezed them in her own, and Mai leaned into the touch. They turned back away from Toph, Zuko, and Sokka, staring at the turtleducks in the pond. Toph moved to lie on her back, eyes closed and legs kicked out in front of her. Behind them, Sokka leaned against a tree and Zuko moved out from behind him to sit back next to him. Obviously still shaken from seeing Azula, Zuko stayed close to Sokka, just barely leaning against his side. Sokka didn’t say anything; he just silently supported Zuko’s weight, letting him subtly relax, releasing the tension that came with Azula’s visit. The group lapsed into a comfortable silence, nobody, not even Toph, breaking it. They hadn’t sat in silence like this before, but nobody wanted to say anything after Mai’s story. Instead they were quiet, Mai leaning against Ty Lee, who kept an arm around her shoulders and reminded Mai that she was there for her. Toph waited until nobody was watching and then earthbent a few blades of grass, undetectable by anyone who didn’t know Toph was a bender. Sokka noticed, though, and he watched her protectively, making sure her confidence didn’t blow her cover. He trusted Toph to be careful, but he was always going to watch over her anyway. Sokka sat upright against his tree, watching Toph and being careful not to move because he was still supporting Zuko’s weight at his side. Covered by the ends of Zuko’s shirt, Sokka turned his hand palm up, outstretching his fingers. Zuko noticed after a few seconds and took it, keeping a light grip on Sokka’s hand, letting Sokka protect him. 

The group stayed quiet in the comfort of each other: five kids, taken from their families, who found a new one in each other. They all protected each other, Sokka noticed. Ty Lee protected Mai and they both protected Zuko. Sokka protected both Mai and Ty Lee, as well as Toph and Zuko. Sokka protected all four of them, and would continue to do so for as long as he possibly needed to. He was never giving up on them, and he was never leaving them the way he’d been forced to leave his family seven years ago. Sokka protected the four of them and one of them returned it, and that was only because Sokka had finally let him. It had taken Sokka some time to come to terms with it, but now he had. When he’d helped Zuko with his nightmares the first time, he’d started to realize it. As more weeks passed by and Zuko knocked more times, Sokka vehemently denied it. Once Sokka panicked after his first job, finally knocked, and Zuko somehow knew exactly what Sokka needed, Sokka became angry at himself for it. After the other two jobs when Sokka knocked and Zuko didn't hesitate to help him both times, Sokka tried making deals with the spirits to stop it. And now, after two months, two months where they both had nightmares and they both knocked and Sokka held Zuko’s hand and Zuko clutched Sokka’s arm and they both felt better in the morning, now Sokka finally accepted it.

Sokka protected Zuko, and now Zuko was protecting Sokka back.


	14. Pyro Prince

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: suicidal thoughts

The group was so preoccupied with hearing Mai’s story and making sure she was okay afterward that Zuko completely forgot the main reason Azula had come to them in the courtyard in the first place. He’d been too busy watching Mai’s face and making sure her eyes weren’t scared the way Zuko’s were that night when he woke up from a nightmare after seeing Azula. Zuko was thinking only about Mai, making sure to give her an extra hug before going to his room for the night and knocking for Sokka three hours later. Zuko wasn’t sure that Sokka remembered, either, because he didn’t say anything the next morning until an advisor came to get them after breakfast. The advisor neared their usual table, small and near the back of the room adjacent to the kitchen, where the two of them were eating and, as usual, not talking about the night before. Zuko and Sokka both looked up at the sound of footsteps, Sokka noticing first and tilting his head in curiosity at the advisor nearing their table before his eyes widened in realization. 

It took Zuko a few seconds to catch on, before noticing that the advisor was holding one of the more recent tabloids, which sparked Zuko’s memory and he sighed in the realization that they’d almost forgot that the stupid press thing was today. Zuko wasn’t excited about the idea of walking through the city with the press watching them at every corner, but he knew that Sokka had signed up for this and done so much more for Zuko, so at the very least he had to do this for him. But mostly, Zuko knew that this was his father’s request, and Zuko could under no circumstances disobey his father. Zuko told the part of him that was overthinking to calm down, it was going to be fine. He’d just pretend the press wasn’t there and relax. Sokka was going to be there, anyway, and they were actually friends now so there wasn’t a charade to put up. Zuko would be fine.

The advisor addressed them both, and Zuko noticed the small gleam of anger in Sokka's eyes at being referred to as “the Bodyguard.” Zuko didn’t like it either, because Sokka was so much more than just a bodyguard and advisors could have the decency to at least address him by his name, but Zuko couldn’t do anything about it. Instead Zuko tried not to flinch when the advisor called him “Prince,” and he nodded quietly and let Sokka do the talking as the advisor led them to the front of the palace to learn more about what they were going to do for the day. Zuko spent the walk to the palace entrance worrying, mostly because he really didn’t want his father to be there. Sokka looked back over his shoulder at Zuko, most likely expecting that Zuko would be worried, and Zuko nodded assurance that he was okay when Sokka’s eyes asked the question. Sokka nodded and turned around, and as they kept walking he asked the advisor if Firelord Ozai was going to be there. Zuko was struck with a jolt of surprise, because he’d never specified that that was what he was worried about. But, Zuko remembered, Sokka was observant to an extent that was sometimes creepy, and Sokka always knew what Zuko was thinking and what he needed. In this case, like all the cases before it, Sokka’s intuition was nothing but helpful. When the advisor shook his head in a condescending motion that clearly stated  _ Firelord Ozai doesn’t care enough about this to attend _ , Zuko let out a sigh of relief and felt immensely grateful for Sokka’s observation skills.

Sokka and Zuko were led to the entrance of the palace, and the advisor opened a map and pointed out a route through the city that they were supposed to take. The press would be stationed every few blocks, and all Sokka and Zuko had to do was smile and laugh and act like friends. Zuko figured that wouldn’t be too hard, and Sokka didn’t look very worried, either. As the advisor finished talking Sokka caught Zuko’s eyes and grinned, and now Zuko was sure that it would be fine. What was there to worry about, really? They wouldn’t actually be interacting with the press, and they didn’t have to do anything except be themselves. Zuko wished he could turn off the part of himself that irrationally worried that something would go wrong, because something always did when the press was involved. This whole thing was supposed to give Zuko good press, but what if it didn’t? The tabloids wouldn’t be so content to just automatically switch their opinions on Zuko and make him look good in their new articles. They would find some way to make this new development, Sokka and Zuko’s friendship, into a negative thing. They would find some way to make Zuko look bad for this. He only hoped that they didn’t drag Sokka into Zuko’s mess. Sokka didn’t deserve to have the same bad press Zuko did just for being associated with him. Zuko wondered if Sokka thought his plan through before presenting it to Zuko’s father and getting hired. How was Sokka so sure that this would give Zuko good press that he went to the Firelord directly to pitch his idea? 

Sokka had never struck Zuko as being the same type of confident that Toph was, so sure of her abilities to the point of being cocky about it. Sokka was confident in things because he proved them to be effective. Or, at least, that was what Zuko was noticing, because once the advisor left Sokka and Zuko to their own devices Sokka immediately started forming a plan out loud to get Zuko the best press possible. 

“I say we just act like we usually do,” Sokka was telling Zuko, “except I’ll stay on your right and I won’t stand so close to you. I should probably stay a little bit in front of you and to one side, since I am technically your bodyguard. And we should try not to talk about war stuff, because the press could overhear us and we could accidentally say something we shouldn’t have. We should probably stick to unimportant, happy topics.”

“Okay,” Zuko replied, “that makes sense.”

“Great,” Sokka replied, fumbling with the map the advisor gave him and opening it back to the right position. “Let’s go.”

Zuko followed Sokka as they winded through the city, and Zuko suddenly realized that Sokka had never actually gone into the capital city before. The school Sokka went to was outside of the capital, in one of the cities closer to the edge of the Fire Nation. Sokka’s unfamiliarity with the city was shown in his expressions, as they wandered past shops and restaurants and Sokka looked genuinely excited. Zuko’s smile was small as he watched Sokka, feeling a rush of affection as he watched Sokka study the map and turn his and Zuko’s course through a different road. They spent most of the beginning of their walk following Sokka’s plan, talking about trivial things, avoiding anything related to the war or Last Hope or the palace or the Firelord. After a while Zuko saw Sokka staring at the shops, pointing out things that he liked to Zuko with a wide grin. He didn’t look like he was worrying; it was almost like he’d forgotten about the press and the real reason they were here. Zuko hadn’t been able to see any reporters around, but he probably hadn’t been looking as hard as he should be. He was distracted by Sokka tapping his shoulder and telling Zuko to look at something, and Zuko was surprisingly unbothered by it. This was his favorite Sokka, no melancholy, no forgetting himself to protect Zuko. He was just smiling and laughing and getting Zuko to do the same. Slowly, Zuko felt himself stop worrying about the press and starting to enjoy himself.

“So, you’ve never been to the capital, huh?” Zuko asked, despite knowing the answer.

“Never,” Sokka replied, “but I really like it downtown. I haven’t been to a market like this in ages, there was never time for it back at school. Too busy fighting and whatnot. But sometimes I’d sneak out with Toph and I’d drag her shopping. I just love  _ stuff _ , you know?”

“I don’t know,” Zuko said, “I hate shopping.”

“What? Why?” 

“It gets kind of boring after a while.”

“That’s such a rich person thing to say,” Sokka laughed and steered Zuko around another corner.

“Shut up,” Zuko said, not unkindly, right before his eyes landed on a booth selling weapons. This seemed to be something Sokka and Zuko had in common, because Sokka’s eyes traveled to the same booth and he practically lit up. Of course, Zuko remembered, Sokka went to a school for fighting. He obviously loved weapons. 

“Look at these blades,” Sokka said, “aren’t they great?”

“They are nice,” Zuko agreed, “probably the only thing I’d ever willingly go shopping for.”

“Hey,” Sokka said, pointing, “look at those dual swords! You know, the Blue Spirit uses dual swords.”

“I do know.” Zuko also used dual swords, and he hoped that Sokka wouldn’t make the connection. But Sokka had a good memory and Zuko had horrible luck, so  _ of course  _ Sokka did.

“Zuko, you use dual swords too, right?”

“Yeah,” Zuko answered, looking at the swords Sokka was pointing to. They were beautiful, but much less well-made than the ones Zuko owned. Which made sense, considering that Zuko’s swords were made for a Prince. “What about you?” Zuko asked, trying to turn the conversation away from the Blue Spirit, “you use swords, right?”

“Just one, though,” Sokka replied, “I never learned duals.”

“I could probably teach you,” Zuko said, “but you’d have to get yourself the swords. Maybe you could buy those ones.”

Sokka looked at the swords again, read the price tag, and yelped.

“It can’t be that bad,” Zuko said.

“Might I remind you once again that you are  _ royalty _ ?”

Zuko sighed, “right. But the status does have its advantages.” Zuko fished around in the pockets of his robe before coming up with multiple gold pieces. Sokka saw the money in Zuko’s hands and yelped again.

“Okay, who has that much money just casually lying around in their pockets?”

“Me. Royalty,” Zuko responded, handing the money to Sokka. “Here. Buy some swords.”

Sokka’s eyes bulged out of his head, but he was smiling as he took the gold pieces Zuko was holding out. He waved over one of the vendors and bought the dual swords, grinning as they walked away from the booth, the swords sheathed and in a leather bag.

“Well,” Sokka started, “I guess you’re teaching me dual swords now. You any good?”

“Hey,” Zuko weakly protested, “I’m great at dual swords. It’s the only thing I can do, considering that I suck at firebending.”

“I’m sure you’re fine at bending,” Sokka replied, “but I do like swords better.”

“Well, you are in the minority. Bending is always considered better than non-bending fighting styles. Or, at least, that’s what my father says.”

“Unfortunately, that's true,” Sokka said, “the benders at my school always act like they’re better than me, even if I’m more powerful than them. And everyone sides with them because, of course, benders are better than nonbenders.”

“I’ll fight them all with my dual swords,” Zuko said, and he kind of meant it. Benders were always treated as superior, Zuko knew it. And he also knew that Sokka was a nonbender, and a nonbender at Fire Nation schools would never be praised as highly as a bender despite being more competent at fighting. Zuko would never be a firebending prodigy, but he was amazing at dual swords. Unfortunately, that meant nothing to his father. Zuko had always felt inferior to his sister for being a worse bender than her, and he hated to think what Sokka went through at his cutthroat school for being a nonbender. Zuko genuinely wanted to fight anyone who made Sokka feel inferior the way Zuko did.

“I hate to say it, but they’d probably win unless you used your bending,” Sokka replied, “but it’s a nice sentiment.”

“Yeah, a sentiment that your logic is ruining.”

“My logic is keeping you alive,” Sokka shot back, “without me you’d be dying at the hands of a bunch of entitled fifteen-year-old firebenders.”

“Of course,” Zuko said sarcastically, “I’d be nowhere without you.”

“That’s right.”

“On another note,” Zuko started, “your school sounds horrible.”

“It sucked,” Sokka agreed, “besides Toph, I don’t like anyone else there. They’re all pro-war and, honestly, bullies. All of them.”

“I will fight them,” Zuko said again, and Sokka rolled his eyes, but they were both smiling. Zuko’s worries had entirely disappeared, and he was honestly starting to enjoy this stupid press thing. Because Sokka was here, and he made everything better. From nightmares to panic attacks to walking through the city and pretending it wasn’t for the press. They continued walking after the weapons booth, Sokka studying the map and Zuko finding it much easier to forget about the press. They kept talking and joking the way they usually did, Sokka telling more stories about him and Toph and their school and Zuko talking more about dual swords and how he was going to teach Sokka how to use them. Teaching was another thing Zuko had no experience in, but Sokka looked ecstatic at the idea of learning another fighting style, and Zuko couldn't refuse that enthusiasm. Besides, he’d learned to protect, learning to teach was probably much easier, wasn’t it? Zuko hadn’t fought in a while, anyway, and neither Mai nor Ty Lee used swords, so he never got to fight with anybody. Sokka had to be good, maybe even better than Zuko, and he would definitely be fun to fight with. Besides, sparring was always good stress relief, and they both had nightmares. It would do nothing but help. And it would be another way for Zuko to subtly protect Sokka, to repay him for everything he did for Zuko.

By the time Zuko and Sokka reached the palace, it was mid-afternoon and Sokka had started complaining about being hungry. Nobody was waiting for them at the entrance except for Toph, who had just finished a meeting and apparently knew that Zuko and Sokka would come back here. Sokka yelled Toph’s name as they approached and waved to her, despite her not being able to see it. Toph looked up at the sound of footsteps and the sound of Sokka’s swords banging against each other in their bag. Zuko followed Sokka up the palace steps, greeting Toph as he reached her. Toph grinned at Sokka, obviously hearing the swords in his hand, and he excitedly showed them to her while Zuko watched, content to be quiet. Afterward Toph led them to the courtyard where Mai and Ty Lee were, and they had lunch like they usually did. Mai and Ty Lee both looked up at Sokka and Zuko’s arrival, and Ty Lee waved, smiling brightly.

“Hey guys!” she said, “how was it?”

“Not that bad, actually,” Sokka replied, sitting down on the grass, “the reporters weren’t making themselves visible, so I kind of forgot they were there.”

“Yeah,” Zuko agreed, sitting next to him, “it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. We were left alone and we didn’t ever see the press, so it was fine.”

“And I got these cool swords,” Sokka said, gesturing to the leather bag, “Zuko says he’s going to teach me how to use duals.”

“Really?” Mai said, looking at the swords, “these are pretty nice. Where’d you get them?”

“Just at a weapons booth,” Sokka replied, “using Zuko’s endless supply of gold pieces that he just leaves unprotected in his pockets.”

“That’s not unusual,” Toph said, “just a little weird that he isn’t using a pouch or something.”

“Well, you’re rich too, Toph,” Sokka rolled his eyes at her, “I just now realized that you’re both rich and hate shopping. Everything I stand against.”

“Rude,” Zuko said to Sokka, and then to Toph, “I didn’t know you were rich.”

“I’m not rich like  _ you _ ,” Toph clarified, “but my family has a lot of money. It’s how I could afford our school without being recruited.”

“So rich like I am,” Mai observed, “since I’m a noble.”

“So everyone is rich except for me and Sokka?” Ty Lee asked, and sighed when everyone else nodded, “what a shame. Well, Sokka and I are going to go to the city together and none of you are invited.”

“None of us want to come shopping with you,” Mai said. Ty Lee pouted at her, and Mai rolled her eyes, but she was smiling and didn’t say anything else.

“We’re shopping?” Sokka said, “Ty Lee, with what money?”

“I’ll give you some of my endless supply,” Zuko offered. 

“No thank you,” Sokka replied, “we can steal it from you ourselves.”

Toph snorted. Zuko smiled. In moments like these, he was finding it easier and easier to feel like he was okay. Like he could be a normal kid and have a normal conversation with his friends. And yes, Zuko knew it was an illusion, because a disgrace like him could never possibly be normal, but he wanted to pretend. More than anything else in the world, Zuko wanted to pretend. He wanted to pretend that this morning he was just walking through the city with Sokka, and that the press wasn’t there thinking that their friendship was an act. Zuko wanted to pretend that he didn’t get nightmares every night that he wasn’t the Blue Spirit, and that Sokka didn’t lose sleep at night coming into Zuko’s room to help him. Zuko wanted to pretend that he didn’t think about dying after every nightmare, even when Sokka was holding his hand. Zuko wanted to pretend that he didn’t think about doing it, that he didn't think he deserved it. Zuko wanted to pretend that Sokka’s protection was taking away the bad thoughts completely, that Zuko was really becoming okay. But all of it was a lie, because the press was there that morning and Zuko kept getting nightmares and Sokka kept losing sleep. Zuko did think about dying, think about how to die, think that he deserved to die. Zuko hated it, so he pretended and pretended and lied to himself. And Zuko lied to Sokka every day, because every morning Zuko told Sokka that he was okay, he was fine, and that he could continue to be okay and fine. That was a lie, and Zuko knew that Sokka knew it was. Because if Zuko really was fine, then he wouldn't be having nightmares and knocking for Sokka in the first place.  So really, deep in his thoughts, despite all the pretending and the lying, Zuko knew that he was definitely not okay.

But right now, at the surface, laughing with his friends and feeling warm as he watched Sokka look happily at his swords and then grin up at Zuko, he felt the opposite, fine and okay, and he let himself lie.

That night Zuko really didn’t feel like having a nightmare, for both selfish and unselfish reasons. Zuko didn’t want to feel the pain of his scar burning tonight, but he also didn’t want to wake Sokka and lose the happy mood he’d been in today. And not having a nightmare was in Zuko’s control; all he had to do was not sleep. So instead, he went out as the Blue Spirit. He’d been going twice or three times a week, because now that Sokka sometimes knocked for Zuko, he was terrified of missing it because he was out. But he also knew that he could never quit being the Blue Spirit, because it was important to him and important for the Fire Nation, even if they didn't believe it. Zuko was getting justice, and he could never stop doing that. So Zuko put on his black Blue Spirit clothes, and Zuko opened his locked drawer where he kept his blue mask, and Zuko opened his window and snuck out. Zuko used a rope he kept behind his bed, tying it to the window stay and climbing down it. Zuko’s room was at a corner of the palace, and no guards were stationed close to him on account of his father not caring about his wellbeing or knowing that he was the Blue Spirit. Because of this, Zuko didn’t worry about keeping his rope hidden. Instead he pulled his mask over his face, taking one deep breath of fresh air before he covered his mouth and nose. Zuko made sure he was completely disguised, his dual swords strapped to his back, before he sprinted out of the palace grounds and towards the city, blending in with the shadows as he ran.

Zuko didn’t have a specific destination this time, since originally he hadn’t planned to be out today. Instead he decided to patrol one of the trouble spots in the city and wait for something to happen. If it didn’t for a few hours, he’d go and visit one of the jails and try to break some innocent people out. Zuko just hoped the person who was tracking him wasn’t out today. In two years of being the Blue Spirit, Zuko had never had someone come this close to finding out who he was before. Zuko had no idea who this person was because they wore a black mask in order to disguise themselves. He was pretty sure they were male, but he couldn’t be totally sure. Their clothes were normal, Fire Nation colors, except for a blue sash around their shirt. Water Tribe blue. Zuko hadn’t known that there were any Water Tribe rebel groups, but who else would be tracking the Blue Spirit? Either they wanted to recruit him, or they wanted to kill him because they didn’t agree with his methods for whatever reason, or maybe they knew that the Blue Spirit was Zuko. Or maybe they were with Last Hope, but Last Hope was gold. The person could be a member of the Water Tribe who was a part of Last Hope, but Zuko felt like then they’d probably be wearing something gold. If they were risking discovery by wearing blue, they’d probably also be showing their loyalty to Last Hope with gold. So, they were probably from some unknown Water Tribe rebel group. Zuko had managed to evade them so far, but he didn’t know how long he could keep away. If they were from a rebel group, they were probably well-trained and would catch up with Zuko eventually.

Zuko stopped worrying about his tracker when he reached his patrol area and saw a kid running behind a food stall, grabbing some of what was leftover or in the trash. Zuko sucked in a breath, knowing that guards were stationed near and one of them would catch the kid. Still, Zuko refrained from intervening, just in case the kid got off free. Of course, that was wishful thinking, because soon enough a guard came seemingly from out of nowhere and grabbed the kid by the back of his shirt. The kid dropped the bread he was holding, protesting loudly and trying to scramble out of the guard's grip. He reached for his food, but he couldn’t get to it. Annoyed and seething, Zuko crept from his hiding space in an alley and debated the best way to approach this situation. The guard was dragging the kid to a cell that Zuko could probably break him out of, but if Zuko stayed still in one place like that for long his tracker might be able to catch up with him. No, Zuko thought, he was going to have to intervene now. Zuko grabbed his dual swords from their sheaths on his back, thinking about Sokka and how Zuko was probably going to teach him whatever he was going to do now. Without mentioning the Blue Spirit thing, of course.

Zuko winced at the kid’s screams, and he launched himself out of the alley and into the guard’s path. Logically, the best idea would have been to attack from behind, but Zuko was impulsive and he ended up brandishing his swords in front of a guard who probably would have fallen easier from a surprise attack. Once again Zuko thought of Sokka, knowing that he was one to plan things beforehand. It probably applied to fighting strategies, and he probably would have known to attack from behind and done it without following an impulse to do the opposite move. Zuko shook his head of the thoughts; he was here now, and he had to act like this was his plan all along. The guard and the kid were both staring at Zuko, the guard letting his hold on the kid go. The kid fell to the ground and started running for his bread, gathering the pieces up in his arms all while staring at Zuko.

“Whoa,” the kid said, “are you the Blue Spirit?”

The Blue Spirit never talks, so Zuko just nodded. The kid grinned, but the smile quickly faded from his face when the guard reached for and grabbed the kid anyway.

“So,” the guard said to Zuko, “Blue Spirit, huh? I heard you were just a kid. What’re you gonna do to me with those tiny swords?” The guard smiled at Zuko, sadistic and evil, and he brought his hands in front of them and created flames between them. Zuko flinched at the firebending, so close to his scar, but he refused to back down. The Blue Spirit was a nonbender, so Zuko couldn’t use firebending, but he remembered what he and Sokka had talked about at the market earlier that day.

_ I’ll fight them all with my dual swords. _

_ I hate to say it, but they’d probably win unless you used your bending, but it’s a nice sentiment. _

_ Yeah, a sentiment that your logic is ruining. _

Zuko could fight a firebender guard with just his duals, couldn’t he? He was good with his swords, probably as good as this guard was with his firebending. Zuko could do it. To prove Sokka wrong, not that he’d ever be able to tell Sokka about this and reap the satisfaction, and to save the kid. And every other person who was arrested by the military just for trying to support their families. Zuko could do this. And even if Zuko couldn't the Blue Spirit could. The Blue Spirit was an amazing fighter, a good person, a vigilante for justice, someone who actually did things right. Someone who was worthy of Sokka’s praise. The Blue Spirit didn’t give up, even if they were fighting a firebender. The Blue Spirit was admired by little kids who didn’t yet know why their parents didn’t feel the same way. The Blue Spirit got bad press, but it didn’t matter because the Blue Spirit wasn’t insecure and weak and suicidal like Zuko was. The Blue Spirit didn’t care about the press, or what other people said about him. The Blue Spirit was everything Zuko wasn’t. 

And, if this fight got into the press, Sokka would probably flip his shit.

So Zuko held up his broadswords, and the guard sparked fire out of his hands. And Zuko made sure the kid was a safe distance away, because the guard wouldn’t care about that. Thankfully, the kid had scuttled a few yards away once he realized what was happening. There was a moment of silence where the guard looked at Zuko, no doubt wondering why the Blue Spirit, a nonbender kid, was fighting him and thinking he could win. But Zuko was going to win. He was going to pull a Sokka and he was going to think instead of being impulsive like he always was. So when the guard snapped out of their moment of silence and blasted his fire out towards Zuko, he resisted the instinctual urge to shield his face and instead jumped back, putting his swords protectively between his chest and the guard. Zuko ducked out of the way of the fire just in time, and the fire burned into the wall behind them. Zuko worried about the damage for a few seconds until he remembered that the building was just an old office space, small and abandoned. 

The guard snarled at Zuko and charged at him, but Zuko had been thinking and Zuko was prepared. As the guard shot fire towards Zuko he continued to dodge it, remembering everything he’d taught himself late at night when he wanted to be better than Azula for once. He remembered every time he’d had to dodge his father, and tried to forget about the one time he wasn’t able to. Zuko ignored the psychogenic pain of his scar, instead keeping his swords out in front of him, waiting for his chance to strike. Zuko watched as the guard came closer to him, and Zuko narrowly avoided being singed as he dodged the guard’s fire from such a close distance. Finally the guard came close enough to Zuko that he could use his swords as offense, and he slid under the guard’s last attack and brought one of his swords to the side of the guard's head, hitting him hard with the dull edge. The guard’s eyes widened, and for good measure Zuko hit him on the other side with his other sword. Not hard enough to kill, just enough to render him unconscious. Zuko watched the guard’s body topple to the ground, hitting the cobblestone with a thud that made Zuko wince. He stood over the guard’s body for a few seconds, breathing hard and taking in the fact that he’d won a fight with something other than dumb luck. He’d used his own skills, and he’d beat a firebender without bending. Unfortunately, Zuko himself was safe but his clothes were slightly burnt in some places. He’d have to be careful to hide it while sneaking back into the palace.

Zuko looked up after a minute or so, watching for the kid. The kid was staring at Zuko in awe, and Zuko quickly waved for the kid to leave. The kid nodded and left, grabbing his fallen pieces of bread and sprinting to wherever his house was. Zuko breathed a sigh of relief, glad that the kid would be okay and not imprisoned for stealing a little bread. His relief didn’t last long, though, because he had the sudden feeling that someone was watching him. Probably his tracker. Zuko turned around, done with evading this person. Zuko wanted to know what they wanted. So he stayed still, swords out, and watched his tracker come out from the shadows. 

“Impressive fighting,” the tracker said, with an obviously masculine voice. But it was too deep, probably altered somehow. Zuko didn’t say anything, just wished he could see his tracker’s eyes through their black mask. Just to see what color they were, to see if they were Fire Nation or Water Tribe or even Earth Kingdom. Just the eyes would tell Zuko everything. But the tracker’s mask stayed on, and so did Zuko’s.

“Who are you?” the tracker asked, realizing that Zuko wasn’t going to respond to his first comment. Zuko didn’t respond this time either, refusing to give up his identity. He couldn’t tell this tracker that he was Prince Zuko, that would be dangerous to a level that even Zuko wouldn’t be stupid enough to do. Instead he took a deep breath, waiting for the tracker to make the first move. And sure enough, the tracker did. He pulled down the part of his mask that covered his eyes, just that part and nothing else. But that was good; the eyes were all Zuko needed. He watched carefully, walking closer in order to see the color. The color, which Zuko had definitely seen somewhere, but couldn’t recall where. The color, that Zuko, for some inexplicable reason, thought was incredibly pretty. The color blue, but not like lighting or Azula’s fire. Blue, like the sky and the ocean and the poles. Blue, like the color of his tracker’s sash.

Water Tribe blue.

“Who are you?” the tracker said again, but Zuko couldn’t answer. He couldn’t give himself away to a Water Tribe rebel group. Water Tribe members were vehemently anti-war and anti-Last Hope. And Zuko agreed with them on most fronts, but they would never believe that. Zuko couldn’t risk it. So instead of responding to his tracker, he just shook his head. Because the Blue Spirit doesn’t talk. And Zuko blinked behind his mask and Zuko turned and ran, forgetting his tracker and running back to the palace, grabbing his rope and climbing back through his window and rushing to his bed. He put his swords and mask away and he changed his clothes and he breathed hard, because he almost told someone his true identity today, and he could never get that close again. Zuko wondered who his tracker was; what Water Tribe rebel group he belonged to. And Zuko wondered where he’d seen eyes that color before. And he stayed awake, lying with his eyes open in the dark as he sorted through the eyes of everyone he knew before remembering. Remembering who had those eyes. And Zuko wasn’t sure, so he waited until the next morning at breakfast to figure it out. And when he got to their table Sokka was there, early and looking exhausted and reading the press. And he smiled when he saw Zuko, his grin and eyes wide, and Zuko smiled back and sat down, and then Zuko knew. 

And it didn’t mean anything, it  _ couldn’t  _ mean anything, but Sokka’s eyes were Water Tribe blue.


	15. the Lie Detector

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys i am back

Toph Beifong did not believe in the Avatar. Not even when she was a little girl had she ever thought that the Avatar could exist. The Avatar Cycle died one hundred years ago with the genocide of the air nomads. And by the time Toph was born, the Avatar was ridiculed as a spirit tale, a myth from long ago. When Toph was six she heard about an execution, someone who was killed for believing in the Avatar. And Toph couldn’t believe that person’s foolishness, because of course the Avatar wasn’t alive. How could anyone think that? What kind of an idiot would you have to be to think that a spirit tale was real? Logically, the only explanation for the Avatar’s disappearance was that they died. And they were never reincarnated, so the cycle was broken. And Toph believed that for all of her life, never having a reason not to. Never, until she met Sokka of the Water Tribe.

Now, Sokka didn’t believe in the Avatar either, believing only in science, reality, and logic. But Sokka told Toph that his sister, his sister believed. And Sokka hated himself for leaving her when she could be killed for her opinion or for being a bender. And Toph thought that Sokka’s sister was ridiculous, because the Avatar was dead. But Toph didn’t say that to Sokka, because he probably thought the same thing, and because either way, she was his _sister_. His sister who Sokka left and was beating himself up about every single day. So Toph kept her opinions about Sokka’s sister to herself, even though she wanted to scoff at her unwavering faith in something so obviously gone and dead. But Toph knew how much Sokka loved his sister, and how much he missed her. And Toph knew that, if ever given the opportunity, she would find a way for Sokka to reunite with his sister. She owed Sokka, for everything he had ever done for her, and she loved Sokka, and he needed to see his sister again; he deserved to see his sister again. And Sokka’s sister, wherever she was, back at the South pole, or traveling somewhere else, she deserved to see her brother again.

So when General Zhao told Firelord Ozai that he believed the Avatar was in the North pole, Toph scoffed to herself. She tried to see if he was lying, but he seemed to be telling the truth. Or, he thought he was telling the truth.

But when General Zhao told Firelord Ozai that he believed the Avatar was traveling with a Southern Water Tribe girl, a teenager, old enough to be Sokka’s sister, Toph started listening.

Toph was in a war meeting when General Zhao had spoken up, loud and opinionated and bigoted and one of Toph’s least favorite generals. He’d told Ozai that he believed the Avatar was in the Northern Water Tribe, and Toph thought that was insane. So did the Firelord and everyone else in the meeting, because they laughed at Zhao. _The Avatar is dead_ , they said, _you’re crazy if you think otherwise_. And the Firelord stared at Zhao, cruel and ready to kill, and asked Zhao if he would like to be executed for spreading lies. And Zhao trembled, begged for forgiveness, but then he straightened and faced the Firelord once again.

“I saw the Avatar traveling with someone else,” Zhao said, “a girl from the Southern Water Tribe. She was maybe thirteen or fourteen years old, and she will lead us straight to both the Avatar and the Northern Water Tribe. Even if the Avatar does not exist, I would like to go to the Northern Water Tribe anyway. I request a fleet of ships to do so.”

“And what will you do in the Northern Water Tribe?” the Firelord asked, cold as always despite being a firebender.

“Siege it, my Lord,” Zhao answered, and Toph’s eyes widened. Siege the North. Of course. Even if the Avatar didn’t exist, the Fire Nation would jump at a chance to siege the North and take over another part of the Water Tribe. So Toph was not at all surprised when the Firelord nodded, cool and collected, and granted Zhao his wish of a fleet of ships and a crew.

“But,” the Firelord commanded, “you will not even think about the Avatar.”

Zhao nodded, quiet and meek.

And then Toph remembered the girl, the Southern Water Tribe girl, who was absolutely Sokka’s sister. Toph remembered Sokka saying that she was the only older girl in his tribe. This girl, traveling with the so-called Avatar, had to be Sokka’s sister. And Toph knew, in that moment, that this could be her chance to finally reunite Sokka with his sister. Grant him some closure. And so the gears in Toph’s mind whirred to life, and she came up with a plan in the few short minutes that Zhao and the Firelord talked logistics for sieging the North. And once Toph figured it out, she jumped up, forgetting where she was and who she was in a room with. She interrupted the Firelord, hand shooting up as she said, “I have a request!”

Firelord Ozai turned his sharp gaze on her, but Toph couldn’t register it. Blindness had its advantages. So instead Toph stayed still, turned levelly towards the Firelord.

“Yes, Lie Detector?” the Firelord asked.

“I request that I, Prince Zuko, and the Bodyguard come with General Zhao to siege the North, Lord.”

Toph hated the way _Lord_ twisted out of her tongue, she hated how submissive she sounded. Her blood boiled and her eyes glazed in anger that she could never show out loud.

The Firelord sneered. “And why is that?”

“Well,” Toph said, reminding herself to be confident, “Prince Zuko is next in line to be the Firelord. He needs guidance and experience, so he should come along and watch the siege, so he may learn one of many war strategies so he is prepared when it is his time to rule. And I should come along to help strategize, and the Bodyguard should come along because it’s his job to protect the Prince.”

The Firelord thought about it. He turned to Zhao, “Is this all right with you?”

“The Lie Detector will be useful to my team,” Zhao replied, “and the Prince and the Bodyguard may come as long as they stay out of my way and simply watch.”

The Firelord nodded. “Lie Detector, your request has been granted.”

Toph only nodded back, bowing her head. But as the meeting ended and Toph walked out, she was smiling. Her grin was wide as she thought about what she was about to tell Sokka. He was going to see his sister again. And Zuko had to come for the sake of the plan, but Sokka could sneak off the ship without alerting anyone. Toph was smart, and she would figure out how. And Sokka was a genius, he came up with plans like a machine. Sokka would find a way to handle Zuko and deceive Zhao and somehow succeed in whatever else he would inevitably have in mind. And most importantly, Sokka would get to see his sister again.

Whether the Avatar existed or not ( _not_ ), Toph and Sokka were going to the North pole and Sokka was going to reunite with his sister. And most likely, they would find some way to stop Zhao from sieging the North. Sokka could easily come up with a plan for that. And Toph was ready, ready as she’d ever be. Because, Avatar or not ( _not)_ , this felt like some sort of a first step, a first step in ending the war, a first step in freedom. Toph’s freedom, Sokka’s freedom, the world’s freedom. Things were changing and things might be getting better, and it all started with this war meeting, Toph’s plan to bring Sokka to his sister, and this ship they’d be stuck on for two weeks with Zhao and his crew. It started with Zhao’s horrible plan that Toph and Sokka and Zuko were going to work together and find a way to bring down. And knowing Sokka and Zuko, they would stop at nothing to accomplish their goal, the same way Toph was.

Toph, Sokka, and Zuko were going to stop the Siege of the North.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for this super short chapter, i will be back next sunday with a regular sized one promise


	16. the Bodyguard

Considering how eventful yesterday had been, it was no surprise that the press was having a field day. Sokka and Zuko’s trip to the city yesterday was in the press, as was the Blue Spirit’s last appearance. Sokka read the press while waiting for Zuko at breakfast, flipping eagerly to the Blue Spirit story. The Blue Spirit had been spotted last night fighting a firebender guard, and the Blue Spirit had won. And Sokka had been there to witness it all. Finally, he’d come close to the Blue Spirit, he’d almost gotten the Blue Spirit to take off his mask and reveal himself to Sokka. Sokka himself had shown the Blue Spirit his eyes, a decision that he might potentially regret later. But in the moment all he’d wanted was to gain the vigilante’s trust, to finally get the guy to tell Sokka who he was. Because Sokka had spent months tracking him, and he’d gotten so close. And yet, the Blue Spirit had run away, and Sokka had let him. Because what could Sokka do? He couldn't force the vigilante to out himself. No matter how much Sokka wanted to know. So instead, he read the press and remembered how awesome watching that fight had been. Sokka wondered if Zuko could teach him to be that good at dual swords. Sokka wondered if Zuko himself was that good with dual swords.

Once Zuko came to breakfast, Sokka waved the newspaper at him as he sat down. Zuko looked exhausted, and Sokka wondered with a pang of worry and guilt if Zuko had a nightmare and Sokka hadn’t been there to hear the knock. When Sokka asked, Zuko said he hadn't had a nightmare and he was just tired in general. Sokka let it slide, not wanting to think about potentially missing one of Zuko’s knocks. Sokka had promised that he would be there, and even though he technically had to track the Blue Spirit, that was never going to be anywhere near as important as Sokka’s job to protect Zuko. As his bodyguard and as his friend. But although Zuko was tired Sokka was just as tired from tracking the Blue Spirit last night, and he was still annoyed at himself for letting the vigilante go so easily after coming so close. So Sokka let Zuko’s exhaustion slide, and Sokka barely noticed when Zuko seemed quieter and more uncomfortable than usual. Once Sokka did notice how Zuko wasn’t responding to Sokka’s questions as fast as he normally did and how he made less eye contact than usual, Sokka asked if he was okay and Zuko nodded. Sokka didn’t believe that, so he asked again.

“I’m fine,” Zuko said, “like I said, I’m just tired.”

So Sokka let it slide. Instead, he tried to distract Zuko, holding up the paper and showing Zuko the article about them. He figured they could make fun of it together. The article was mostly about Zuko, trying hard to find something negative out of Sokka and Zuko’s trip into the city without trash-talking Sokka. The article mostly focused on how Zuko’s friendship with his Bodyguard could be considered unethical, as a bodyguard should be nothing more to their client. Other reporters disagreed, saying that the friendship between Zuko and Sokka was a good thing because Zuko needed a positive male friendship after spending all of his time with girls. While Sokka found that to be obviously sexist, he also knew that this was the desired outcome of his portion as Zuko’s bodyguard. To be Zuko’s first guy friend, someone who the press would see in a good light because, of course, they were all sexist and hated Zuko. The articles still talked about Zuko in a mostly negative way, either saying that Zuko’s friendship with Sokka was unethical and the Poor Prince was just desperate for a friend and would do anything to get one, or they said that Zuo and Sokka’s friendship was good for the Prince because of how lame he was and how he needed a strong male presence in his life. 

In most circumstances Sokka would appreciate being referred to as a strong male presence, but in this situation it made his blood boil. Zuko was perfectly fine just the way he was, which Sokka tried to tell Zuko when he noticed him getting uncomfortable while reading the articles. Zuko only nodded, which Sokka still thought was weird. Zuko did take time responding to other people and he was generally quiet, but not like this. He was barely looking at Sokka, and he kept on lying when Sokka asked if he was okay. Usually Zuko didn’t lie to Sokka about that as much anymore. Sokka wanted to bring it up again and ask Zuko what was going on, but Sokka also noticed how exhausted Zuko was looking, his current discomfort from reading the press, and realized that Zuko would just be irritable if Sokka pushed any further. He was liable to break. 

And Sokka hated that, and wanted to fix that so much, but Sokka himself was just as liable to break. All of the unjustified killing he was doing was catching up to him, and the effort from tracking the Blue Spirit was starting to become a lot to handle. Along with that, Sokka’s mind was always coming up with plan after plan, to end the war and to escape with Toph and Zuko and to complete more jobs and to track the Blue Spirit Sokka’s mind made checklists and wrote mental paragraphs and created battle strategies that wouldn’t even work considering Sokka's lack of an army. Every day Sokka internally panicked about what the hell he was going to do to end the war. Obviously he knew that that wasn’t all on his shoulders, but he still acted like it. Combine that with all of the time Sokka spent comforting Zuko and Toph from nightmares, and all of the nightmares Sokka had himself, and Sokka felt like he was being pulled apart in a million different directions, tearing apart at the seams and ripping at the edges. He was falling apart, barely held together by, well, usually Zuko. the only person Sokka ever let protect him. Zuko, who was currently not doing okay, acted almost wary of Sokka for reasons he could not figure out. Sokka spent breakfast confused until he pinpointed the exact expression on Zuko’s face when he looked at Sokka, at which point Sokka’s stomach immediately started churning, his heart dropped, and he became incredibly uneasy.

Zuko was looking at Sokka like he was suspicious of him.

Like he was starting to figure out that Sokka was lying to him.

And Sokka had no idea how. He’d been so careful, with the exception of the three times he’d knocked on the wall and Zuko had come help him. Sokka had always figured Zuko would think Sokka was just waking up from a nightmare, but who dry heaved and could barely get up from the floor after a nightmare? Even Zuko’s occasional panic attacks were never that bad. Of course Zuko had to know that something else was going on with Sokka. There was no way Zuko knew that Sokka was Last Hope, because Sokka hid that incredibly well. But there was a large change that Zuko knew that, at the very least, Sokka was not telling the whole truth. Sokka was lying to Zuko, and it was only a matter of time before he found out. The only thing was, Sokka didn’t know exactly how much Zuko knew. Did he also know about Toph? Did he know that Sokka was Water Tribe? Did he know that Sokka wasn’t actually in the Royal Palace to be his bodyguard? Or did Zuko know none of that, and he was simply just a little suspicious? Sokka convinced himself that it was the last one. There was no way Zuko could possibly know anything; he was just starting to notice that Sokka didn’t always seem to be telling the truth. Which was still bad, and something that Sokka had to figure out how to fix. Sokka couldn’t directly ask Zuko how much he knew, so he’d have to find a way to reinforce his lies. Prove to Zuko that he was telling the truth somehow. Lie even better.

Sokka was an incredible liar and an amazing planner, he’d easily be able to figure something out. But the guilt from lying was wracking him, taking a toll on his mind. If he went further in his lies trying to prove them to be true, how would he even be able to look at Zuko? How would Sokka be able to, in good faith, continue to be Zuko’s friend? How would Sokka be able to protect someone he was actively hurting and lying to? Sokka knew the answer was that he was numb, because that was often the answer. Sokka didn’t feel, so his guilt was muffled and easily pushed away in favor of being numb and detached. Sokka lied and lied to Zuko, someone who had become vulnerable around Sokka in a way he wasn’t with anyone else, and Sokka forced himself not to be guilty about it. Even though he was, Sokka pushed his conscience away and reminded himself that he was numb. He was numb and he was dead, and corpses didn’t feel guilt. Sokka would cover up his lies with more lies until they looked almost as convincing as the truth would be. Sokka would find a way to get rid of Zuko’s apparent suspicion towards him. Sokka would lie, because apart from killing, that was what he did best. And Sokka would lie to himself as well, and pretend that he was lying to Zuko to protect him. Sokka was protecting Zuko from the truth about Sokka, because learning the truth would only hurt him. Sokka was protecting Zuko, he decided. And it was a sick lie, selfish and horrible and it filled Sokka with guilt, but he pushed it away. He was numb. Numb and dead.

Zuko had just finished reading the articles and smiling at Sokka making fun of one of the last paragraphs when Sokka finished his internal monologue on what to do about Zuko. And Sokka was closing the paper, moving to put it on the other side of the table, about to open his mouth to tell Zuko another story about his fake life in the colonies when Toph came. She barrelled into the room, obviously coming straight from a meeting, out of breath and stumbling. As she came to a stop at Sokka and Zuko’s table, she showed no embarrassment at her physical state and instead took a few deep breaths, steadying herself. Sokka and Zuko had both looked up by now, Zuko looking at Sokka with a confused expression and Sokka shrugging back at him. Sokka turned away from Zuko to look at Toph, who usually didn’t run through the palace and interrupt Sokka and Zuko’s breakfast like this. Although, it wasn't entirely out of character. Maybe that was why Sokka didn’t immediately worry that something was wrong.

“Hey, Toph,” Sokka said slowly, “what’s up?”

“Is something wrong?” Zuko asked, sounding worried. For a moment Sokka was worried too, and wasn’t entirely calmed when Toph smiled. Toph smiling didn’t always mean that nothing was wrong. Toph loved danger, which was something that always worried Sokka.

“Kind of,” Toph answered, “General Zhao is going to the North pole to siege the Northern Water Tribe.”

“What?” Zuko said loudly.

“How is that only _kind of_ wrong?” Sokka yelled at the same time.

“Sorry,” Toph amended, “I know how that sounded. But the good thing is, I got the Firelord to agree to let the three of us come with.”

“For what?” Zuko asked, “to help them?”

Sokka snorted.

“No, you idiots,” Toph said, “we’re going to try and find a way to _stop_ them.”

“The Prince, his bodyguard, and a trusted employee of the Firelord, who are also all teenagers, are supposed to single-handedly stop a General and his entire army from sieging a kingdom?” Sokka said, incredulous. 

“You two are the worst,” Toph groaned, “have some optimism. If we try hard enough, we could find some way to stop it! We could warn the Northern Water Tribe early somehow, and then go in disguise and fight against Zhao’s army. There are ways to do this. The three of us aren’t incompetent.”

“Nobody said _that_ ,” Sokka argued, “I, for one, am very powerful. I don’t really think this will work at all, but we don’t really have a choice, do we?”

“You don’t,” Toph replied, “but Zuko does. All I need is for him to agree, and whatever Zuko says you have to do.”

“I love being a bodyguard,” Sokka muttered.

“So, Zuko, what do you say?” Toph asked, “going to the Northern Water Tribe to stop the Fire Nation from sieging them, you in?”

Toph looked at Zuko, waiting for his answer. This was all pretty abrupt to Sokka, and he wasn’t sure where it was coming from on Toph’s end. She sounded oddly enthusiastic, despite the Fire Nation’s horrible plans for the north pole, and she also sounded extremely confident that the three of them could stop them somehow. Sokka didn’t agree, despite knowing how powerful he and Toph were. They couldn’t possibly do anything without blowing their covers and revealing themselves as Last Hope agents. Sokka and Toph, but Sokka more often, had been to the Northern Water Tribe. There were many people there, including royalty, who knew exactly who Sokka was. Sokka couldn’t go there with Zuko without him fighting out who Sokka really was. And that idea didn’t really excite Sokka, but he also knew that that line of thought was selfish. If Toph hadn’t come to Sokka and Zuko about this and asked them to come, then the Fire Nation would be completely unopposed when they besieged the North, and the North would be unprepared and easily seized. Now that Sokka knew about those plans, he couldn’t possibly let that happen. This was his sister tribe, and Sokka was a warrior. Warriors protected their tribes and their family, and Sokka was also a protector. And Toph probably knew that about Sokka, knew that he wouldn’t be able to not at least try to help the Northern Water Tribe. And she was probably counting on that, as well as Zuko’s guilt over being royalty for such a horrible nation. Was Toph manipulating them? Probably. But was it for a good cause? Yes. 

As expected, Toph got to Zuko again, and he seemed to think it through, weigh his options, and then sigh. “Okay, Toph.”

“You’ll come?”

“Yeah, but we have to find some way to warn the Northern Water Tribe in disguise or something. I don’t want anybody finding out that I’m actually anti-war.”

“Yeah, same with us,” Sokka spoke up, “we’ll figure something out.”

“Then I’m in,” Zuko answered.

“Yes!” Toph pumped a fist in the air, “we leave tomorrow.”

“ _Tomorrow_?” Sokka said through a mouthful of food, “isn’t that really soon?”

“General Zhao wants to get to the North pole as soon as possible,” Toph said, “so he’s making everyone leave tomorrow. It takes two weeks to get to the North pole, anyway. Plenty of time to strategize.”

“Fine,” Sokka shrugged, “we’ll pack after breakfast. Now don’t you have some other meeting to get to?”

“Actually,” Toph said, “Sokka, could I talk to you in private? Like, in my room or something?”

Confused, Sokka turned and met Zuko’s eyes. Zuko quickly looked down, and once again Sokka internally sighed and shrugged it off. Sokka hoped that this trip to the North pole might distract Zuko from his apparent suspicion of Sokka.

“Sure,” Sokka said, getting up from his chair, “I’ll see you later, Zuko.”

Zuko mumbled a barely audible farewell, still looking down. Sokka ignored it and pushed in his chair, leaving Zuko at the table and turning around to walk back to their rooms with Toph.

“What’s up with him?” Toph asked once they were out of earshot.

“Honestly?” Sokka replied, “I think he’s suspicious of me.”

“What?” Toph hissed, “why? What did you do?”

“Nothing!” Sokka said, “I don’t think he actually knows anything, he’s probably just noticed some inconsistency in a lie I told or something.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Toph said pointedly, “your lies never have inconsistencies. You’re too talented.”

“I’m not sure I want to be talented at lying anymore,” Sokka replied, “It's getting really tiring lying to Zuko and the girls. And I know I have to keep lying, and I will, but it’s just really hard. Sometimes I wish I could just tell them who I am, or at least just Zuko, but I know I can’t.”

“Well,” Toph said as they approached their rooms, “you might have to.”

“What?” Sokka looked at Toph, wide-eyed, “why?”

Toph opened the door to her room and let Sokka and herself in, before closing the door behind her and lowering her voice, “people at the Northern Water Tribe know who you are. They know you’re Last Hope, and you're on a first-name basis with the royalty. If Zuko comes to the tribe with us, there’s a huge chance that someone might blow your cover.”

“I know,” Sokka said, “but I’ll find some way to keep my true identity a secret there. I have to. I can’t tell Zuko, I can’t. He’ll hate me forever, and I’m not sure I can deal with that right now.”

“Okay,” Toph said slowly, “but you’re going to have to prepare for the worst. Zuko could find out, and you have to make a plan for that. You make plans for everything; better safe than sorry, right?”

“Toph,” Sokka said in the big-brother voice he used to use on his sister, back when they were together, “this ‘us coming to the Northern Water Tribe’ plan sounds really dangerous. Like, I know we have to at least try to stop them, but is it worth it if we might have to blow our covers? Someone other than Zuko might find out, and even if we weren't screwed with just Zuko knowing, we’d definitely be screwed then.”

“We _have_ to go,” Toph said, sounding urgent and almost desperate, “Sokka, your _sister_ is there.”

Sokka’s heart dropped to his stomach and started skipping multiple beats. He hadn’t heard about his sister from someone else in seven years, and he’d almost given up on seeing his sister ever again. He knew that if he somehow ended the war then he’d probably be able to find her and meet her again, but now, during the middle of the war? He’d never believed that he’d be able to see his sister now. For one horrible moment, Sokka was absolutely terrified that Toph was messing with him. She was trying to get Sokka to go to the North pole and she was using his sister to get him to do that. But Sokka also knew that Toph was his other sister; she would never lie to him, especially not about this. Toph had to be telling the truth, no matter how crazy it sounded. Sokka opened his mouth and tried to speak, but nothing came out. His mind was reeling, trying to remember his sister and picturing her face. All he could properly remember wzs her necklace and the loops in her hair, the blue of her eyes, and her smile, kind and warm in the snow and ice of the South pole. But Sokka couldn’t remember her whole face, or what she sounded like, or how she might look now. And the idea that Sokka might be able to finally see his sister, see her face and hear her voice and finally see how much she’d grown, that filled Sokka with multiple emotions that he was having a hard time identifying.

The first was skepticism, of course. The denial that this could be real, that Sokka’s sister had really left home and crossed through the entire world. The denial that Sokka might have the opportunity to see her again. How could that be true? Maybe Toph had been mistaken, maybe she heard someone wrong in a meeting and now she thought that Sokka’s baby sister left home all by herself. Unless other members of the Southern Water Tribe were with her, but Sokka hoped not. Nobody else was really fit to travel. But now there was another emotion, worry. Worry about his sister, because if she really was in the Northern Water Tribe then she was all alone. Somehow she’d left home, _alone_ , and now she was in the North pole, _alone_. And the Northern Water Tribe was huge, it was a real kingdom with a King and a Queen and Princess Yue, who Sokka hadn’t seen in years. But the likelihood of his sister ever meeting Yue, the only person Sokka would trust with his sister, was very low. Which meant that Sokka’s sister, wherever she was, was absolutely alone. 

And now there was a third emotion: guilt. Guilt because Sokka’s sister was alone. Alone, because Sokka had left his tribe for Last Hope and left his sister to fend for herself. Whatever horrible things happened to his sister that caused her to leave home all alone, they were Sokka’s fault. And now, if Sokka was to see his sister, how would he be able to face her? After everything he’d done to her? A fourth emotion, uncertainty. How would his sister even react to seeing Sokka? Would she blame him for leaving for Last Hope, now that she was older and could be even angrier now that she knew more about the corruptness of Last Hope? Would she even be happy to see him? Maybe Sokka’s sister was better off without him. Maybe everyone in Sokka’s life was better off without him, but especially his sister. Sokka left her, and she had no obligation to ever see him again. She was probably so angry with Sokka, how could she ever want to see him? No, Sokka couldn't possibly face his sister in good faith.

But, Sokka’s sister was smart. She was smart and forgiving and so kind. Yes, she held gurges, and yes, she disliked Sokka to the extent that a younger sibling disliked their older one, but Sokka’s sister had loved him and Sokka had loved her back. They were best friends, siblings, _family_ . How could she not be happy to see him? Sokka had changed since he left, and he was sure that his sister had, too. But even then, they were still family. They would be happy to see each other, and they would learn to accept each other’s new changes, the good and the bad. Sokka knew that he was just overthinking, filled with his usual doubt and worry. Even though logically he knew his sister would probably be angry with him for leaving at first, she would push it away in favor of being happy to see her brother. Because it had been seven years, and Sokka had missed her so much and he knew that she missed him too. And now, he might finally get to see her again. Sokka had given up hope, thinking that seeing his sister would never be possible, but now Toph said that it was. And Sokka didn't know any details, and he didn’t even know if Toph was actually right about his sister being in the North pole or if she’d just misheard someone, but Sokka didn’t care. A fifth emotion was overtaking all of the negative ones before it, calming and exciting Sokka at the same time. Filling his heart with love for his sister that he might finally allow himself to feel again, because seeing his sister would remind him how to love without being numb and dead and unfeeling. Because his sister was emotion and life and feeling, and no matter how much she used to annoy Sokka he always loved her. And now, at the idea of finally, _finally_ seeing her again?

Sokka mostly felt happiness.

When Sokka was finally able to speak, only one word came out, barely a whisper, “how?”

“Well,” Toph started, “in the meeting, Zhao said that he spotted the Avatar, which is ridiculous and not what you should be focusing on, with a Southern Water Tribe girl who was probably a teenager. The only teenaged girl in your tribe should be your sister, from what you told me. So figured that it must be here, so I got Zhao to let me, you, and Zuko come with them to the North pole. That way, we can somehow find a way for you to reunite with your sister. That’s the real reason the three of us are going to the North. Not that Zuko knows.”

“Okay,” Sokka said, “that makes sense. My sister should be the only teenager in her tribe, so you’re definitely right. That’s my sister. Toph, I can’t believe I’m going to see my sister, thank you so much for doing this for me-wait, did you say the _Avatar_?”

“I told you not to focus on that,” Toph answered, “but yeah. Zhao thinks he saw the Avatar with your sister, but it was probably just some kid who was a good earthbender or something. But the Firelord banned Zhao from ever mentioning the Avatar again, so it’s not really a big deal. I mean, the Avatar’s dead, so. And we should be focusing on your sister!”

“No, no,” Sokka said, “you mentioned the Avatar. That is a big deal. Even a supposed sighting of the Avatar is a big deal. And combined with the fact that my sister believes in the Avatar? This imposter could be deceiving my sister! Toph, now we have to rescue my sister too!”

“Or,” Toph said, “your sister traveled the world and found a friend. Who would even pretend to be the Avatar? You’d get killed for that anywhere. It's too dangerous and there’s no good reason to.”

“But the _Avatar_ ?” Sokka said again, “if Zhao thought he saw the Avatar, then imagine how quickly my sister would believe something like that! But even then, my sister isn’t really gullible at all. She likes to have proof for things like that. Which means, if whoever she’s traveling with was supposedly the Avatar, my sister would have asked for proof. And if she’s _still_ traveling with them, which she is according to Zhao, then she got that proof. Which could mean-”

“Stop,” Toph held up her hand in front of Sokka’s face, “don’t even think about it. The Avatar is dead, and your sister is traveling with a friend she made in the Earth kingdom or something. We are going to the North pole to try and warn the tribe about the siege and help stop it, and so that you can see your sister. There is no Avatar component of this. Forget about the Avatar, Sokka, Zhao is insane and you’re buying into conspiracies. You and me, we know better than to believe in myths and theories. We’re scientific and logical, you especially. The Avatar is dead, and you know that. But your sister is alive, and she’s at the same place that we’re going, and you are going to finally see her again. Think about that. Nothing else.”

Sokka sighed. “You’re right, Toph. The Avatar is dead. And I’m going to see my sister.”

“Yes you are,” Toph smiled, “and I’ll finally get to meet her.”

“That’s true,” Sokka said excitedly, “I wonder how you’ll get along.”

“Oh!” Toph added, “you’ll also get to see your ex! You know, that princess girl?”

“Yue,” Sokka corrected, “why do you forget the names of all my exes?”

“I don’t care enough about them,” Toph answered, “except for Suki. she was cool. But I barely remember Yue.”

“She was from a while ago,” Sokka nodded, “and as long as it doesn't blow my cover, it would be nice to see her again. But really I’m excited about seeing my sister. She’s the most important part of all of this.”

“And hiding your identity from Zuko and stopping the siege of the North,” Toph said unhelpfully. Sokka glared at her.

“Just let me be happy to see my sister,” Sokka complained. Toph sighed loudly, but she was smiling. She put a hand on Sokka’s shoulder, looking up at him.

“We’ll come up with a plan for everything,” she said, “don’t worry.”

“I wasn’t,” Sokka answered, but Toph scoffed and Sokka knew she was right to. Sokka would always worry. There was so much happening, and somehow Sokka had to come up with plans and ways to make sure that everything went right. But then again, Sokka was the plans guy. If anyone could pull this off, it was him. He could do this. He could see his sister again without blowing his cover to Zuko, and he could finally fight against the Fire Nation again while he was at it. And he would push away all thoughts about the Avatar, because the Avatar was dead and definitely not traveling with his sister. Sokka was smart and Sokka was a good liar, too good, and he was logical and objective and he could do this. As long as he had his sister in his heart for motivation, he could probably do anything. 

So for once in his life, Sokka let himself feel a little bit happy.

The next day, Sokka and Toph walked to the old field where they’d kept their war balloon and carefully folded it, and walked it over to the port where the ship was taking off. Sokka and Toph snuck their war balloon onto the ship by claiming that it was a war balloon for Zhao’s army. In reality, the balloon was for Sokka to sneak onto the Northern Water Tribe a few days before the Fire Nation arrived in order to find his sister and warn the tribe about the Fire Nation’s plans of attack. After sneaking the balloon on, Sokka and Toph waited by the front of the boat for Zuko to come, escorted on his palanquin. Sokka almost laughed at the elaborateness of it all, a palanquin just to get to the ports. Toph did laugh, quickly stifling it when a guard looked at her in disdain. Sokka hadn’t really talked to Zuko for the rest of the day, quiet in the courtyard with Mai and Ty Lee as Toph explained where the other three were going. Mai and Ty Lee were supportive of Toph’s idea to try and fight against the Fire Nation’s siege, while Sokka and Zuko were a bit more apprehensive about how they were going to succeed in doing that. 

Sokka tried to be a bit more optimistic to convince Zuko, because Sokka was excited about seeing his sister; and for some reason, he couldn't fight that excitement off his face. And Sokka knew that that would make Zuko even more suspicious of Sokka, so Sokka eventually left the courtyard and went to his room, packing his stuff and getting ready for the next day. Sokka took all of his weapons and tools, afraid of leaving them unprotected in the palace and someone finding them. He also brought his new dual swords, because Zuko had offered to start teaching Sokka while they were on the ship. Sokka also brought his spare Earth kingdom outfit and his Water Tribe clothes, because both of those would also blow his cover if they were seen in the palace. And, in the Northern Water Tribe, he’d be able to find his sister easier in Water Tribe blue. A color he hadn’t worn in years unless he was at the NWT for a job. Sokka couldn’t wait to wear the colors of his tribe and his family and feel like he was truly a Water Tribe warrior. He was going to see his sister again, he was finally going to see his family.

Zuko got out of his palanquin and grinned when he saw Sokka and Toph, making his way over to them. After breakfast, Zuko had seemed mostly back to normal, most likely more preoccupied with their plans to go to the North. Any kind of suspicion Zuko had been feeling before seemed to be gone, or just pushed away as more important things came to light. Sokka didn’t mind, because that was advantageous for him. As long as Zuko was distracted, he wouldn’t be worried about whatever lies he thought Sokka was telling. And then Sokka would stay normal with Zuko, cracking jokes and being his friend and always, always protecting him. Because no matter how many lies Sokka had to tell or how many times Zuko became suspicious of them, that would never change. Sokka protected Zuko, and they’d just started to protect each other. And that would always be the case until Zuko found out who Sokka really was. But Sokka didn’t want to think about that right now, not when he was this close to seeing his sister.

“Nice ride,” Sokka said as Zuko joined him and Toph.

“Shut up,” Zuko said, “I hate palanquins.”

“You hate being carried around everywhere?” Sokka replied, “Wow, royalty are so privileged.”

“You know what else I hate? You,” Zuko shot back, but he was smiling and Sokka knew that Zuko didn’t mean it. Zuko wasn’t acting like he was suspicious at all. 

“I have an actual valid reason to hate palanquins,” Toph added, “I can’t see with my feet if I’m on them. I’ve gotten used to it on ships, though.”

That was true; when Sokka had first met Toph on the Last Hope ship she’d had a lot of trouble seeing. Sokka had tried to help her regain her sight with her feet on a boat, but her ability didn’t go completely back to its full power until Toph invented metalbending.

“That’s good,” Zuko said, “because we’re gonna be on that ship for a pretty long time.”

“And we’ll be stuck with Zhao’s horrible army for all of it,” Sokka complained.

“We can try to stay away from them,” Zuko said, “I have no desire to interact with them unless I have to.”

“I see most of them every day in war meetings,” Toph said, “I can’t believe I have to be stuck on a ship with them. My worst nightmare.”

“Oh, spirits,” Sokka groaned, “Zuko, why did you agree to this again?”

“I still don’t think I really had a choice,” Zuko answered, “I feel like Toph would’ve forced me either way.”

“You are right,” Toph nodded.

Sokka sighed, knowing the real reason why Zuko didn’t have a choice. His sister. 

“Hey, people are getting on,” Toph noticed, “let’s go.” Toph looked at Sokka and grinned, Sokka’s excitement at seeing his sister passing on to her. Sokka smiled back, and then watched as Toph walked ahead of Sokka. Sokka turned to walk in step with Zuko.

“Come on,” Sokka said, “let’s get this over with.”

Zuko smiled, and Sokka felt guilty all over. He also felt warm, which he tried to push away. Sokka was only allowed guilt. Horrible guilt; it was what he deserved for lying like this to Zuko. Sokka didn’t deserve to feel good when Zuko smiled at him.

Zuko and Sokka crossed the threshold of the ship, entering the dark room and feeling the entrance of the ship close behind them. Sokka was unpleasantly reminded of the Last Hope ship, until lights turned on and brightened the room and Sokka remembered that this was a fire nation ship. They had lights, lights like the ones he and Toph had in their room.

“Oh, thank the spirits,” Sokka heard Toph say from in front of them, “I can still see with my feet on this ship.”

Sokka took a deep breath, remembering what he was here to do. See his sister. Warn the Northern Water Tribe. Fight the Fire Nation. Zuko only knew that Sokka was going to do two of those things, but it was enough for both Zuko and Sokka to be nervous. This was Zuko’s first fight against his nation, and it was supposed to be Sokka’s too, according to his lies. They were choosing freedom over loyalty, right over wrong. And for Sokka, he was choosing his tribe over Last Hope, blue over gold.

Zuko nudged Sokka, jarring him out of his thoughts. “You ready?”

Sokka smiled at the question, thinking about his and Toph’s usual exchange. And Sokka wasn’t sure if his answer was going to be another lie he told Zuko, but he wasn’t going to say anything different than what he usually said to Toph. Sokka looked over at Zuko, whose eyes were questioning and smile was small but still contagious, alive in a way that Sokka would never be. And for some reason Sokka felt like as long as he had Zuko and that smile, alive alive _alive_ , he would be ready for anything. So Sokka thought about his sister, then Toph, then Zuko, and he smiled back and answered Zuko’s question the way he always would when someone asked him if he was ready.

“As I’ll ever be.”


	17. Pyro Prince

When Toph had first said it, Zuko thought it was a ridiculous idea. He still thought that, but he also knew that he had to go through with it. He refused to sit back and watch as General Zhao sieged the Northern Water Tribe and caused another casualty of the war. Zuko was done witnessing destruction and doing nothing about it. Even though he knew there wasn’t much three kids could do, he was determined to try anyway. Zuko was a mediocre firebender, but he was good at his dual swords. He could easily use those in a fight. And Toph had an upper hand with General Zhao because she was the Lie Detector; she had somehow gained the respect of almost every advisor and important military official in the palace, as well as the respect of the Firelord. Toph could use her position of power to her advantage and help stop the siege. Zuko had thought that military strategizing was going to be boring, but with Toph around it was wildly entertaining. She never actually contributed anything helpful to the Fire Nation soldiers, only there to detect lies like usual. Zuko had never really seen Toph in action, and now he understood why she had the respect of even Zuko’s father. She was twelve years old, but she commanded a room almost as well as Azula. But while Azula commanded through fear and coldness, Toph commanded through a kind of fear that was red-hot and much more respectable rather than terrifying. Toph scared who she needed to scare, but the higher-ranked members of the military who she needed to keep in her pocket, those she made sure not to include in her scare tactics.

An incredible amount of people still lied in front of Toph, because she called them out quicker than lightning. Soldier after soldier got thrown out of the meetings for anything ranging from false hope to bringing up plans with a secret twist to them. Toph was a wonder to watch during meetings, and she even scared Zuko sometimes. But while the other people were talking and Zuko and Toph were just listening, Toph leaned up on her tiptoes and muttered jokes to Zuko, ruthlessly making fun of whoever was talking. It took all of Zuko’s energy to not snort in the middle of random general’s pitches for plans. Toph was fun to spend time with, even if it was in the middle of military meetings. And while Zuko never had anything to contribute, (it reminded him too much of the Agni Kai, and his ideas were all against the Fire Nation, anyway), he liked just being there to watch Toph and to gain information on the Fire Nation's plans. And Sokka? Sokka was smart, he came up with good plans, and he was probably the most talented intellect-wise out of the three of them. Zuko and Toph were mostly relying on him for some way to figure out how to stop the siege, and even though Zuko felt a little guilty for putting all of that on him, Sokka seemed fine with it. He liked coming up with plans, and he spent a lot of time up in his room, seemingly figuring them out. 

In general, Sokka seemed a lot brighter than he usually was. Sokka was always extroverted and boisterous, cracking jokes and filling up a room with his loud voice. But sometimes the melancholy would creep into his voice, and there was always tension on his shoulders. He was always exhausted from protecting Toph and Zuko and to an extent Mai and Ty Lee, and there were still bags under his eyes. And while all of that was still there, Sokka’s smiles looked a little more genuine. He seemed happier when he talked to Toph and Zuko, grinning widely as they sat on the dark ship and brainstormed ways to stop a siege that was almost impossible for them to stop. Because without the three of them, the Fire Nation would easily win. And even with the three of them, fighting with the North, how much of a difference would it really make? They were talented and they were smart, but were they really going to be able to stop an entire siege, led by one of the most powerful Generals of the Fire Nation military? Zuko tried to be optimistic, but logically he wasn’t too sure they could do it, even if they warned the North on time. But Toph seemed completely confident as always, sure of their abilities and plenty optimistic. Sokka was objective as usual, looking at every possible situation and coming up with things that could go wrong and things that they would succeed at. Sokka never said whether he thought they could do it or not, but Zuko could see that he wasn’t holding back because he was afraid they couldn’t. He was just being realistic: there was no sure answer.

Zuko wasn’t sure why Sokka was so bright and happy, especially since he wasn’t allowed to join military strategy sessions with Zuko and Toph. while Zuko and Toph relayed the information from the meetings back to Sokka, the meetings seemed like the sort of thing Sokka would love to go to. And he’d voiced his disappointment about it, saying that he wished he could be a part of them and cracking his regular jokes about what amazing things he could do in those sessions. But afterward, when Zuko asked if Sokka would be okay alone on the ship when Zuko and Toph were gone, his smile was big and surprisingly not fake when he waved them off and said he’d be fine. His shoulders didn’t seem weighed down, his eyes seemed less tired. For some reason, Sokka was happier. And he’d been like that ever since he got on the ship to go to the Northern Water Tribe. The Water Tribe, with oceans the same blue as Sokka’s eyes. The same blue as the eyes of the Blue Spirit’s mysterious tracker.

Zuko wasn’t necessarily suspicious of Sokka, just confused. Because how many blue-eyed people really resided in the Fire Nation? Water Tribe members would be imprisoned by the military if they weren’t careful to be in disguise. And just because Sokka had blue eyes didn’t mean that he was Water Tribe. Well, it pretty much did, but Zuko refused to believe it. He’d been a little suspicious at first, wondering if Sokka and that tracker could be the same person, or two Water Tribe members working together to take down the Fire Nation, or part of some bigger rebel group. And those thoughts filled Zuko’s head all the while Toph was talking about going to the North pole, and while Zuko was packing his stuff and pulling out his Blue Spirit mask, debating whether or not to take it. He didn’t take it. But he wondered what Sokka’s blue eyes could mean, or whether they actually meant anything at all. Sokka could still be from the colonies, just with different colored eyes than normal. It could be a genetic thing, or he could have a Water Tribe ancestor. There were a million different reasons why Sokka’s eyes could be blue, and many of them had nothing to do with the Blue Spirit’s tracker, or rebel groups, or anything worth being suspicious over. 

Sokka was a good fighter, that was obvious considering that he came from a school for fighting, but there was no way he was the Blue Spirit’s tracker. The tracker was quiet and stealthy, and that was not what they taught you at Fire Nation fighting academies. They wanted you to be loud and brazen, showing off your skills because you are Fire Nation, and you are spreading your greatness. Sokka wouldn’t know how to creep around, how to hide and blend into the shadows while silently stalking your prey. Zuko knew how to do some of that as the Blue Spirit, but not as well as the tracker did it. And there was no way Sokka knew how to do that kind of patient tracking. The only way he’d know that kind of fighting style, about stalking and hunting and waiting for the perfect moment to strike, was if Sokka wasn’t trained for fighting at all. Sokka would have had to be trained for killing. Sokka would have to be Last Hope, and the idea of that was fucking ridiculous. Zuko didn’t entertain that thought for even a second, because nothing Sokka had ever done insinuated that he was from a rebel group, or Water Tribe, or, spirits forbid, Last Hope. Sokka was a bodyguard and a protector, _Zuko’s_ bodyguard and protector, and in no world was he a killer. All of the messy, far-fetched thoughts and theories Zuko was making up were based on the color of Sokka’s eyes. And that was very baseless evidence. Zuko was making up stories in his head based on nothing, and by the next day Zuko had firmly decided to forget about them.

When Zuko got off the palanquin and onto the ship, he looked at Sokka and saw his blue eyes and decided that they didn’t mean a thing. He told himself that and he believed it and then he never thought about it again. Instead he smiled when Sokka smiled at him, and they got onto the ship together and set sail together because they protected each other and trusted each other and now they were going to stop the Fire Nation from sieging the North together. Although, that would be considerably easier if Sokka could just be let into the strategy sessions. But Toph had asked General Zhao and so had Zuko and he’d refused both of them. If it had been Azula asking, Zhao would have complied immediately. But Zuko was not Azula, and Zuko couldn’t command a room like her or assert authority over others like her. Nobody in the palace really had respect for Zuko, not after his horrible press and every weak, cowardly thing he had done. Not after the almost-banishment and the Agni Kai. not after everything. General Zhao and everybody else in the palace would never respect Zuko again. They never really did; mostly looking down on him because he was lesser. He wasn’t a firebending prodigy like Azula, he was amazing with swords but that wasn’t bending so it was never good enough. Zuko was never good enough. And that was something Zuko would never stop believing, no matter how many times he beat Sokka at dual swords and Sokka told him how he was _so good at swords, Zuko, I can’t even make fun of you._

Teaching Sokka dual swords on a ship was not as hard as Zuko thought it would be. There was a weapons room and a few training rooms on the ship, and Zuko and Sokka picked one, occupied it, and had fun banning Toph from it. When Zuko had started teaching Sokka he’d commented that Zuko’s style was a lot like the Blue Spirit’s which Zuko had hated. Sokka being obsessed with the Blue Spirit complicated things much more than they had to. Zuko couldn’t properly teach Sokka if he was constantly worried about being too similar to the Blue Spirit and Sokka putting two and two together. But Zuko knew that the only way Sokka could know the Blue Spirit’s fighting style was from reading the fights being described in the papers (because Sokka was _not_ the tracker). So Sokka couldn’t really know that much about the Blue Spirit’s fighting style. So Zuko worried, but not excessively. And Sokka didn’t comment on the Blue Spirit much after that, so Zuko stopped worrying. 

Sokka was enthusiastic about the dual swords, channeling his newfound happiness that Zuko had no idea on the sources off and didn’t ask because he knew it was probably just pre-fighting the Fire Nation excitement. Sokka was also kind of a genius, because he was the quickest learner Zuko had ever seen. Zuko and Sokka spent a week on the ship, and in that week Sokka managed to beat Zuko in multiple fights and use the dual swords better in a week than Zuko had originally learned in a few months. Zuko also attributed that to Sokka’s training at his fighting academy, because nowhere else could you learn different fighting styles that quickly (you probably could at Last Hope, but Sokka was _not_ Last Hope). Zuko trained Sokka but sometimes Sokka would train him, finding a new technique that he thought would work and then showing it to Zuko. Surprisingly, Sokka’s creations worked really well. And as days went by, Zuko started to notice that many of Sokka’s moves resembled bending. That made Zuko wonder if Sokka knew benders; if he’d watched the ones at his school closely. (or maybe, Sokka knew benders because he _was_ a bender. But that was ridiculous. There was no way Sokka was a bender. People from the colonies were rarely benders. _Unless-_

-Zuko really had to find a way to shut off his thoughts. He'd told himself he wasn't going to be suspicious anymore, but that sounded easier than it was to actually do.

Zuko asked Sokka why his moves so closely resembled firebending, and Sokka answered that he watched the firebenders at his school. The obvious, and definitely correct, answer. And the moves were all really smart, anyway. Maybe Sokka wouldn't notice if the Blue Spirit started using them when they got back from the North. Who was Zulo kidding? Of course he would. Sokka was still the same creepily observant person he always had been. And now Zuko was questioning everything about Sokka, because where had he learned to be so observant? But Zuko also knew that plenty of people were just naturally observant, and considering now naturally talented Sokka already was at so many other things, it made sense that he would be observant, as well. How else could he watch the firebenders at his school and incorporate their moves into his swordfighting? 

All of Zuko’s questions about Sokka had two answers: the ridiculous ones and the obviously correct ones. And while the suspicious part of Zuko constantly wanted to gravitate towards the ridiculous ones, the rest of Zuko trusted Sokka with everything he had and knew that he had no reason to be suspicious of Sokka. Everything he wondered about Sokka had a clear answer if Zuko just asked. So eventually Zuko decided to ask Sokka why he’d been so happy recently, and Sokka hesitated. Which seemed suspicious to Zuko, but he held the thoughts off. Sokka considered the question for barely a couple seconds before answering that he was _pretty excited to finally start fighting against the Fire Nation; it feels good to know we’re making a difference, doesn’t it, Zuko?_ And Zuko heard Sokka say his name and felt warm all over and cursed himself for ever being suspicious of Sokka.

So Zuko had promised himself that he wouldn’t be suspicious anymore, and he was going to fulfill that promise too. He was going to focus on the fact that Sokka was his bodyguard in every sense of the word, and that they always protected each other no matter what and would continue to. Zuko didn’t think anything could break that. Zuko promised himself that nothing could break that, and he believed it. Sokka would never give up on protecting Zuko, so Zuko would never give up on protecting Sokka. And Zuko would stop being so suspicious over nothing, because that was unfair to Sokka, who had done nothing but be there for Zuko and Zuko had chosen to trust him. And Zuko did not regret that decision, no matter what his bad thoughts told him. His bad thoughts wanted to sabotage Zuko, wanted him to push away and lose his best friend. He wouldn’t let that happen, because maybe Zuko was stronger than his bad thoughts. It was doubtful, but maybe. In the last two months Zuko had learned on many occasions that he could push away his bad thoughts, and that sometimes he could be stronger than them, more powerful than his mind. And that was all because of Sokka, because Zuko had met him and let himself be protected by him and ended up protecting him back. Sokka was the reason Zuko smiled and laughed more and the reason he felt okay to sleep at night. 

And Zuko would _not_ let himself be the reason he lost all of that.

Their first weekend on the ship passed fairly uneventfully, with Toph and Zuko waiting a few days to share the information from their strategy sessions to Sokka, because they all needed a break from strategizing. Instead Sokka and Zuko woke up in the same bed like they had been every night, and then they went to breakfast in a room somewhere in the ship with a small table and three chairs. Because she had no one else to eat with on the ship, Sokka and Zuko let Toph eat breakfast with them. And after that, Zuko and Toph went to yet another million meetings, discussing strategies for sieging the North that made Zuo’s blood boil and stomach hurt. He felt nauseous just thinking about all the horrible things they had to somehow stop the Fire Nation from doing, and he was terrified about what would happen if they weren’t able to. But Sokka and Toph both seemed to be at least trying to be optimistic, and Zuko wasn’t going to ruin the mood by being pessimistic and accidentally cause them to lose their motivation or become distracted. So Zuko stayed quiet and worried by himself, not letting onto what was going on in his mind the entire time he spent sparring with Sokka after lunch. 

Zuko didn’t even notice that Sokka also seemed to be lost in thought, losing to Zuko more times than he usually did despite only having a week of training. But most of the time they spent sparring was in silence, only interrupted by Sokka's occasional joke or cry of triumph when he won. Both of them preferred fighting in silence, despite Sokka’s love for talking. So it was normal for Zuko to think about other things while fighting unless he was also teaching, and Zuko didn’t really pay attention to what might be going on in Sokka’s mind. Not while he was busy making sure his moves didn’t closely resemble the Blue Spirit. Zuko briefly wondered what his tracker was doing now, because the tracker was definitely not Sokka, because that was insane and Zuko still hated himself for thinking it. He hated that he’d dug himself into a hole of ridiculous conspiracy theories. And he still hated that he’d become suspicious of the one person he probably trusted the most in the world right now. And as Zuko continued to hate himself, he lost to Sokka and was only startled back to reality by Sokka’s laughter. Triumphant, boisterous, laughter. Accompanied by his usual wild grin, the one he always wore while fighting, that was a little more crooked and a little eviler than his usual smile. Zuko didn’t mind the darkness that came with that expression, because he knew that Sokka went to a ruthless school and he also knew that Sokka was strong and bright and human. And Sokka’s laugh was one of Zuko’s favorite things, and it made Zuko smile, too, despite being on the ground from losing that round.

Sokka sat on the ground next to Zuko, gulping down water and breathing hard. But his eyes were somewhere else, Zuko noticed, so he let Sokka catch his breath before asking about it.

“You okay?” Zuko said, and Sokka looked at him. Zuko continued, “you’ve been kind of out of it today, like you’re thinking about something.”

“Oh,” Sokka said after blinking a few times, “yeah, I’ve just been thinking.”

“About?”

“Mai, I guess. I mean, what she told us about Last Hope and what they did to her, it’s been sticking with me this whole time.”

Zuko understood that. What happened to Mai was awful, and he’d barely been a part of it. “Yeah,” Zuko replied, “it’s pretty bad. It’s good that she was comfortable enough around you guys to tell you, though.”

“We have been getting closer,” Sokka said, “and speaking of Mai and Last Hope, I have a question for you.”

“What’s up?”

“I know this is hard to even think about,” Sokka started, “but imagine that Mai was recruited by Last Hope that day when she was nine, but you didn’t know about it because she stayed in the Fire Nation to assassinate people there.”

Zuko imagined it, and it sounded horrible. Having Mai in the palace, being his friend, but also a part of Last Hope? Not only would that be bad for him, but it would also be awful for her. Joining an organization like Last Hope that young? Zuko could only imagine that it would be incredibly traumatizing. And if Mai joined Last Hope, would she and Zuko have even become friends? Or dated, all those years ago? Would Zuko have been banished? Would Zuko have ever met _Sokka_ , if he’d been banished? Zuko thought it was amazing how much could depend on one change. One change; Mai being secretly a part of Last Hope. Zuko was incredibly glad he didn’t have to worry about that, because Mai was safe and she was okay and she was far away from Last Hope. But why was Sokka even bringing it up?

“That sounds bad,” Zuko told Sokka slowly, “for everyone involved. Because she’d be lying to us, and the royal family, which could get her in trouble, and it would hurt that she’d be lying to us. And, of course it would hurt her, because I can’t even imagine how hard it must be to be a child assassin like the ones in Last Hope. She’d be traumatized and probably different from how she is now. I mean, could you imagine?”

Zuko turned to Sokka as he asked, and noticed that Sokka was pale and shaky. Zuko wished Sokka hadn’t brought it up, because it was obviously affecting him. Zuko knew that Last Hope affected Sokka, most likely because of how horrible everything they did was. And Sokka was usually pretty hardened when it came to violence, but he also knew that fighting wasn’t murder. And that was the only reason Sokka was disturbed by Last Hope, definitely not anything else. Because Zuko refused to be suspicious anymore.

“No,” Sokka answered, voice trembling, “I can’t imagine.”

Zuko nodded his agreement, waiting to see if Sokka would say anything more. Sokka seemed to be getting himself together, and when he started talking again his voice wasn’t trembling anymore.

“Well, say Mai was a member of Last Hope, undercover in the palace, and she was lying to all of us. But what if she hated it, and she was an anti, and one day she came to you and she confessed and told you everything? And she told you she was an anti but she was still a part of the organization because once you’re a part of it you can’t get out because all you are is a killer? But what if she just didn’t want to lie anymore, so she told you who she really was? What-what would you do?”

“I-,” Zuko thought about that. Although Sokka seemed pretty shaky when it came to Last Hope, he’d also sounded almost _desperate_ , when he’d been talking. As if he understood what was happening to Mai in this hypothetical situation. As if Sokka had been lying when he said that he couldn't imagine being a Last Hope child assassin.

 _Or maybe_ , the rational part of Zuko reminded himself, _he’s just passionate about this because of how much he hates Last Hope. That’s the obvious, and correct, answer._

Which brought up Sokka’s actual question, what would Zuko do?

“Honestly,” Zuko said, “I’m not really sure. I mean, Mai is really important to me, and I guess it depends on the situation. Like, all this time, would our friendship, would that have been a lie?”

“No,” Sokka said immediately and firmly, “Mai is finally telling you everything _because_ your friendship with her isn’t a lie, and she really wants to keep that friendship, because she values it so much. The only thing that’s a lie is her identity. Not any of her relationships.”

“Okay,” Zuko replied, still wondering why Sokka was asking about this. It seemed personal, and Zuko really wanted to pry. His suspicions were coming back, but he pushed them down and refused to think about them. This was just a hypothetical, maybe Sokka was just curious. “Well, if our friendship was real, then I think I’d want to give her the benefit of the doubt. I mean, I’d still be suspicious, but I’d want to believe her. I-I think I’d believe her. And I’d want to try and help her get out of Last Hope. and I know that’s impossible to do, but I’d still want to try, because Mai, even as an assassin, could never be just a killer. Mai is so much more than that. So yeah, I guess I’d believe her and try to help her, but I’d still be a little suspicious.”

Sokka nodded, then asked, “but would you forgive her?”

“Forgive her?”

“For lying. For hiding this all that time. And for killing so many Fire Nation citizens.”

“Oh,” Zuko said quietly, “I’d forgive her for the killing, I think, or at least try to. Because she would have been forced to do that. But the lying? I think that eventually I could, but I’m not sure. It sounds easy in theory, but if it were a real situation it would be different. I’m not sure I could forgive her completely, but maybe I could forgive her to an extent? Because she had to lie, I guess. It makes sense. But it would still hurt, and I don’t know if I could just entirely forget about that.”

“That makes sense,” Sokka said, that old melancholy in his tone creeping back, and Zuko felt a pang of sadness, because he hated when Sokka sounded like that. And he wanted to know why, why did Last Hope hurt Sokka this much? Why did he want to know all this about a hypothetical situation? Zuko wanted answers that didn’t match up with his suspicions, but he also didn’t want to upset Sokka. He knew that their no-prying rule was really just meant for the night, but Sokka never asked Zuko about anything related to his nightmares during the day, either, and Zuko appreciated that he did it. Zuko hated talking about his nightmares, and maybe all of this was like that for Sokka. And Zuko wouldn't ever want to make Sokka talk about something he didn’t want to revisit. No matter how many answers Zuko wanted.

“What about you?” Zuko asked instead of voicing his thoughts. Sokka looked startled, and turned to Zuko and said, “what about me?”

“Would you forgive her?”

“Absolutely,” Sokka said, without hesitation. As if he’d been thinking about this, weighing the outcomes of this hypothetical and deciding on what he would do. And Zuko wondered why Sokka was spending so much time on this, because after all, it wasn’t a real situation. This wasn’t actually happening, to Mai or anyone else that Zuko knew. And he believed that, with everything he had. Because Zuko hated being suspicious.

“Like you said,” Sokka continued, “she was being forced to kill. And she probably only lied because Last Hope also forced her to do that. If Last Hope’s atmosphere was anything like the one at my school, then I understand the pressure to keep lying and not give up your cover, even to your closest friends. Not that my school ever makes us lie or kill, they just put a lot of pressure on us. That I can understand. And yeah, it hurts that she lied, but she had to. It’s probably really hard to gain the courage to go directly against Last Hope and purposely reveal your identity, and combine that with the fact that she’s been taken from her family and forced to kill people? I’d forgive her.”

Of course he’d forgive her, Zuko thought. Sokka would forgive Mai and then protect her forever. Sokka was selfless and he was good and he was everything Zuko wasn’t. Sokka was a protector and of course he would forgive Mai for lying. He would understand that she’d been hurt and he would refuse to let it hurt him because he would think that his feelings didn’t matter. He would forgive Mai and keep her safe because that was who Sokka was. Zuko was different, he was less inclined to forgive Mai if she hurt him, but he also would never want to avoid conflict or lose his best friend. So maybe, probably-

“I think I’d forgive her, too,” Zuko said, looking at Sokka. His pale face stretched into a small smile, and Zuko returned it.

“Hey,” Zuko said after a minute of silence, “why did you ask about all of this?”

Sokka looked thoughtful for a moment before replying, “Mai’s story just made me think about all the other child assassins on that Last Hope ship somewhere. And what they’re going through, and what would have happened if they had to lie to the people they cared about while being undercover, or something. I was just wondering.”

Zuko didn’t entirely believe that answer, because the way Sokka had been talking sounded passionate and firm, like he was invested and sure about what he was saying and like he genuinely wanted to know what Zuko’s answer was. Like he was worried about what Zuko was going to say. But Zuko also reminded himself that he was not going to pry, because Sokka never pried into Zuko’s nightmares and issues and trauma and Zuko would never do it to Sokka. That wasn’t the kind of friendship they had. And Zuko preferred to avoid conflict or awkwardness or situations in which one or both of them could get hurt. So instead of asking anything further, Zuko just nodded.

“I see,” Zuko said, “and if you ever want to talk more about this kind of stuff, I’m always here.”

“I know,” Sokka replied, and Zuko felt a rush of pride at Sokka’s acceptance that he would come to Zuko when he needed it. It felt like Sokka was almost willingly accepting future help.

Zuko smiled, his usual small smile, but Sokka’s smile back was a grin and it was wide and bright and it made Zuko warm, like it always did. Warm and safe, because that was how Sokka made him feel. And how could Zuko ever be suspicious of that?

Sokka stood up and grabbed his swords, “wanna go again?”

“Okay,” Zuko replied, also getting up, “and I am going to beat you this time.”

“Yeah, right,” Sokka scoffed, “I’m already better than you.”

“You are _not_ ,” Zuko said, because that was objectively true and they both knew it. Sokka was good, but Zuko was still better.

“Then how come I keep beating you?” Sokka asked.

“Shut _up_ ,” Zuko said, and then Sokka started laughing so Zuko laughed with him. Warm and safe, again. Warm and safe and _okay_. Because ever since Zuko met Sokka, he’d started to feel just a little more okay. Sokka had done nothing but be amazing to Zuko, and there was no reason to be suspicious or come up with insane theories just to explain one similarity in eye color. Zuko was tired, so tired, of being suspicious and worried based on no evidence. And Zuko was tired of hating himself for it, because he already hated himself and wanted to die for so many other reasons.

So what if Sokka’s eyes were blue? That didn’t matter half as much as the feeling Zuko got when he looked into them. Zuko looked at Sokka and he saw blue and he saw the ocean and swords and night and the possibility of finally being okay.


	18. the Bodyguard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for this chapter being really fucking long  
> but also in my defense a lot of big stuff happens  
> and the next chapter is gonna be really really short  
> so anyway enjoy the moment you've all been waiting for
> 
> trigger warning: mentions of death, suicidal thoughts

They’d spent about a week and a half on the ship before Sokka decided to fly ahead and finally find his sister. In general, that week and a half hadn’t been as bad as Sokka had previously thought. Between all the strategizing and Zuko teaching Sokka the dual swords, there wasn’t much time to think or worry about everything that could go wrong. Besides, Sokka was continually in a bright mood because of the prospect of seeing his sister again. Over the week, Sokka, Toph, and Zuko had gotten into a familiar routine. Sokka wasn’t allowed into strategy meetings, which annoyed him to an extent but he also felt like he’d probably explode if he had to go to a meeting and watch people decide how to siege his sister tribe. So Sokka told Zuko and Toph repeatedly that he was fine, and they could go to their meetings, and Sokka would relax and try to think only of seeing his sister again. Toph and Zuko were in meetings for most of the morning, and Sokka would spend that time wandering the ship and coming up with his own plans and ideas for stopping the siege. He also added on to his plans for ending the war, and for running away if their cover got blown on the Northern Water Tribe. The one thing Sokka never planned for was seeing his sister again, because Sokka hadn't seen his sister in seven years and Sokka knew far too little about the variables of that plan. Sokka would play reuniting with his sister by ear. For once in his life, he wouldn't plan such an important moment.

After their strategy meetings, Toph and Zuko would go back to Sokka’s room, where he would be waiting for them. Zuko and Toph would take turns explaining all of the plans and information from each meeting they went to, and Sokka would take it all in, never writing anything down. He didn’t want to leave evidence that they were against the Fire Nation lying around, and Sokka could memorize their ideas and plans easily. After Toph and Zuko finished telling Sokka the day’s information, he’d think it over and then start spitballing ideas and plans to Toph. Sokka and Toph came up with plans like lightning, barely letting the other talk before eagerly finishing their sentence and starting another idea. Sokka and Toph were constantly on the same page, bouncing ideas off of each other almost literally as Sokka started a fragment of an idea and Toph immediately finished it, knowing exactly where Sokka was going after years of knowing each other. Sokka was confident enough to know that they were an unstoppable team, and were made even better with Zuko around. 

Sokka could tell that Zuko and Toph looked up to Sokka as an obvious leader, but Sokka continued to think of Zuko as the be all and end all for their plans. If Zuko didn’t think a plan was good, they wouldn't use it. So every time they came up with something Sokka looked at him, asking for his approval. And Zuko was pretty lenient, approving most of their plans as at least tangible ideas except for a few of their later ones. This was because Sokka and Toph were getting burned out, the quality of their ideas were worsening, and Sokka knew that Zuko in good conscience could not approve their ridiculous insomnia creations. After the first week Sokka and Toph figured out that their ideas were getting bad, and so over the weekend they took a break from strategizing. Instead Toph went to the meetings on her own, and Zuko spent more time with Sokka and started to teach Sokka the dual swords. And Zuko was really good at the dual swords, almost as good as the Blue Spirit had been that day Sokka was tracking him. Sokka wondered why anyone had even bothered to teach Zuko firebending, when he could have been mastering the swords that entire time. And yes, Sokka knew that bending was always helpful, but as a nonbender Sokka was biased and continued to believe that Zuko was so good with swords that he didn’t even need to learn firebending.

As Zuko taught Sokka more with the dual swords, Sokka started to learn quickly, become good, make up his own effective moves, and then proceed to teach them to Zuko. Sokka had taught himself almost everything he knew and still picked that stuff up quickly, so now, with a teacher, Sokka was learning at a pace faster than ever before. And Sokka loved it, because he felt like he was walking on air when he used the dual swords. He used some of the bending moves he’d taught Toph all those years ago and channeled them into his swordfighting, and within a week Sokka was already pretty good at the dual swords, if he did say so himself. And Zuko was a great teacher, laughing it off when Sokka beat him and always willing to try Sokka’s new moves. Zuko had told Sokka multiple times that Sokka was good at the dual swords, and _how_ was he so good and _why_ was he so much better than Zuko, which was ridiculous because Sokka could never be better than Zuko. But whenever Zuko complimented him he got this small smile on his face, and it made Sokka warm all over in a way he did not want to address at the moment. But Sokka did notice Zuko smiling more, and Sokka thought that maybe his good mood was rubbing off on Zuko somehow. Maybe it was the effects of Sokka always protecting him, that Sokka’s good mood made Zuko automatically feel better, too. Which Sokka liked, because he was feeling so horribly guilty about lying to Zuko all the time that he wanted nothing more than to keep on protecting him, as if that could make up for the hiding of his true identity.

And even as Sokka protected Zuko, Sokka never forgot that he was letting Zuko protect him back. It still felt unnatural, but Sokka was getting better at letting his guard down, able to let Zuko protect him without trying to turn it around. And even on the ship they had been managing to use their knock system, since their rooms were still next to each other. Sokka wasn’t sure why but figured it was because of the siege when Zuko knocked every night. Sokka figured knowing the siege was coming and that it was up to just the three of them to stop it was pretty stressful, and Sokka didn’t mind at all when Zuko knocked. Sometimes Sokka got his own nightmares, anyway, and even though he never knocked first, he appreciated Zuko being there every night. Zuko comforted him and Sokka comforted him back, and Sokka became more vulnerable and open to keeping his guard down. Sokka let himself be okay with resting his head on top of Zuko’s and didn’t resist when Zuko squeezed his hand or held his arm, knowing that Zuko probably noticed when Sokka woke up looking a little harrowed from his own nightmares. Zuko wouldn’t say anything, he’d just let Sokka hold his hand while he looped his other arm around Sokka’s and held right. And Sokka would relax under the touch, just like he always did. 

Somehow, Zuko had figured out exactly what Sokka needed and Sokka had started letting Zuko do those things. Sokka hadn’t even known what he needed himself, but Zuko had found out what Sokka needed after a nightmare without even trying, and it worked. When it was Zuko, it always worked. Sometimes Zuko would talk, breaking the silence that Sokka knew Zuko preferred and instead rambling about whatever came to mind because he inexplicably knew that sometimes Sokka liked it. Sokka wasn’t sure how Zuko had figured out that Sokka didn’t mind being talked to, because even Sokka hadn’t known he’d want it. But one night Zuko had just started talking, and Sokka’s breathing had evened and Zuko had looked very proud of himself for finding out another thing that Sokka liked when he got nightmares. At this point Zuko could pretty much tell whenever Sokka had a nightmare, and Sokka knew that Zuko would prefer Sokka knocked, but Sokka never could. There was too much guilt involved from all the lying and the hiding and the secrets, and Sokka would never let himself be so selfish as to be the one who knocked first. Zuko didn’t deserve any of the horrible things Sokka was doing to him, and Sokka was not going to make it worse. Protectors made things better, and Sokka always protected Zuko.

After his conversation with Zuko about the hypothetical Mai situation, Sokka had started to wonder if maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea, after all, to just tell Zuko who he was. Sure, there was no way Zuko wouldn’t be angry, and Zuko would be hurt, and Sokka would have to deal with the knowledge that he’d hurt someone he’d also wanted to protect more than anything, but he also thought that there was a chance Zuko might forgive him. Right? If Zuko could forgive Mai, maybe he could forgive Sokka, given some time. But a hypothetical was different than a real situation, and there was every chance in the world that as soon as Sokka told Zuko he lost one of the most important people to him in the world. Sokka was torn apart over this, wondering whether he should just tell Zuko or if that would be a colossally bad idea. He’d talked to Toph about it a few times, between sparring with Zuko and coming up with strategies, and Toph seemed pretty certain that Sokka should just suck it up and tell him. But if Sokka was being honest, the idea of telling Zuko scared the hell out of him. Because choosing to tell Zuko meant potentially losing him, and while it was selfish to even think about, Sokka really didn’t want to lose Zuko.

But now they were just days away from the Northern Water Tribe, and Sokka was almost bouncing with energy at the idea of seeing his sister. The plan he’d made with Toph was for them to leave the ship on his war balloon a few days before they landed at the North pole, so that Sokka could finally see his sister again without a very immediate threat of the Fire Nation coming. And then after, Sokka could warm the Northern Water Tribe about the Fire Nation, and hopefully prepare them for a fight. Sokka knew there were probably a million things that could go wrong, but he was too excited at the prospect of seeing his sister again that he didn’t entirely care. Once he finally reunited with his sister, then he would think about the gravity of what they were really doing. So on the morning of the start of their plan, Sokka woke up Toph and they snuck down into the room of war balloons where they’d kept their own, and Sokka unfolded it and brought it to the edge of the ship. It was early morning, still dark, and there were no guards stationed at the outside of the ship. The only guards around were deep asleep. Sokka thought of Zuko for a moment, who’d been sleeping in Sokka’s bed before he left. Sokka felt horrible for leaving him, since he’d never done that before and had promised to protect him, but Sokka also knew that sneaking out in the morning was the only way to see his sister.

Sokka and Toph set up the war balloon, and Sokka was reminded of the very first day they’d been sent to the Fire Nation to kill Zuko. they’d set up the war balloon and left the Last Hope ship, and now it had been months and Sokka didn’t even miss it. Against his will he liked it at the Fire Nation, with TOph and Zuko and Mai and Ty Lee. and of course there were dangers; Azula and the Firelord and anyone else who could find out Sokka and Toph’s true identities, but Sokka was happier there than he’d been in a long time. But that didn’t mean that he was actually happy, because he wasn’t. He felt the tiniest bit alive whenever he was with Zuko, and in fleeting moments he did feel happy, but only barely. He was still a killer, he was still lying to some of the people he cared about the most, and he was still Last Hope. He could tell himself he was free of them all he wanted, but it would always be a lie. Because in the end, the war balloon Sokka and Toph were using was one Sokka had helped invent for Last Hope. And then war balloons had spread to the Fire Nation, because of Last Hope. And now Sokka was using a Last Hope war balloon to reunite with his sister, who’d been taken away from him because of Last Hope. every chain of events in Sokka’s life started and ended with Last Hope. no matter how hard he tried, he would never really be free of them. He was a killer in chains, bound to the agency he hated more than anything.

But today he saw his sister, and that felt like an act of defiance.

“You ready?” Toph asked as they stepped into the balloon and let it fly, soaring up above the Fire Nation ship and getting closer to Sokka’s sister by the minute.

“As I’ll ever be,” Sokka responded, sitting down and thinking about what he was about to do. Seven years without his sister, Sokka thought. What had become of her? Why was she here, in the North pole, with someone rumored to be the Avatar? Why had she left home at all? Was she-

Was she on the run?

Sokka desperately hoped she wasn’t on the run. She was smart, she wouldn’t let anyone know that she was a waterbender or an Avatar-believer. Right? Sokka had to believe that his sister was safe, and she was just in the North for whatever recreational reason she had to be there, and that was it. There was nothing else to it. Sokka’s sister was safe and she was okay. For a brief moment, Sokka wondered if she would be happy to see him. Maybe she’d come to resent him for leaving, after all these years of growing up lonely because he wasn’t there. But even if she hated him, Sokka thought, he loved her. And he wanted to see her one time, even if she pushed him away and told him to never come back. If he had the option to see his sister, Sokka was going to take it. He’d almost forgotten her; what she looked like, sounded like, her personality and what she loved. And more than anything, Sokka wanted to remember. He wanted to look at his sister, the one thing he had left from his life before Last Hope, and he wanted to remember what it was like to be alive. Because from what Sokka remembered, his sister was one of the most alive people he’d ever met. She lived every day to its fullest, even in a world ravaged by war. She was bright and she was strong and she saw the good in every person she met until she had proof that they didn’t deserve it. She was smart and confident and reasonable and Sokka still loved her more than anything, despite the years he’d gone without seeing her. She was one of his strongest pulls to life; seeing her again was one of the biggest reasons he stayed living.

And now, it was finally happening. And for once in his miserable life, Sokka was damn glad he’d stayed alive.

“We’re here,” Toph said, and Sokka watched as they approached the icy North pole. They were landing the balloon inside the city, mainly because they didn’t have anything to hide here and it was a shorter walk to find Yue if they were already inside the city. Sokka hadn’t been to the Northern Water Tribe in over half a year, and Sokka always loved it there. It was entirely different from home, which he would always love the most, but it was still similar enough to be a familiar reminder. The people were kind, and they knew Sokka was Water Tribe and had always accepted him here. Even when they knew he was a killer, they’d still let him stay and assassinate whichever traitor he’d been sent to kill. Sokka made friends with people his age, despite having to leave them after a few days. Sokka had always preferred the Northern Water Tribe to the Earth Kingdom or the Fire Nation, because it reminded him of home. And sometimes that reminder was painful, and filled him with longing because of how much he missed his sister, but this time there was no pain attached to it. Because this time, he was coming here to see his sister. And that reminded Sokka of nothing but happier days, and the thought that maybe seeing his sister would make him happy again. Even if it was just for a little while.

“Finally,” Sokka said to Toph as they landed the balloon, “and how exactly are we going to find my sister again?”

“I was just going to improvise that part,” Toph answered.

Sokka glared at her. “Improvise? Really? Like that’ll work.”

“Wait!” Toph said, and Sokka looked up, “there are people watching us. We can just ask one of them.”

“Toph, this war balloon makes us look like the enemy. They think we’re here to kill them or something.”

“Just tell them you know the Princess,” Toph suggested, “they’ll trust you then.”

“Fine,” Sokka said, rolling his eyes. Their balloon touched the ground and Sokka and Toph got off, addressing the crowd of people surrounding their balloon. Sokka knew they were an odd sight, since they were fifteen and twelve-year-old kids but also both wearing Fire Nation clothes, and the people around them were cowering away from them. Sokka felt a moment of pain for them, because he’d spent so much time in the Fire Nation that he’d forgotten to be scared of them. But these people knew nothing but horrors from the Fire Nation, and they didn’t know that some people there were actually good. And they also didn’t know that Sokka and Toph weren’t Fire Nation at all.

“Um, hello,” Sokka said, unsure of what to do exactly, “do any of you happen to know where Princess Yue is?”

“What do you want with Princess Yue?” one of the adults in the group said, their eyes narrowing.

“He’s her ex,” Toph said unhelpfully. The group of people all looked at Sokka skeptically.

“I am,” Sokka shrugged, “and I’m not actually Fire Nation. I’m just in disguise. I’m actually Water Tribe, I heard that my sister was here and I haven’t seen her in a while and I think that Princess Yue might be able to help me find her, so-”

“Sokka?”

Sokka knew that voice. The crowd whispered and parted as a familiar girl with big blue eyes, braided white hair, and the elegance and beauty of someone ethereal, someone who was less Princess and more spirit. Although, Sokka remembered from what she had told him about her, she was a little bit of both.

“Yue!” Sokka said brightly, glad to see a familiar face. He walked towards her, expecting to hug her, before she stepped back and he remembered that he was in Fire Nation clothes.

“Oh, sorry,” Sokka said, smoothing down his shirt, “I came here in disguise, I haven’t like, switched sides or anything. I’m still as Water Tribe as ever.”

Yue tilted her head in confusion, “why are you disguised as Fire Nation?”

“That’s a very long story,” Toph interrupted, “and we’ll tell you on the way. But right now, Sokka needs to find his sister. Have you seen her?”

“The Southern Water Tribe girl is your sister?” Yue asked, sounding shocked and looking at Sokka, “that’s why she looked so familiar.”

“She’s here?” Sokka said, grinning wide, “can you take me to see her?”

“Sure,” Yue smiled back, and Sokka was mildly reminded that his charisma had always worked on Yue. Yue turned to the crowd and motioned for them to part again, and she turned and gestured for Sokka and Toph to follow her. They did, Sokka exchanging a wild and excited look at Toph. He was going to see his sister. It felt tangible now, real. He was actually going to see his sister. Yue was taking him to her right now. Sokka’s mind was fighting a barrage of emotions. Because technically Sokka was numb, and he was dead, but knowing that he was going to see his sister again brought out everything he tried to push down. And he was still numb, because he’d always be numb, but all of that _alive_ that he felt with Zuko was increasing exponentially the more he thought about seeing his sister. She was going to make him feel alive, and hopefully Sokka could make her a little happier. Because she had to be happy to see him, right? She might be mad for a little bit, but she was his sister, and they were family. She’d be happy to see him.

“So,” Yue interrupted Sokka’s thoughts, “you’re not here to kill anyone, are you?”

“Nope,” Toph replied, “just here to see Sokka’s sister. And to stop the Fire Nation from sieging you, but that’s a different story.”

“What?” Yue yelped, and Sokka slammed his hand onto his forehead.

“They won’t be here for another few days,” Sokka said, “we traveled with them because we’ve been staying in the Fire Nation to gather information about exactly this kind of stuff. Anyway, we heard my sister was here so we wanted to find her, and then we were going to warn your father about the Fire Nation.”

“Spirits,” Yue said softly, “well, thank you for coming and warning us. My father will be very thankful that he has time to prepare.”

“No problem,” Sokka replied, very aware that he was treating the siege with a very nonchalant air. He didn’t mean to, because he knew how awful it was and how much he had to help, but the numbness was talking again and somehow brainwashing Sokka into being desensitized to the war that he’d been born into.

“Your sister has been staying in a house close to the palace,” Yue was saying, “but right now she should be training under Master Pakku.”

“I thought he didn’t teach women,” Sokka said, remembering the sexist spiel he’d been on the last time Sokka met him.

“Well, your sister beat him in a fight, so he agreed to be her waterbending teacher. It was pretty awesome, actually,” Yue answered.

“That’s my sister,” Sokka said fondly, “dismantling the patriarchy.”

“She sounds badass,” Toph agreed.

“We’re here,” Yue said, pointing to a spot on the ice where two people were training with someone who Sokka could recognize as Pakku. Sokka watched the people train, waterbending to Pakku’s instructions and occasionally talking to each other as they mastered moves. One of the people was a bald boy, with unfamiliar blue tattoos on his skin. The other person was a girl, in Water Tribe clothing, with loops in her braided hair and eyes that were the same blue as Sokka’s, and she was waterbending freely without worrying about being killed, and she was _good_ -

-and she was unmistakably Sokka’s sister.

It didn’t take long for Sokka to start feeling very nervous, but a different kind of nervous than the way he felt before he had to assassinate a target. That nervousness was temporary, fading just as quickly as it had come. But these nerves were a pounding in Sokka’s chest, a churning in his stomach. Nausea mixed with excitement, because that was his sister but Sokka was also terrified of going about this wrong. Seven years had passed, and Sokka had definitely changed. What if she had changed, too? That was okay, unless it made her so different that she wasn’t who Sokka remembered. And Sokka himself, well he definitely wasn’t what she remembered. A cold-blooded killer, someone selfish who could barely protect someone, lying to the people he cared about because he was too much of a coward to just tell the truth? Sokka didn’t think he was a brother his sister could be proud of anymore. And for a moment, Sokka was afraid that he shouldn’t have come here at all, because his sister was better off without him. All he would do is bring the Fire Nation to her, and cause her harm, because he’d never been there to protect her and couldn’t just start now. Sokka was afraid that she would hate him. Because he’d become a part of Last Hope, and of course Katara would be an anti. Sokka shouldn’t be here, he thought. And he hadn’t even realized that he was turning away to leave until Toph caught his arm.

“Where do you think you’re going?” she asked him.

“I-” Sokka faltered, “I can’t do this. I can’t see her.”

“Bullshit,” Toph said, “I worked hard to make this happen. You’re not giving up now just because you’re nervous. You’ve wanted to see your sister for seven years. You are going to do this.”

Sokka relaxed at Toph’s tight touch, and took a deep breath. He inhaled, exhaled, and then turned back around. He was going to do this. He was going to see his sister. He spotted Yue walking over to where his sister and the kid were, and watched as she talked to Pakku and then his sister. Sokka held his breath as he watched his sister’s eyes widen from a distance, and he felt like his heart was beating out of his chest when he saw his sister turn to look at him and Toph. Sokka felt like he was going to throw up. For the first time in seven years, Sokka met his sister’s eyes, blue on blue on blue. And Sokka saw his sister in all her glory, with her braids and her big eyes and her apprehensive but genuine smile as she saw Sokka. And then memories started to hit Sokka, memories that he’d forced himself to forget. Him and his sister played on a loop in his mind as he allowed himself to remember her. Her face filled his mind as he started picturing it, really picturing it, and finally knowing exactly what it really looked like. Sokka’s sister saw him and her eyes widened, jaw dropped, and then slowly her mouth changed into a smile and grew until it split into a wide grin and almost stumbled running towards him, trying to get to him.

And Sokka was stunned into being still, because against his will his own face was cracking, turning into the biggest grin he’d had in seven years. And Sokka did nothing but open his arms, because he always used to open his arms for his sister when she came home after a long day of trying to learn waterbending, or when she was tired or afraid that the Fire Nation was going to kill her. Sokka opened his arms, because he was a warrior and a protector, and he was a brother. He was an older brother and it was his job and his duty to protect his sister. To protect her and keep her safe and shield her from the dangers of the world. And he hadn’t been able to do that for seven years, and it was Sokka’s biggest regret. But now she was here, and Sokka was opening his arms to her, and once she was in them Sokka was never going to let go. And he watched as his sister came running to him, her arms out too, and she barrelled into him and threw her arms around his neck, making a sound that almost seemed like a sob. And Sokka stumbled back but put his arms around his sister’s back, holding on tight and remembering this moment, because he finally had his sister. After seven years, Sokka finally, _finally_ , had his sister. 

And he was _never_ fucking letting go.

Sokka felt a tear escape his eyes, and he held his sister tighter as she started crying into his chest. And Sokka knew that she was happy to see him, just as happy as he was to see her. Sokka and his sister stayed like that for a few minutes, forgetting that anyone else was there because now they had each other. It was almost blissful, an unrealistic moment of pure elation in the middle of a war. But Sokka, and he couldn’t even believe it despite the fact that it was true, Sokka had his sister back. When they finally pulled apart, Sokka’s shirt was soaked with his sister’s tears, and he didn’t want to let go when he finally did. He looked down at his sister and memorized her face, and she smiled at him.

“Sokka,” she breathed, “it’s really you.”

Sokka smiled back, “hey, Katara.”

“Why-” Katara started, “how-how are you here?”

“I’ve been staying in the Fire Nation,” Sokka answered, “and we came here to warn the Northern Water Tribe that the Fire Nation is going to siege them. And we also heard that you were here, so I wanted to come see you.”

“The Fire Nation is sieging the North?” Katara said, sounding alarmed.

“Yes, but we’re here to warn you before they come,” Sokka said.

“Last Hope let you?” Katara’s brow furrowed.

“Last Hope doesn’t know I’m here,” Sokka replied, “they think I’m still at the Fire Nation trying to assassinate Zu-the Fire Prince.”

“They sent you to assassinate the Prince?” Katara yelped.

“Yeah, but then I became his friend so I’m not killing him anymore.”

“You _what_?” Katara said, coming to terms with all of this information at once.

“Sorry,” Sokka replied, “I know it’s a lot. I promise, I’ll explain everything later.”

Katara exhaled, “okay. We do have a lot to catch up on. I-I’m really glad you’re here. It’s been awful without you.”

“Yeah,” Sokka agreed, “I’m glad I’m here, too.”

“Oh!” Katara said, lighting up, “you’ll never believe what happened. Aang, get over here!”

Sokka looked to where Katara’s gaze was, and saw Yue talking to the kid with the tattoos. The kid looked up at Katara’s call, and he and Yue started walking over. As the kid came closer, Sokka noticed that he was wearing clothes that were yellow and orange. Sokka had never seen someone wear those colors before. Maybe they were airbender colors, Sokka thought. But that didn’t make any sense, because all the airbenders were gone, weren’t they? And besides, Sokka had seen the kid waterbending. It was probably just some odd style choice.

“Sokka,” Katara said, leading the kid by the hand and bringing him to Sokka, “this is Aang. He’s-and I know you won’t believe this but I swear it’s true-he’s the Avatar.”

Sokka let out a little laugh at that, “Katara, I know you’ve always believed in the Avatar, but I’m still pretty sure they don’t exist.”

“I wasn’t sure either, at first,” Katara replied, “but then he proved it to me. Aang is an airbender, the very last one left. I found him trapped in an iceberg near our tribe, apparently he left the Air Nomads before the genocide and ended up stuck in the ice for a hundred years. Since we both needed a waterbending teacher, me because I needed to learn to fight and him because he needs to end the war, we traveled to the North pole together and found Master Pakku.”

So Katara wasn’t on the run, Sokka was relieved to find out. But the rest of it? The rest of it didn’t make any sense at all.

“Prove it,” was the first thing out of Sokka’s mouth. Katara and the kid- _Aang_ , looked up at him in surprise.

“Prove you’re the Avatar,” Sokka added, because he needed proof. Otherwise, he refused to believe this.

“Okay,” Aang replied, and immediately did something with his hands that looked like he was spinning a circle of air between his palms. He grinned wide as he did it, looking at Sokka with a weird amount of joy for someone who was supposedly the Avatar and had to end an entire war.

“See?” Katara said to Sokka, “he can airbend and waterbend. And after he masters waterbending he’ll learn earthbending and firebending. We just need to find him some teachers for those elements.”

Sokka barely registered Katara’s words, because his head was spinning like whatever that air was doing in Aang’s hands. He was _airbending_ , and Sokka had definitely also seen him waterbending. That was definite proof, Sokka knew. This kid, Aang, who couldn’t be more than twelve years old or so, this kid was the Avatar. And the Avatar was real. In the end, Katara had been right for all those years. Every single Avatar believer who’d been killed for having faith had actually been _right_. Even General Zhao had been right about seeing the Avatar. Sokka’s heart was pounding and his head was throbbing as he tried to take in all of this information. The Avatar was alive. The Avatar was _alive_. 

“I think I need a minute with this,” Sokka muttered, a hand on his forehead.

“Take your time,” Aang said brightly, “I know it's hard to believe.”

Sokka nodded, stepping off to the side and looking at Aang, his mind spinning with disbelief. The Avatar was alive, he’d just proved it. And Sokka might actually know people who can teach him Earthbending and Firebending. Which meant that everything Sokka had been told his entire life, that the Avatar wasn’t real, that people who believed should be killed for their blind faith, all of that was wrong. The Avatar was real, and suddenly there was _hope_. True hope, that they could end this war. Every single one of the plans in Sokka’s mind for ending the war became clearer, less rough and more detailed as he edited them to potentially include the Avatar. With the Avatar-no, Aang on their side, they had a real chance at winning this war against the Fire Nation. Ending the senseless violence and becoming a peaceful nation once again. And for any of that to happen, Sokka had to accept that this person in front of him, this twelve-year-old boy, was the Avatar. And if it meant ending the war, seeing his family again, keeping Zuko and Mai and Ty Lee and _Zuko_ safe, then Sokka would accept anything. Sokka would believe in the fucking Avatar.

“So you’re really the Avatar,” said a skeptic voice behind him, and Sokka turned to remember that Toph was there.

“Who’s that?” Katara asked, looking at Sokka.

“That’s my best friend Toph,” Sokka replied, “she’s also Last Hope.”

“Oh,” Katara said, “hi, Toph.”

“Nice to meet you,” Toph replied, “I’m actually an Earthbender. A pretty damn good one, too. I could probably teach twinkletoes over there.”

“What did you call me?” Aang asked, looking over at Toph and sounding weirdly cheerful.

“Twinkletoes,” Toph answered, “deal with it.”

“Let her have her nicknames,” Sokka sighed, and then turned to Aang, “but Toph is possibly one of the best Earthbenders in the world. She could easily teach you. And-” Sokka continued, “I might know someone who could teach you firebending. Maybe.”

“Is it the Prince of the Fire Nation?” Katara asked, sounding suspicious.

“Yeah,” Sokka answered, “but only if he forgives me after finding out I’ve been lying about my identity this entire time.”

Sokka wasn’t sure how he’d come to a decision so fast, but in the five minutes of meeting Aang and finding out that they had a real chance of ending the war as long as someone taught him Earthbending and Firebending, Sokka knew he couldn’t just not mention his maybe-option for teaching Aang firebending. Sokka was suddenly very glad that someone had, in fact, made Zuko learn firebending. On the other hand, Sokka now had to tell Zuko everything. But in the face of his sister, who didn’t hate him and who Sokka was so happy to see again, telling Zuko didn’t seem so bad. Sokka was feeling optimistic; maybe Zuko would forgive Sokka. Or at least agree to teach Aang. Sokka had talked to Zuko about his hypothetical Mai situation, and Zuko had said he might forgive her. So wouldn't he eventually forgive Sokka? But on the other hand, a theory was always different when put into practice. Real life wasn’t as black and white as a hypothetical. And Zuko and Sokka’s relationship was different from Zuko and Mai’s; they were closer in a different way, and they shared secrets that nobody else knew about them. Sokka had betrayed Zuko’s trust by lying to him, that wouldn’t be forgiven so easily, would it?

But Zuko and Sokka had forged a real, important bond over the months Sokka had been with him, and there was no way Zuko would throw all of that away so quickly if Sokka told the truth, right? Wouldn’t he wait, understand Sokka’s side and listen to what he had to say before deciding whether to forgive Sokka or not? And even if Zuko never forgave Sokka, he was smart enough to agree to teach Aang away, for the greater good. Zuko wanted to end this war just as much as Sokka did, and that was bigger than their friendship for forgiveness. Sokka and Zuko protected each other, and Sokka had learned a lot about Zuko through it. Zuko would listen to Sokka’s side of the story, because Zuko had faith in him and cared about him, which Sokka didn’t deserve. However, in this case, it meant that Sokka could get Zuko to listen, understand. And maybe Zuko would forgive Sokka, and they could be friends again, and end the war together. Or maybe Zuko would hate Sokka, and only teach Aang because it was the only way to end the war. But he would never look Sokka in the eye, and he would never talk to him again. But at least Zuko wouldn’t turn Sokka and Toph in to his father, Sokka knew that for sure. Zuko was far too kind to ever deliver Sokka and Toph into the wrath of the Firelord. And that was one of the biggest reasons that Sokka decided that either way, forgiveness or not, he was going to do it. Sokka was going to tell Zuko.

“I’m not even gonna ask about all of that,” Katara said, shaking her head, “let’s focus on Earthbending first. Aang, how do you feel about having Toph teach you?”

“I was gonna ask Bumi,” Aang replied, looking at Katara, “but Sokka’s friend also seems nice. If you think she’s good, I can try learning from her after I master water.”

“She’s one of the best,” Sokka replied, and Toph grinned at him.

“But,” Katara said, “don’t you guys have to go back to the Fire Nation?”

“Yeah,” Sokka answered, “but maybe you guys could come undercover to the Fire Nation later or something. We can figure all of that out later, we just met for the first time in years and I just learned that the Avatar is alive. There are more important things I want to hear about.”

“Yeah?” Katara said, smiling, “like what?”

“How are things back home?” Sokka asked, “what happened to dad? How’s mom and Gran-gran?”

Katara’s face fell, and Sokka started to get worried. What had happened while he was gone?

“Well,” Katara said slowly, “Dad left to fight a few years ago, and hasn’t come back. I saw Bato a while back, though. He says that Dad’s alive, and they’re both doing okay. Gran-gran’s back home, she’s also good. But mom-”

Katara’s face crumpled into one of the saddest expressions Sokka had ever seen on her, and he reached out to put a hand on her shoulder.

“What happened to mom, Katara?” Sokka asked quietly.

“She-” Katara started, “she’s dead. There was a Fire Nation raid, and someone killed her. I was nine.”

“I-” Sokka said, and then he was silent because he had no idea how to react. Of course something like this had happened, all because Sokka had left. If he’d been there, _if only he’d been there_ , he could’ve prevented that. He would have sacrificed himself instead, or fought the Fire Nation soldiers off, or done _something_. But instead he’d left to go to Last Hope, and he’d killed random people instead of staying and protecting the people he cared about the most in the world. And now his sister was in so much pain because her mother was dead, and it was all because Sokka wasn’t there.

It was all Sokka’s fault.

“I’m so sorry,” Sokka finally said, “I should’ve been there to protect you.”

Katara looked up at him with an unreadable expression, looking almost confused, and still very sad.

“Why are you sorry?” Katara whispered, “she was your mom, too. It’s okay to feel sad.”

“I know,” Sokka said, and let go of his sister. He exhaled, thinking. Of course Sokka was sad, but for some reason, he barely felt it. When he thought about his mother nothing came up, as if she’d never been there. As if it had just been Sokka and his sister his entire life. Any sadness that Sokka felt was muffled, buried so deep down that Sokka couldn't even access it anymore. Instead Sokka felt nothing, and he knew that he was horrible and soulless and for some reason he couldn’t even bring himself to muster up some tears. It was as if Katara hadn’t even said anything. Katara looked at Sokka one more time, meeting his eyes and looking sad and confused, and then she looked at the ground instead. There had been so much happiness in the moment before, but now the air was filled with tension and the silence was palpable. And Sokka knew, at that moment, that while he was happy to see his sister, there was still so much space between them, in time and distance, and that some things would always be different. Katara seemed the same to Sokka, but he knew that she’d definitely changed over the years. But she would have only changed for the better. Not like Sokka, who’d changed for the worse. He’d joined Last Hope and become a killer, not a protector, and now his sister was hurt because of it. 

And now Sokka knew for sure that he had to tell Zuko, because the longer he kept everything from Zuko the more Sokka would hurt him. And Sokka had already hurt his sister, and he refused to hurt Zuko any more than he already had. Sokka was just a killer, and that was everything he would ever be, and he’d been kidding himself trying to be a protector. But Zuko had been protecting Sokka, and Sokka wouldn’t let Zuko waste another second of his time on him. Sokka was going to tell Zuko everything, hope that Zuko would at least agree to teach Aang, and then Sokka would accept whatever punishment Zuko chose to give him, even if for some insane reason Zuko actually turned him in. If that happened, Sokka would take whatever the Fire Nation did to him. He would even let the Firelord kill him, because now they had Aang to end the war and maybe Sokka deserved to die for everything he’d done.

Besides, the people in Sokka’s life were better off without him.


	19. the Lie Detector

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is short but last chapter was super long so I think they cancel out

Sokka left to go find Zuko in a worse mood than he’d been in before. Most of the excitement that Toph remembered hearing in his voice while meeting Katara had gone out. Toph wasn’t sure why, but she’d heard how his happy tone faded when Katara said something, head downcast and voice shaking. She’d tried to ask Sokka what was wrong, but he’d shrugged her off and said he was going to get Zuko. Toph had let him be, because she knew better than anyone that Sokka wouldn’t budge when pushed. The best way to deal with him is to just stay by his side until he was ready to talk. Which, Toph assumed, was what Sokka was about to do to Zuko. Toph only hoped that Zuko would be kind enough to forgive him. Toph saw the way the two of them looked at each other; even if Zuko didn’t forgive Sokka immediately, there was no way he’d hold out for long. They’d been through far too much together to let this get too far between them. Even if Sokka was sick with worry, Toph was sure that things would eventually work themselves out. Which was the reason why Toph decided not to worry too much about Sokka, and instead set her thoughts on the Avatar.

Toph had never expected the Avatar to be real. When Zhao had entertained the idea, Toph had scoffed at the sheer ridiculousness of it. The Avatar, Toph had always assumed, was long gone. She’d heard of the people who were executed for believing, and Toph was never one to believe in what seemed impossible. She was blind, always forced to trust her senses and what was around her. There was no space for second-guessing or weak beliefs. When Toph used Earthbending to see, she had to trust that everything around her was real, and she couldn’t rely on blind faith. And for that reason, Toph had never allowed herself to believe in the Avatar. Instead she believed in Last Hope, something tangible that she knew existed and, despite their horrible methods and how much Toph hated them, had a real chance of winning the war. So Toph stayed on the ship, and she learned to train, and then she became a killer. Because Toph did what she realistically had to do to help win the war against the Fire Nation.

But now, there was an Avatar. And although he was just a kid, he was the same age as Toph. and if Toph could bend all of the elements, well, she would’ve murdered Ozai a very long time ago. Which is why she believed that Aang, as the Avatar was called, could do what he was born for. He could win the war, and because this was his destiny, he had more of a chance at succeeding than Last Hope. and Toph saw the way that Sokka had realized that as he’d gotten a new determination in his eyes when running to get Zuko. TOph felt that same determination, because if they sided with Aang and helped him win the war, maybe they could finally be free of Last Hope. they could be free of the agency that turned them into killers, tore them from their families, and ruined their lives. Toph knew how badly Sokka wanted to be free, and that was why she’d sent him to see his sister. Sokka would never admit he needed it, so it was Toph’s job to set them both free.

“Hey, Toph?” Katara asked, and Toph heard her footsteps coming to a stop near where Toph was sitting. Katara was a metaphor of said freedom, if you asked Toph. someone who was her opposite, with clear eyesight and unwavering faith that ended up paying off. Toph had thought she wouldn’t like Katara upon meeting her, and sure, Toph felt like they’d probably argue a lot. But beneath all of that, Toph admired her. She seemed strong and kind, and she understood why Sokka loved her so much. Sokka had spent so many nights talking about Katara, the last memory of his old life that he allowed himself to have, and now Toph understood why.

“Yeah?” Toph replied.

“I wanted to talk to you,” Katara said, “alone.”

“Sure,” Toph agreed, figuring that Katara had been sitting with Aang before and had gotten up to speak with Toph, “what about?”

“Um, Sokka,” Katara’s voice sounded nervous, and Toph was willing to bet she was fidgeting.

“Okay,” Toph patted the ground beside her, inviting Katara to sit down, “what about Sokka? It must’ve been nice to see him after all these years.”

“Oh, it really was,” Toph could hear the smile in Katara’s voice, “I’m so happy I finally got to see him. But, and I figured this would happen, but I didn’t realize it would be this drastic-”

“He’s different than you remember?” Toph finished for her.

“Yeah,” Katara sighed, “when I told him mom died, he barely reacted. Actually, he _apologized_ . To me. For not being there. He didn’t cry or seem to process that _his_ mom was dead too. He almost seemed-”

“Numb?” Toph interrupting again.

“Yes,” Katara breathed, “exactly that.”

“Do you want to know why?” Toph offered.

“I’m just worried about him,” Katara responded, “he’s not at all how I remember, to be honest. I remember a kid who felt his emotions loud and open. I don’t know what’s happened to him now.”

“That’s what being a killer does to you,” Toph said, blunt as always, “it makes you numb. Especially someone like Sokka, so ridden with guilt at leaving his loving family. He threw himself into his work, and eventually he became so used to the guilt and the pain that he just became numb to it. Which led to him becoming numb to all emotions. It’s the easiest way to come to terms with the fact that you’re killing people every day.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Katara said after a pause, “but how can I help? What can I do?”

“Nothing,” Toph shrugged, “there’s pretty much only one person in the world who can get through to Sokka these days. And that relationship is about to be tested pretty hard. Either way, Sokka is someone who bottles his emotions up; he’ll never tell you what he’s feeling. And he’ll _never_ accept help. It’s horrible, I know, but there’s really nothing you can do. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

“Okay,” Katara sounded uncertain, still worried, “but how could he not react more to our mom’s death? Is he really that unfeeling now?”

“He’s not necessarily _unfeeling_ ,” Toph replied, “but the best way for him to get rid of his guilt and focus on his new life was to forget his family. So he tried to forget about the Water Tribe and his family. He purged his mind of those memories, and now he actually can’t remember them anymore. He barely remembers your mom, Katara. I doubt there’s much of his parents that he remembers at all. And I know that’s hard to come to terms with, but I think being around you will help him. He’s needed to see someone from his old life.”

“So he just forgot all of us?” Katara whispered, “forgot his entire family?”

“Not his entire family,” Toph said, “there was one person he never forgot, one person who kept him tethered to reality even when he was secretly falling apart.”

“Who?”

“You, Katara.”

“Me?”

“You kept Sokka grounded,” Toph said, “he got rid of every single memory he had of the Water Tribe except for you. He refuses to talk about anything from the Water Tribe except for you. He’d told all of us countless stories about you, without revealing that you’re Water Tribe, of course. But despite wanting to forget his family, he always made sure to remember you. It was the hope of seeing you again that kept him going, even at his worst, Katara. The day he learned he was going to see you was the happiest he’d ever been since I’ve met him. Except for that time Zuko-never mind. He’d probably kill me if I told you about that. But anyway, Katara, just know that your presence is doing wonders for Sokka.”

“You really think so?” Katara asked, her voice sounding more hopeful, “you think I can help Sokka get better?”

“You can’t actively try, because he won’t listen to you,” Toph answered, “but just be there for him silently. Let him know that you’re not going to leave him with your actions. Maybe try telling him you forgive him for leaving, assuming you do.”

“Of course I do,” Katara breathed, “I was mad for a really long time, but I understand why he did it. I understand that he had to go. And while I missed him like hell, and I hate Last Hope for how they hurt my brother, I forgive him for leaving. I’m really mad at Last Hope.”

“I think we’re all mad at Last Hope,” Toph said, “all of us antis have been hurt by them. Especially the kids who were recruited. Last Hope took us from our families and turned us into a special kind of soulless. Not that Sokka’s soulless, or anything, he has the biggest heart and soul I’ve ever seen. But, I think that every child assassin in Last Hope has this feeling that they’re soulless, that they’re numb and nothing but a killer.”

“I could never think that about Sokka!” Katara was quick to say, “he’s so much more than a killer!”

“Try telling him that,” Toph scoffed, “he won’t believe you, but you should say it. He’s spent all these years protecting me because he’s so guilty that he couldn’t protect you. Sokka’s not a killer, he’s a protector and a bodyguard and he cares and he loves. But he’ll never truly believe that until Zuko finally gets through to that thick skull of his. But if you tell him enough times, there’s a chance he’ll at least start to try and believe it.”

“I will,” Katara replied firmly, “I’ll do anything to help my brother. I love him.”

“I love him too,” Toph said, and then cursed, “shit. Don’t tell him I said that. He’ll never let me live it down.”

Katara laughed, “don’t worry. It can be our secret.”

Toph smiled, and they sat in comfortable silence until Katara interrupted once again.

“So, you and Sokka mention the name Zuko a lot. Is he the same as the Fire Prince Sokka was talking about?”

“Yeah, Zuko’s the Fire Prince,” Toph said, “and Sokka’s undercover in the Fire Nation as his bodyguard. At first he was sent to kill him, but then they became friends so Sokka's lying to Last Hope about why he’s still in the Fire Nation. Sokka just left to finally tell Zuko he’s been keeping secrets about his identity, and I’m praying for that to go well.”

“I don’t see that going well,” Katara said honestly, “and why is he trusting the Fire Prince? Why are you trusting the Fire Prince?”

“Zuko’s different from the rest of his nation,” Toph answered, “he’s kind and he’s anti-war, and Sokka likes him. Which pretty much confirms that he’s a good person.”

“Okay, but does that mean he’ll forgive Sokka for lying about something so big?”

“Eventually, I’m positive he will. He might feel betrayed at first, and he has the right to be mad for a while. But Zuko is the first person that’s ever gotten Sokka to let down his walls. Sokka lets Zuko protect him just as much as he protects Zuko. And Zuko looks at Sokka like he’s brighter than the damn sun or something. And Sokka looks at him the same way. Heart eyes, not that either of them would admit it. So yeah, I think Zuko will forgive him.”

“That’s good,” Katara said, “Sokka deserves someone who will accept him despite his mistakes. I’m still a bit suspicious, since he’s the Fire Prince and all, but I can accept him for Sokka. Although I might punch him if he doesn’t forgive Sokka eventually.”

“I would also consider punching him,” Toph replied, “even though I love him. You can tell Zuko I said that, by the way, he needs to hear that people love him.”

“Hmmm,” Katara said thoughtful, “does Sokka love him?”

“He’ll deny it until the end of time,” Toph laughed, “but he definitely has a crush. Like, a huge one. And I’d say it's reciprocated. I don’t think either of them have realized it yet, though.”

“That's sweet," Katara decided, “Sokka deserves to be happy after everything he’s been through. This Zuko kid better forgive him.”

Toph snorted, “I think we’re going to get along pretty well, Katara.”

“Yeah?” Katara said, “I think so too, Toph. And hey, thanks for talking to me about Sokka. I feel a lot better now.”

“No problem,” Toph responded, “I’m just like you. I want to see him happy. He definitely deserves it.”

“Well,” Katara said, “let’s make an agreement to make sure that happens.”

“Deal,” Toph stuck her hand out, and Katara shook it. Toph smiled as they lapsed back into silence; taking Sokka to see his sister had absolutely been a good idea. One of the best Toph has ever had, probably. She just hoped that wherever he was, Sokka was telling Zuko and Zuko was forgiving him. Because Katara was right; after everything Sokka had been through, from losing his family to joining Last Hope to becoming a killer; to trying to protect everybody he cared about and sacrificing himself in the process; to being sad and then suicidal and then numb, there was nobody in the world who deserved to be happy more than Sokka did.


	20. Pyro Prince

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be longer but then I loved this ending so I shortened it  
> anyway enjoy some much needed communication

Zuko woke up to an empty bed. Which, normally, wouldn’t be such an odd occurrence. Even he and Sokka didn’t share a bed every night, because some days Zuko went out as the Blue Spirit. But when they were on the ship, they’d taken to spending every night together. Sometimes, Sokka opened Zuko’s door and came in without asking, slipping into the bed without a word because he knew Zuko would need it. That was what happened last night, and predictable, Zuko had woken up from a nightmare. They were starting to get worse, because Zuko was entirely terrified of screwing up this whole “stopping the Fire Nation from sieging the North” thing. His anxiety was seeping into his nightmares, which meant that he dreamt of his father burning him, and then the flames spread all the way to the North pole, burning down, ice melting and people dying, all because Zuko had been too cowardly to fight against his father. Literally. That was why he’d gotten burned in the Agni Kai in the first place.

After waking up from that dream Sokka had held his hand, like he always did, reaching over to hug him when Zuko’s hyperventilating didn’t cease. And then they went to sleep, Sokka’s hand in Zuko’s like they always did. And the next morning Zuko woke up feeling cold. He’d groaned, confused as to why he felt like he was lacking some kind of warmth, before turning around and being met with crumpled sheets. And no second body in the bed. The part of Zuko that was suspicious immediately became alert, wondering where Sokka was and what he could possibly be doing that caused him to leave Zuko without saying anything, but Zuko shut that part of his brain off as quickly as he could. The rest of him was filled with a perfectly reasonable regular worry. As in, was Sokka in danger? Was Zuko attacked on the ship and Sokka had to fight someone odd? That seemed unlikely, but it was still possible. Anyone on the ship could be secretly undercover. Someone could be right under Zuko’s nose, and he’d never suspect a thing.

Zuko spent the morning wandering around the ship, looking for Sokka or Toph. surprisingly, he found neither of them. He ate breakfast alone, wondering where his friends went and why they’d left him by himself. The part of his brain that overthought everything had a small moment of fear, of _what if they don’t like me anymore what if they left me_. But nothing either Sokka or Toph had done in the last few months gave off that explanation. Zuko was probably making things up. Toph had probably overslept; forgotten that she had strategy meetings in the morning. And Sokka? He’d probably gone to the bathroom or something, and was looking after Toph. even Zuko knew that was a weak explanation, but he had no idea what other reason there could be. And Zuko was firmly shutting off the suspicious part of his brain.

When he went to his strategy meetings, Zuko half-expected Toph to be there, grinning at him and complaining about the general’s horrible ideas like she always did. But Zuko walked into the room and was met with a bunch of stuffy Fire Nation soldiers, no bold twelve-year-old girl who saw with her feet. Speaking of which, Zuko still couldn’t figure out how the hell that worked. Not that that was important right now. How Toph saw wasn’t important until he actually found Toph. and if he found Toph, he would probably find Sokka. So Zuko sat through his insufferable strategy meeting, pretending he cared, and tried to listen when strategies actually seemed plausible. That way he could relay them to Toph and Sokka (once he found them), and they could help come up with more ways to counteract every idea the soldiers came up with. Unfortunately for Zuko, he had a hard time listening to said ideas. He kept scanning the room for Toph or even Sokka, but he never saw them anywhere. By the time lunch rolled around, Zuko was seriously worried. He spent his free time in the afternoon scouring the whole ship again, but his attempts were met with nothing. He couldn’t find them anywhere.

Now the suspicious part of Zuko’s brain was refusing to be kept silent. Zuko had never been suspicious of Toph before, but now that he thought about it, it was pretty weird that a twelve-year-old was allowed in the Firelord’s staff. Toph was highly trusted and respected by people four times her senior, which Zuko was just now realizing wasn’t normal at all. Zuko didn’t doubt Toph’s abilities one bit; he’d seen her in action and she was genuinely terrifying. But Zuko did wonder what motive a child her age might have to join the FIrelord’s court. And on the same day as her best friend Sokka, no less. A fifteen-year-old bodyguard/fake press friend. Zuko didn’t doubt his abilities either, because this was _Sokka_ , genius/the best fighter Zuko had ever seen/lover of good food and bad puns. But, on the other hand, Sokka’s voice filled with melancholy during random parts of the day and Zuko could never figure out why. The day they’d boarded the ship to the North Sokka had seemed happier than usual, despite the danger ahead. Sokka was knowledgeable about bending and fused it with his swordfighting easily. Sokka’s eyes became downcast when he talked about his family, and he got horrible nightmares and came to Zuko’s room mid-breakdown.

Sokka’s eyes were blue.

If Zuko thought about it again, rationally, there were a million things about Sokka that Zuko should be suspicious about. And maybe, if Zuko decided to stop being a coward for once in his life, he should confront Sokka about them. 

By the time dinner rolled around, Zuko had stopped worrying about Sokka and Toph and started thinking of the best way to confront them. He’d wracked his brain for every bit of evidence he had against them, every instance where it seemed like they were lying, every fact about them that didn’t quite add up. Zuko wasn’t an expert planner like Sokka, but Zuko was able to scrape together a decent script of what he could say the next time he saw Sokka and Toph. He was going to be nice about it, Zuko decided, because he didn’t think he could physically handle yelling at them. He had to be civil, for both their sakes and his, because Zuko vehemently avoided confrontation and this went against every instinct in his body. But, Zuko knew, he had to do this. Because Toph was Zuko's friend and Sokka was, well, he felt like more. But Zuko wasn’t entirely sure what _more_ meant here. And Zuko didn’t want to think about that until he got his answers. So Zuko took a deep breath, steeled himself for the inevitable conversation, and waited patiently for Sokka and Toph to come.

Well, not really patiently. He might have kicked some things around. He also might have yelled loud enough that a guard came in and asked if he was alright.

“I’m fine,” Zuko might have replied, despite being very much not fine.

When Sokka finally came back, it was the middle of the night. Zuko knew this because he was having a nightmare when he heard the knocks. It wasn’t their normal signal, three knocks on the wall, this was one solid knock on the door. But, somehow, Zuko still knew this was Sokka. So Zuko woke up, shook off his nightmare and the incoming tears, shoved his hair out of his face, and got out of bed and crossed over to his door. Zuko reached for the doorknob and shoved his door open. The door swung, hit the wall, and both Zuko and the figure standing on the threshold flinched at the sound. Zuko blinked, before becoming aware of his surroundings and the p[erson standing in front of him. Brown hair, tan skin, and blue, blue eyes.

Sokka.

“Sokka?” Zuko whispered, “where _were_ you all day?”

“Come with me and I’ll tell you everything,” Sokka answered in a hushed tone. His eyes were wide with some kind of resolve, but his expression was scattered, distracted, almost scared. He was fidgeting from one foot to the other, looking eager to leave. He also looked like he was trying to make himself quiet, barefoot and hunched over, a finger to his lips in the universal _be quiet_ gesture. 

“What?” Zuko said, almost upset, “you disappear all day and you come back in the middle of the night and now you want me to follow you somewhere?”

Sokka stepped backward, surprised by the outburst. Zuko didn’t get angry that often, he knew. He’d been surrounded by just enough friends that they kept him in check. One day without them and he was back to being an angry thirteen-year-old.

“Listen,” Sokka sounded resigned, “do you trust me?”

_No_ , Zuko lied to himself. “Yes,” Zuko said the truth out loud, almost unwillingly.

“You shouldn’t,” Sokka muttered under his breath, so low that Zuko almost barely heard it. Zuko didn’t comment, since he was fairly certain it wasn’t meant for him to hear anyway. Louder, Sokka said, “okay. Then just come with me, Zuko, please?”

And Zuko had never been good at refusing Sokka, had he? They protected each other; they trusted each other, so they could ask things of each other. So when Sokka offered his shaking hand to Zuko, Zuko took it. He let Sokka lead him out of his room and quietly through the corridors of the ship, making sure to be as quiet as possible. Zuko followed suit, turning over his script for confronting Sokka in his mind, trying to remember it. Zuko wasn’t sure where they were going; Sokka was leasing Zuko through hallway after hallway, twisting and turning, until they reached the ship’s exit. Sokka slowly turned the knob, opening the door and stepping through. Zuko followed, feeling the transition into cold air, wind whipping and biting at Zuko’s skin. He shivered, wishing he could firebend warmth into his palms. He decided against it, because Sokka had never seen him firebend and he didn’t think it was the best idea.

Sokka led Zuko to the edge of the ship, where, tied to the rail, was a war balloon. It was red, the Fire Nation color, and it was already lit with a burning fire. It was straining against its ropes, begging to be used. And apparently, from the way Sokka was reaching out to pull it closer by its ropes, it was Sokka’s war balloon.

“Um, Sokka,” Zuko started, “why do you have a war balloon?”

“I helped invent them,” Sokka replied offhandedly.

“You _what_?”

“I’ll explain it once I tell you everything,” Sokka answered, “it’ll make sense soon, I promise.”

“I-okay,” Zuko related, letting Sokka pull him to the balloon. Sokka got on, and then reached a hand to Zuko. Zuko took it, letting Sokka help him onto the ear balloon that he apparently invented. Zuko had a million questions, but he trusted Sokka enough to know that they would all be answered in time. And if they weren’t, Zuko was going to confront him. Sokka was silent for a few minutes, as they sailed into the sky and away from the ship. Zuko saw the dark red Fire Nation flags, and he felt sick at the war he’d been dragged into. Zuko really hoped they would find some way to stop the siege of the North, even if he was terrified of the outcome. Even if he was a coward. Even if he was weak for not even being able to start whatever conversation he and Sokka were evidently about to have.

“So,” Sokka finally said, after eons, “you’re probably wondering what this is about.”

“Yeah,” Zuko agreed, “are you gonna tell me?”

Sokka nodded, “so here’s the thing.”

Zuko waited, breath held-

“Can you turn around?”

“What?”

“Look,” Sokka sighed, “I can’t look at you when I say this. It’s too hard. So can you just indulge me and turn around?”

“I guess,” Zuko shrugged, and turned around.

“Okay,” Sokka said on an exhale, “Zuko?”

Zuko didn’t answer, figuring Sokka was just preparing himself, and Zuko closed his eyes and braced for whatever was coming next-

“I’ve been lying to you.”

And yeah, Zuko was not surprised to hear that. It made his stomach drop and his heart stop, it made him angry and upset and confused, but he was not surprised. He opened his mouth to talk, but Sokka seemed to catch his shoulders rising from the intake of breath (he just had to be so observant), and cut him off.

“I don’t know where to start,” Sokka said honestly, “so I guess I’ll just start with the obvious. Um, I’m Last Hope.”

_Oh_.

“Yeah, um, I’m their best nonbender child assassin, actually. Not that I like it, uh, I’m still an anti. They took me away from my family and turned me into-into _this_ , and I’ll always hate them for that. But it’s hard to escape them, you know? Well, you don’t know, but, you know Mai. She’s like me, except I gave in. Anyway, me and Toph are both Last Hope. I’m Water Tribe, and she’s an Earthbender. The Bodyguard and Lie Detector things are covers; we were sent to the Fire Nation to complete assassinations. Toph is mostly gaining enemy information by listening in on your father’s meetings, and I, well, I was sent to kill you.”

_Oh, fuck._

“But I didn’t! Obviously, since you’re here. Originally I became your bodyguard to get information on you so that I could kill you quickly and then run, but then we became friends. And after the second day I stopped trying to kill you, because I tried to kill you in your sleep one night but you were gone, and that was when I realized that the idea of you dying or being in danger actually, like, terrified me. Still does. So that’s why I decided that instead of killing you, I’d try to protect you instead. But that didn't work, because now I’m here telling you everything I’ve been keeping from you, which does nothing but hurt you. And I’m not even close to done.”

_I was out as the Blue Spirit that night. If I hadn’t left, would I be dead_?

“Like I said, I’m from the Water Tribe, not the colonies. Every story I told you about my family is true, I just altered them to seem like they took place in the Earth kingdom. That Fire Nation school was also a cover story, everything I told you about that place was actually about Last Hope and the ship. Any time you’ve knocked for me after a nightmare and I didn’t come was because I’ve been out some nights tracking the Blue Spirit as a cover story for Last Hope, because they don’t know the real reason why I’m still here in the Fire Nation. And all those times I knocked at night instead of you? I’d just finished completing a job, and I panicked after every one. Which doesn’t normally happen, but for some reason ever since I met you I’ve been having all these moral crises about professional murder, which I’m just remembering isn’t what’s important right now.”

_I've been comforting you after you'd just killed someone._

“Anyway, everything I’ve told you about Toph, or my sister, that was all true. Every single thing I told you that wasn’t about my identity is one hundred percent true. I promise. Everything we have is real, Zuko. And I know that’s pretty hard to believe right now, but our friendship, me wanting to protect you, helping you out after nightmares, letting you protect me and opening up to you, I did all of that because you’re my friend, and I wanted to. Not because I was trying to gain information, or get close to you only to kill you. I stopped wanting to kill you two days after we met. Because once we met, I got to know you. And you’re not somebody I’d ever want to hurt, even though that's all I’m doing right now. And, Zuko, I’m so sorry. I know that’s hard to believe, but I promise you, I am. I’ve been lying to you for so long, and you don’t deserve that, and spirits, I’m so sorry.”

_Why don’t I doubt that everything was real?_

_Am I a terrible person if I want to forgive you?_

I’m not a real protector, Zuko. I've tried too hard to protect my family, Toph, you, but every time I try to keep someone safe they end up hurt. Which is why I’m finally telling you everything, because I’m tired of lying. And you don’t deserve to be hurt, so the earlier I tell you, the earlier you can process it, get rid of me, and do whatever you need to stop hurting. And that’s why I’m a part of Last Hope, in the end. Because I’m shit at protecting. I’m just a killer in disguise, and I’ll never be anything more than an assassin. And I’m sorry I tried to be something I’m not with you. I just hope that you can eventually understand why I kept this from you for so long, even if you never forgive me. I know this isn’t like that hypothetical with Mai, the real thing is always different. But I hope you’ll at least listen to my side.”

_I don’t know, I might be able to forgive the real thing._

_Eventually._

“All I ask, Zuko, is that you don’t turn Toph in. She was caught up in this mess because of me, and I know you’re anti-war. Her efforts will be genuinely useful in ending the war. Me? Not so much. I’m not even a bender. So do whatever you want with me, but try and wait until after we try and stop the siege of the North. Because I recently learned that we have a real chance at ending the war. The real reason Toph dragged us to the North pole was because she found out from General Zhao that my sister, Katara, is here. And I found her, and I saw her again, and that’s why I’ve been so happy lately. Not that I’m very happy anymore. But anyway, when I was with my sister, she introduced me to someone. His name is Aang, he’s a twelve-year-old kid, and he’s the Avatar.”

_The-_

_What?_

“Yeah, I know. It sounds crazy. But it’s the truth, I made him prove it to me. He can Airbend and Waterbend, and Toph is gonna teach him Earthbending. And I know you could teach him Firebending. You don’t have to talk to me, or Toph, but if you could just teach Aang Firebending when he’s ready, we could have a real chance at winning the war. And I know you want that, Zuko. Whatever happens between us is nothing compared to the war. The war is bigger than all of us. The war-the war killed Katara’s mom.”

_The Avatar is alive._

_And your mother is-_

“I didn’t know, because it happened while I was gone. I was gone, with Last Hope, and my family was left unprotected. And because I wasn’t there for them, there was a Fire Nation raid, and Katara’s mom was killed. She was killed, all because I wasn’t there. I’m nothing but a killer, Zuko, so turn me in, let your father punish me however he sees fit, I deserve it. But Toph doesn’t, and my sister doesn’t, and Aang doesn’t. With you helping them, they can become stronger and we can win the war. So please, Zuko, whatever happens to me, please help them.”

_I would never turn you in, you know that right?_

_I would never willingly give anyone to my father._

_But-Katara’s mother-_

“Sokka,” Zuko whispered, still turned around, unable to get his voice any louder, “you said ‘Katara’s mom.’”

“So?” Sokka sounded irritated that this was what Zuko chose to focus on.

“You and Katara have the same parents,” Zuko continued, “she’s your mom, too.”

“Oh,” Sokka said, and then, realizing, “ _oh_.”

“Sokka?” Zuko asked weakly, after there was a too-long silence. Unable to handle it anymore, Zuko turned around. Sokka was there, standing in front of him, closer than Zuko expected. And there were silent tears falling out of his eyes and running down his face. His cold, expressionless face. If it wasn’t for the tears, he’d look numb. Dead. But Zuko knew better, because Sokka was so full of life. He was _alive_ , whether he knew it or not. So Zuko reached a hesitant, trembling, hand up to Sokka’s face, and brushed the tears away. Sokka flinched softly, surprised, but quickly leaned into the touch instead. Neither one of them said anything, they just stood there. Flying on a war balloon, over the ice-cold sea, as Zuko ignored the crashing and stirring of his mind and instead wiped away Sokka’s frozen tears. 

They stood like that, in the eye of the storm, until Sokka spoke.

“I’m dead, Zuko,” Sokka’s voice was wet and broken, “I’m gone. I’m broken, and I’m numb, and I’m never coming back. I’m so gone I didn’t even realize that _my mom_ is dead. Not just Katara’s mom, _my mom_. And I never got to say goodbye. And I don’t even _feel_ anything. I should be feeling horrible, sad, sobbing on the ground or anything like that. _Something_ , Zuko, I should be feeling _something._ But instead, here-”

Sokka made a choked sound as he grabbed onto his chest, where his heart was, 

“-there’s _nothing_.”

And then Sokka was gone again, mouth closed into a line, eyes leaking a steady stream of tears, silent and tired and resigned. 

Numb. Dead.

Zuko hated it.

So Zuko reached out, closed the distance between them, and wrapped his arms around Sokka’s neck. He brought Sokka’s figure, shaking, wracked with silent sobs, to his chest, guiding Sokka’s head onto his shoulder. Sokka hugged back, putting his arms around Zuko’s back and holding him tight, like a lifeline. Zuko stroked his hair, clutching Sokka to him, protecting him, shielding him from the world that hurt him like this. Zuko was angry, but it wasn’t at Sokka. It was at his father and his ancestors, for starting and continuing this pointless war. It was at Last Hope, for ripping Sokka away from his family and turning him into someone who genuinely believed they were nothing but a killer. It was at the universe, for dealing Sokka horrible hands and shoving him into the world with the worst experiences known to man. Sokka didn’t deserve any of this, Zuko decided. Sokka deserved so much better. 

And Zuko was going to give it to him.

“Why?” was the first thing Sokka said, quiet into Zuko’s shoulder.

“Why what?” Zuko asked, moving his hand up and down Sokka’s back.

“You should hate me,” Sokka muttered, “you shouldn’t be forgiving me. You shouldn’t be comforting me.”

“I could never hate you,” Zuko answered, “and I haven’t forgiven you. Not yet. I wish you’d told me sooner, you know. I would’ve understood. I _do_ understand. I’m not mad at you for anything except the lying and the secrets. But, Sokka, of course I’ll forgive you eventually. And once I do, which will be soon, I promise, we’ll go back to being friends. And I’ll protect you and you’ll protect me, and it'll be different but _better_ , now that I know the truth. And when we get back to the Fire Nation, after stopping the siege of the North, with the Avatar in tow so I can teach him firebending, I have some secrets of my own to tell you.”

“Okay,” Sokka murmured, sniffling, “and I’m so sorry, Zuko, you know that?”

“I know,” Zuko soothed, “I know, Sokka. We’ll talk about everything later, okay? But right now, just let me protect you.”

Zuko felt Sokka’s smile against his shoulder, and Zuko held him tighter. Sure, Sokka had lied about some pretty important things, but Zuko had no doubts that their friendship, and everything they'd been through, that was all real. Sokka's genius strategy skills, determination to protect everyone he cared about, stupid yet inexplicably hilarious jokes, his love for his family and his unflinching bravery when faced with Zuko's nightmares, the Firelord, Last Hope, the war, and every horrible thing life threw at him; that was all real. 

So what if Sokka was a killer? He was also the best damn bodyguard Zuko had ever met. Sokka was so much more than a Last Hope assassin, and soon Zuko was going to tell him that. Zuko was going to tell him that he wasn't just a killer, and he wasn't dead. He was alive, he made Zuko feel alive, and he protected Zuko with everything he had. Sokka held his hand when he got nightmares, helped him up after beating him while sparring, and given the opportunity, would jump in front of an army for Zuko, swords drawn and Water Tribe warrior blue eyes blazing.

Sokka would drown the bodies he killed in their own blood to protect Zuko.

And Zuko would burn the universe down with his bare hands to protect Sokka.


	21. the Bodyguard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i should mention that we're almost at the end of part 1  
> there's gonna be 3 parts like the 3 books of avatar  
> book 2 is like an interlude so its prob gonna be a lot shorter  
> but anyway yeah here's this chapter  
> :)

Sokka wasn’t sure exactly what he’d been expecting, but he did know there was more yelling involved. He was sure he’d hurt Zuko beyond repair, especially since there was no doubt Zuko had been hurt before. Sokka had expected anger, sharp words that hurt Sokka the way he’d hurt Zuko. Sokka had never expected to be forgiven, even if he did test the waters by talking about Mai a few days ago. But Sokka had never expected the real thing to be at all like a hypothetical. And even though Zuko hadn’t really forgiven Sokka yet, he didn’t seem mad at all. He seemed about the same, always trying to protect Sokka. And Sokka was thankful that Zuko’s presence in his life as a protector would never change. It had taken so long for Sokka to even accept that someone might want to help him, protect him, keep him safe. Someone that he’d heard so irreparably, no less. But here Zuko was, promising not to be mad for long, and staying right by Sokka’s side until the end. It was more than he’d ever asked for.

He hadn’t really expected Zuko to turn him into the Firelord, but the fact that Zuko had essentially promised to keep quiet about Sokka and Toph, and then teach Aang firebending? That was more than even Toph would have expected. And Toph had been so confident about the whole thing when Spkka left. She’d wished him luck, telling him that he’d be okay and that Zuko would forgive him in time, because there wasn't a universe in which they were upset with each other. For all her confidence, sometimes Toph was more rooted in reality than Sokka was. He had a lot more nerves and anxiety, where her optimism was often a result of fact and observation that things did tend to go right. And this definitely went right. So right, in fact, that Sokka was entirely conflicted on what to do next.

He and Zuko continued on the hot air balloon, and Sokka steered them towards where Katara, Aang, and Toph were staying. He’d bring Zuko to meet them, and hope they’d trust the Prince of the Fire Nation. Sokka trusted him, that was for sure. And Sokka didn’t really deserve him, either. Sokka had bared his soul to Zuko, told him all the reasons why Zuko should leave him, turn him in, stop trusting him. But Zuko had stayed on the hot air balloon, held Sokka until all his tears were gone, and promised to keep protecting him. Zuko had sat through the breakdown Sokka had over  _ his mother’s  _ death, despite being upset with Sokka. And Zuko’s comfort, in that moment, was probably the only thing that could have brought Sokka out of that state. Normally nobody was there to help Sokka when he felt especially dead, but now he had Zuko. Even after all the lies and secrets and hurt, he still had Zuko.

The idea of that was unfathomable to Sokka, but it also made the most logical sense in the world. 

If Sokka thought about it, he understood now why Katara had thought Sokka’s reaction to their mother’s death was so odd. Sokka was numb, he’d spent so much time forgetting his family while also regretting that he couldn’t protect them that he’d forgotten that they were  _ his _ . Really his, because they loved him and cared for him, and despite how much Sokka wanted to protect him, he’d also forgotten them. He’d forgotten everything about his mother, her eyes, her smile, her laugh, on his worst days sometimes he had trouble recalling her name.  _ Kya _ . Sokka would never see her again. It still didn’t bring up any real feeling in him, there was no drop in his stomach, no clench of his heart. There was a pit of rotting nothing where his emotions were supposed to be, and despite knowing that his mother had died there was still nothing. Nothing but the realization that being Last Hope had changed him to the point of no return. Sokka was irredeemable now. No matter what Zuko said, there was no way Sokka could be brought back from the state he was in now.

Sokka considered apologizing to Katara when they got back, for leaving her, for not being there to protect their mother, for being so unknowingly numb when she told him that their mother was dead. For not being the brother she deserved. But Sokka had never been good at displaying his insecurities, exposing himself to people in something as vulnerable as an honest apology. The only person who’d really seen all of Sokka was Zuko, but Zuko had always accepted everything about Sokka that Sokka was willing to give to him. Sokka had no idea if Katara was still the little sister who loved Sokka more than anything. She could’ve changed, too smart or too resentful to accept an apology. And maybe Sokka was a bit too much of a coward to apologize to her. Sokka wanted to, at some point, but maybe he just wasn’t ready yet.

Besides, right now Sokka was dealing with Zuko. Sokka had previously expected  _ dealing with Zuko  _ to entail persuading him not to turn him into the Firelord, begging him to at least hear Sokka out, at least try to teach Aang firebending, maybe even forgive him. But all of that had been easy to achieve. Now,  _ dealing with Zuko  _ was simply answering every single one of the million questions Zuko seemed to have, which was somehow considerably worse.

“So all your swordfighting knowledge comes from Last Hope?” for someone who claimed to not have forgiven Sokka yet, Zuko sounded more excited than mad. Their dynamic felt exactly the same, which Sokka appreciated. 

“Yeah,” Sokka answered. They were nearing the Northern Water Tribe, and Sokka was starting to become nervous at the prospect of his sister meeting Zuko, and at Zuko meeting the Avatar.

“Everything I know about weapons is from Last Hope, except for the boomerang and knives.”

“You know how to use a boomerang?” Zuko’s tone was incredulous.

“Of course,” Sokka replied, “I learned the boomerang as a kid back home. It’s my favorite weapon.”

“I thought your favorite was the sword, since you asked me to teach you duals  and all.” 

“I love swords,” Sokka said, “swordfighting is super similar to bending sometimes, so it’s useful to know. But boomerangs always remind me of home, and the Water Tribe.”

“That makes sense,” Zuko conceded, “so you’re saying all your knowledge about bending, that’s from observing people at Last Hope?”

“No,” Sokka shook his head, “my knowledge of bending comes from watching my sister bend, watching Toph bend, and teaching Toph to bend.”

“Wait, back up,” Zuko’s eyes were wide, “your sister is a bender?  _ Toph _ is a bender? You  _ taught Toph to bend _ ?”

Sokka realized then that he was dumping a lot of new information on Zuko. He inhaled and backtracked.

“My sister is the last Waterbender in the South Pole. Toph is an Earthbender, that’s actually how she sees with her feet. She uses Earthbending to kind of sense the earth around her. And I didn’t teach Toph all of her bending, because she only got recruited to Last Hope because she’s a really powerful bender. But I was assigned to mentor her, so I decided to try and teach her some bending moves. I related bending to swordfighting, taught her bending that way, and now I’d say about half of Toph’s Earthbending and most of her metalbending was taught to her by me.”

“ _M_ _ etalbending? _ ”

“Oh, right,” Sokka sighed, “sometimes I forget not everyone knows what metalbending is. Toph invented metalbending while we were on the ship because she was tired of barely being able to see on all that metal. That was even more helpful for me, because I could teach her to bend weapons. Mixing bending and nonbending is actually really fun.”

“Holy _shit_ ,” Zuko said, sounding obviously impressed. Sokka felt a huge wave of pride almost knock him off his feet. Toph was his protege, his student, and his best friend. He taught her so much of what she knew, and then she grew into something so powerful Sokka could never keep up. She was everything Sokka wanted her to be, taught her to be. Sokka’s appreciation for how talented Toph was would never go away, and hearing anyone else compliment Toph always made him happy. She deserved the praise.

“Holy shit is right,” Sokka felt himself grin as he talked about Toph, “the lie detecting thing is also related to Earthbending. Toph is one of the most powerful benders I’ve ever seen. I’d argue that she’s the most powerful Earthbender in the world, since I’ve seen a lot of the world.”

“Right,” Zuko said, “you travel a lot. This is my first time outside of the Fire Nation. It must be nice to get to explore, even if you are, you know-”

“Yeah,” Sokka didn’t let Zuko finish that sentence, since they were still both tense around the subject of actually killing. Sokka could easily mention killing around Toph, but it was a more sensitive topic with Zuko. Learning one of your friends is a professional murderer is always a pretty sensitive topic.

“It’s fun traveling,” Sokka agreed, “even if the reason why I’m there isn’t the best. I do meet a lot of girls, though. And guys. So that’s nice. Lots of people.”

“Sokka,” Zuko sounded almost disapproving, “why are you dating on jobs?”

“Some jobs take time!” Sokka defended himself, “and it’s not really dating if it only lasts, like, a week. It’s mostly a fling and then a promise to stay friends and visit the next time I’m in the area.”

“Again,” Zuko said flatly, “why.”

“It’s only happened, like, three times,” Sokka argued, “actually, you’re gonna meet one of them today. Yue. She’s the princess. She’s really nice.”

“The  _ Princess _ ?” Zuko blinked comically slow, “of the Northern Water Tribe? Why are you dating Princesses?”

“People in high positions of authority have a thing for me,” Sokka winked, “Yue’s a Princess and Suki’s the leader of the Kyoshi Warriors.”

“You dated the  _ leader _ of the  _ Kyoshi Warriors _ ?”

“Don’t sound so surprised,” Sokka said, mock offended, “and she beat my ass first. It was actually pretty awesome.”

“Sounds more like you have a thing for people in high positions of authority, rather than vice versa,” Zuko teased.

“No, they definitely have a thing for me,” Sokka disagreed, “and hey, aren’t you first in line for the throne? You better watch out.”

Zuko flushed red, and Sokka’s stomach fluttered a bit.

“Why did you have to remind me that I’m first in line for the throne?” Zuko tipped his head back and groaned. Sokka laughed.

“Sorry, man. Maybe we can abolish monarchy when we win the war.”

“The Fire Nation survived as a monarchy for hundreds of years before my great grandfather ruined everything. It would probably be better to keep the monarchy.”

“Well, then you’d still be first in line for the throne,” Sokka mused, “so when we win the war, you’d be the Firelord.”

Zuko choked, “I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of responsibility yet.”

“Why not?” Sokka asked genuinely, because he believed Zuko could be a great leader if he wanted to. Zuko was a little awkward and a lot tired, but he was also determined, good, and he cared about the people in his life. He’d treat the citizens of the Fire Nation and every other Nation with the respect they deserved.

“You already agreed to teach Aang Firebending,” Sokka reminded him, “and that’s a responsibility you can totally handle.”

“Couldn’t  _ you _ teach the Avatar Firebending?” Zuko cocked his head in Sokka’s direction, “I mean, you taught Toph Earthbending. Why can't you use your genius to teach the Avatar Firebending yourself?”

“Aww,” Sokka put a hand over his heart, “you think I'm a genius?”

“I mean,” Zuko’s voice quieted, “kind of a little, yeah.”

And now it was Sokka’s turn to flush red. He took a moment to collect himself from what was one of the best compliments he’d ever received despite not even really being a full compliment. Then Sokka continued speaking.

“I mean, technically I could,” Sokka mused, “but it would be a lot better for Aang to learn from someone who can actually Firebend. There’s only so much I can teach him before he starts to need someone who actually understands the kind of experience bending is. So you would be a much better choice.”

“I’m not even that good at Firebending,” Zuko muttered.

“I’ve never seen you Firebend,” Sokka responded, “and you totally have to show me at some point, because I am one hundred percent sure that you are good at Firebending. So you’re not a prodigy like your sister. So you’re better at swords. Doesn’t mean you’re bad at bending. I’m sure you’re great. And, if you want, as a thank you for teaching me duals, I could show you some of my bending moves that are closer to sword fighting. I can teach time to Aang, too.”

Zuko’s eyes went big and bright, one of Sokka’s favorite expressions on him, second only to his real smile, “that would be so  _ cool _ .”

“It is really cool,” Sokka agreed, waving his hands for emphasis as he started demonstrating some techniques with exaggerated air movements that made Zuko laugh. Sokka loved making Zuko laugh.

They’d reached the ground by now, and they’d gotten off the war balloon and were walking towards where Sokka knew Katara, Toph, and Aang were gathered. Sokka had given Zuko a set of Water Tribe clothing that matched the ones Sokka had changed into. Zuko looked different in water Tribe clothing, but it was too much of a risk to have him in Fire Nation clothing. 

Sokka’s nerves were gathering, and he was shifting his weight from one foot to the other as they walked. Zuko was attending to pick up on it, and he placed his hand carefully on Sokka’s wrist. It helped, and Sokka relaxed, grinning at Zuko as they walked. Sokka had expected the atmosphere between them to be tense, awkward as Zuko contemplated when to forgive him and Sokka tried not to upset Zuko further. But for some reason, that hadn’t happened. As soon as the melancholy on the war balloon faded, Sokka was calm, and he pulled away from Zuko, they stayed quiet for a while. And then Zuko interrupted the silence, which was oddly comfortable, with a question about Last Hope. and Sokka had jumped to answer, and quickly he noticed that Zuko was trying for a semblance of normal. This was Zuko's olive branch.

Sokka was quick to accept it, one step closer to forgiveness. And Zuko started to bombard Sokka with questions he could easily answer, and with each one Sokka felt his tears dry and his voice warm, and his mood lifted easily. It wasn’t until a few minutes later that he realized what Zuko had done. He'd protected him, subtly and easily in the same way Sokka had done so many times for him. Zuko had promised to always protect him the same way Sokka did, and he was doing it. Despite not having forgiven Sokka yet, he’d decided to keep their friendship the same. They weren’t tense, or awkward, or unsure of how to act around each other. Sokka and Zuko were still Sokka and Zuko, both equally eager to get all the hurt and the secrets behind them. Instead, Zuko seemed to be embracing the fact that Sokka had chosen to tell him the truth. Zuko took it in full stride, immediately asking questions and getting to know this different side of Sokka that was a killer. Zuko had tried to convince him otherwise, but Sokka wasn’t really having it.

Sokka would always try his best to be a protector, but he was first and foremost a killer, through and through. Sometimes answering Zuko’s more serious questions hurt a little, remembering all the times he’d killed someone and faced Zuko right after, asking for comfort. Zuko figured out that Sokka had been the one who killed the general that indirectly caused Zuko’s almost-banishment. Zuko hadn’t reacted much to that, only saying that he probably deserved it. Sokka didn’t ask about the other two people he killed. He didn’t want to know. Sokka told Zuko about how he knew Mai, and how Lost Hope had twisted and convoluted her story. Zuko was just as disgusted as Sokka had been when he figured it out. Sokka also asked whether Zuko wanted to tell Mai and Ty Lee. Sokka wanted to tell, be done with secrets, and Zuko agreed. And Zuko had promised Sokka that he had some secrets of his own to tell Sokka, and that he’d reveal them all, eventually, with time. Sokka was more than willing to wait, considering everything he’d put Zuko through.

Zuko had also promised Sokka information on the Blue Spirit when they got home, and a way for Sokka to track and find out who he was in an easier way. Soka had told Zuko how he’d been tracking the Blue Spirit before, with his dark clothes and his mask, and the way he’d gotten so close once, even going so far as to take off part of his mask to show the Blue Spirit his eyes. And then the Blue Spirit had run away, which apparently Sokka was still kind of bitter about. An odd expression had passed Zuko's face at that, something that looked a bit like recognition and understanding. Sokka didn’t spend time trying to decipher that, he was probably just trying to make sense of everything Sokka had been revealing in the past few minutes. And Zuko had sounded so sure, after that, about whatever plan he had to get Sokka closer to the Blue Spirit. To find out who he was. Sokka wondered why Zuko had held off on this information before, but Sokka didn’t really have the right to ask anything of Zuko right now, so he kept quiet. He was so giddy with the idea of finally figuring out who the elusive Blue Spirit was, anyway. Turns out, telling the truth to Zuko had been a very good decision.

Sokka was definitely going to get a very loud  _ I told you so  _ from Toph.

And it was coming soon, because Sokka had reached the small houses that he, Katara, Aang, and Toph were invited to stay in. Sokka had left the war balloon closer to the edge of the Northern Water Tribe, and he and Zuko were walking along the ice now. At some point Zuko’s hand had gone from Sokka’s wrist to his hand, and as they approached the house and Sokka saw figures waiting outside for them, he pulled away. Zuko didn’t say anything, understanding. Sokka spotted his sister first, and he waved to her. Her face lit up when she saw him, and she waved back.

“Your sister?” Zuko asked Sokka, who nodded.

“Katara,” Sokka said as they walked closer, pointing her out, “and the kid next to her is Aang. The Avatar.”

“Wow,” Zuko breathed, “I can’t believe the Avatar is alive.”

“I can have him prove it to you, if you want,” Sokka offered.

“Yeah,” Zuko nodded, “do that. Not that I don’t believe you! Of course I believe you, it’s just that, like, the  _ Avatar  _ is  _ alive _ , I mean-”

“It’s crazy, yeah, I know,” Sokka reassured, “I get it. I needed proof, too, even though I believed Katara.”

They approached the threshold of the house Katara and Aang were staying in, and Toph came outside and sauntered up to Sokka.

“Hey, Sokka,” she grinned, “and Zuko. I’m guessing Sokka told you everything?”

Toph seemed confident, but Sokka knew her well enough to sense the small hesitation in her voice, the small waver and break of confidence. She was nervous about Zuko’s reaction, just as much as Sokka had been.

“Everything,” Zuko affirmed, “and don’t worry about it. I’m not mad at either of you. I haven’t forgiven Sokka yet, but I will in, like, two days. I just want to torture him a little bit.”

“Hey!” Sokka protested, “you’re horrible.”

“And I told you so,” Toph singsonged, predictably, “I  _ told you  _ he wouldn't be mad, but when do you ever listen to me?”

“You never listen to me, either,” Sokka grumbled.

“True,” Toph relented, “but seriously. You shouldn't have been so worried. Zuko’s here, and he’s not mad, right? Oh, is he gonna teach Aang?”

“Yeah,” Zuko nodded, “I’ll teach him Firebending.”

“You will?” Aang bounded into the house, grinning, “hey, I’m Aang. You’re Zuko, right? The Fire Prince?”

“Yeah,” Zuko winced at being addressed as Prince, and Soka resisted the urge to touch his arm in reasurenace, “that’s me. And I’ll teach you.”

“Thanks!” Aang practically beamed. That kid was so inexplicably happy for someone who’d been through so much. Katara had told Sokka about how he hadn’t even known about the genocide of his people, and how devastated he’d been to learn about it. How he’d run away when he was needed most, and how much it hurt him, how he believed he’d failed as an Avatar. How terrified he was that he was still going to fail. And yet, despite it all, he was so happy, unfailingly kind to Sokka’s sister (the fact that he had a super obvious monster crush on her that Sokka noticed the minute he saw them interact wasn’t even a factor, he was just genuinely nice), and more than understanding that Sokka and Toph had been skeptical of his existence at first. And he was only twelve, Toph’s age. Sokka respected the hell out of Aang. 

“Hey,” Sokka spoke up, “would you mind doing the thing you did with me? To prove to Zuko that you’re the Avatar? He just wants the same proof I did.”

“Yeah, sure,” Aang agreed easily, Waterbending first. He took some water from Katara’s water pouch that she had opened for him. He swirled it around the room, dropped it right above Zuko’s head before bringing it quickly back to him. Aang smiled to himself at the spectacle, before doing the same airbending move he’d done to Sokka, his wide, toothy grin on his face.

Sokka let out a laugh at Zuko’s shocked face.

“He’s so young,” Zuko leaned in and whispered to Sokka, “almost childish.”

“He’s still a kid,” Sokka said back, “but he’s gonna end the war, and us grown-ups are going to help him every step of the way.”

“I’d hardly consider you a grown-up,” Zuko said, and ducked out of the war of Sokka’s punch. When Zuko righted himself, Aang had stopped airbending and was waiting for Zuko’s reaction. Zuko seemed to remember that he was in the presence of the  _ Avatar _ , who was alive, and turned back to Aang.

“So you really are the Avatar,” Zuko said, “I’m glad you’re not dead.”

“Me too,” Aang nodded. Behind him, Katara rolled her eyes. Then she stepped forward, right in front of Zuko. Her eyes narrowed as she sized him up.

“You’re the Fire Prince,” Katara’s tone was clipped.

“Yeah,” Zuko said, “Zuko. And I get it if you’re a little distrusting around me at first. I wouldn’t trust me, either.”

Sokka frowned at this. He didn’t blame his sister for not trusting Zuko, but Zuko was extremely self-deprecating. Sokka didn’t want Zuko worrying or hurting over this.

“I trust him,” Sokka was quick to say, “and whenever you’re ready, Katara, I hope you can trust him too.”

“You’d better not hurt any of us,” Katara crossed her arms, “promise me you’re on our side. Promise me you won’t hurt Aang.”

Zuko looked startled at the idea that he was against them. “I promise.”

“Good,” Katara nodded, and then looked at Sokka, “so now that everything’s settled, we should probably talk about how the Fire Nation is sieging the North?”

“Oh, yes,” Sokka said, “but, is Yue coming?”

“She should be here soon,” Toph said, “she’s just warning her father about the Fire Nation.”

“I’m here,” said a familiar voice, soft and elegant as usual. Sokka turned around and grinned.

“Hey, Yue!” Sokka said, “did you tell your dad about everything?”

“Yes,” Yue responded, “he’s alerting his army right now. They’re preparing for a siege. Thank you, Sokka, for coming and warning us.”

“Of course,” Sokka nodded, “it’s a good thing we were at the Fire Nation to hear about it. Speaking of, this is Zuko. He’s going to teach Aang Firebending.”

Sokka gestured to Zuko, who looked nervous to be in the presence of a Princess, “he’s the Fire Prince, but he’s on our side and I’d trust him with my life. Zuko, this is Princess Yue. She’s my friend, and I hope she can be yours, too.”

Yue smiled and extended a hand, “I trust anyone who Sokka trusts. Since you came with Sokka to warn us about your Nation’s siege, I believe you are on our side. It’s nice to meet you, Zuko.”

“Uh, yeah, thanks, you too,” Zuko shook Yue’s hand, his awkwardness back in full force. Sokka held back a smile at how endearing it was. Yue smiled again and Zuko stepped back, once again at Sokka’s side. He leaned into Sokka again, a shit-eating grin on his face.

“She’s way out of your league,” Zuko whispered.

“Rude!” Sokka screeched, kicking Zuko in the shin. Zuko snorted, and Yue, despite not understanding what was happening, grinned at the sight with a knowing glint in her eyes that Sokka did not notice enough to analyze.

“Alright,” Yue said, “should we strategize now?”

“Sounds good,” Aang said, “let’s end this war.”

“This is the first step,” Katara smiled at Sokka, “to getting you home. Back with your family. Back with us.”

Sokka pulled Katara into a quick hug, “I can’t wait.”

“When all of this is over,” Zuko looked at Sokka, his expression so soft and so fond, “we’re gonna find home, wherever it is for us, and we’re both going there.”

“Yeah we are,” Sokka squeezed Zuko’s hand, not caring who was looking. Zuko smiled, and didn’t hesitate to grip Sokka’s hand back, reassuring and ready to face anything, together. It made Sokka feel  _ alive _ , the way Zuko always did.

Toph lifted her head straight in Sokka’s direction, grinning wide and wicked.

“You ready?”

Sokka grinned back, wolfish, like a protector, a warrior, and a killer.

“As I’ll ever be.”

Yue crossed through the house and greeted Katara, Toph, and Aang again. Then the group moved farther inside the house to sit down at a table. Yue stood at the head, regal and powerful as always, despite everything she’d been through her whole life. Sokka had always admired her perseverance and loyalty to her tribe. Katara sat next to Yue, blushing a little. Sokka held back a grin, thinking of the ribbing he could subject his sister to afterward. And then maybe he could see if she liked Aang back. They’d be a cute couple, too. Sokka loved interfering in other people’s love lives.

Aang sat next to Katara, looking hopeful and ready. Aang, the Avatar, so mature and understanding for his age, empathetic and so good to the world. Aang, their true hope for ending the war. Sokka sat across from his sister, always reading to strategize. He thought back to every plan he;’d made, and then edited to add Aang, his sister, Toph, Zuko, Yue, fitting them in and finding ways that they could all end the war together. Formulating plans that weren’t futile hopes anymore, wishful thinking that Sokka only came up with on a whim. Now these plans were real, tangible, and they had a real chance of succeeding, and ending the war.

Zuko sat next to Sokka, across from Aang. Zuko, who’d listened to Sokka unravel every single secret he’d kept from him, every lie he’d ever told him, and hadn’t even got angry. He’d been calm and just promised to keep Sokka safe, promised that he was only mad about the lies and that he would forgive Sokka in time. Zuko, the Fire Prince, first in line for the throne, who hated his destiny. Zuko who’d been hurt by his nation, Zuko who Sokka would hide from his father and everyone else who wanted to break him and scar him and burn him. Zuko who Sokka would protect until the end of the world, Zuko who Sokka would cause the end of the world to protect. Zuko who was brave and determined and always ready to fight for what he believed in. Zuko who, against his own beliefs, would make an amazing teacher and leader. Sokka had nothing but faith in him, nothing but respect for him. Sokka knew that this makeshift team they’d created now, it would be nothing without Zuko. 

Zuko, who made Sokka feel alive.

Their team, Team Avatar, sat around a table in the Northern Water Tribe and prepared to make a plan to end the war that has ravaged on for a hundred years. They were armed with a Princess, the last Southern Waterbender, the most powerful Earthbender alive, the best Last Hope child assassin, and the Fire Prince who refused to be compliant when he could be fighting for what he believed in. And they were armed with the Avatar, presumed dead for a hundred years, but really just trapped, sleeping in an iceberg. But now he was awake and ready, ready to avenge the slaughter of his people, ready to end the meaningless violence, ready to end Last Hope’s exploitation of children and innocent people. Ready to end the Fire Nation, the Firelord, and the hundred years’ war. 

Last Hope wasn’t the world’s last hope anymore. They never were.

True hope has always been found in the Avatar, backed up strong by his team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jesus CHRIST its so close to 100k im crying


	22. Pyro Prince

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update guys i had a busy week and then a busy weekend and until swim season ends that will continue so updates might be a bit less scheduled.  
> anyway here's a short chapter bc I had no time to write this week

Zuko was a Firebender. He was born and raised in flames. He was stricken with the mark of someone burned beyond repair when he was thirteen. He’s been hurt by fire over and over, a permanent reminder of how trapped he is. Forced to conform to a world controlled by his father, dictating his every move and shuffling his citizens around like pawns in his sick game. Zuko grew up in towering flames, always too overwhelming for him to control. Somehow, despite the amount of time he spent around them, he was never able to harness the flames quite like the rest of his family could. Despite that, Zuko, first and foremost, belongs to fire. He belongs to flickering reds and oranges, a bright, burning yellow that blinds his dark eyes and burns his pale skin. Fire left its marks on Zuko, fire turned him into the traitor to his nation that he is. Fire was his first identity, the first time he felt seen. But when fire turned into war, destruction and pain, that was when Zuko wished he could be free from the flames.

Fire was danger, but fire was familiar.

Fire warred inside of Zuko, confusing and conflicting. And as Zuko ran, his feet slipping on the cold ice, body burning at the fireballs that continued to rain over the walls of frozen water, Zuko continued to war. His mind was fuzzy, his vision hazy. He distinctly remembered the day’s events, all the fighting and the pain. Katara’s anguished cries, Sokka’s raw screaming, Toph’s grieving face as they watched Yue fade into the light of the spirit world. Yue faded, and Aang returned. Aang was angry, his childish demeanor fading into the Avatar state, becoming the violent being he was fated to become. Aang became one with the ocean, wreaking havoc on the Fire Nation, collapsing buildings and washing away bodies as Zuko ran through the streets, breath labored and legs giving way. But still, he refused to stop.

_Go_ , Zuko remembered Sokka yelling, _run, Zuko, we’ll catch up._

_I have to say goodbye._

Sokka’s bloodshot eyes, the dark look in his eyes. He shielded both his sisters from the world with his scarred arms, and he implored Zuko with a determined expression.

_Run, Zuko. I’ll come soon._

_Get him, Zuko. I’m right behind you._

_I’ll always protect you._

_Run, Zuko,_

_GO._

So Zuko went, following Zhao’s shadowed figure under the blood-red sky. Soldiers and warriors alike lay bloody and bruised on the ground, dead and unconscious and every state of wounded in between. Zuko refused to stop, despite his knees threatening to collapse under him. Zuko held his sword in his hand, prepared to draw it as soon as he was close enough for a fight. Zuko caught up to Zhao after turning one more corner, hyperventilating but sure of what he had to do. Zuko drew his sword, holding it in front of him as Zhao turned around to face Zuko. Zhao’s mouth curled up into a snarl, he drew his own sword, and they began to duel. 

Zuko resisted the urge to shield the scarred side of his face. Instead he held his head up high, the way Sokka would have wanted. Sokka was confident, always telling Zuko to be the same. He protected Zuko and saved him and showed him a light that reminded him of a time when fire was safe and warm. Sokka thought he was dead inside, but Sokka was the person who made Zuko want to _live_. 

And as Zuko readied himself to fight Zhao, he thought of Sokka, and the way they protected each other, and the way Sokka brought him to the Avatar and showed him that there was real hope for ending this war. Sokka’s determination and genius and fighting prowess, the way he stayed in the land of the living despite everything he’d been through, that gave Zuko the hope to stay standing and keep fighting.

Sokka gave Zuko hope.

“I know your secret,” Zhao rasped as Zuko ducked under a blow, “you are a _dirty traitor_.”

“And?” Zuko grunted, thrusting his sword and barely missing Zhao, “you’re the least respected General in my father’s army. Believing in spirit tales, thinking you could siege the North all by yourself. You’re a joke, Zhao, and my father thinks the same.”

“Do not speak of your father like that,” Zhao lunged for Zuko’s ribs, “I have all the power over him. I can tell him a secret about your precious bodyguard.”

Zuko dodged the blow and landed his own, “you know nothing about Sokka.”

“Don’t I?” Zhao raised an eyebrow, “I recently discovered that he’s Last Hope. I’ve fought their agents, I recognize his fighting style. He’s a murderer, young Prince. He’s spent his entire life killing people like us. Protecting you? That’s all an act. He only cares about destroying you.”

“That’s a lie,” Zuko said confidently, “you know _nothing_.”

“I’d argue that you know nothing,” Zhao’s eyes were wicked, “your bodyguard is a killer. That’s everything he is. He doesn’t feel, he’s incapable of love. He’s a _monster_."

"You're _wrong_."

"He’ll tear you apart without hesitation, and you’ll be powerless to fight back. Because you’re a _coward_ , Fire Prince Zuko.”

Zuko flinched hard at the title, and Zhao’s sword grazed his side, opening a wound. Zhao was backing Zuko into a wall, knowing that he had the upper hand.

“Don’t think I didn’t see the Agni Kai,” Zhao hissed, shoving his sword father into Zuko’s ribs, “you’re so weak, dear Prince. Refusing to fight, losing your honor. Your little girlfriend had to save you from banishment. You are _nothing_ , Zuko, your father only keeps you around because your failures entertain the press. If it was up to me, you’d be long dead.”

Zuko’s hand shook, and the grip on his sword loosened. Zhao was saying all the right things, touching on all of Zuko;’s insecurities and forcing him into a literal and metaphorical wall. Zuko was hurting, blood dripping down his side, breathing choked as Zhao twisted his sword further into Zuko’s side. He breathed in, breath hitching and catching and then breaking as he fell. Zuko failed, hadn’t he? He’d promised to protect Sokka back the way Sokka protected him, but now he’d failed. He’d failed and he was dying and he’d never get to tell Sokka all his secrets, he’d never get to tell Sokka that he was never mad, that he forgave Sokka, that Sokka meant everything to him. 

Zuko would never get to tell Sokka that he was more alive than he thought. That he was so loved by so many people. That he could be free of Last Hope, reunite with his family. That Sokka was so much more than a killer. That what Zhao said about him was _wrong_ , that Sokka should never think he’s a monster. 

Zuko was dying, falling and burning, and there was so much he never got to say.

Zhao’s face, shining with sick glee, filled Zuko’s vision. This was the last thing he was going to see before he died, this was the sight he was subjected to. Zuko closed his eyes, awaiting the darkness that accompanies death, and he apologized.

_I’m sorry_ , he told his team, his friends, _I failed. I failed all of you. I’m worthless._

_I should have died a long time ago._

Zuko’s eyes fluttered shut, and his mind was filled with blue eyes. 

When Zuko’s eyes opened, he saw blue once again. He saw it in flashes, a knife lodging itself into Zhao’s back, a large body falling to the side. Blue swam in Zuko’s vision, clothes the color of the sky and eyes like the ocean bending over Zuko in concern. Zuko wished he could understand what the blue was saying, but all he could hear as he drifted in and out of consciousness were the sounds of someone worrying over Zuko. Protecting him always, the way he never deserved.

There was a great sound, waves roaring and crashing, and both Zuko and the boy he failed to protect looked up at the sound. The Avatar, a magnificent water spirit, glowed with violence and the need to protect, fulfilled his duty as the world's truest hope. The Avatar reached over the wall, tendrils of water tracing their way to Zuko, touching his wound, washing away the blood. And then the water was gone, the Avatar's protective yet gruesome waves drawing closer to Zhao. Zhao’s body, limp and unmoving.

Zhao was dead, and Sokka killed him. To save Zuko. Always to save Zuko.

Sokka held Zuko tightly, keeping him safe as the Avatar swallowed up Zhao in his waves. Zuko felt Sokka’s warrior heart hammering in his chest as he frantically covered Zuko’s dripping wound with his bloodstained hand. They watched the Avatar together, water and fire, Water Tribe blue eyes and a face scarred by fire. They watched as the Avatar enveloped Zhao, his body going under the storming waves. And then the Avatar turned away, satisfied, and Zhao was gone.

The Avatar ravaged Zhao, his body mutilated by blood the color of fire. Blood that painted the icy streets red, blood that reminded Zuko of fire that was passionate, fire that protected, fire that belonged in the blue eyes of a warrior.

Blood that Sokka had drowned Zhao’s corpse in, all to protect Zuko.

Zuko, who had failed to do the same. 

Zuko, who had failed Sokka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so the next chapter will be the end of book 1, and then ill probably take a break for a week or so before starting book 2
> 
> i hate that this has 23 chapters its such a weird number but its ok ill deal with it
> 
> also yES 100K WORDS I DID IT


End file.
